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Sisterhood of the traveling bras

It’s been a hectic 12 hours and I finally got comfy 3 hours ago. Well not too comfy because the chairs are hard and I am stuck for another couple of hours at the Dubai airport enroute my final destination.

I always wear jeans and a comfy top with a jacket for long trips, guess it’s the sensible attire for travellers. However this trip, I wore a strapless bra I had bought on my last trip to DC and the bra was giving me all shades of drama. By the tenth hour I felt like my bra and I had gotten into a fight and she was winning.

I was cranky, uncomfortable, held at ransom by a beige push up and almost believing I was gonna suffocate so I did the only logical thing. I stepped into the bathroom, removed the offending piece of underwear, heaved a sigh of relief and walked out a free woman. Bra safely tucked into my handbag.

It was 4am in the morning so I was gonna pretend I didn’t see the middle aged white lady gasp when I stretched out my hands to wash them and my chest peeked out from the straight confines of the side of my jacket- bulbous, bouncy and unashamed. Perhaps a nipple winked at her but who cares it was 4am like I said and the breasts still had two layers of clothing between them and the world so I shrugged and smirked and walked out of the bathroom- a renegade was born!

Now what made this experience epic? I began to take notice of lots of women in my ermm predicament. If you are an avid people watcher like I am, you’ll be surprised at the number of braless women at an airport. You can’t blame them, sometimes wearing a bra for a very long flight can be akin to wearing stilletoes and trekking! Awful and unnecessary besides no ones knows you there except for your travel companions and immigration!!!

So here are 3 life nuggets to glean from the sisterhood of the travelling bras:

1. The little things matter- many times we plan for the big events but it may be the little ones that get us in a pickle. Pay attention to details.

2. If you can fix the problem, fix it! Caring more about how you are perceived rather than what makes you happy and able to live a full, free life is no way to live.

3. You are never alone in a situation. Once you take a leap of faith you’ll be more than pleased to know you didn’t jump alone. You just didn’t notice them earlier because you were operating on different wavelengths!

Have a great day Chutzpah fam,

xoxo

 
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Posted by on November 6, 2018 in Memoirs

 

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What Are Your Intentions?

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I was walking out of a meeting when an elderly colleague accosted me. She asked me to follow her into her office and wait there, then she proceeded to bring three other women also senior colleagues into her office. Being a smart woman, my brain had already figured out that there was going to be trouble and that it had to do with how I looked because this woman and I had never crossed paths before now. I looked at my hair, neat not over the top, not coloured like a rainbow. My ward-coat was clean and neat and my shoes were flat and demure and then I saw it. My red dress (yes doctors wear red every once in a while calm down!) had ridden up a little to my knee instead of staying where I put it (which was below my knees)- not that that should matter which is why I hadn’t bothered adjusting the pesky thing since I had a coat on but alas I had been called into the principal’s office so all offences mattered. I hastily adjusted my dress as she walked in with the last senior colleague.

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“Oh you have adjusted your dress! Why do you think it’s okay to walk around with a dress like this? And see her earrings, her hair obscures them but they look to me like chandeliers”

I was dumbfounded and embarrassed all at once. Words failed me. Not that they would have helped at that point.

She looked at the other women. “She must be unmarried and a house officer or one of the new registrars just starting residency!” She finished. Awaiting their nods and oohs and aahs of similar disapproval.

I was chagrined!

One of the women spoke up. “She is actually married and a senior registrar”.

Madam was taken aback. Maybe if she knew I wasn’t a newbie she may have decided to call me privately into her office like a mother would instead of subjecting me to such open ridicule.

My ears were hot.

“Well then she must be a product of your institution because a graduate from MY prestigious school would not dress like this.” She muttered in further disdain.

One of her colleagues smiled quite a knowing smile and then asked me; “Young woman where did you finish from?”

“UNILAG ma”

At this point I would like to pause and say that ‘the woman never hexperrerit!

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I was married, a Senior registrar and an alumnus from the very same school she finished from! She thought she had me all figured out and as such had acted as accuser, judge, jury and hangman but I was actually just some married woman who left her house in a hurry that morning only to discover the fashion faux-pas as she raced to clinic. A faux-pas that I tried to salvage by leaving my ward coat on all day. I wasn’t a villain, I had never been accosted for ‘provocative dressing’ and I sure as hell didn’t have a secret agenda for the men in my department.

I found my voice…

“Ma, please I do not usually dress like this. This was a fashion faux-pas which I only noticed after I left the house. I am sorry”.

The matter ended shortly and she told me they all would be watching me for future offences.

The other senior colleagues had been quite uncomfortable throughout the whole exchange and one of them sweetly called me the very next day to assure me that the whole debacle had stemmed from only good intentions. I appreciated the call but I was still a bit shell-shocked. You kinda assume that when you’re married and part of the old girl’s club, older women will treat you more like one of their own and less like an errant teenager.

One of my friends who is a banker had so many issues with her line manager till she finally put in for a transfer. The woman was always picking on her dressing, accusing her of not dressing like a married woman even though her dressing was within the confines of the bank’s dress code simply because she was blessed with the kind of coke-bottle shape that made a sack look sexy! (HR would have promptly sent for her if she was erring) and even went as far as calling her husband an irresponsible ‘yahoo’ boy. A husband the woman had never even met! Another woman I know wore mildly distressed jeans (distressed at the knees) out with her husband and while he was parking the car, an older woman came to lecture her on why a married woman should never dress like this and then once the woman spied her husband, she said the younger woman’s behaviour was excused simply because she had her husband in tow! One of my older colleagues had gone for a meeting and had been chastised by a woman there that her suit was attracting too much attention and she shouldn’t have worn it. The suit in question was a dress suit with a sleeveless dress and jacket (she had the jacket in her hands because it was hot) her exposed arms were the woman’s problem.  My colleague calmly pointed to another woman who was wearing a very provocative suit and said ‘Why don’t you start with her?’ The woman promptly replied that the other woman was married with a son almost in the university but she had heard that she was single. My colleague shook her head and corrected the woman, she also was very married and her daughter was in SS2! I taya for some people oh. So if my colleague wasn’t married it would have been okay to embarrass her like that? And do women need to wear bigger wedding rings- not to ward off men but to ward off unsavoury comments from other women? These are the issues!

An older woman should be a mentor regardless of age difference- agreed! But what is her intention? To build up or tear down? To effect change or sprout bitterness? Is she speaking the truth with love? Or just telling it like it is regardless of who she hurts? A hurting human is more likely to be obstinate and resist change. Like one woman I know put it, sometimes a woman who is out there correcting other people’s children either has no control over her own or imagines hers to be perfect. Another woman pointed out that a scorned woman may be projecting her frustrations on the next seemingly happy woman beside her enshrouding her bitterness in chastisement. We have all been corrected in the past- old, young, single and married. The gentle old woman, who calls you aside to secretly help you adjust your skirt makes a more lasting impression than the one who loudly points out that your skirt is tucked into your briefs at the back when you exit the ladies room.

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Ladies- regardless of age or our diversities, we need to debunk the widely held beliefs that women tear each other down. Let’s be patient with each other and speak our truths with love. Let’s stand with each other and build up instead of tear down. The next woman will not steal the shine off your crown neither will she rob you of your spotlight, make you feel redundant or steal your man and she definitely isn’t the cause of all your problems in life. So many women have missed networking opportunities and opportunities to bond simply because they judged and misjudged another woman too hastily. Let’s be mothers and sisters before we are haters and fighters. Let’s spread love wherever we go. Sowing good never brought forth evil! What are your intentions? Let this guide your words, thoughts and actions.

FYI, the red dress in question is currently serving time at the back of my wardrobe! It cannor come and embarrass me and get away with it!

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Have a lovely Saturday Chutzpah fam,

xoxo

 
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Posted by on June 2, 2018 in Me, Myself and I

 

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The Argument against Gossip

Gossip is therapeutic. I am a grownass woman and I can attest to this fact!

Talking about your grievances against someone to a neutral sympathetic ear makes you feel instantly better.

We justify it by saying we are only confiding in a friend who understands; or airing our views to one who wouldn’t blow it out of proportion. We shy away from the word back-biting seeing it as an unkind synonym.

‘I am not a confrontational person’, we say.

‘I am passive aggressive’, we seek to justify.

‘He/She would never accept the fault was theirs’, we argue.

‘It may lead to a big fight and an end to a friendship you still need’, we silently agitate.

So we say nothing. We talk about our grievances to all and sundry except the aggressor; not realizing that we are creating a monster. A person who feels they do no wrong and goes through life unchecked.

We unknowingly groom a self-righteous fiend and then one day it goes too far and you blow the lid off your pent up emotions and say more than you should about every damn issue that has ever bothered you and the other person is taken aback believing his small misdemeanor led to a torrential outpouring of negative emotion. We overreact like a pressure cooker in its prime. Many friendships do not survive that, even well-meaning ones.

So is gossip really therapeutic? Maybe in the short run but facing your issues with the one you call friend is an investment in your future.

You know you deserve better so if there’s someone out there who you call a friend, who has done things to you that make you choke up with unspoken emotion every time you think of them, man up and tell that person exactly how you feel. Cut out the insults and assumptions and say it as you see and feel it. It won’t be pretty but your friendship will come out stronger and if you have to kiss the friendship goodbye then consider it self-preservation. Nobody is indispensable!

Rise above gossip. Don’t say it to them till you have said it to him/her. #hardbutworthatry

Matthew 18:15 KJV;

‘Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.’

I wish for you friends that stick closer than brothers…

Have a great day Chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on April 29, 2018 in Inspirational

 

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Perils and Pleasures of Dating after Thirty IV

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Bunmi was sure Tito was the one.

Well it hadn’t been Kunle, Seun, Bariyu or Emmy so this was just a logical case of elimination!

Tito was the last man standing and she was basically tired of dating. All her friends were married with kids and she was tired of being the ‘aunty’. Most of her friends were no longer even called their names. They were either Mrs This or Mrs That or Mama Tolu or Mama Ngozi. She was tired of the match making too. She had been match made with every man there was, even her friends’ exes. Why God saw it fit to keep her single at thirty was hard to fathom.

The name calling wasn’t even funny. Old cargo, akugbe, big girl, older woman in fact sooner or later they’d be referring to her as ‘elderly’. Geez. Thank God for Tito. Yea he wasn’t faithful but at least he was fine, successful, hard-working and ready to settle. The thing was for some reason he hadn’t put a ring on it despite the fact that she had only agreed to date him because he had said he was ready for marriage. Naija men could teach the devil a thing or two about telling lies geez!

Now she had devised a plan. She named it OPERATION P.A.R.O.I (Put A Ring On It). It was just too bad that her sidekicks Amaka and Fikayo were not in support. Well they would be sorry when she sold them aso ebi at the end of the year. Tito didn’t stand a chance. He would be begging to be her husband by the time she was done.

She had eliminated the competition and that was just the beginning. Next on her agenda was to get him to announce her to the world. She was talking bbm, Facebook, instagram, his office, his church, his extended family. Tito’s birthday was around the corner and she had a plan…

She knew his younger sister was getting married next month but he was yet to invite her and seeing as she was his only sister, she knew all his friends were going to be there and the wedding would get great social media coverage, now she had to find a way of getting herself not only invited but decked in family asoebi. She picked up her tablet and scrolled through Tito’s Facebook page till she found his sister on his friend’s list. She added her on Facebook and then sent her a message.

“Hi dear,
This is Tito’s girlfriend Bunmi. Congrats on your upcoming wedding dear. Tito and I are so excited. I bought you a really lovely Marc Jacobs reception dress with shoes to match. I hope you haven’t gotten a reception dress yet, I was hoping you and I could meet up for dinner one of these days so I can give it to you, I know you will be mad busy in a couple of weeks as the D-day draws closer. Please don’t tell Tito I contacted you, he wants to introduce me formerly at your wedding, I just needed to give you this early wedding present. Buzz me soon.
Xxx
Bunmi”

She read it, smiled and pressed ‘send’ before she had a re-think. She hoped the girl would come with asoebi so she wouldn’t have to bring it up. Meanwhile she had a phone call to make.

“Hello”
“Hi dearie”
“You know how I said I would one day need that favour you promised?”
“Bunmi Kai what do you need?”
“Don’t worry I know you can deliver. I need a Marc Jacobs dress with a pair of shoes to match for a wedding. Actually the bride’s second dress and I want it to be fabulous.”
“You are getting married? *screammmm”
“No not yet hon, it’s for my future sister in law”
“Are you sure you wanna spend that kinda money because I am looking at the perfect ensemble and it costs 6 figures”
“Great, I will take it on credit. Ask your girl to wrap it up and send to my office today”
“We don’t sell on credit madam”
“And that’s the favour you owe me. A size 8 dress and size 6 shoes BTW. Thanks hon, kisses”

I cut the phone before Amina could change her mind. I knew she would deliver. She owed me big time. I was the only one on this planet who knew that her precious son did not belong to her precious husband. I was great at keeping secrets and she knew that.

Now I know you are wondering how I knew Tito’s sister’s sizes? Well I have a penchant for that sort of thing and I had some help. Apparently the babe loves to shop online and I read some of her comments on fashion pages on Facebook where she kept asking if they had the dress in size 8 or the shoes in size 6. Omo, people had their entire lives on social media nowadays…

3 hours later.

“Dear Bunmi,
You really must be Tito’s best kept secret. I am so excited he has a serious girlfriend now. Here’s my BlackBerry pin, 26ba77f. Add me on bbm so we can chat more, I don’t do Facebook so often. Can’t wait to see the dress. I know you haven’t been introduced formally to the family but I am gonna keep 6 yards of asoebi for you at no extra cost.
Take care dear,
Tosan”

Bunmi grinned. By the time she was done, Tito would have no idea what hit him. She thought of the 120k she owed Amina and dialed Tito’s number.

“Hi baby”
“Hi dear, how are you?”
“Not too good hon, I am in a bit of trouble. I need 120k urgently to pay for something but my salary isn’t coming till the end of the month and I am totally broke. Please help me baby, I will pay you asap.”
“Babe you know I would have loved to help you but with my sister’s wedding coming I am so cleaned out right now”
“Please Tito, I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t important. Please I have no one else to turn to, besides you know you owe me after you cancelled the Ibadan trip…”
“…sigh. OK babe, will see what I can do”
“Thanks dear, love you and to show my appreciation I am gonna make you your favorite amala and ewedu soup with ogufe and guess what’s for dessert?”
Tito laughed a naughty laugh and then she made kissy sounds over the phone before hanging up.

She wished he was that malleable where putting a ring on her finger was concerned. Anyway her plan was bound to work. That evening just as she was leaving work, she got the credit alert. They were her very best type of text messages. Tito had come through for her. She used the mobile banking app on her phone to deftly transfer the money to Amina.

She smiled…mission accomplished and this was just the beginning…

…To be continued

 

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Perils and Pleasures of Dating after Thirty III

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Fikayo couldn’t believe her friends were going on and on about thirty like it was a plague. She had just turned thirty and she felt fabulous. In her opinion, thirty was the new twenty. She checked out her outfit in the mirror and smiled. She had a great figure, extra pounds aside and she had a date with a man who tickled her brain intellectually. He was hot, accomplished and suave and they were in no mood to hurry things. Tonight they were going to have a long conversation over a very expensive bottle of wine at a luxurious wine bar and giggle like high-schoolers and then her date was going to walk her to her car, kiss her goodnight and watch as she sped on home. She didn’t care that he might want something more from her; she didn’t stop to think for a second that he could be husband material. No she was long past the phase where every man who as much as walked past her was a potential mate.

She picked up the bottle of her signature scent and smiled. What wasn’t there to love about turning thirty? The new decade had brought with it an appreciation of the finer things in life. She had spent her twenties hustling, working long hours for horrible bosses and getting pay that wasn’t nearly enough. Now she was a small madam at the office, having paid her dues and could go and come as she pleased with all the perks. In her twenties she had focused on meeting the right men and keeping track of myriads of friends but now she realized that quality trumped quantity every time. She had only a select few that she called friends and they valued her just as much as she valued them and now she saw that husband aside; there was no person as important as the family God had given her. She saw her parents become her friends and looked forward to evenings spent with them. Her mother’s concern for her single status was born out of love and a longing for grandchildren but the woman always calmed down when she held her in her arms and said “Mother, He makes all things beautiful in His time”.

And the men…in her twenties she had learnt lessons for a lifetime- From books, from others and the unforgettable personal experiences. She remembered Thomas, the guy who had stolen her heart at 27, their love had been beautiful but alas, it had not stood the test of time. Thomas had wanted a child before wedlock and she had refused to oblige despite the pleas of he and his parents. She hadn’t wanted to be married for the wrong reasons and Thomas had mournfully exited her life. She remembered how long it took the hole in her heart to fill up, she had asked God why so many times but the thing is life really was funny. Now she wouldn’t even consider marrying Thomas. He was perfect for Fikayo at 27 but absolutely wrong for Fikayo at 30. She shuddered to think about what would have happened if she had married him at 27. Would they have drifted apart as she evolved or would she have failed to evolve into this beautiful, self-assured person who knew exactly what her purpose was on this earth because her wings had been cut in the name of marriage? She felt a certain sadness for women who had felt pressured into marrying before 30, they would never understand this. Now the men who came into her life realized soon that she was not to be put in the box labeled ‘Thirty and searching’. They stayed because they were intrigued by her, because they enjoyed her company and were wowed by her blatant unawareness of the social expectations of this modern age. She only spent her evenings with people who added value to her; memorable conversations, shared laughs and exciting adventures. She no longer had to endure a boring conversation because ‘he may be the one’ or put up with his conceit and vain talk because ‘he was considered husband material’. She had done all of that in her twenties and look how that turned out.

She chuckled to herself as her phone buzzed. It was time for her date and she felt so serene. She said a prayer by her bed before slipping on her shoes and she picked up her car keys she thought of God, the one person who had been with her every step of the way-Through the heart aches, the fun times and the uncertainties. He was really the one who boosted her confidence because a long time ago when she was in a dark place he had said unto her “I know the thoughts I have towards you, thoughts of good and not evil, to bring you to an expected end…” She knew that that expected end would be fabulous. She didn’t care about the journey anymore, if she was going to be married then she was going to be married to the very best man there was for her. She wasn’t gonna settle because she was the daughter of a king. Tonight she would focus on the pleasures of dating after thirty. She turned on the radio and sang loudly as she drove into the sunset…I gotta feeling, that tonight’s gonna be a good night

…to be continued

 

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How to Re-date Your Ex!

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Are you stuck in the past? Feeling like a dog because your vomit ex seems so appealing? Are you beginning to feel leaving that relationship was a mistake? Have you realized the grass is truly not greener on the other side?

Whatever your reason may be, going back to an ex is a huge step and many times it’s a step in the wrong direction. Sometimes true love does still live there but before you even think about considering an ex, you have to critically ask yourself these 5 questions:

1. Am I interested in my ex because nobody better has come along and I am lonely or I am interested in him despite the great dudes that have come my way?

2. Whose fault was the break up? If it was his, am I ready to live with the faults that made me leave in the first place or am I expecting him to have changed? And if it was my fault, have I matured enough now not to hurt him again if given a second chance?

3. What are the odds that I will be given a second chance? Is he seeing anyone at the moment? Are they serious? Are we on good terms? Is there any sign that he still feels something for me?

4. Would I be able to handle his rejection if he chose not to get back with me? Would I be able to move on if he dumped me soon after we got back together as payback?

5. Would I be able to handle the negative energy from friends and foes who don’t want me to get back with him?

If you are confident about the answers to these questions, you can proceed. Remember that going into a relationship expecting an individual to change is foolhardy at best. If you are hell bent on making things right with that ex, here are ten tips that will give you a fighting chance!

1. Write a list of the ten things your ex loved most about you and make sure they are the first things he notices when he sees you. If those things are not physical, create scenarios where you can show off those attributes with him watching but don’t be too obvious!

2. Open the communication lines. Call him out of the blues or send a text message or readd him on your blackberry messenger. He will be suspicious no doubt but telling him you just wanna be friends is safe ground while you strategize. Remember you need to put him at ease if he is gonna let his guards down around you so don’t come on too strongly.

3. Go down memory lane. The good lane only please! Reminding him of your sweetest shared memories and how great you used to be together releases endorphins in his brain and would leave him nostalgic.

4. Do one remarkable thing he never thought you could do. He needs to see you as the new and improved version of yourself and if there is something he was always bugging you to do but you never got around to doing it, now is the time for action. Maybe he wanted you to lose a few pounds or get a masters degree. You may need to think hard but usually there is something.

5. Get better. Follow your dreams, get a makeover, go back to school, start your own business, the list is endless. An ex doesn’t wanna bump into you just to find out that nothing significant has happened in your life since the last time you guys dated. It reeks of stagnancy and that in itself is unattractive.

6. Take responsibility. A time will come in the pursuit of an ex when the hurt and the pain of the past relationship will be unearthed. Don’t play the blame game, don’t point fingers. Be as honest and sincere as you can be and take responsibility for the wrongs you did and apologize. This is a very big step, do not expect instant forgiveness. Give your ex time to heal and forgive.

7. Mark territory. Nobody knows a man like his ex. You know his favourite foods, music, movies, pet peeves, dislikes, what turns him on, his secrets and his fondest childhood memories. You have an edge over the new babe on the block (depending on how new she is). Just remember to keep it classy. No senseless fights or desperate moves. Forget all the rubbish you see on TV, there are ways to make your presence felt in a positive way that will aid the marking of territory. Just remember that men are anti-drama and even though we women may enjoy two guys fighting over us, the men are not keen on that sort of scenario. If he has a serious girlfriend, you may wanna back off because this may just be a very humiliating battle that you would most likely lose.

8. Get allies. His friends are your greatest allies because when it gets to the point where he isn’t sure whether to go back to you or not, he is gonna ask them for advice. Mend the fences with them. I know it’s easy to unfriend the friends of an ex and that’s probably what you did after the break up but if you are gonna have a successful second chance, you need them all on your side.

9. Create avenues for you to spend quality time with your ex. If you are still friends, suggest casual fun dates and if that won’t work, join a committee or group he is involved with. If all else fails, show up at his house with his favourite meal and a great movie or video game (not very tactful but it works). If he gives you a straight face, tell him you really need to talk.

10. Get involved in his life. Find out what you have missed since you guys were apart and fill in as many gaps as you can. Show him you care with ‘actions’ since your words may not mean much at this point (depending on the sort of breakup you had). Be his friend and his confidante and soon it would be just like old times. 🙂

Great romantic gestures also work wonders but use sparingly cos they temporarily distract from the underlying issues making you feel like you don’t have much work to do and you may end up with an unexpected disappointment when reality dawns on your ex.
     Getting back with an ex is serious work and taking the easy way out usually means the issues are left unresolved and a future breakup awaits. Sex is a no-no, it’s one of the easy ways out and it may guarantee you a temporary spot on his bed (cc: Okafor’s law) but it will not give you the second chance you crave. Men do not equate sex with love.

So there you have it. Goodluck cos you are gonna need all the luck in the world 😉
p.s: if your ex was abusive or a cheat, getting back with him for whatever reason isn’t the best thing to do. A good man will come around soon…

Have a great day Chutzpah fam,
Please share your thoughts on re-dating an ex!
xxx

 
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Posted by on February 19, 2014 in Relationships

 

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Who Wears The Pants Around Here?

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The battle of the sexes is as old as time itself. Eve reportedly ate the forbidden fruit first which means she was older in wisdom than Adam since her eyes were opened to good and evil before him and that’s probably why God specifically cursed Eve that Adam would rule over her because judging by the new order set in place by the forbidden fruit, Eve should have been ruler. Age doesn’t make you king, wisdom does!

Flip through a lot more pages of the bible and you get to the passage that has become a thorn in the modern woman’s side. “Wives submit to your husbands”. The writer was just repeating what God had said in the beginning but it has become the pillar of all marital guidelines and the stronghold for which the average man bases all wife-related marital discourse.

This same bible tells of many strong women both good and bad who clearly wore the pants although the wearing process was not ceremoniously announced. The thing is men have very fragile egos; they like them stroked and fed fat and in that utopian state will give you anything and everything but the moment they feel threatened, you will face the emotional obstinacy of the XY gene. A guy once admitted that women have 80% of the power in a relationship and that men spend a lot of their days doing stuff they would rather not do just to please the women they love but that the very minute the woman announces that she wears the pants and that her man is under her control, he revolts and she loses everything.

A friend once argued that the smarter of the two people in a relationship should wear the pants; another said the breadwinner male or female ought to wear the pants (She who makes more money wears the crown). A lot of women wish this was their reality but the thing is societal norms dictate that the man is the head of the house. However, what happens behind closed doors is essentially up to the couple! Men don’t care much about the pants, women have been deprived of the pants for so long that many see it as a prize to be had at all costs regardless of the conflict that arises as a result of the tussle (wrong approach).

The truth is men just want respect and respect is something you can give regardless of who is wearing the pants. Mutual respect is necessary for any healthy relationship. The reason why submission is emphasized is that many women find it hard to give a man respect. He doesn’t have to earn it; respect to a man is like love to a woman; A woman wants to be loved when she is good, bad, silly, brave, sick or acts stupid. A man wants to be respected just as many times. Give him respect and he would give you the pants if you wanted them!

Men are like babies and after all the hustle of the outside world they would gladly give you the reigns of the home so that all they worry about is how much they are gonna eat for dinner and what’s showing on TV. Giving you the reigns doesn’t make him less of a provider or a man, only you can cause him to feel this way and if giving you the pants means he will constantly feel like less of a man, he will hold on to it with his very life!!!

Make your man secure, show him you trust and respect him no matter what and he will give you the keys to his kingdom. Ask Sarah, Abigail, Deborah and Jezebel these women both good and bad clearly wore the pants but unlike Vashti who openly opposed her husband the king and was severely punished (to appease his bruised ego), these other women gave their men so much respect that the men never lost face in the world.

CAN YOU PULL THIS OFF?

Hope you had a great weekend chutzpah fam?
Xoxo

 
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Posted by on February 9, 2014 in Manology, Relationships

 

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