A guy once said ‘Romantic Terrorism is the worst form of terrorism because it demands for the most outrageous of expectations- LOVE!‘
It doesn’t matter that the dude was a cab guy in a movie or that he said those words in French. Too many people are turning their relationships into battle fields, fighting for love in precisely the wrong manner. For them love would be too scary if they gave up control. Their constant battle strategies would make Sun Tzu proud.
The only problem with this is that you either end up jumping from one failed relationship to another or stuck in a relationship with a partner who is suboptimally happy and too scared of you to walk away before the opportunity to run presents itself.
To have a happy, mutually satisfying relationship, you have to stop being a bully. Romantic Terrorism might make your partner ‘behave’ but it will not make them love you the way you crave.
Unless you are dating a puppy or kitten, here are some battle strategies you need to let go of today!
1. Sulking: You jut out your lower lip, wrinkle your forehead, droop your shoulders and walk around in a mournful manner with a ridiculous pout just because you are pissed. First of all sulking is unflattering and immature and secondly you end up forgetting the reason you were upset and instead going down memory lane to dig up a whole lot of unresolved issues so that by the time you finally are ready to talk, your partner feels the full impact of every crime he has ever committed in his life. This gets wearisome when constantly on repeat, the sulk brings the funk into your relationship.
2. Keeping Malice: This is an informal term used to describe a long period of going invisible due to the grudge you hold for someone. You ‘disappear’ for days. No phone calls, no pings, no texts, no visits avoiding your partner like a plague till he or she has to forcefully break down the barriers just to have access to you. It’s usually accompanied by prolonged begging and involvement of a third party and it wears down a relationship fast!
3. Sex deprivation: This is an age old battle strategy and the hallmark of Romantic Terrorism. It’s been passed down from generation to generation because our mothers knew that it would be very hard to stay angry with a person you cared about when that person’s body was intimately connected to yours. This behaviour is akin to depriving a child of food because he was naughty. Many good men have strayed because of this.
4. Silent treatment: This is a form of keeping malice but different because you are physically present but emotionally distant. You do not react or respond to any circumstances around you and just go through the motions of the day oblivious to your partner’s existence. This can be highly frustrating as many people can’t stand being actively ignored.
5. Monosyllables: Yes, No, Ok, Mmm, uh-huh etc. Many people have perfected the art of giving monosyllabic responses when they are upset. They feel superior to those who keep malice and give the silent treatment because they are mature enough to carry out conversation despite their anger. Someone please tell them they ain’t any better!
6. Feeding insecurity: She got you mad so you decide to flirt with those hot babes in front of her so she knows she isn’t that special…He got you upset so you call up your old boyfriend for a hearty chat while he listens in dismay. This is destructive behaviour and feeding your partner’s insecurity does not a healthy relationship make!
7. Nagging: You tell your partner everything he or she is doing wrong, did wrong and has ever done wrong- on repeat, all day long. Hoping that your accusations constantly grating on his nerves will bring the change you desire! Wrong!
8. Temper tantrums: You get so mad that you slam doors, break stuff, drive like a maniac, throw things and yell. Soon your partner would think he/she was actually dating a maniac and run for health reasons!
9. Compulsive behaviour: You max out your credit card, empty your partner’s bank account all in the name of comfort- shopping, you get drunk every time you have a fight with her, making her worry. You gain ten pounds every time you are upset with your partner, substituting food for the love you actually crave. Compulsive behaviour may attract pity from your partner and give you the false impression that you are doing a good job handling your problems on your own but it doesn’t do your love life any favors.
10. Waterfalls: A lot of women use their tears as their most potent weapon. They have the ability to control their partners by turning on the waterfalls and can do it at will. These crocodile tears are the reason a lot of men don’t take a woman’s tears as seriously as they should. Tugging at your partner’s emotional puppet strings daily will cause them to snap when you least expect it.
The list is endless, would love to hear about those I omitted from the list. We have all been victims to this form of terrorism not necessarily in a relationship but from others we love. We all have that one friend or family member or partner whose idea of love is control.
A lot of us are guilty of romantic terrorism as well. Many learn too late that you cannot force someone to love you. Controlling your partner in a bid to make them love you the way you want and to compel them to behave exactly the way you want, leaves you in a relationship which you cleverly think is perfect because it is perfect for you but highly vulnerable because your partner secretly seeks a relationship where he or she can be free; free to love the way they know how to and free to act without fear and when they do find such a relationship they will move on- Leaving you alone in your kindgom.
Communication and understanding are key in a relationship. Let go of these battle strategies and allow yourself be vulnerable for a change, you just might be amazed that your love life gets better and the hurt you always feared would come upon you if you lost control was actually only a figment of your imagination.
Let’s make love not war.
Have a great weekend Chutzpah fam,