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Smart Dating!


It’s 2017 and it’s a crazy world out there. First it’s the stress of getting noticed in a sea of bleached, Brazilian-haired, makeup on fleek, skinny but thick perfection and then you finally get noticed and spend a greater part of the relationship wondering if he’s the real deal or just another f**k boy cum Yoruba demon who is gonna land you on Joro’s page with yet another sob story and through it all you are not even sure if you are the side chick or his main (or only) squeeze.

So cliché…

So how do you date smart in the 21st century? A relationship that works for you, a man who is decent and honest and is actually dating you with long term goals in mind…Sounds like a myth for so many but these cut throat tips will guide you!

1. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket

If your heart is for John but he is acting like a f**k boy, give Peter a chance, he just might be your diamond in the rough. 

2. Three strikes and he is out

A bad boyfriend makes a helluva husband so if he hurts you once regardless of what it is, that’s strike one. Three strikes and he is gone but don’t be petty, those strikes have to be real boundary crossers.

3. No unprotected sex ever

Being his baby mama won’t tie him down, getting an STD/HIV from him won’t show you are loyal and aborting his babies won’t get you your happily ever after so zip up or stay protected. No sentiments!

4. Don’t smell what you can’t eat

If his flirting is making you mad, get the hell out of there before flirtation turns to infidelity and your madness becomes mayhem. If he is badly behaved it’s because you let him get away with it!

5. Guard your heart

Not every f**k boy deserves your time or attention much less your heart regardless of how fine or loaded he is. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeves, make him work for it, that’s the only way you’ll tire out the time wasters before you become the casualty.

6. Stick to the plan

A fling is a fling, a date is a date, no strings attached is no strings attached, we’ll see how this goes is we’ll see how this goes!!! A man knows in the first week what exactly he wants from you and that’s not gonna change so stop hoping time will change the situation. If his plan isn’t in sync with yours, then get a move on it!

7. Reverse dating

Stop dating your type! What have the fine boys you dated gotten you? Heartbreaks and more heartbreaks and yet you keep repeating your silly mantra- he has to be fine, rich and a bad boy. Why don’t you try OK looking, ambitious and treats you like a queen? That’s what Beyoncé chose and see where it got her. Date the guy you’d ordinarily put in the friend’s zone and put the guys you usually date there instead! 

8. Set standards

If you are gonna willingly be a side chick, don’t cry out when you finally have a man of your own and some side chick 10 years younger is making him eat out of her hand. It’s called karma babe. And if you are gonna chase after men for money, don’t get mad if your innocent boyfriend doesn’t take you seriously when you are finally ready to settle down and if that doesn’t describe you let me drive it home, if you wanna be treated like a queen then act like a queen. A man would always treat you the way he senses you think you should be treated so if he is constantly treating you wrong, you might wanna check your standards and self-esteem. Set some standards girl!

9. Be your own hero

Make your own money, have a career or a business, have a future that doesn’t involve your man or any other man. Be your own hero so that with or without a man, you are the best version of yourself. Men prey on women who would believe or do anything for a dime or some loubs. Don’t be that girl, let him know his money doesn’t mean sh*t if his heart isn’t into it too.

10. Have a solid back up plan

So you’ve been dating him for 4 years, what would you do if he suddenly cheated or dumped you or you found out he had impregnated or proposed to another woman? Would your life be over? Girl where’s your back up plan? Feel free to make it as elaborate as you can muster. Perhaps commencing a master’s program abroad that you put on hold or finally saying yes to the cute but shy brother who has been hanging around for years hoping to catch your heart. A backup plan isn’t an elaborate revenge plot, no it’s a guarantee that no matter what curve ball life throws at you, you bounce back 100% 

So there it is, but before I sign out let me add this;

1. Don’t go snooping in his DMs, trust your instincts. Every woman who caught her man cheating already suspected he probably was and only needed to confirm. If your instincts are already telling you something start looking for a remedy instead of proof. 

2. Don’t be all up in his face. If you like him still treat him like you do the guys in your friend’s zone, after all those guys keep coming back for a reason. Showing a guy who likes you perhaps a little that you like him a whole lot more kills the thrill of the chase for him and he draws back, gets lazy and ends up not appreciating you. For some it’s an immediate turn off so slow your role babe!

3. There are three types of guys in the world- the rich guy, the ambitious, work hard or work smart guy and the lazy guy. The ambitious and lazy guys could be broke today but only one will be broke tomorrow (Mr Lazybones). The rich dude on the other hand could lose all he has by a stroke of ill luck and then you’d get to see if he was actually, deep down an ambitious guy (meaning he’d bounce back) or Lazybones! Bear that in mind when man hunting.

4. There are men everywhere! If you are chronically single it’s because your senses are only trained to see men who fall within your specs and those men are probably not seeing you. Look intently around you, a bunch of people find you attractive but you’ve friend-zoned them all to create space for Mr Specs! Go to that shelf and take a good look at those men, seriously consider each one. We attract what we are inside!

5. Don’t be moved by pet names, PDA, family acceptance, expensive gifts, flowery words or promise rings, if you still have that niggling feeling of doubt in your gut then it’s only a matter of time till the cookie crumbles!

Rant over.

Xxx

 
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Posted by on February 21, 2017 in Relationships

 

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I was talking to my friend E who just got out of a relationship that lasted 11 years and amongst her fears was the fact that she was in her early twenties when she left the dating pool and now that she was back again in her thirties, the rules had changed. She now had to compete with younger women for attention while wrapping her head around the fact that Instagram and Snapchat had changed the game not to mention the added disadvantage that her dating skills were now rusty and outdated! 

Her story isn’t unusual. It doesn’t matter how many years you spent in the dating pool before you left or how good or sexy you were before you left. It also doesn’t matter whether you are coming from a broken relationship, marriage or a personal hiatus from dating, all that really matters at this point is that you are wondering if you can ever compete with the teeming number of sexy, 100 yards of wife material floating in the dating pool waiting to be caught by the very few good fishermen left!

Here are 10 ways to ease your passage back to singleville and the world of dating!

1. Forget everything you knew about dating before you got with your ex

Not that you even remember the specifics but trust me the OS you used to captivate your ex is now outdated and like sharks to blood the men in the dating pool in 2017 can smell fresh meat a mile away. 

2. Don’t go in with baggage

My friend P who is a confirmed ‘Igbo demon’ 😁 says that women with baggage are the easiest prey. If you still feel vulnerable then you’d be especially gullible and the next man who seems to care may steal your heart when all he wants is the cookie! Give yourself time to heal first. There’s no hurry.

3. Get your self confidence back 

Leaving a long term relationship comes with its own insecurities amidst the hurt. You may not feel or look your best, don’t patch things up and slap a huge band-aid over your injured self esteem just because you want to get back into the dating pool. Give it time. Once you are able to look at yourself in the mirror again and smile confidently, you are ready to date again. 

4. Don’t date because you are looking for a replacement 

If you are only looking for someone to fill the hole your ex left behind or someone to make your ex feel jealous then you don’t have closure yet. Now may not be the right time to date someone else because you risk hurting that person and yourself since you are obviously not ready.

5. Get on social media

There’s work to be done on social media. First you have to either sanitize your account by deleting all the pics of you and your ex or you get a new account altogether. Social media has become the proverbial bar to pick up guys and it’s supposed to be a reflection of your best self. Take some cute pictures and be social and soon enough some guy would slide into your DM.

6. Get a wingman

This is essential for surviving the dating pool! Get a female friend who is single and who is still actively dating and ride shot gun with her. Let her show you the ropes, the faux-pas, the types of guys to avoid and what to look out for in a man. Learn from her experiences and ask questions. You’d be surprised how rusty you are (don’t forget to take notes 😉).

7. Don’t be too eager

When you finally get a man interested, you may be very tempted to jump from ‘I like you’ to ‘let’s get married’ because you want to skip the unnecessary part and get back to your interrupted happily ever after (same story, different guy). This freaks guys the hell out. They don’t want a girl who is all over them or mothering them or making them husbands after the third date cos they interpret it as desperation and too much too soon makes you end up with yet another guy leaving you in the lurch. Take it slow, do some shakara and don’t act like he is saving you by being with you. 

8. Don’t jump to conclusions 

Don’t be too fast to stereotype your new man and toss him into a box labelled ‘men like your ex’ just because your heart isn’t ready to start trusting again. If you don’t understand his behaviour or motives seek clarification or ask a trusted third party for a second opinion. 

9. Don’t lose your individuality in the quest to reinvent yourself

The women dominating the dating pool mostly belong to a particular stereotype. Thick, Brazilian hair wearing, flawless light skin, make up on fleek and ready to twerk like a pro not to mention scoring major points in the kinky sex department! Truly it’s hard to compete and though you may be tempted to reinvent yourself to at least be able to compete with their perceived perfection, you need to not lose yourself in it because you want the man who eventually falls for you to fall for the real you and not the filters. To thine own self be true.

10. Don’t sit around waiting for your life to pick up

Get a job, start a business, join a gym, start a diet, get a life coach or do some traveling. A woman who is sitting around doing nothing after she leaves a relationship is wallowing in misery and allowing life to pass her by and the men see it as she not having any thing to bring to the table other than her pretty face and body. Men want more than that and nothing is as sexy as a woman who is in control of her life.

If you can’t date the version of you that you see in the mirror, no one else can!

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on January 3, 2017 in Relationships

 

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10 lessons from Toke Makinwa’s book ‘On Becoming’

I recently got around to reading Toke’s mini autobiography after all the buzz it created online and for someone who was Toke’s roommate in year 1 (newest hall, unilag), I initially wasn’t keen on reading it because I thought I had Toke all figured out. 
I had been roommates with her when she was living a wanton, majorly carefree life and coming from a sheltered home, Toke was to me the embodiment of the bad UNILAG girls I’d heard so much about. Through the years, that impression was reinforced every time her name came up regardless of whether it was for good or evil.

Little wonder that when the news first broke that she was having marital issues I kept thinking karma, karma, karma! Well if the truth be told, bad is a relative term and after reading her story I had a rethink about the woman I thought I had all figured out. Really until you have walked in a person’s shoes, you cannot ever judge said person regardless of their colorful past. Maybe we give karma too much credit! 

Toke is a strong woman, not because she didn’t make a ton of mistakes and not even because she went through the worst psychological trauma any child can endure but because even when her life was going all shades of wrong, she found strength in God and that strength gave her the will to finally move on, the grace to rise above her past and present and wisdom to spin the biggest sob story ever into a money making investment during a recession! Toke may never make it to my hero hall of fame but I have an unswerving respect for her. Her story could have happened to absolutely anyone regardless of what they did or didn’t do to deserve it. I know so many women who couldn’t rise above a husband who had betrayed them or some other life tragedy. From suicide to revenge, from bitterness to chronic sickness; many of these women could never find the strength to climb out of the murky waters that they had been unceremoniously thrown into. Breaking the silence is always a great place to start…

So without further ado, here are ten things I learned from reading Toke’s book:

  1. No one is really bad, they are just broken and many times the product of their past, don’t be so quick to judge. Let he who has no sin cast the first stone…

  2. Don’t ever manage a boyfriend, a lousy boyfriend makes an even lousier husband, your case won’t be the exception.

  3. If he breaks your heart the second time, don’t look back- just leave for good. The sting of betrayal is far worse than the prick of a heartbreak but the former only becomes apparent after you have vested too much time and emotion into the relationship. Get out while you are still ahead.

  4. You can never run out of ‘second’ chances. Even the bible says a righteous man falls seven times (and how many of us can actually call ourselves righteous) and yet rises up again. No matter how messed up your past is, your future can be unbelievably bright if you let God in.

  5. Get a support system that’s foolproof. You don’t need a million friends or fam. Two or three people that would always have your back no matter what and would always give you the truth instead of telling you what you want to hear, people you can trust with your life, your drama and your kids. Find them and keep them close!

  6. A counsellor should not be a last resort, if the problem is big enough to give you sleepless nights and you love the person enough to wanna stay, seek help. You both may have deep rooted psychological issues that will keep ruining things till you tackle them. Hurting people hurt others and more importantly broken people attract brokenness. Get the root problem fixed.

  7. God is close to the broken hearted and He doesn’t give two hoots about your past or what you did or didn’t do to deserve it. When you have no where else to turn, no place to hide, no one to run to, go to Him. He is always waiting with open arms.

  8. If you ignore the signs you won’t like your final destination. There are always signs. If you keep making excuses for him/her then you already deserve to be treated better. That is a sign! A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. People have clung to the devil they know instead of trusting there was an angel out there that they were yet to meet and the devil dragged them to hell. Take a leap of faith.

  9. Anyone or circumstance that makes you feel less about yourself or eats away at your self confidence is toxic. Love doesn’t live there, the sooner you realize you deserve better the sooner you can start your journey to freedom. It’s difficult but doable. 

  10. A person chooses to cheat. There is no such thing as he/she was pushed or tempted due to the inadequacies of his/her partner. It’s a personal decision. Yes I agree that some factors can make rationalizing the sin of infidelity easier but still it’s your sin. God will not hold you less accountable because you had a bad marriage or relationship. And for the men, if you never discussed the possibility of having a second wife with your partner BEFORE marriage- regardless of perceived tribal or religious norms- then it’s still wrong. Marrying your side chick or concubine doesn’t erase the sin of infidelity! If you are going to alter your partner’s life forever, she deserves a say in it before she commits to you. Speak up!

Toke I hope the release of this book, brings you a new lease on life, a breath of fresh air, closure and more importantly sets you on the path God created for you. You cannot have gone through fire only for you to turn your back on God when things start getting really good, resist compromise! Let this experience be your epiphany, your starting point for a fuller and better life and not just a well thought out business decision. I wish you all the best, and to everyone who thinks she deserved what she got due to karma or her poor choices or because she ignored the signs, take a chill pill, I was team karma too (and was quite vocal about it) but I realized that ‘nobody holy pass’ and we all have someone or something that is our ultimate weakness. It’s by His mercies alone that we are not consumed lest anyone should boast.

Have a great night Chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on December 7, 2016 in Relationships

 

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10 Reasons Why Many Women Cheat!

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Are you a good girl who has never cheated? Or a bad girl who doesn’t want to screw up this new relationship? Or may be you are a man who is worried his woman is going to cheat or a guy who has been cheated on and wants to know why it happened or maybe you are just curious…

This post is definitely for you!

Before we begin here are 3 facts:
1. Women cheat!
2. Women are not always emotionally involved when they cheat (a guy made that up to soothe his bruised ego)
3. Any woman can cheat!

Here are 10 reasons why a woman would cheat on you!
(in no particular order)

1) Boredom

She is bored with you or the relationship and she craves excitement. The thrill she once felt isn’t there any more and all that’s left is a routine and she literally feels like she is going to die of boredom if someone doesn’t rescue her. Too bad that someone isn’t you!

2) Financial desperation

She needs money really desperately, more than you can afford or are willing to give. It doesn’t matter if it is for a life or death situation or just for a new iphone, the fact is she needs the money and is going to get it any which way!

3) Peer pressure

The guy has gotten to her friends either physically or the idea of him appeals to them more than the idea of you so the friends who she always listens to are the very ones urging her to explore this dangerous but exciting option.

4) Emotional starvation

She is craving love, attention, security and time and she is getting barely enough for one human to survive on from you so she’s quite vulnerable and will jump at any one ready to feed her emotional hunger.


5) Sexual frustration

She is sexually frustrated either because you do not satisfy her or you cannot satisfy her. When was the last time she had a real orgasm? (not the fake ones women are famous for dishing out to soothe your fragile ego). When was the last time you cared about pleasing her in the bedroom or asked her how you could please her?

A woman should never walk around horny, unloved or insecure! 


6) Loneliness

A woman in a relationship can still be lonely. Are you always traveling or always leaving her by herself for long periods of time? Even when you are in the same house, do you spend more time in front of the TV or on your phone or laptop or in a separate room? A lonely woman will crave companionship and all it takes is one sneaky fellow who knows exactly how to deliver!


7) Career advancement

It’s a cutthroat world we live in and some women are ready to do anything it takes to get ahead. Of course a woman wouldn’t need to sleep around to advance her career if the men didn’t give her that option or even insist on it but your woman may be about to cheat simply because she loves her career too much to quit or settle for mediocrity.


8) Blackmail

Is she being blackmailed? Many men use sex as a cheap blackmail trick for an erring woman. Cheating on you may be an easier option than facing the consequences and in a twisted way she just might believe she is doing it to protect you or the relationship.


9) Lack of closure

Is she still hung up on her ex? Did he break her heart so bad and then leave without an explanation? Lack of closure usually comes to haunt many women years after they have supposedly moved on. A lot of women don’t even realize they are still carrying a torch for an ex till he comes around and starts making the moves on them.

10) Okafor’s law

Okafor’s law states that if you have been involved with a guy over a period of time in the past even if it was only a fling and the guy did a great job in the bedroom and out of it (but mostly in), he can always get you back in the sack with him with minimal effort regardless of whether you are now in a new relationship or happy or have moved on or are still mad at him or married or now in a convent!!! Now you see why this can be a worrisome problem where your lady is concerned. She may not even set out to cheat but just knowing that some guy out there can wield Okafor’s law over her and win is enough to rob you of some decent sleep!

So there you have it! The 10 most probable reasons why women cheat, each reason just as important and valid as the next. So the next time you want to take your woman or your relationship for granted, remember that any woman can cheat regardless of how much she loves you or how long you have been together or how many shared assets (including children) that you have, just like any man can cheat! She only chooses not to- so make the choice not to cheat one she would want to make every day. Treat her right!

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on September 28, 2016 in Relationships

 

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The Element of Surprise!

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A friend of mine turned 30 a couple of days ago and her husband threw her a nice surprise party. Now this friend of mine is a sharp babe and shed tears when she walked into her surprise gig. They were tears of joy and gratitude yes but also big, fat tears of “can you imagine, I had absolutely no clue!” It got me thinking about all the other surprise parties I’d ever been too, mine inclusive and how the celebrants would snoop and investigate and try to unravel the plans before the big day and then be fully convinced that there were no such plans and resign themselves to a less than extraordinary birthday only to be blown away when everyone shouted SURPRISE! And in my usual way I began to connect the dots only I could see…

Some years before, at another party, there had been a debate on whether snooping around for evidence of infidelity was worth it. There were two very obvious schools of thought. The first school of thought was championed by my friend ‘I’ who announced that her husband’s phone was off limits to her and hers was likewise off limits to him. Then there was my other friend ‘Ç’ who announced that doing that was like burying your head in the sand like an ostrich that before you knew it he would have paid bride price for wife number 2! Then there was my friend ‘F’who vehemently insisted that if you so much as saw her boyfriend in what seemed to be a compromising position even if you had no proof she wanted to know immediately while my friend ‘M’ didn’t want any bearers of bad news coming near her because people were fast to focus on other people’s drama while ignoring theirs. It was a very interesting argument with all parties having very valid points depending on your perspective.

Now how does this tie up with my earlier line of thought? Well just imagine how painstakingly a devoted husband, boyfriend or friend plans your surprise party without you having a clue (of course we know some are terrible at that sort of thing and always get found out whether it’s a party or an affair) and even with your sixth sense, woman’s instincts, snooping, stalking, trailing and numerous set traps you still are utterly surprised on D-day, well same applies to relationships were fidelity is concerned. If he is faithful then you are blessed among women but if he isn’t, regardless of whether he is a first timer, occasional cheat or chronic womaniser, most men would tell you that all that really matters is if he cares about getting caught or if he doesn’t! If he cares about getting caught either because he loves or fears you, he will cover his tracks as stealthily and successfully as he plans your surprise birthday!

I once heard a man confess to having a ‘bae phone’ which was always switched off after work hours and hidden somewhere in his car, his other phone was his official line and wifey who was chairman of the snoop committee prided herself on how squeaky clean his phone was; no inappropriate sms, email or social media messages! If he hadn’t confessed, perhaps it would be at his funeral that his wife would get the surprise of her life (you know how offspring seem to magically appear when it’s time to read the will). Many men would just lock up their phones instead of going through the trouble of having a secret phone, not because they are cheating per se but because like my friend ‘O’ says, the desire to cheat or stay faithful should be within their power without someone misinterpreting every single sms! A friend of mine gave her man tit for tat by locking her phone, the dude almost had a heart-attack (why are guys so deathly afraid of their women cheating? LOL). They eventually called for a truce, no passwords or locks on any devices! Now back to the second thing that really matters, if he doesn’t care about getting caught, you’d most likely catch him without much stress and he’d be way less remorseful than if he was just a terrible cheat who couldn’t plan a surprise to save his life!

Now I understand why some people are so afraid of surprises! It isn’t half-bad though, consider the fact that you are blissfully unaware for as long as it takes for the surprise to unravel and it could take years and who knows, he just might have a change of heart along the line and kiss his bad boy ways good bye and you’d be spared the surprise of your life! (that’s why you should never boast about your marriage or relationship, rejoice and be thankful for the good you enjoy because some times you are unaware of battles fought and won or even lost!) For those who throw one heck of a surprise party, I can only say may your surprises always be good ones! (before you give someone a heart attack).

So would you snoop around your partner’s phone, emails and social media or would you not?
And if your partner was seen in a compromising position would you want to know or not know?

I haven’t picked a side yet and would love to hear from those who have!
Cheerio chutzpah fam,
xoxo

 
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Posted by on August 31, 2016 in Relationships

 

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Single Girls Need To Know This About Marriage!

I’ve been off the grid for a while, doing exams, writing for Cosmopolitan magazine, working my butt off, losing some weight, starting my natural hair journey and well life in general, doing every thing but writing posts on my beloved blog. Many of you have moved on, others have found new online love interests while the rest of you are so disappointed you wanna konk my head but I ask sincerely that you accept my apology. Really missed writing chutzpah stuff honestly!

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Now to the matter at hand, I was gisting with my friend S who is happily single– I know you’d roll your eyes at the phrase but there are some babes who are content with their lives and don’t feel the pressure to hook up with a random man for the rest of their lives! Anyway S was filling me on all the offline and online man related gist I had missed and another friend joined the conversation. J was appalled by all the crazy stories out there which involved Yoruba demons, Igbo terrorists, Benin Jazz men and Hausa guerrillas married and single alike. She felt anybody getting married was doomed but didn’t wanna join the happily single club. It was starting to feel like she had to choose between the devil (remaining single) and the deep blue sea (a horrible marriage) so even though I am no expert, I decided to share a couple of tips a wise woman once shared with me and they are absolutely important things every single girl should know to minimize casualties (shine your eyes).

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1) A bad boyfriend will make a worse husband

Never manage a boyfriend, if you absolutely cannot stand a fault of his, it will not get better after marriage. In fact it will be amplified and you will be unable to stand it and sincerely it’s unfair to the guy because he expected you loved all of him enough to marry him in the first place.

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2) People don’t change but they can mature, you cannot predict future change or maturity so don’t bank on it

Marry a man the same way you shop online, what you see is what you get (or worse) and the return policy is usually a scam, remember all na packaging and he is most likely putting his best foot forward already so anticipating more is asking for too much in his opinion.

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3) Don’t smell what you can’t eat

This applies to in-laws, marital roles and duties, bad behaviour and your relationship in general. Oju aye (eye service) doesn’t work in marriage. Enduring something for the sake of a ring would backfire once mission is accomplished and you’d be accused of changing (for the worse) and suffer the backlash.

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4) Have your own money

This is important for three reasons. First of all you need to be able to bring something to the table regardless of how comfortable your man is (think power couple), secondly he knows money is not a reason for you to remain in a bad marriage since you can fend for yourself and finally, nothing beats financial freedom.

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5) Name that one thing you could never endure in a marriage and let it guide your mate-picking decision

Every woman is different, your one thing may be infidelity or violence or maybe even poverty! Whatever it is, look for the man who is most unlikely to cross this line and make sure he understands that it is a line that cannot be crossed before you jump right in. Knowing your deal-breaker is an unspoken agreement that every thing else is forgivable within reasonable limits.

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6) If he has baggage make sure he sorts it out before marriage

Baggage in the form of clingy exes, baby mamas, addictions or bros before hos pacts, anything that makes you feel insecure has to be handled before you become the Mrs because marriage amplifies insecurities.

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7) Keeping your marriage private is not just about social media, the people you provide intel matter more

Choose to be accountable to one person (singular not plural) that you absolutely trust where your marital issues are concerned. Whether it’s to report your husband or confess your indiscretions or complain about your life, having more than one person know your story is like an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians! (the whole world gets to discuss your life for free!)

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8) Don’t throw in the towel till you are 110% sure it cannot be saved

Many people get in and get out, the wedding day becomes just another owambe. It could be because they jumped in without knowing what they were getting into (what’s the hurry? Look before you leap!) or have a low threshold for bullshit (tho’ enduring is not the same as becoming a martyr abeg!). Whatever the case, you need to fight the hardest to save your marriage before you abandon ship or you’ll have regrets when the dust settles.

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9) Don’t compare your behind the scenes to someone else’s Hollywood reel!

Social media and public gatherings thrive on PDA, perfection and grand romantic gestures but before you start comparing your man to the prince charming on Instagram, remember your man has no filter, is not photo-shopped and is not borrow-posing! A healthy marriage is a great blend of peace, drama, fun, boredom, grand gestures, sacrifices and a lot of ordinary days in between. If the negatives are always lacking then you are viewing a Hollywood reel!

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10) There’s no secret ingredient for a great marriage, find a formula that works for you

You think a man won’t cheat if you stay sexy, give great sex and cook delicious meals or not nag, well about a thousand women in the world are doing that flawlessly and he still can’t keep his thing in his pants. What works for your friend will most likely not work for you so do you and make it work. A lot of women credit a great marriage to prayers but faith without works is dead so work it girl!

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Posted by on August 23, 2016 in Relationships

 

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Is your new beau a serial monogamist?

There are obviously three types of guys- Those who don’t cheat, those who cheat and the serial monogamist. The serial monogamist is a guy who is faithful for the shortest possible time that he is in a relationship with you and as soon as he gets bored he finds an excuse to break up and is on to the next relationship in a flash and then the cycle continues.
So how do you spot a serial monogamist?
1) He has more exes than there are episodes on Tinsel!
Every time you step out you meet yet another ex! It’s like he’s been with the whole town.

2) His longest relationship lasted one month.
He was a very great boyfriend for 30 whole days till he wasn’t.
And if for whatever reason his ex wouldn’t give up the cookie before 90 days then his longest relationship lasted 100 days!

3) It’s always his ex’s fault that they broke up.
She was too clingy, too jealous, too crazy, moving too fast, always talking bad about his mother, wanted to get married too soon, didn’t like his friends…the list is endless. He always comes off looking like the victim who just had to run for dear life.

4) He is Mr. Right-now in every sense of the word.
He gets this funny look on his face right before he changes the subject any time you talk about any type of relationship goals. Who’d have thought going on holiday together would be such a big deal?

5) He is paranoid about babies and baby mamas.
He disposes of his condom himself, doesn’t sleep with you till the first time he catches you on your period and then you find a period tracker on his iPad that’s synchronized to your menstrual cycle. He never ever has unprotected sex and if he does, he serves you morning after pills alongside a hot cup of cocoa and doesn’t laugh at the joke you made about having a child together. He never leaves a trail and he makes sure his track record stays squeaky clean.

6) He has a very complicated plan for his future that doesn’t seem to flow with your plans in the least.
His aim is to ensure that you are not traveling the same path!

7) The texts on his phone to various women seem to all be a prelude to something more.
“Hey babe, you were looking so fly today…wish I wasn’t in a relationship…would never ever cheat on bae but who knows dreams do come true…x”

Like wtf???!!!!

8) His family don’t seem particularly interested in knowing your name.
He takes you for family gatherings and you think this shows he is considering a long term relationship with you but his family acts funny. They barely ask your name and act like you are nothing more than his plus one at the dinner party not their future in-law. They know the drill!

9) He is all about the romance.
This guy is a hopeless romantic. Breakfast in bed, flowers, songs dedicated to you on cool FM, cupcakes to your office, surprise gifts and just because I love you gestures but as soon as you both start acting like a normal couple he complains about the flames flickering out and is gone with the wind!

10) He never ever does the breaking up.
Now this sneaky fellow has perfected the art of breaking up with you without actually breaking up with you. When he is done with the relationship, he let’s it fizzle out. Too busy to pick your phone calls or reply your messages. Way to busy to come see you or be in the same room with you for more than 5 seconds. Avoidance is key to his strategy and sooner or later you break up with him out of frustration possibly via text message.

This smooth, suave, heart breaker would never be labeled a cheater, he prides himself in having great relationships which were fun while they lasted, too bad they are gone in 60 seconds! Ladies beware of the serial monogamist! Check out his track record before you say yes!

 
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Posted by on May 25, 2016 in Relationships

 

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