Tag Archives: Musings

Only skin deep…

I love groundnuts, always have! Even before I could chew, my mum claims the smell of groundnuts always had me crawling at top speed into her laps and I’d look at her with big doey eyes and ask for it in the best way I could. I couldn’t talk and I had more fingers than teeth but I’d literally eat it out of her mouth all in a bid to get at the lovely stuff-  I was hooked! It sounds thoroughly gross now that I’m older but I absolutely loved it back in the days. My aunt testifies of my greedy groundnut slurps and I wonder why they didn’t just buy me a jar of peanut butter? Maybe it hadn’t been invented yet! Hehehe! 😉

Anyway fast forward two decades and then some and here I am eating boiled groundnuts (my favourite) and I must tell you that each one is lovingly selected from the pile and only the ones with fresh, sexy groundnutty bodies get picked and then cracked as I eagerly anticipate the nut inside. I always prefer the 4 in 1 groundnut, value for my cracking ;-). So there I was with a tummy full of nuts and left with just two. I always crave my last two and if you are one of those people that wait till my food is almost finished before you beg, O.Y.O! Anyway back to the groundnuts. I had two left, one had just two nuts in it and didn’t look so great while the other was my specs 😉 four in one, nice beige colour, fresh and begging to be savoured. I chose that first for obvious reasons and cracked it open and OMG! It was awful. My mind was transported to a dark place that lay among the pests I’d suffered to memorize in Agric.Science class in QC, Gastro unit in Medicine and the patients with liver disease thought to be caused by the fungus in bad ground nuts and then the disappointment of trusting a beautiful nut to deliver and No it did not! It was painful and I threw it away in disgust. I glanced at the last one and grimaced. What good could come out of Nazareth I asked? Anyway I’d never been one to waste ground nuts 😉 so I cracked it open anyway and…wait for it…it was bad too! Now if only it had been good, it would have made perfect sense right? We would have reminisced about the Tales by Moonlight and why choosing the smaller calabash was better than the bigger better-looking one but no, that wasn’t it at all. I was feeling quite let down and I decided to just pack up the whole groundnut nonsense and move on with my life and in my usual fashion, my mind began to wander…

People are like groundnuts. Sometimes there’s no way of judging from how nicely they clean up if they have left their interiors chronically filthy. Growing up, I loved Agatha Christie novels cos the usual suspects were never guilty. It beat the cliché bad-guy-looks-like-a-meanie profile that books, movies and life in general seemed to lean towards. I changed my BBM display pic as my mind continued its solo journey and it struck me how important image was. Everyone constantly recycled only the best pictures of themselves & tried to always portray themselves in the best light and those who seemed more FEARFULLY than wonderfully made usually had the shorter end of the stick but was image really everything?

Regardless of what society has accepted as the norm, ugly doesn’t mean bad and beautiful doesn’t equate good neither does your outer charisma match the deepest recesses of your soul. Many times a beautiful person seems much less appealing when her character reeks and I’ve fallen for the Beast as opposed to Johnny Bravo more than once because his character, nature and mindset drew me into a seductive  trance. So think of the peanuts and ask yourself; “What do God and the people who know the real me, actually think of me?” It’s easy to fool the world, easy to look like you have it all figured out but think about just how annoying it is to spend hours scoping and stealthily pursuing a gorgeous bloke only for him to open his mouth and his bad breath and recurrent ‘H’ factor sends you scurrying for dear life?

My mum used to say when I was really young, that God created everything and everyone beautiful and that thought process was responsible for making me the optimist I am today. I have learnt that many times trapped within the most undesirable of creatures is a beautiful, gifted spirit who has known pain and therefore appreciates laughter. Sometimes when life is all good, it doesn’t necessarily make you a better person. Every once in a while we need a trial of some sort to mould our characters and that’s probably why God permits them.

Beauty after all is only skin deep and though it is cliché to say that all men were born equal, I would like to say that the inequality of men lies in the stuff that they are made of- Not skin, bone or flesh but mind, soul and spirit. Is your mind as manicured as your french-tipped fingernails? Is your soul on the brink of destruction or a fertile ground for the greatness within you? Is your Spirit a kindred one or a divisive one? If today you were stripped of your best feature- that killer body or that perfect smile or those sexy eyes- would you cease to exist? Would you consider suicide? If the answer is yes- then you are yet to realize that it is only skin deep…

Take a lesson from my ground nuts- sometimes the most lovable ones don’t look so great on the outside, sometimes they do but in all you strive to do, ensure that if you are ever stripped of everything you stand for- the rawness of the person within would be a magnificent sight to behold because who you are is more important than how you look!

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TGIF…I’m out…xoxoxo 😉


Posted by on September 7, 2012 in Inspirational


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Happy birthday to me…

Two days ago, I was a year older and a great deal wiser (can someone say Amen! ;-)). It wasn’t an ordinary birthday, my mum says I was born on a Wednesday so the last time the planets aligned to create a day such as this was 7 years ago! (Hear! hear!!). I’ve always loved birthdays. I’d get all excited days before it and climax at 12 midnight to the vibrations from numerous phone calls and of later years pings!

I absolutely love the attention and the day before, I’d gone shopping half way through work just to get the perfect baiday dress! 😉 Called my baker to order a cake and she told me my blood was too hot and that the cake had already been ordered. (Another reason why I love my man) 😉 I woke up that morning singing like a lark and as bright as a button and I blessed the day my mum ovulated and released that one egg destined to be moi!

Fast forward the next couple of hours, a million birthday wishes and some really great gifts and I’m bloated, swearing never to touch another slice of cake ever again whether it comes immersed in thick chocolate or full of fruit and as I recline on a couch, my tummy revolting against my self-proclaimed detox program, the reflection begins…it’s not the usual soul-searching or trips down memory line, neither is it a collection of life lessons or an evaluation of experiences. Instead, I close my eyes and re-create my world. I look at the pieces that make up the puzzle that is I, and then turn off the light. The darkness envelopes me and I bask in the familiar and then a noise startles me and my reflection button is flipped from pause to play. Yes, we all have our fears, those that lurk in the deepest recesses of our minds. Those we’d rather forget or avoid like a plague. I have mine and today they all stopped by to say hello.

My pulse quickens as my first fear, huge and terrifying crawls from beneath the curtain. His name’s Mediocrity but I prefer to call him Failure. He scares the s**t outta me! I wanna be great, I wanna be relevant, I wanna be on the cover of Forbe’s magazine and I ain’t playing with you. It’s so easy to be average. Joe is one of the most common names in the world- Yosef, Yôsēp̄, يوسف‎, Yūsuf, Joey, Joe, Joseph; maybe that’s why he is called AVERAGE JOE. Truth is, I never wanna be average and that’s why I work so hard but sometimes the hustle doesn’t pay off and the economy gets worse and it seems like everyone’s trying to carve a niche in your niche! Even mantras like ‘E go better’ don’t seem to cut it and I remember the- billionaire and retired by 40 wish that most ambitious kids my age, had once upon a time. I glance at my fear as he appraises me, he whips out his phone and I hear him calling his friend Deirdre the Despondent on the phone! Geez misery sure loves company…#groan

There’s a tiny flicker of light somewhere. Light’s always a good thing. I feel a surge of gratitude. I wonder why it’s there… I don’t wanna compare myself to those who have less, playing in the big leagues is all I wanna do but then the light shines a bit brighter and I remember the things I’m thankful for. Thankful for the life I have cos dead men don’t dream! The fact that all 206 bones in my body are great looking and without a crack is one more thing to be thankful for. The more I remembered how much worse life could be, the more thankful I was. The light grew brighter, it chased away Deirdre but Joey stayed put. The brighter the room became, the more I saw the other fears that had been lurking in the shadows- the phobia for driving, the fear of losing financial independence, the fear of losing my head amidst the many caps society forces me to wear, the fear of not meeting my own standards, much less the world’s! Geez the whole room was full of fears, lurking in every corner, behind every curtain and just staring at me. Waiting for the perfect moment to weigh me down…

The light grew brighter, showing their ugly faces but I wasn’t afraid. I had 28 years of fighting power in me and I knew that light was here to stay. I smiled…one of those really great, goofy, smiles that comes from the depth of your heart because I could hear a voice singing…”Don’t worry about a thing, cos every little thing’s gonna be alright…” And like all creatures of darkness they squinted and squirmed and ran as the light hit ’em square in the face. Even Joe had disappeared and I could see the new guy who’d been posing lazily in the corner, starting to shift uncomfortable. They called him the new guy cos he was nothing and everything- The fear of the unknown. I let the light in and felt the gratitude wash over me and as light often does, it dispelled the darkness and along with it all my fears, both real and imagined!

Happy birthday to me…I may not have it all and I may be far from my idea of perfect but I see the light and I’m gonna fight. I’m gonna get better, it’s gonna get better and one day in a couple of years, I’ll be glad I didn’t let my fears get the better of me. It ain’t over till the fat lady sings! That thing that got you all flustered would be of no importance if you were 6 feet under and believe me, the fact that you are NOT 6 feet under means HE is not through with you yet!

It’s a beautiful day, TGIF!!! Have a great day peeps!

xoxoxo 😉 😉 😉


Posted by on September 7, 2012 in Inspirational


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What’s most important?

I woke up at 3.20am to shouts of ‘Fire’ ‘Fire’. The lights had been turned off from the mains and one could easily here the muffled commotion through the walls. My eyes were wide with fear, the last traces of sleep vanishing into thin air. I reached for my glasses, jumped off the bed and raced out of the room, thoughts of survival foremost on my still foggy mind. I remembered I hadn’t carried anything and ran back again to my room, it was pitch black but the red light of the unanswered messages on my BB drew me to it, I grabbed it in a split second and ran to the front door to meet our help struggling to open the door. She was shaking like a leaf and shouting ‘Why won’t it open?’. I used the light of my phone to guide her, both of us breaking out in a sweat and calling my mum and brother to come out of their rooms so we could leave.

The fire wasn’t in our house, it wasn’t by the door either, but the pandemonium and frequent shouts made us know it was close. I glanced at my brother and noticed he’d carried his brand new galaxy tab. I shook my head as I joined all the other people racing down the flight of stairs. A Baba from one of the flats trudged in front of me and it took all my will power not to shove him rudely aside as I fled for dear life. We were young,the poor fella was well advanced in age, it’d definitely suck if I went down with him after I hadn’t even begun to enjoy the life of my head. I remembered my manners though and patiently waited. He must have sensed the urgency or heard the anxious grunts of the escapees piling up behind him and stepped aside, maybe to catch his breath, who knows? But we all seized the opportunity and flew past him. By the time we got to the second floor, we heard more shouts, “Go back, go back, use the fire escape instead…” We all turned around and raced up the stairs, panting, not speaking, sweating and seeing our lives flash before our eyes. Back on the 3rd floor we heard another shout, “Go downstairs the way you came up, hurry…”

At this point we were so confused, not knowing whether to run up or down the stairs, we just momentarily stood there waiting for a third shout to make it all make sense but as none was forthcoming, we snapped out of our reverie and ran downstairs as fast as we could. By the time we got to the first floor the smoke and smell of burning was unmissable and I prepared myself for the worst.

I got out of the building safely and noticed for the first time that I was barefooted. Oh well, there are worse things than that I said consolingly to myself. The neighbours put out the fire with fire extinguishers and may I add, the fire service never showed up, neither did I see anything more than lots of smoke. As people began to calm down and heart beats slowed, the gift of speech was bestowed once again on us and soon we were all talking at once, quite loudly, quite excitedly and no one actually listening to the other. My mum chided herself for not remembering her car keys, I laughed at my brother for saving his newest toy instead of his certificates and it was quite hilarious to see what some of the neighbours had managed to ‘save’ from their houses. Thankfully no one was injured and no property lost and soon we were back in our houses but I’d begun to think and since I knew I couldn’t go back to sleep since I was working on the Island that day and had to leave my house in less than 2 hours, I indulged…

I wondered at life and that which was most important. It was easy to list life, health and family as top priority but asides that, I began to wonder at what I’d rescue from a burning building if I could take just one material possession. Thank God for a cashless society so I don’t have to make this post about how I’d carry the Ghana must go full of money that I hid under my bed! (Disclaimer: No such bag exists!). So money aside, what would you save? It’s pitch black, you have 3 minutes and you can only take one thing. My brother chose his newest toy, my neighbour took his car keys, many others took their phones and another carried her handbag. But what is the guiding factor at times like this? Do we just grope around blindly or do we follow our instincts? The bible says that where your treasure is, there your heart will be. Logic states that you pack your certificates and ?passport from a burning building but these are documents that are often locked away and not easily accessible within the 3 minutes window you have. So logic aside, what would you take? What’s most important?

I’m thankful the fire was put out sharply but I am left with this lingering question and in my usual fashion, I have extrapolated it to my life. I ask myself today the same question I did yesterday…’What’s most important? When I can answer that question, then I can begin to reset my life and refocus because sometimes that which we consider as important is actually worthless. Where is your heart? What secret treasure drives you? Again I ask, what is important? Let’s put on our thinking caps and search within… Our sense of purpose depends on this one question…

Have a lovely evening peeps…xoxo 😉


Posted by on August 15, 2012 in Inspirational


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Remove the wool from your eyes!

No one’s gonna do it for you. Most would prefer it stayed there. Unless you come to the realisation that you can’t see past your nose, wool is gonna be the new Armani shades and you’re gonna keep rocking ’em like a fashion conscious bat!

So you think she’s your friend, you do the calling, the pinging, the watching of her back and worrying about stuff that’s important to her and when you need her, you realize she’s done a rent-a-ghost number on your arse. Optimistic is your middle name, celebrating your friendship with cuddly pics and furry messages, wake up and smell the dog poo, you are as alone as Robinson Crusoe was! Why are you holding on so tight? Yes you were friends as kids, but why have you decided to be the old grandma who refuses to change with the times? Forced loyalty to an old friend who doesn’t have your back while you put the ones who do in second place every time. Think about it, the people who are ready to bail you out when you are in need and cover for you, those who remember to check up on you every once in a while, they are your friends. BFFs are only forever if the friendship is forever, screw the title!

So you and your man have been dating for 8 years ehen? Are you happy? No! Is he gonna put a ring on it anytime this century? You think not. Does he try to make you happy? No! Is he faithful? No! Then why on earth are you still there? Did he tie you to a chair and gag you with a dirty sock? Did he make a pact with your soul for some change he’d use to take another girl out? For crying out loud, life is short. You ain’t even married yet and it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen soon. So why don’t you screw marriage, screw what others think and screw everything else screwable and follow your dreams even if all you have in the dream safe is a longing for solitude and peace of mind. Trust me, you could work your way up from there. A day at a time and you’ll be doing not just you, but the man you claim would be lost without you, a whole lot of good.

So your job sucks? You are under-paid and over-worked. You borrow like an alcoholic and can’t wait for the next pay check. You’ve never even heard of the word ‘savings’ cos you don’t even have enough and to top it all, your boss treats you like s**t. Did you go to school to end up like this? You spend more hours at your job than anywhere else. Is this what you call making a living? This profitless hard work? I know bus drivers who make more money than you. So they don’t wear a suit everyday, big deal! Then one day a new bill is added to your never-ending list of bills and then you can’t take it anymore so you decide to buy some strong rope and kill yourself! WRONG!

You think that’s bad, life throws all sorts of curve balls at us and they hit really hard and many times below the belt but do we give up? Do we suck on the lemons a little at a time hoping we’ll eventually get accustomed to the acrid taste? No! That’s not living, that’s existing. The worst thing you can do is to compare yourself to someone worse than you. That only works when you are on your knees struggling hard to be thankful as you say a prayer to the Almighty. When you get off your knees, if you don’t know the difference between the hope that comes with being thankful that you’re not as bad as somebody else AND the mediocrity that creeps up on you when you are HAPPY you are not as bad as somebody else then you’ll be sooooo screwed!

You’re clearly not succeeding at what you’re doing. Has it occurred to you that you aren’t doing it wrong, you are just in the wrong place? Failure is relative. A lot of great men and women were failures till they shook off the mantle of propriety. Who gives a flying f**k about status quo? Who gives a rat’s arse about what the world thinks? If you do, you are gonna die a slow, very painful death caused by broken dreams and an unfulfilled life. All the people emulated today dared to be different. What’s the best that can happen to you if you do get it right? Just another marriage, just another paid employee, just another part of the national demographic, just another person struggling to survive. What’s the worst that can happen if you don’t get it right? Shame? Rejection? Disgrace? Suicide? Poverty? WRONG! Those entities don’t wait for you to ‘not get it right’ before they pounce on you. “Time and chance happens to them all”.

I’ll tell you something. If you hit rock bottom then presumably there’s no where else to go except up, or under- if you choose to end your life! Maybe your destiny is a whole lot greater than the average Joe’s. Maybe instead of just being a married woman, you are gonna be the woman who helps other married women get out of the mud while earning a lot of money on the side. Why do we love TV so much? Because people seemingly make tons of money from not doing anything extraordinary. So find that ordinary thing you are good at. David was great at throwing stones with a sling and he became King. Somebody was great at updating his facebook status and now he does it for the president. Sometimes when the opportunity arises, we are just too ill-prepared to seize it and some of us don’t get more than one chance. You don’t have to be the best there is, you just have to be different from what there is. Carve your niche and you’ll be surprised what lengths you’d go. And if where you are makes you so mad, if you hate the situation you find yourself in, don’t despair, don’t kiss arse, just flee. You’ll hurt more people if you stay. You can’t give what you don’t have. Having a happy and fulfilled life is the only way you can impact positively those around you!

Have a lovely day peeps. xoxoxo


Posted by on March 7, 2012 in Hall of Fame, Inspirational


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Is love enough?

A not so recent poll showed that the average person is willing to sacrifice 6 months’ salary to find true love!
To some, this may be regarded as a bad business investment, not with the divorce rate sky rocketing and broken love being as common as a 20 naira note. Nowadays people wonder if this thing called love is worth sticking their necks out for.

What is love anyway? According to my friend D, if it isn’t ‘agape’ love (the kind taught in the bible; meaning you could be Jack in the titanic for that person), then all na wash! Cos according to him, if it ain’t that kinda love, then it’s just prada-coated lust! I was watching Tinsel last night and was so mad at Soji for going to jail for a crime he didn’t commit because of his love for some chick who’d cheated and dumped him times without number. Some weeks back, I had been itching to slap someone as Fred Ade-Williams’ wife allowed her husband’s ex into their home because he had amnesia and his only memories were not of her but of a former love. I didn’t pity her one bit when she found out they had started sleeping together! Obviously, I could never be Jack in the Titanic!

My African sensibilities forbid that I love blindly but is that enough to say all I’ve ever felt has been infatuation and lust? Is that enough to say I am incapable of knowing what true love is? Abeggy joor, course not! I have loved; Deeply, truly and sacrificially, I have had my heart broken and had it mended again. Yes this thing called love is more potent than we can imagine. But is love enough?

After things with boyfriend number two went awry because of religious differences, I learnt an important lesson. Love is like salt in soup. Without salt, the soup is tasteless, boring, almost inedible (almost I said) but yet who can eat salt alone? So again I ask, ‘Is love enough?’
Today all over the world sincere and not so sincere people proclaimed undying love for 24 hours to that special person. But was the love proclaimed enough to keep them together till next year’s valentine’s day or even till the end of the week? For many the answer is No!

If anyone claims to understand this thing called love, then the person claims to be the wisest of all. Love is damn hard to figure. Worse than a jigsaw puzzle because sometimes the pieces just don’t fit right. Love defies logic, it baffles common sense. As if that’s not enough trouble, it springs up in the most unlikely places and loves to evade those who earnestly seek it. Love… The beginning and end of wahala. It’s such a beautiful emotion yet people have acted foolishly and sometimes even committed hurtful, heinous crimes all in the name of love. But powerful as it is, is love enough?

Can love keep a couple together during a storm? Can love replace the emptiness of a bank account? Can love take away the pain of death? Can love mend a heart betrayed by infidelity? Or more cliché, can love put food on the table? Love can do a whole lot of things but there are some things it cannot do… Love cannot take the place of friendship, honesty, maturity, trust and fidelity between two people. Love heals but love destroys.

As we enjoy the spirit of the moment, let’s pause and evaluate this thing called love. It’s worthy of celebration but one must remember that it cannot stand alone. Fortifying it takes more effort than the acceptance of jobless butterflies floating around in your unsuspecting tummy! Like a rose garden love should be tenderly pruned and watered and planted in a soil rich with honesty and fertile with trust for it to blossom. It doesn’t matter if the soil be clay, humus or sandy for we were all made differently and have different priorities. Don’t wait till next year to check on your garden, it needs attention everyday…

“Love is sustained by action, it is a pattern of devotion in things we do for each other everyday…” (Nicholas Sparks)

Happy Valentine’s day Chutzpah fam!


Posted by on February 14, 2012 in Hall of Fame, Relationships


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Nigeria Revolts!

Nigerians old and young will always remember January 1st 2012 as the day the sky fell on their heads or how else would one describe the government’s removal of fuel subsidy? The decision shot up the price of petrol from N65 per litre to N141 per litre, a 116.9 percent increase, the highest single jump in the history of fuel price hikes in the country. Government said the decision was taken to free up cash and better our economy, creating more jobs and wealth but Nigerians saw the decision as a cruel and thoughtless gesture which would only worsen the current situation and aggravate the suffering in the land.

It was reported that the United Nations (UN) commended President Jonathan for withdrawing the subsidy on petroleum products, and described the move as “a bold and correct policy”. While this policy might in other circumstances and in a nation other than Nigeria have been a good one geared towards a better future, one must realize that because of the level of corruption in the nation, the freed cash would not alleviate the people’s suffering but would make the rich richer and the poor poorer.

While the cost and standard of living in Nigeria have depreciated over the years and the majority of Nigerians live from hand to mouth, the cost of maintaining those in government has been on the increase, at the expense of national development. In countries like Singapore, leaders have taken serious pay cuts so that more funds can be devoted to developmental issues but in Nigeria, the reverse is the case and the president’s shameful attempt at cutting down on his cabinet’s expenditures when translated to naira barely scratches the surface of their undeserved income.

The billions lavished on the lifestyle of government officials could have been used to get our refineries functioning one hundred percent but heaven forbid this as many of these corrupt officials are rumoured to own refineries outside the country and charge the government to have our crude oil refined and would rather take the last naira from the poor than part with their kitchen allowance! Nigerians were not ready to allow this! Majority of Nigerians were already living on less than one dollar a day. The outcry was nationwide.

A people who had mourned in silence, seemingly powerless when Boko Haram struck, rose up with a vengeance refusing to have the last morsel of their bread taken away from them.
Nigerians had taken a stand and rejected the burden put upon them for it was too heavy to bear. Subsidies had been removed in the past, many Nigerians remembered bitterly how things turned for the worse with the Structural Adjustment Program (SAP) and the International Monetary Funds (IMF) reforms. The government used these in the past as an opportunity to rob its people of subsidised healthcare, education and a life they could afford and yet all they got in exchange was biting poverty and a bunch of empty promises and now history threatened to repeat itself.

The cost of goods and services following the removal of subsidy has increased by more than a hundred percent. How are we to survive when our incomes have not moved an inch and what’s to happen to those who were already on strike because they had been given a pay cut? How will the common man survive it when in 2011 he could hardly feed his family? The only people not affected were those who don’t know what it is like to work hard for a living and yet be unable to pay bills. These people were mostly in the upper class and were those supposedly entrusted with governance of the country. How does the security guard at my office who earns thirty thousand naira monthly and has two children in school pay his bills when he now spends about ten thousand naira a month on transportation alone to and from his office? How do Nigerians survive with the eighteen thousand naira minimum wage? A removal of subsidy from government’s expenditure on its cabinet would generate the funds needed and not that of the masses.

After failed dialogue with the Federal Government the Labour and civil society groups called a strike which commenced today and Nigerians were encouraged to come out on the streets and protest. The turnout was impressive all over Nigeria. The protests in Abuja were led by the workers Union President Abduwaheed Omar and in Lagos, his deputy Joe Ajaero led the protesters who took off from the Labour union secretariat at Yaba at 8.00am.

Nationwide citizens had staged “Occupy Nigeria” mass demonstrations since the removal of the subsidy, with police responding forcefully in some cases and three confirmed dead and many injured. Only in Nigeria do policemen hold guns and tear gas to fight off peaceful protesters rather than shields and batons with orders from the government. A government whose constitution allows freedom of speech and expression and who swore to protect and serve. After what happened at Tahrir square in Egypt, Nigerians are confident that the power is with the people and the nation can be brought to a halt. The government has remained passive about the goings on in the nation and have decided the siddon look approach is best till Nigerians come to terms with the change but they underestimate the people who voted them into power and the strength of a united nation. Even the Muslims and Christians in the North were admirably prepared to lay aside their differences for a common cause.

Many voted Jonathan into power hoping he would be a breath of fresh air but for some reason his every move has let them down and left us in the arms of despair. When I look at him, I do not see a wicked man, I see a weak man whose lack of character has prevented him from doing the good which he knows he is to do. Maybe the lure of a good life allows him the luxury of casting a blind eye to the sufferings of his people after all as far as he is concerned, he had no shoes as a kid and levels don change now. Maybe he has a grand master plan that will in years from now give the handful of survivors left in Nigeria a chance at a better life but would he kill millions now so that one day the remnants can praise him? Or could it be that his good intentions are thwarted each time by the political godfathers he answers to?

Nigerians do not need a figure head president. We do not need a president who will run off to his little corner of heaven while his people face hell. He has incited his people and he will be made to answer for his negligence and insensitivity. Nigerians will not stop till they have a chance at a life not worse than yesterday’s. May God help our president because it is better to fall into the hand of God than the hands of men for God is merciful. If he knew anything about history and repercussions he would have damned his advisers and done that which is in his heart for I truly believe that deep down he feels for his people but his hands have been tied and allowed to waste away by the powers that be. There are other ways to better the economic situation of Nigeria and 1600 buses is laughable. The ceremony for the buses probably cost more than the buses. Will more buses bring down the cost of food or other living expenses? Nigerians say No!!!

The strike continues…

Nigerians please let it remain a peaceful protest. Please occupy with one voice and without violence so that the government’s folly can be apparent to all.

May the souls of Mustafa Muyideen and Ademola Aderinto rest in perfect peace and may their killers know no peace.



Posted by on January 9, 2012 in Inspirational


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Out with the old, in with the new…2012…Happy New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! It’s a new day, a new month, a new dawn, new opportunities to seize, a chance to make amends, a time to move forward, a time to go back to the drawing board and make a fool-proof plan, a time to be thankful but not a time for new year resolutions! Common it’s 2012, the most anticipated year in the Hollywood box office! 😉 The most prophesied about year, heck there may not even be a 2013! You don’t need a bunch of cliché resolutions that give you a pseudo sense of purpose only for the period it takes for your brain to find a box in its attic to throw them into till the next year! I say out with the old, in with the new. We don’t need resolutions, enough resolving already. Only a mad man does the same thing every time and expects a different result. My dear friends what we need is a REVOLUTION!

Wikipedia says the word revolution is from the Latin revolutio which means “a turn around” and is defined as a fundamental change in power or organizational structures that takes place in a relatively short period of time.
Aristotle described two types of political revolution:
1. Complete change from one constitution to another
2. Modification of an existing constitution.
Revolutions have occurred through human history and vary widely in terms of methods, duration, and motivating ideology. Their results include major changes in culture, economy, and socio-political institutions.

Charity begins at home so let’s start with a personal revolution.
Does your constitution need an overhaul? Do you need it modified or you need a total makeover? Maybe it’s high time you traded in your beetle for a bentley and you know I ain’t talking about cars. Here are some purposeful steps to a REVOLUTION in 2012!

Step 1 would be a full self- appraisal. Look at yourself in the mirror. Do you need to drop a few pounds? Do you need to change that one-nation hairstyle? Do you need to start using deodorant? Do you need to throw out your old clothes? Do you need to seek medical help for that ailment you’ve been trying hard to wish away? Do you need to take a long hard look at yourself and say ‘Hey this is me! I can’t change my big nose or buck teeth but as long as my chest rises and falls in respiration, I can be great and I won’t stop trying till I get what I want…’ Yeah, you get my drift but that’s not all…

For step 2 you’ll need to step away from the mirror and get a pen and paper and draw 2 columns and label them strengths and weaknesses. If you are narcissistic by nature you may need to get a friend with clear eyes to help you. Think of all the things your haters spat at you and the stuff your friends and family complain about. We all know our strengths cos we are proud of them but it takes a certain wisdom to admit to a weakness. Remember that though the bad stuff people say about you is not necessarily true, often times there is an atom of truth in it. You can spot a lie against you, so sift through the dirt and find what exactly hurt the most, most times it’s the truth!

For step 3, paper still in hand, describe the greatest man or woman you could ever dream of being. You could choose to be President of Nigeria, it’s your dream and it ain’t nobody’s business. In fact the more they laugh at you, the more they ginger the powers that be to force you towards greatness. Dream very very big! If your dream looks unattainable because of finances or a lack of the required academic qualifications, write down all the steps you’ll need to get there. For example, getting a masters or saving some cash and so on.

Step 4: Go back to your weaknesses and then write each one under the space where you described the influential person you want to be some day. Now imagine if your weaknesses were procrastination, excess alcohol and a temper and you hoped to be president one day. You may end up as a cross between Baba Sege and GEJ and worse cos you’d also have a drinking problem. You’d put off tackling Boko Haram till a ‘later’ day and you’d get angry if anyone opposed you and then go home to a case of champagne. Same you that spends a good part of every day bashing presidents. You can wake up now… 😉

Basically weaknesses are not such a big deal till you extrapolate them and include greatness in the algorithm. Some weaknesses are anti-greatness and if a fellow is smart he gets rid of them like a plague but for most of us, our weaknesses can be excused as they seem not that bad and not so worrisome in the scheme of their lives and we feel pious on the first of every year making long lists of things to change without even convincing ourselves why a change is necessary and how feasible it is. Revolutions are not born out of haste, resolutions are. This year I refused to call any of my plans resolutions lest I jinx ’em.

This 2012, love like you have never loved before.
Here are 12 ways to love your neighbours, fellow Nigerians and friends, even your enemies and they are excerpts from the first book of Corinthians, kinda makes you consider this thing called love!

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. Fancy words huh? Let me make it plain. If you like, write poetry or the longest blackberry messages ever, or give a speech so long your throat gets dry and you can even give the speech in flawless French but if the people you are talking to do not feel the sincerity of your words or the love emanating from them then you might as well be making a bunch of noise or exhibiting ‘free madness’. (Government officials take note!). So this year, remember that talk is cheap and before you give us 21 reasons why we shouldn’t have a fuel subsidy anymore, remember the thousands who are gonna bite the dust of poverty a lot harder after you impose your will!
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing. Holier than thou sisters and brothers who use religion as an excuse to be mean and discriminatory take note! And yes I am referring to Christians, Muslims and all in between!
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I GIVE MY BODY TO BE BURNED, and have not love, it profiteth me nothing. Ermmm Boko Haram take note!

…And this is what love should be…
4 Love endures
5 Love is kind
6 Love doesn’t envy
7 Love is not boastful or puffed up.
8 Love does not behave itself unseemly and doesn’t seek to have its own way.
9 Love is not easily provoked
10 Love thinks no evil and doesn’t rejoice in evil, but rejoices in the truth;
11 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
12 Love never fails.

This year let’s choose love over war, tolerance over anarchy, kindness over cruelty, peace over chaos and maybe we won’t have to walk around afraid that we are gonna be blown sky high by some faceless home-based terrorists.

Just getting home from church and the anti-bomb squad at my church was one in town! They left only one accessible entry/exit to the church premises and checked our cars- boots, under it, in it, over it for bombs with sophisticated gadgets then we were frisked like we were under arrest before being allowed to enter the church, ’twas quite exciting I tell you! 😉 And then there was a whole bunch of saintly vigilantes with torches on the look out all night! Thanks Bishop! Una do well! 🙂

I long for a Nigeria in 2012 where fuel subsidies are in place like the good old days, where Boko Haram magically disappears and people can walk around without fear, where GEJ shows us that he has got the spunk and wisdom of a true Niger Delta man and where PHCN behaves. Afraid to ask for more since Santa isn’t taking requests till the end of the year. Never stop praying for Nigeria, she’s all we’ve got.

Happy new year again peeps.
Love you plenty. Have a lovely first date with your hot new girl. 2012 is eager to please so let’s take advantage…xoxoxo 😉 🙂


Posted by on January 1, 2012 in Inspirational


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Red Christmas

Mama Pat woke up at 5am today, she had barely slept during the night. It was christmas morning and she felt a bit of unease. Maybe she ought to ask Pat to double-check that their troublesome chicken hadn’t escaped yet again. She had a feeling Bro Andrew had given them the worst in his poultry. That chicken had better be sweet she muttered to herself. She struggled out of bed, feeling uneasy again. Chineke God, the last time she had felt like this, she had burnt Ogbuefi’s soup and there had been trouble in the land. She entered the kitchen and lit the stove preparing for the hours of cooking that usually preceded the festivities then it occurred to her that this christmas was a sunday. She hadn’t bought that new george because Mama Ada made it so expensive saying it was due to the soon to be removed fuel subsidy. She would manage the one she had bought for August meeting. She set about gathering her 6 children and dressing them in their very best for morning mass. She dared not wake Ogbuefi because he had come in at an ungodly hour drunk and singing ‘We winch you a marry christmas…’. Even now, his loud snores pervaded the room…

An hour later she led her excited clan out the door and down the street, hailing her next door neighbour and ignoring Mama Ada who looked quite splendid and proud like a peacock in her christmas george. After a 15minute trek they reached St. Theresa’s Catholic church. Church was full and Fada had just begun mass. It might have been a glorious service but we’ll never know because just as mass ended and people began trooping out, a bomb exploded! Killing, maiming, destroying… Painting Christmas a vivid red as screams and pools of blood drove out the Christmas cheer. . Mama Pat had just risen up to go and greet Pa Samuel, she saw limbs flying and remembered her children as she slipped into unconsciousness…

Merry Christmas people though there’s nothing merry about it. Today many lost their lives and several more were injured. Chickens forgotten, Christmas a faraway thought as they search for missing loved ones and struggle for their lives. Our president’s words were hardly comforting as Boko Haram struck again. Isn’t it time a witch-hunt was carried out and the members of this group, exposed and incarcerated? The cries of their victims have reached high unto the heavens. The sun is reddened and the earth angry at drinking so much blood. We cannot continue to bury our heads under the sand like ostriches, hoping that if we turn a blind eye to Boko Haram, they will magically disappear. Everyday they strike a little closer, kill a little more and gain a lot more power. See how eagerly they claim responsibility for heinous acts. Why do we always have names but no faces? Even if they use aliases can’t they be fished out? Can the government do nothing to stop its people from dying like chickens? We spend so much of our budget on such mundane things but if our army and police can’t put together a special anti-Boko Haram unit that works better than NEPA does, can’t we at least import them? Importing the CIA or FBI at a fee and giving them free reign to combat this menace will pay us far more than our ever-increasing rice imports.

We cannot keep on saying it will end one day and yet we make only feeble attempts as we shake our heads sadly and continue to crack our chicken bone? One day Boko Haram may decide your neighbourhood is their next target and is that when the citizens who have barely escaped with their lives will finally cry out and take to the streets in protest like those in the Lekki community turned out to fight against the toll gate fees? This cruelty and absurd, blind hatred must be stopped before it cripples our nation. Jonathan forget the fuel subsidy and the 2012 budget. You can’t govern dead people or worse, people anxiously afraid of death. National security is your primary task. Let it be said that you did one good thing, eradicate Boko Haram and trust me, despite your short-comings, we will sing your praises for years to come. They are a thorn in your side, a scourge to your governance. Rise up and fight! Obama may not be perfect but his people will always remember that he brought Osama Bin Laden down and avenged the death of their loved ones. We need you to step up, above the bureacracy, above the intrigue, above the conspiracies and fear. Be the man we voted into power. Let no cow be deemed sacred till the enemy is put away forever. Do not let holy anger cause a revolution. Nigeria doesn’t need more factions. A new terrorist group to fight Boko Haram would only mean more innocent people would be caught in the cross-fire but your people are getting dangerously close to not caring. Jungle justice cannot be the answer in 2011 or 2012 but you are fast leaving us with no other choice. Like kids in a school yard rising up against a bully, our defence is ‘They started it first!’.

For the men, women and children of different religions, tribes, occupations and ages who Boko Haram sent to an early grave, may your blood be avenged! And to those left to deal with the loss and who will forever remember December 25th 2011 with tears, may the children of those who caused you to grieve die like chickens and may anyone who has ever identified with Boko Haram curse the day he was born.

There’s never a good reason to kill another human being. Today I am thankful for the gift of life. All we ask is for one Nigeria, where muslims and christians can live peacably and worship their God without fear or prejudice. We have a right to life!

Merry christmas chutzpah family…
Love you all!

Have a holiday untainted with blood or sorrows….xoxoxo


Posted by on December 25, 2011 in Uncategorized


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To serve and protect!

I saw a cute policeman today. He was hunky and clean, his uniform was well pressed and he had on a pair of dark shades to ward off the heat.

I saw a cute policeman today and he stood by the traffic controller, an air of authority around him. He said come and they came, go and they went, stop and no one dared move a muscle.

He was ever so polite. Greeting every car for half a minute or more. No one seemed to mind the traffic he caused for it was all for a good cause. Our safety, law and order primarily on his mind. His duty to serve and protect. I hastily awaited my turn.

I saw a cute policeman today. When I looked at his ring finger, hopes of a valiant man giving me his seed were dashed to the ground. I gave him my brightest smile and he turned to me and with a breath that smelt faintly of alcohol and cigarettes said to me ‘Madam how now, anything for your boys?’

I saw a cute policeman today.
That cute policeman begged me for some money. I had only a little but he said ‘At all, at all na im bad pass’. I could see the tension behind the smile as his hands clutched his gun a little nervously. I gave him my little and he sent me on my way but since the traffic held me up, I decided to say it as I thought it. ‘Mr cute policeman, why?’

I saw a cute policeman today and I asked him why.
‘Why?’ he repeated as the sadness settled amidst my wonderment.
‘Why will take a while.’
Please park madam and show me your particulars as I tell you my story. I am married with 4 children and my wife carries the fifth. My children are lean and hungry, junior got sent home last week because I couldn’t pay his fees. I hide from my landlord because he wants his rent. My ageing mother is ill but I cannot afford the hospital bills. I stand under the hot sun each day, thinking about my life and the misguided notion that made me choose this profession. I ask you for money to put food on my table. My salary barely scratches the surface. Everyone expects me to be brave and strong, I am all these things after a bottle.

I saw a cute policeman today. As I drove off I wondered about he and his kind. They had been heroes turned villains for far too long. Forced to kill conscience in order to survive. They had become like a sack of beans, the good amidst the bad. I looked at my cute policeman and I saw a hustler. A poorly trained almost-soldier who took up the job as a means to survive never for once entertaining the idea of getting shot at or dying for the peanuts he was paid.

I saw a cute policeman today. He was weather-beaten and despondent. He was aggressive and desperate. He was high on the little he could afford to extort. He was trigger happy as a defence against the feelings of suicide that washed over him.

I saw a cute policeman today. I ran to him asking for help as my life was endangered by the men of the underworld. He looked at me and then looked away. Wondering if his family would get enough to sustain them if he died on the job.

I saw a cute policeman today. He sold his soul to a bunch of thieves for a share in the loot and sanctuary from their superior ammunition. He got upset when the man next door refused to bribe him or even drop a farthing for the boys.

I saw a cute policeman today. He was cute till the moment he cocked his gun and shot at an innocent civilian standing up for what he believed was right. I saw a not so cute policeman today not so different from the criminals he apprehended. He buried evidence and wrongfully accused the weak. He aided and abetted heinous crimes not caring about the victims’ cries. I saw an ugly policeman today, he was mean-faced and wicked and I wondered if he remembered he had entered the force to serve and protect!

——The end——

In memory of ‘Dejavu’- Ayodeji Onafuye who passed away on the 19th of November, 2011. May the murderers be brought to book and may your death not be in vain. R.I.P. My condolences are with the departed’s family…

Have a lovely day peeps…xoxoxo


Posted by on December 6, 2011 in Uncategorized


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Gay Nigeria?

The first time the average un-molested Nigerian is confronted with homosexuality is in secondary school at an age where gender confusion is common and sexual orientation may be blurred. Their only ammunition being what’s been taught on the pulpit by their spiritual leaders or the feelings of shame that accompany any expression of sexuality at that age. For many, experimentation is the driving force. It is usually outgrown, but for the few who don’t ‘outgrow’ a love for the same sex, they are faced with inner conflict, shame, religious crisis and a stigma even worse than the HIV virus.

I remember hearing about two Nollywood movies where homosexuality was the main theme and the general reaction to them was comical. The stars were bashed thoroughly and guys threatened to beat up one of the actors especially, for ‘enjoying’ his role a bit too much. Without doubt, Nigerians are homophobic!

Over the years I have read many stories. From the Nigerian boy in Germany who took a husband, to the few oddballs speaking up for gay rights in Nigeria who have been terrorised, some needing to seek refuge outside the shores of Nigeria, to the weekly City people gossip on what top-shot is gay or not in our society. Nigerians have embraced every part of the Western civilisation but deep down have crowned themselves better than the rest of the world since they have continuously resisted homosexuality. Does that truly make us better?

I’m not sure what the Islamic laws on homosexuality are but the Christians leave no question about it! Our God frowns at homosexuality. He sees it as despicable. If He came down to earth, He would first rain fire down on all the gay people and then the terrorists and probably the corrupt politicians stealing Nigeria’s money and then perhaps, if there was still some fire left, He would then throw a little spark at every other sinner in the world but really is that how He operates?

The bible says in James 2:10-11 ‘For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.”If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker…’
Why do people decide to isolate one sin and judge it with such hatred when for the most part every time that sin is brought up in the bible it is listed amongst an array of others ranging from fornication and pride to drunkenness and witchcraft? Yes, our religious sensibilities are insulted by the thought of homosexuality but have we ever stopped to wonder about the excuse it affords us to be cruel to another human being? Do we ever ask ourselves what would Jesus do if he walked amongst us? Surely he must have met some homosexuals in his time since the sin is as old as the city of Sodom, dating long before Christ was born.

The story of the adulterous woman is worthy of note. In John 8:7b Jesus said: ‘Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her’. In verse 11, He said neither do I condemn you… He never held back showing love to all those who were outcasts in society. He was accused of dining with sinners, walking with rejects and misfits and basically shunning societal norms but He demonstrated more love to these people than they had ever known. Matthew
7:1 says ‘Judge not that you be not judged’. Verse 3 says ‘Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye but do not notice the log that is in your own?’

For some reason, human beings seek validation by bringing into focus the sins of others. I believe it makes theirs seem a little less awful. As the world has been consumed with ‘righteous anger’ over these people, I sit back and wonder ‘where is the love?’. God hates sin-no doubt, we should too, but didn’t He send his only son to die on the cross for sinners? Would you, holy as you are, let your son die in the place of a criminal even if you knew you had the power to bring him back? I guess not!

Dear friend, who made you ‘the avenger’? When did we become bullies in the school yard who pick on those different from us? Are we any better than the Ku Klux Klan who used extreme violence to achieve their goals of racial segregation?
Homosexuality is not an illness so why the homophobia if you can’t catch it from them? If you fear you may be a target and hence justify being on the offensive, look at the mating ritual, a proposition is made to you, if you are not interested you decline and move on. It ain’t that hard. People have been jailed, brutalised, attacked, vandalised, assaulted, cussed at, shunned, criticised, stigmatised and murdered just because they were different. Why don’t you allow every man the opportunity to face his maker and account for the life he has lived? Why take matters into your own hands?

14 years in jail if you ask me is a bit harsh. Armed robbers walk free, corruption is swept under the carpet. Rape cases are dismissed. This issue is as old as time. As far as I’m concerned, all they were saying was keep being gay in secret, if you rub it in our faces, you go to jail! I’ve heard of stories of people who committed suicide because they couldn’t deny the feelings they had and I know that before these people ‘come out of the closet’, they struggle and struggle with these feelings, trying to suppress, deny, rebuke and reject them, very aware of the effect it would have on their lives. People around them have tried to save them, from prayers to ‘deliverance’ to psychotherapy to shock-therapy to forced marriage to forced sex with the opposite sex but all these people have gotten from the saving is a broken spirit and a scarred soul.

Nigerians have a right to refuse to pass a same sex marriage bill and I’m in support of that, if we condone it who knows what would be next, maybe a bestiality marriage bill may be the next topic, not to say that the two are comparable but becoming a wholly permissive society may not be in our best interest and it is our right to protect the moral standing of the nation and give our children a future not thoroughly exploited by New Age ideas but what is truly in our hearts? Are our hearts filled with trepidation and fear? Is there intense hatred in our hearts? People fear what they do not understand but surely it is not an excuse to be cruel. Jesus asked us to love our neighbours as ourselves. He didn’t add ‘except they are different from you or sinners!’. The British even threatened to sanction us and I smiled when I read this. We are no longer under their rule, without doubt we still need them but who died and made them king? In Nigeria’s defence and this is from a non-religious angle, we have always been conservative and guided by norms and traditions that the rest of the world would never understand. It is a taboo in our culture, I asked my friend’s grandpa who is ancient and he confirmed that. Commendably, Nigerians are becoming aware that not everything the world sells to us must be bought but isn’t it hypocritical that men love lesbians and have great fantasies of girl on girl action but shudder at any guy on guy action? Isn’t it saddening that men who believe they can cure a lesbian by raping her till she appreciates the supremacy of the male genitalia are allowed to go scot free? I read about some incidences in South africa and they were from a lesbian’s perspective and I shed tears for her because there’s never a reason to rape or assault another human being.

I am not condoning sin as my bible states that it is, but i have had my own personal struggles with other sins and I don’t see how judging or hating or discriminating someone else would atone for my seemingly lesser sins. I am a true Nigerian and it is ingrained in my genetic encoding that this act is taboo but all I’m really trying to say here is that our manner of approach is all wrong. There’s so much hatred and pain in the world already, why add some more to an overflowing cup? Are we speaking the truth in love? No religion gives you an excuse to be cruel to your fellow man. Because you offer a bit of kindness to a man in need doesn’t mean you partake of his sin or lifestyle. Let us be kinder and less judgemental. If your child confessed to be gay would you make it your life’s ambition to ‘cure’ him even if it killed him or would you save yourself the hassle and murder him like Marvin Gaye’s father did in ‘righteous rage’? or would your heart grow cold and cease to love him because of his sexual orientation? Don’t be a Pharisee! Heal the world. Love covers a multitude of sins, what would Jesus do?

For my friend T, who ‘gingered’ me to write on this highly controversial topic. 😉
Have a lovely day peeps…xoxoxo 😉 🙂 😉


Posted by on December 6, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Inspirational


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