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10 Rules every squatter should live by

Has a friend or family graciously offered you accommodation rent-free? Here are 10 rules to live by so that you co-habit peacefully and amicably without hidden grudges or questions aimed at your home training or lack thereof. 

When in Rome act like the Romans except you are squatting. A squatter cannot take the same liberties as a guest. Guests stay for a couple of days at most so the family doesn’t really mind any inconveniences but a squatter has to earn his rent in good deeds or emotional and physical currency and here’s how.

1. Do household chores 

No one is asking you to be the help but you can’t stay in someone’s house and be lazy. Even if they have help still find something to do even if it’s just cleaning your room. The help does not work for you!

2. Don’t use household items indiscriminately 

Don’t borrow something without asking or finish an item in the house without asking first or informing someone after it gets finished and if you can, replace any items used. 

3. Remember the kitchen has jurisdictions 

Don’t eat any and everything you see without asking questions.  Don’t take the biggest meat in the pot or the last of the groceries without asking someone. Don’t leave your plate unwashed in the sink. Offer to do the cooking every once in a while. 

4. Contribute to the household’s upkeep 

Nothing is too small. You can buy groceries every month or pay the DSTV, PHCN or WIFI bill. You can offer to buy some diesel for the generator or just buy a thoughtful gift for them every once in a while; monthly if you are a salary earner. You can even give money from time to time or have your parents do one of the above if you are not working. 

5. Inform them on time if you are going to be home late or you are not coming home at all

It is simple courtesy really because these people are responsible for you and may actually stay up late worrying about your whereabouts, besides you wouldn’t want to be locked out of the house based on assumptions. 

6. Join them in the family activities that actually matter 

Don’t lock yourself in the room when the family is praying or exempt yourself from family activities because you think you are a stranger. People don’t invite strangers to live with them so they already see you as part of the clan. Don’t alienate yourself because that would just be awkward for everyone. 

7. When on their turf, abide by their rules

You are not exempted from curfews, decent dress codes or other household rules that apply to the people in the house. They may not complain when you do wrong but it leaves a negative lasting impression.

8. Don’t bring someone home without prior warning

They agreed to let you into their private space not your entire squad. Remember they need their privacy and personal space. Don’t make their home uncomfortable for them and certainly don’t have sex under their roof!

9. Don’t gossip about the goings on in the house 

No reports or gossip about the intel you are privy to. You are not a spy. They don’t speak in code around you because they trust you. Do not betray that trust. 

10. Don’t let overfamiliarity make you cross boundaries 

Don’t borrow clothes, shoes or other personal effects without due consent. Don’t interfere in relationships or get a smart mouth because you’ve been there a long time and when there are disagreements because those are bound to happen, do not let moving out be your first response; instead settle differences amicably and respectfully without feeling like you are being treated differently because you are an outsider.

Remember that these people not only put a roof over your head but also offer you creature comforts like food, security, ttransport, wifi, medication, toiletries and some form of emotional support. Things you’d no doubt have to give out chunks of your salary or allowance to pay for if you were living alone. Treat them with honour and respect and the same way you would treat your flesh and blood and while you are at it, let your stellar home training make your mama proud. 

Have a great night Chutzpah fam,

XOXO

 
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Posted by on October 5, 2017 in Urban Culture

 

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Look but don’t touch!

Started a diet today…sigh…story of my life. Been on more diets than I can count. I am such a foodie, the original ijekuje but I also dream of having a bombshell body (Did someone say bipolar? You can’t be vain and a foodie at the same time can you?)
Anyway today is a fresh start and I’ve done good all day- almost! Le boo tempted me with my absolute best club sandwich after 7pm and I fell even though I had sworn off that kinda stuff. Ah well, a righteous man falls seven times and picks himself back up every time so we’ll try again tomorrow. The sandwich was my only carb today so I didn’t do too badly. Mentally however, I am a wreck! Spent the whole day on instagram and Facebook lusting after food pics. First of all I visited a group I joined some years ago on Facebook called ‘So you think you can cook‘, my oh my, I had a gustatory overload. I was drooling like those thirsty nigguhs watching baes twerk and then I moved over to Instagram and had a food-filled day. Damn food never looked so good!

It kinda got me thinking, isn’t this how the devil tempts us? You are on your own jejerly on your lane days after promising God to abstain from pre/extra-marital sex and then you go on social media and there are girls twerking (and guys twerking too sheesh) and girls with no clothes on and girls with boobs and pouty lips on fleek and dude you look up to heaven and say ‘God have mercy, I am gonna just take a peek but I certainly won’t touch’. Heck at that time the only female available for you to touch is the picture your ex left you when she kicked you out the door so all seems peachy till you step out of your house and BAM you see the best wiggle-jiggle combo you ever laid eyes on and then all your resolve goes out the window and you are a dog in heat barking up that fruitful tree. #thetrialsofbrotherJero. Same way with my diet, after spending the whole day staring at food pics, feeling like I was getting some form of emotional comfort by just looking, I couldn’t resist when the time of reckoning came and my oh my, that sandwich was divine but then here I am exactly where I was yesterday- overweight!

Life is a lot like this. The devil uses the power of suggestion to get us to do his bidding. His is a smooth, sly guy who isn’t going to use force or make you do what you don’t want to do. Oh no! He is going to instead make you do exactly what you want to do but the thing is you didn’t wanna do it till he sugar-coated it and made it look super fine.#instagramfilterstyle
Really he has mastered the art of using our 5 senses plus our ego and lust to entice us into doing almost anything- if we let him. So don’t! Society prides itself on numerous grey areas but the thing is sometimes in life, it really is just black and white, right and wrong, good and evil and the grey is often the devil sugar-coating the negative because he knows that being a great guy you definitely wouldn’t pick evil over good- at least not in your right mind. So the next time you wanna rationalize about not going all the way, remember that that act is sending a subliminal message to your mind that it’s OK to go all the way sooner or later.

Sandwich over and done with and I am starting to realize the number of calories I guzzled down in half a sec! Walk away from temptation bro, don’t you think about dining with the devil because no matter how long you think your spoon is, your safety net amounts to nothing once he has got your mind all enticed and dancing to his tune. This is a public service announcement this fine Sunday evening. Resist the devil (whatever he is to you) and he will flee from you… #blessyouchild

And for the foodies in the house, this post wouldn’t be complete without this natural, low carb icecream recipe I found—–> Banana icecream. Try it and let me know what you think. P.S: the riper the banana the sweeter the icecream. Please share any delicious, easy, low-fat recipes you have and have a finger lickin’, super yummy week full of astounding favour!!!

Xxx

 
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Posted by on July 5, 2015 in Diet

 

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The Frenemy!

What do you do when you have a friend who gives you more grief than joy?
What do you do when your friend only remembers you when she needs you or is never there for you?
What do you do when your friend joins others to criticise you publicly or gossips and jeers at you behind your back?
What do you do when your friend always picks a fight with you or gangs up with others to do so?
What do you do when your friend is more interested in kicking you down than building you up?
What do you do when you seem to be in constant competition with your friend?
What do you do when your friend only corrects you or points out your flaws in public?

Sounds like the friend from hell right?

Well guess what, it ain’t new. There’s a reason the term frenemy was coined. It’s like a game of tag and guess what? You’re it!

You have to ask yourself one of these 3 questions:
1. Are we really friends? (Is this a mutual friendship or is it one-sided?)
2. Does she have a reason to envy me or a personal vendetta?
3. How did this friendship even start? (Was it a mere thrusting of 2 people due to environmental factors or did it come with the excitement and love a new friendship brings?)

If by now you are really beginning to consider then ask yourself some more questions…
1) Is the friendship dispensable? Some people have too many friends, cutting an unhealthy friendship can be not as hard as you think but others require the friendship because it comes with some not so unattractive benefits, maybe a club membership or a pass into the in-crowd or a sense of belonging to a group of other people your friend is chummy with. If you hate her guts but need her for some specific other reason then chances are she knows she’s indispensable and not many people are nice when they don’t have to be.

2) Do you like having a frenemy?
There’s an upside to frenemies. They keep you on your toes. They make you wanna get better with their criticism and competitive nature. They make your spirit stronger. They tell you the truth! Sometimes a lot of friends try too hard to spare your feelings, they tell you what you wanna hear because they genuinely have love in their eyes and are blinded to your imperfections. On the flip side a frenemy is all about your imperfections and some people need this to maintain the balance. As long as she won’t literarily stab you in the back one day, she may not be the worst problem in your life so ride on. Besides everyone thinks having a hater is a mark of success. If you are doing well someone’s gonna beef you. It may be nice having that person on speed dial.

3) Can you talk to the person about it?
Some people are frenemies by design. They’ve been hit hard by life, maybe numerous heartbreaks, a divorce, a death, some failures, it could be anything and for some reason you seem to have it good. The thing is nobody has it all good and they probably don’t see your silent tears but many of these people don’t know they are frenemies. They’d even be hurt if you told them straight up that you were ending the friendship or if you let them see how much they hurt you. So talking may help with some of them but remember that this doesn’t always go well. You may end up being further criticised and jeered about ‘the talk’ in public or she could just laugh in your face. If your frenemy is an attention-seeker and she feels you are always stealing her spotlight then forget talking, it won’t help.

Don’t get it wrong, frenemies are capable of being loyal friends to certain people, unfortunately you didn’t make the list and you didn’t get the memo. Forcing a friendship is acceptable in high school, even pardonable in the university but by the time you are a grown ass woman, having a frenemy is just plain ole stupid unless like I said before you are into that sorta thing. The bible says there’s a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. If you have that friend then focus on her and stay as far away from those who cause you grief. The world is full of enough enemies and can be a cruel hard place, making time for unnecessary and unwholesome friendships can be such a weiste!

But don’t get me wrong, there’s a reason ‘Frenemy’ starts with the first few letters of the word ‘Friend’. Some of them can be quite friendly, even bail you out or be there for you once in a blue moon so you’ve gotta weigh the friendship on the frenemy scale. If it’s tipping more towards friend than enemy, you may consider keeping the friendship and even investing some time and love into it. That may just be the sweetener it needs. If it’s tending more towards enemy, get a pair of scissors, you need to cut the ties fast! You don’t have to write a long letter about why you can’t be friends anymore, just lose touch on purpose. Be too busy to hangout, keep your personal business private and refuse to humor them with arguments or retorts. Eventually they’ll either get the hint or they’ll make an effort to be nicer to you.

And if you are like someone I know who tends to forget to contact real friends and instead spends time diddling with frenemies and acquaintances, you may need to shape up. Your friends love you but if you don’t give them enough attention, they’ll get other friends and you’ll find out when you really need a friend to talk to, you have a blackberry messenger with a hundred contacts and yet you feel so alone.

I’m blessed, I have some really good friends and today I’m gonna call them and tell them how much I love and appreciate them and while I’m at it, weed out a few frenemies! You should try it too! πŸ˜‰

Have a great day peeps…
xoxoxo πŸ˜‰

 
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Posted by on May 31, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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50 WAYS TO GET NOTICED!

Β  Β  Β Wanna get noticed? Tired of being ignored? Here are the top 50 ways of getting noticed. Some are good, some are bad and some are downright naaaassty! Get a pen, you’re gonna wanna take notes! πŸ˜‰

I said get noticed, I didn’t specify what kinda attention so yep, this is my disclaimer! πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

 

1) Be confident: People respond to self-confidence. They are drawn to it. So smile and always look people in the eye when you are speaking to them and don’t look at the floor when you walk like there’s a secret there or you made a vow to keep your head down. Practise walking shoulders high and don’t slouch or drag your feet! (Reminds me of secondary school and my etiquettes class) πŸ˜‰

2) Have a warm, non- sweaty but firm handshake and don’t linger or scratch the person’s palm with the nail of your index finger! (I wonder on what planet that sorta body language is sexy? Did I hear someone say ewww, gross? E-xactly!) πŸ˜‰

3) Have good personal hygiene. Use deodorant with 24 HOUR protection. Seen the Axe advert? Yep! Nothing gets a woman going like a man that smells fresh πŸ˜‰

4) Hangout a lot in the places the people you wanna get noticed by usually hangout. It shows you have common interests and you are not a stalker if you are there by ‘accident’ or if you are doing your own thang! (Surveillance equipment not included!) πŸ˜‰

5) If you drool or snore PLEASE SLEEP IN PUBLIC! πŸ˜‰

6) Bask in your natural scent, body odour does get you noticed! πŸ˜‰

7) Chew gum very loudly!

8) Colour blocking!!! The more the colours, the more the attention! Who cares about the fashion police? Screw ’em! πŸ˜‰

9) Be a Miss-Know-it-all: Nothing gets you noticed like raising your hands every two seconds to answer a question even the ones the teacher kept hidden in her mind! πŸ˜‰ And while you are at it, now is a good time to share your ideas for achieving world peace!

10) Learn a language that’s not popular in your locale: It’ll definitely get you noticed if you spurt out a loud stream of Japanese during a group conversation! πŸ˜‰

11) Find your niche: Figure out what makes you special and unique. There’s gotta be Β  something and once you find it, use it to your advantage!

12) Authenticity: People can smell it. A wannabe gets deliberately ignored by those she hopes will notice her. Don’t try to be somebody else!

13) Make the first move: It shows you are confident, suave and not afraid of rejection! Take control!

14) Gbagaun freely: Grammatical blunders definitely get you noticed! “DOESN’T IT?” πŸ˜‰

15) Bad breath: Some are lucky, it comes naturally to them and its intensity could kill a bed of roses. If it doesn’t come naturally, you could always eat garlic or skip brushing your teeth which by the way is soooo overrated! πŸ˜‰

16) Laugh loudly and even snort at the end of the laugh and when you have everybody’s attention, tell them you thought of something funny and please DO NOT share!

17) Fart silently: You know the ones referred to as the silent killers? This is best done in an air-tight or air-conditioned place preferably with that one person you hope to notice you standing or sitting close-by so they know beyond doubt that it’s you! Smile for effect! πŸ˜‰

18) Wear a bra that’s noticeable through your top.An orange bra under a white chiffon top should do the trick and if all your bras are black, feel free to ‘accidentally’ pour water all over the front of your top! ‘Everyday’s a wet T-shirt contest!’ πŸ˜‰

19) Develop your own personal style: As long as it’s fashion forward, even styles that are quirky will get you noticed in a good way!

20) Wear grape slippers or colour blocking rubber slippers: They are trending among a category of attention seekers, it’s not too late to belong! πŸ˜‰

21) Hug people when you are sweaty and dirty and not using deodorant and make sure it’s a lingering hug and for the best attention, take ’em by surprise! It’ll definitely get you noticed! πŸ˜‰

22) Get into a fight with the most popular or respected person in the room. Since all eyes are on him, the attention will shift to you and be sure to raise your voice so no one misses your 5 MINUTES of fame! πŸ˜‰

23) Wear very loud makeup! Pack on the blush, the eyeshadow and the lipstick! Clowns have nothing on you! Shiorrr πŸ˜‰

24) Dress indecently: There’s a reason some girl’s wear very little! Try it and experience getting noticed on a whole new level!

25) Be a cave-man: You know how your voice echoes in a cave? Well try echoing other people. Just repeat everything they say for ten minutes. It’s sure to get you really noticed. “Be a cave-man: You know how your voice echoes in a cave? Well try echoing other people. Just repeat everything they say for ten minutes. It’s sure to get you really noticed”. You are learning already, see? πŸ˜‰

26) Be sarcastic: It comes naturally to some but others need to practise. Try saying; ‘Who died and made you boss?’ every time someone comes up with a suggestion and practise a dry laugh which is actually a cross between a snort and a yawn and voila! you are now a member of the sarcasm society!

27) Be daring but not foolhardy: Everyone notices a hero, everyone notices the fool too. Depends on how you wanna get noticed ay? πŸ˜‰

28) Fake interest: You want the in-crowd to notice you? Easy as pie! Pretend to like what they like, laugh at their jokes, ain’t that hard you know! πŸ˜‰

29) Be very obvious! Wanna flirt? Then go all out, Marilyn Monroe style!!! Short skirt, chew a pencil, bend to pick up an imaginary paper with your tooshy in plain view and then turn and wink! Gets you noticed every time! πŸ˜‰

30) Get a piercing in an awkward place. Your eyebrow, nose and tongue are pretty good places and while you are at it, get some tattoos!!! πŸ˜‰

31) Wear sunshades at night and buy everyone drinks at the club! Nothing spells Naija celeb more and it’s bound to get you noticed and even get you a groupie or two! πŸ˜‰

32) Have a bad hair day! Get a great hairstyle like black-gum-darling-yaki-lace-wig or put a zipper in your hair or dye your hair 7 colours and while you are at it, fix your eyelashes like Goldie and DO NOT shave your eyebrows! πŸ˜‰

33) Ask a friend to push the person you want to notice you into you by accident! As you collide, the impact will get you not only noticed but sparks AND BRUISES are sure to fly! πŸ˜‰ (Make sure your friend runs as fast as he can away from the scene. Waiting to watch how it plays out never ends well for the friend!)

34) Fart loudly in class and do an armpit fart for double measure! No one can ignore that πŸ˜‰

35) Be antagonistic! If everyone in a team is going west, be the one going north. You’ll be noticed fast! πŸ˜‰

36) Wear a very large gele to church. One that makes those behind you unable to see the pulpit and come out at least thrice to give an offering during the service!

37) Don’t shave your arm-pits and when the hair is long enough, wear a sleeveless shirt and wave your hands in the air like you really don’t care! πŸ˜‰

38) Talk with a fake accent! British or American. You needn’t travel, a healthy dose of DSTV will sort you out!

39) Wear lots of fake bling and sag your trousers. Nothing gets you noticed like a hairy butt crack for public viewing!

40) Wear a neon-coloured suit and if you wanna dress down, a white tux with a matching white cap and red shoes should do the trick! πŸ˜‰

41) Compliment a woman’s boobs or a man’s package while staring intently at them!

42) Use a nice perfume. Nothing like everyone asking what perfume you use cos they absolutely love your scent! πŸ˜‰

43) Be current: News, music, movies, sports, fashion etc. Have an opinion! (Not a popular one lest you come out looking ordinary instead of amazing).

44) Munch chats showing your sexcapades or how you scored with a chick and use it as your phone’s display pic or send it to a group! Nothing else gives proof of how great you are! πŸ˜‰

45) Work hard! It’s old-fashioned but it gets you noticed positively. Be the best you can be in whatever you do!

46) Crack dry jokes. People may look bored and slightly annoyed but don’t despair, it’s a facade and inside they are ROTFLTAO! πŸ˜‰

47) Have your mum pick you up from a public function and pretend not to hear her familiar and very odd horn so that she has to call you by your embarrassing pet name! The girls will think you are so adorable, all 30 years of you! πŸ˜‰

48) Gossip: Compliment or Criticize the person you want to notice you while his back is turned but make sure your whisper is loud enough for your comment to be heard loud and clear. Act all innocent when he turns! Things can only get better from there. πŸ˜‰

49) Make others feel good: Give compliments, encouraging words and smiles. People gravitate towards others with positive energy!

50) Make people laugh. Barney is so awesome because —- Wait for it —– HE ALWAYS MAKES US LAUGH. Best way to get noticed. Comedians are popular for a reason but if your goal is to be taken seriously, being the class clown won’t help!

Now what did I do wrong? Hmmmmmmm

Ok right, I didn’t divide the points into the good, the bad and the nasty. That’s because most of these descriptions are relative. Who makes the rules anyway? If I wanted to get a stalker-toaster off my back, some of these points would be absolute life savers so it depends on the kinda attention you are gunning for. Image is everything but being yourself is the best image you can present to the world. Everything else is a counterfeit and will only get you noticed for 5 minutes after that you sink back into oblivion.Β Live your life without regret, don’t be someone who they’ll forget and the next time someone talks about you, thank them for making you the centre of their world!

YOU ROCK!!!

Have a great night peeps….xoxoxoxo πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

 
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Posted by on May 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Is love enough?

A not so recent poll showed that the average person is willing to sacrifice 6 months’ salary to find true love!
To some, this may be regarded as a bad business investment, not with the divorce rate sky rocketing and broken love being as common as a 20 naira note. Nowadays people wonder if this thing called love is worth sticking their necks out for.

What is love anyway? According to my friend D, if it isn’t ‘agape’ love (the kind taught in the bible; meaning you could be Jack in the titanic for that person), then all na wash! Cos according to him, if it ain’t that kinda love, then it’s just prada-coated lust! I was watching Tinsel last night and was so mad at Soji for going to jail for a crime he didn’t commit because of his love for some chick who’d cheated and dumped him times without number. Some weeks back, I had been itching to slap someone as Fred Ade-Williams’ wife allowed her husband’s ex into their home because he had amnesia and his only memories were not of her but of a former love. I didn’t pity her one bit when she found out they had started sleeping together! Obviously, I could never be Jack in the Titanic!

My African sensibilities forbid that I love blindly but is that enough to say all I’ve ever felt has been infatuation and lust? Is that enough to say I am incapable of knowing what true love is? Abeggy joor, course not! I have loved; Deeply, truly and sacrificially, I have had my heart broken and had it mended again. Yes this thing called love is more potent than we can imagine. But is love enough?

After things with boyfriend number two went awry because of religious differences, I learnt an important lesson. Love is like salt in soup. Without salt, the soup is tasteless, boring, almost inedible (almost I said) but yet who can eat salt alone? So again I ask, ‘Is love enough?’
Today all over the world sincere and not so sincere people proclaimed undying love for 24 hours to that special person. But was the love proclaimed enough to keep them together till next year’s valentine’s day or even till the end of the week? For many the answer is No!

If anyone claims to understand this thing called love, then the person claims to be the wisest of all. Love is damn hard to figure. Worse than a jigsaw puzzle because sometimes the pieces just don’t fit right. Love defies logic, it baffles common sense. As if that’s not enough trouble, it springs up in the most unlikely places and loves to evade those who earnestly seek it. Love… The beginning and end of wahala. It’s such a beautiful emotion yet people have acted foolishly and sometimes even committed hurtful, heinous crimes all in the name of love. But powerful as it is, is love enough?

Can love keep a couple together during a storm? Can love replace the emptiness of a bank account? Can love take away the pain of death? Can love mend a heart betrayed by infidelity? Or more clichΓ©, can love put food on the table? Love can do a whole lot of things but there are some things it cannot do… Love cannot take the place of friendship, honesty, maturity, trust and fidelity between two people. Love heals but love destroys.

As we enjoy the spirit of the moment, let’s pause and evaluate this thing called love. It’s worthy of celebration but one must remember that it cannot stand alone. Fortifying it takes more effort than the acceptance of jobless butterflies floating around in your unsuspecting tummy! Like a rose garden love should be tenderly pruned and watered and planted in a soil rich with honesty and fertile with trust for it to blossom. It doesn’t matter if the soil be clay, humus or sandy for we were all made differently and have different priorities. Don’t wait till next year to check on your garden, it needs attention everyday…

“Love is sustained by action, it is a pattern of devotion in things we do for each other everyday…” (Nicholas Sparks)

Happy Valentine’s day Chutzpah fam!
xoxoxo

 
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Posted by on February 14, 2012 in Hall of Fame, Relationships

 

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Nigeria Revolts!

Nigerians old and young will always remember January 1st 2012 as the day the sky fell on their heads or how else would one describe the government’s removal of fuel subsidy? The decision shot up the price of petrol from N65 per litre to N141 per litre, a 116.9 percent increase, the highest single jump in the history of fuel price hikes in the country. Government said the decision was taken to free up cash and better our economy, creating more jobs and wealth but Nigerians saw the decision as a cruel and thoughtless gesture which would only worsen the current situation and aggravate the suffering in the land.

It was reported that the United Nations (UN) commended President Jonathan for withdrawing the subsidy on petroleum products, and described the move as “a bold and correct policy”. While this policy might in other circumstances and in a nation other than Nigeria have been a good one geared towards a better future, one must realize that because of the level of corruption in the nation, the freed cash would not alleviate the people’s suffering but would make the rich richer and the poor poorer.

While the cost and standard of living in Nigeria have depreciated over the years and the majority of Nigerians live from hand to mouth, the cost of maintaining those in government has been on the increase, at the expense of national development. In countries like Singapore, leaders have taken serious pay cuts so that more funds can be devoted to developmental issues but in Nigeria, the reverse is the case and the president’s shameful attempt at cutting down on his cabinet’s expenditures when translated to naira barely scratches the surface of their undeserved income.

The billions lavished on the lifestyle of government officials could have been used to get our refineries functioning one hundred percent but heaven forbid this as many of these corrupt officials are rumoured to own refineries outside the country and charge the government to have our crude oil refined and would rather take the last naira from the poor than part with their kitchen allowance! Nigerians were not ready to allow this! Majority of Nigerians were already living on less than one dollar a day. The outcry was nationwide.

A people who had mourned in silence, seemingly powerless when Boko Haram struck, rose up with a vengeance refusing to have the last morsel of their bread taken away from them.
Nigerians had taken a stand and rejected the burden put upon them for it was too heavy to bear. Subsidies had been removed in the past, many Nigerians remembered bitterly how things turned for the worse with the Structural Adjustment Program (SAP) and the International Monetary Funds (IMF) reforms. The government used these in the past as an opportunity to rob its people of subsidised healthcare, education and a life they could afford and yet all they got in exchange was biting poverty and a bunch of empty promises and now history threatened to repeat itself.

The cost of goods and services following the removal of subsidy has increased by more than a hundred percent. How are we to survive when our incomes have not moved an inch and what’s to happen to those who were already on strike because they had been given a pay cut? How will the common man survive it when in 2011 he could hardly feed his family? The only people not affected were those who don’t know what it is like to work hard for a living and yet be unable to pay bills. These people were mostly in the upper class and were those supposedly entrusted with governance of the country. How does the security guard at my office who earns thirty thousand naira monthly and has two children in school pay his bills when he now spends about ten thousand naira a month on transportation alone to and from his office? How do Nigerians survive with the eighteen thousand naira minimum wage? A removal of subsidy from government’s expenditure on its cabinet would generate the funds needed and not that of the masses.

After failed dialogue with the Federal Government the Labour and civil society groups called a strike which commenced today and Nigerians were encouraged to come out on the streets and protest. The turnout was impressive all over Nigeria. The protests in Abuja were led by the workers Union President Abduwaheed Omar and in Lagos, his deputy Joe Ajaero led the protesters who took off from the Labour union secretariat at Yaba at 8.00am.

Nationwide citizens had staged “Occupy Nigeria” mass demonstrations since the removal of the subsidy, with police responding forcefully in some cases and three confirmed dead and many injured. Only in Nigeria do policemen hold guns and tear gas to fight off peaceful protesters rather than shields and batons with orders from the government. A government whose constitution allows freedom of speech and expression and who swore to protect and serve. After what happened at Tahrir square in Egypt, Nigerians are confident that the power is with the people and the nation can be brought to a halt. The government has remained passive about the goings on in the nation and have decided the siddon look approach is best till Nigerians come to terms with the change but they underestimate the people who voted them into power and the strength of a united nation. Even the Muslims and Christians in the North were admirably prepared to lay aside their differences for a common cause.

Many voted Jonathan into power hoping he would be a breath of fresh air but for some reason his every move has let them down and left us in the arms of despair. When I look at him, I do not see a wicked man, I see a weak man whose lack of character has prevented him from doing the good which he knows he is to do. Maybe the lure of a good life allows him the luxury of casting a blind eye to the sufferings of his people after all as far as he is concerned, he had no shoes as a kid and levels don change now. Maybe he has a grand master plan that will in years from now give the handful of survivors left in Nigeria a chance at a better life but would he kill millions now so that one day the remnants can praise him? Or could it be that his good intentions are thwarted each time by the political godfathers he answers to?

Nigerians do not need a figure head president. We do not need a president who will run off to his little corner of heaven while his people face hell. He has incited his people and he will be made to answer for his negligence and insensitivity. Nigerians will not stop till they have a chance at a life not worse than yesterday’s. May God help our president because it is better to fall into the hand of God than the hands of men for God is merciful. If he knew anything about history and repercussions he would have damned his advisers and done that which is in his heart for I truly believe that deep down he feels for his people but his hands have been tied and allowed to waste away by the powers that be. There are other ways to better the economic situation of Nigeria and 1600 buses is laughable. The ceremony for the buses probably cost more than the buses. Will more buses bring down the cost of food or other living expenses? Nigerians say No!!!

The strike continues…

Nigerians please let it remain a peaceful protest. Please occupy with one voice and without violence so that the government’s folly can be apparent to all.

May the souls of Mustafa Muyideen and Ademola Aderinto rest in perfect peace and may their killers know no peace.

#OccupyNigeria

 
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Posted by on January 9, 2012 in Inspirational

 

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Out with the old, in with the new…2012…Happy New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! It’s a new day, a new month, a new dawn, new opportunities to seize, a chance to make amends, a time to move forward, a time to go back to the drawing board and make a fool-proof plan, a time to be thankful but not a time for new year resolutions! Common it’s 2012, the most anticipated year in the Hollywood box office! πŸ˜‰ The most prophesied about year, heck there may not even be a 2013! You don’t need a bunch of clichΓ© resolutions that give you a pseudo sense of purpose only for the period it takes for your brain to find a box in its attic to throw them into till the next year! I say out with the old, in with the new. We don’t need resolutions, enough resolving already. Only a mad man does the same thing every time and expects a different result. My dear friends what we need is a REVOLUTION!

Wikipedia says the word revolution is from the Latin revolutio which means “a turn around” and is defined as a fundamental change in power or organizational structures that takes place in a relatively short period of time.
Aristotle described two types of political revolution:
1. Complete change from one constitution to another
2. Modification of an existing constitution.
Revolutions have occurred through human history and vary widely in terms of methods, duration, and motivating ideology. Their results include major changes in culture, economy, and socio-political institutions.

Charity begins at home so let’s start with a personal revolution.
Does your constitution need an overhaul? Do you need it modified or you need a total makeover? Maybe it’s high time you traded in your beetle for a bentley and you know I ain’t talking about cars. Here are some purposeful steps to a REVOLUTION in 2012!

Step 1 would be a full self- appraisal. Look at yourself in the mirror. Do you need to drop a few pounds? Do you need to change that one-nation hairstyle? Do you need to start using deodorant? Do you need to throw out your old clothes? Do you need to seek medical help for that ailment you’ve been trying hard to wish away? Do you need to take a long hard look at yourself and say ‘Hey this is me! I can’t change my big nose or buck teeth but as long as my chest rises and falls in respiration, I can be great and I won’t stop trying till I get what I want…’ Yeah, you get my drift but that’s not all…

For step 2 you’ll need to step away from the mirror and get a pen and paper and draw 2 columns and label them strengths and weaknesses. If you are narcissistic by nature you may need to get a friend with clear eyes to help you. Think of all the things your haters spat at you and the stuff your friends and family complain about. We all know our strengths cos we are proud of them but it takes a certain wisdom to admit to a weakness. Remember that though the bad stuff people say about you is not necessarily true, often times there is an atom of truth in it. You can spot a lie against you, so sift through the dirt and find what exactly hurt the most, most times it’s the truth!

For step 3, paper still in hand, describe the greatest man or woman you could ever dream of being. You could choose to be President of Nigeria, it’s your dream and it ain’t nobody’s business. In fact the more they laugh at you, the more they ginger the powers that be to force you towards greatness. Dream very very big! If your dream looks unattainable because of finances or a lack of the required academic qualifications, write down all the steps you’ll need to get there. For example, getting a masters or saving some cash and so on.

Step 4: Go back to your weaknesses and then write each one under the space where you described the influential person you want to be some day. Now imagine if your weaknesses were procrastination, excess alcohol and a temper and you hoped to be president one day. You may end up as a cross between Baba Sege and GEJ and worse cos you’d also have a drinking problem. You’d put off tackling Boko Haram till a ‘later’ day and you’d get angry if anyone opposed you and then go home to a case of champagne. Same you that spends a good part of every day bashing presidents. You can wake up now… πŸ˜‰

Basically weaknesses are not such a big deal till you extrapolate them and include greatness in the algorithm. Some weaknesses are anti-greatness and if a fellow is smart he gets rid of them like a plague but for most of us, our weaknesses can be excused as they seem not that bad and not so worrisome in the scheme of their lives and we feel pious on the first of every year making long lists of things to change without even convincing ourselves why a change is necessary and how feasible it is. Revolutions are not born out of haste, resolutions are. This year I refused to call any of my plans resolutions lest I jinx ’em.

This 2012, love like you have never loved before.
Here are 12 ways to love your neighbours, fellow Nigerians and friends, even your enemies and they are excerpts from the first book of Corinthians, kinda makes you consider this thing called love!

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. Fancy words huh? Let me make it plain. If you like, write poetry or the longest blackberry messages ever, or give a speech so long your throat gets dry and you can even give the speech in flawless French but if the people you are talking to do not feel the sincerity of your words or the love emanating from them then you might as well be making a bunch of noise or exhibiting ‘free madness’. (Government officials take note!). So this year, remember that talk is cheap and before you give us 21 reasons why we shouldn’t have a fuel subsidy anymore, remember the thousands who are gonna bite the dust of poverty a lot harder after you impose your will!
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing. Holier than thou sisters and brothers who use religion as an excuse to be mean and discriminatory take note! And yes I am referring to Christians, Muslims and all in between!
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I GIVE MY BODY TO BE BURNED, and have not love, it profiteth me nothing. Ermmm Boko Haram take note!

…And this is what love should be…
4 Love endures
5 Love is kind
6 Love doesn’t envy
7 Love is not boastful or puffed up.
8 Love does not behave itself unseemly and doesn’t seek to have its own way.
9 Love is not easily provoked
10 Love thinks no evil and doesn’t rejoice in evil, but rejoices in the truth;
11 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
12 Love never fails.

This year let’s choose love over war, tolerance over anarchy, kindness over cruelty, peace over chaos and maybe we won’t have to walk around afraid that we are gonna be blown sky high by some faceless home-based terrorists.

Just getting home from church and the anti-bomb squad at my church was one in town! They left only one accessible entry/exit to the church premises and checked our cars- boots, under it, in it, over it for bombs with sophisticated gadgets then we were frisked like we were under arrest before being allowed to enter the church, ’twas quite exciting I tell you! πŸ˜‰ And then there was a whole bunch of saintly vigilantes with torches on the look out all night! Thanks Bishop! Una do well! πŸ™‚

I long for a Nigeria in 2012 where fuel subsidies are in place like the good old days, where Boko Haram magically disappears and people can walk around without fear, where GEJ shows us that he has got the spunk and wisdom of a true Niger Delta man and where PHCN behaves. Afraid to ask for more since Santa isn’t taking requests till the end of the year. Never stop praying for Nigeria, she’s all we’ve got.

Happy new year again peeps.
Love you plenty. Have a lovely first date with your hot new girl. 2012 is eager to please so let’s take advantage…xoxoxo πŸ˜‰ πŸ™‚

 
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Posted by on January 1, 2012 in Inspirational

 

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