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​10 things to do when your woman is not in the ‘mood’


Has your sex life come to a halt and you are on the verge of sexual frustration? Are her anti-sex headaches legendary? Don’t freak out just yet. Here are 10 winning ways to help her flip the switch in your favor!

1. Don’t whine about it or ask her to make time or lecture her about her God-ordained duties. 

It’s counter productive my brother!

2. Don’t spend all your time in another room on your devices. 

In this case out of sight is a sigh of relief and an unapologetic ‘out of mind’ rejoinder.

3. Hold her 

You think she’s selfish or acting up but still you should hold her close. It’s possible that she hasn’t been held tenderly in a nonsexual way in a while.

4. Talk with her 

About something unrelated to sex or the lack thereof. Find out about her day.

5. Be there with her 

Silence can be very loud, sit with her, lie with her, stand in the kitchen with her, before long the issues she’s buried within will surface and perhaps you’d be able to sort them out and then get to the kiss and makeup part. 

6. Make her feel loved 

The sexual act begins long before you touch her. Does she genuinely feel the sincerity of your love for her or are you only honey-tongued when you want some TLC?

7. Make her feel appreciated 

Thank her for the things you may have overlooked. Thank her for things you noticed but forgot or deliberately chose not to comment on. A woman who feels appreciated is a woman ready to give some more of herself.

8. Make her feel important to you 

Sexual objects are only important for a couple of minutes and then it’s bye bye till the need arises. Same with cooks, laundry women, housekeepers…catch my drift? You need to make her know she means so much more to you.

9. Tell her she is amazing 

Have you ever read the Songs of Solomon? He writes amazing poetry about every part of his woman’s body that any insecurities she may have had fly out the window and she’s ready to give herself to him. Tell her!

10. Make her feel safe and not judged

And if all else fails and you still are left in the cold, don’t treat her badly or reject her. Allow her feel safe enough to say NO, safe enough not to fear that you would withdraw your love or care if she doesn’t perform.

Your relationship is not performance oriented. Let her know you value her on the good days and on the bad ones too…

Have a great weekend Chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on April 28, 2017 in Relationships

 

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Smart Dating!


It’s 2017 and it’s a crazy world out there. First it’s the stress of getting noticed in a sea of bleached, Brazilian-haired, makeup on fleek, skinny but thick perfection and then you finally get noticed and spend a greater part of the relationship wondering if he’s the real deal or just another f**k boy cum Yoruba demon who is gonna land you on Joro’s page with yet another sob story and through it all you are not even sure if you are the side chick or his main (or only) squeeze.

So cliché…

So how do you date smart in the 21st century? A relationship that works for you, a man who is decent and honest and is actually dating you with long term goals in mind…Sounds like a myth for so many but these cut throat tips will guide you!

1. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket

If your heart is for John but he is acting like a f**k boy, give Peter a chance, he just might be your diamond in the rough. 

2. Three strikes and he is out

A bad boyfriend makes a helluva husband so if he hurts you once regardless of what it is, that’s strike one. Three strikes and he is gone but don’t be petty, those strikes have to be real boundary crossers.

3. No unprotected sex ever

Being his baby mama won’t tie him down, getting an STD/HIV from him won’t show you are loyal and aborting his babies won’t get you your happily ever after so zip up or stay protected. No sentiments!

4. Don’t smell what you can’t eat

If his flirting is making you mad, get the hell out of there before flirtation turns to infidelity and your madness becomes mayhem. If he is badly behaved it’s because you let him get away with it!

5. Guard your heart

Not every f**k boy deserves your time or attention much less your heart regardless of how fine or loaded he is. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeves, make him work for it, that’s the only way you’ll tire out the time wasters before you become the casualty.

6. Stick to the plan

A fling is a fling, a date is a date, no strings attached is no strings attached, we’ll see how this goes is we’ll see how this goes!!! A man knows in the first week what exactly he wants from you and that’s not gonna change so stop hoping time will change the situation. If his plan isn’t in sync with yours, then get a move on it!

7. Reverse dating

Stop dating your type! What have the fine boys you dated gotten you? Heartbreaks and more heartbreaks and yet you keep repeating your silly mantra- he has to be fine, rich and a bad boy. Why don’t you try OK looking, ambitious and treats you like a queen? That’s what Beyoncé chose and see where it got her. Date the guy you’d ordinarily put in the friend’s zone and put the guys you usually date there instead! 

8. Set standards

If you are gonna willingly be a side chick, don’t cry out when you finally have a man of your own and some side chick 10 years younger is making him eat out of her hand. It’s called karma babe. And if you are gonna chase after men for money, don’t get mad if your innocent boyfriend doesn’t take you seriously when you are finally ready to settle down and if that doesn’t describe you let me drive it home, if you wanna be treated like a queen then act like a queen. A man would always treat you the way he senses you think you should be treated so if he is constantly treating you wrong, you might wanna check your standards and self-esteem. Set some standards girl!

9. Be your own hero

Make your own money, have a career or a business, have a future that doesn’t involve your man or any other man. Be your own hero so that with or without a man, you are the best version of yourself. Men prey on women who would believe or do anything for a dime or some loubs. Don’t be that girl, let him know his money doesn’t mean sh*t if his heart isn’t into it too.

10. Have a solid back up plan

So you’ve been dating him for 4 years, what would you do if he suddenly cheated or dumped you or you found out he had impregnated or proposed to another woman? Would your life be over? Girl where’s your back up plan? Feel free to make it as elaborate as you can muster. Perhaps commencing a master’s program abroad that you put on hold or finally saying yes to the cute but shy brother who has been hanging around for years hoping to catch your heart. A backup plan isn’t an elaborate revenge plot, no it’s a guarantee that no matter what curve ball life throws at you, you bounce back 100% 

So there it is, but before I sign out let me add this;

1. Don’t go snooping in his DMs, trust your instincts. Every woman who caught her man cheating already suspected he probably was and only needed to confirm. If your instincts are already telling you something start looking for a remedy instead of proof. 

2. Don’t be all up in his face. If you like him still treat him like you do the guys in your friend’s zone, after all those guys keep coming back for a reason. Showing a guy who likes you perhaps a little that you like him a whole lot more kills the thrill of the chase for him and he draws back, gets lazy and ends up not appreciating you. For some it’s an immediate turn off so slow your role babe!

3. There are three types of guys in the world- the rich guy, the ambitious, work hard or work smart guy and the lazy guy. The ambitious and lazy guys could be broke today but only one will be broke tomorrow (Mr Lazybones). The rich dude on the other hand could lose all he has by a stroke of ill luck and then you’d get to see if he was actually, deep down an ambitious guy (meaning he’d bounce back) or Lazybones! Bear that in mind when man hunting.

4. There are men everywhere! If you are chronically single it’s because your senses are only trained to see men who fall within your specs and those men are probably not seeing you. Look intently around you, a bunch of people find you attractive but you’ve friend-zoned them all to create space for Mr Specs! Go to that shelf and take a good look at those men, seriously consider each one. We attract what we are inside!

5. Don’t be moved by pet names, PDA, family acceptance, expensive gifts, flowery words or promise rings, if you still have that niggling feeling of doubt in your gut then it’s only a matter of time till the cookie crumbles!

Rant over.

Xxx

 
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Posted by on February 21, 2017 in Relationships

 

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Link

I was talking to my friend E who just got out of a relationship that lasted 11 years and amongst her fears was the fact that she was in her early twenties when she left the dating pool and now that she was back again in her thirties, the rules had changed. She now had to compete with younger women for attention while wrapping her head around the fact that Instagram and Snapchat had changed the game not to mention the added disadvantage that her dating skills were now rusty and outdated! 

Her story isn’t unusual. It doesn’t matter how many years you spent in the dating pool before you left or how good or sexy you were before you left. It also doesn’t matter whether you are coming from a broken relationship, marriage or a personal hiatus from dating, all that really matters at this point is that you are wondering if you can ever compete with the teeming number of sexy, 100 yards of wife material floating in the dating pool waiting to be caught by the very few good fishermen left!

Here are 10 ways to ease your passage back to singleville and the world of dating!

1. Forget everything you knew about dating before you got with your ex

Not that you even remember the specifics but trust me the OS you used to captivate your ex is now outdated and like sharks to blood the men in the dating pool in 2017 can smell fresh meat a mile away. 

2. Don’t go in with baggage

My friend P who is a confirmed ‘Igbo demon’ 😁 says that women with baggage are the easiest prey. If you still feel vulnerable then you’d be especially gullible and the next man who seems to care may steal your heart when all he wants is the cookie! Give yourself time to heal first. There’s no hurry.

3. Get your self confidence back 

Leaving a long term relationship comes with its own insecurities amidst the hurt. You may not feel or look your best, don’t patch things up and slap a huge band-aid over your injured self esteem just because you want to get back into the dating pool. Give it time. Once you are able to look at yourself in the mirror again and smile confidently, you are ready to date again. 

4. Don’t date because you are looking for a replacement 

If you are only looking for someone to fill the hole your ex left behind or someone to make your ex feel jealous then you don’t have closure yet. Now may not be the right time to date someone else because you risk hurting that person and yourself since you are obviously not ready.

5. Get on social media

There’s work to be done on social media. First you have to either sanitize your account by deleting all the pics of you and your ex or you get a new account altogether. Social media has become the proverbial bar to pick up guys and it’s supposed to be a reflection of your best self. Take some cute pictures and be social and soon enough some guy would slide into your DM.

6. Get a wingman

This is essential for surviving the dating pool! Get a female friend who is single and who is still actively dating and ride shot gun with her. Let her show you the ropes, the faux-pas, the types of guys to avoid and what to look out for in a man. Learn from her experiences and ask questions. You’d be surprised how rusty you are (don’t forget to take notes 😉).

7. Don’t be too eager

When you finally get a man interested, you may be very tempted to jump from ‘I like you’ to ‘let’s get married’ because you want to skip the unnecessary part and get back to your interrupted happily ever after (same story, different guy). This freaks guys the hell out. They don’t want a girl who is all over them or mothering them or making them husbands after the third date cos they interpret it as desperation and too much too soon makes you end up with yet another guy leaving you in the lurch. Take it slow, do some shakara and don’t act like he is saving you by being with you. 

8. Don’t jump to conclusions 

Don’t be too fast to stereotype your new man and toss him into a box labelled ‘men like your ex’ just because your heart isn’t ready to start trusting again. If you don’t understand his behaviour or motives seek clarification or ask a trusted third party for a second opinion. 

9. Don’t lose your individuality in the quest to reinvent yourself

The women dominating the dating pool mostly belong to a particular stereotype. Thick, Brazilian hair wearing, flawless light skin, make up on fleek and ready to twerk like a pro not to mention scoring major points in the kinky sex department! Truly it’s hard to compete and though you may be tempted to reinvent yourself to at least be able to compete with their perceived perfection, you need to not lose yourself in it because you want the man who eventually falls for you to fall for the real you and not the filters. To thine own self be true.

10. Don’t sit around waiting for your life to pick up

Get a job, start a business, join a gym, start a diet, get a life coach or do some traveling. A woman who is sitting around doing nothing after she leaves a relationship is wallowing in misery and allowing life to pass her by and the men see it as she not having any thing to bring to the table other than her pretty face and body. Men want more than that and nothing is as sexy as a woman who is in control of her life.

If you can’t date the version of you that you see in the mirror, no one else can!

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on January 3, 2017 in Relationships

 

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10 lessons from Toke Makinwa’s book ‘On Becoming’

I recently got around to reading Toke’s mini autobiography after all the buzz it created online and for someone who was Toke’s roommate in year 1 (newest hall, unilag), I initially wasn’t keen on reading it because I thought I had Toke all figured out. 
I had been roommates with her when she was living a wanton, majorly carefree life and coming from a sheltered home, Toke was to me the embodiment of the bad UNILAG girls I’d heard so much about. Through the years, that impression was reinforced every time her name came up regardless of whether it was for good or evil.

Little wonder that when the news first broke that she was having marital issues I kept thinking karma, karma, karma! Well if the truth be told, bad is a relative term and after reading her story I had a rethink about the woman I thought I had all figured out. Really until you have walked in a person’s shoes, you cannot ever judge said person regardless of their colorful past. Maybe we give karma too much credit! 

Toke is a strong woman, not because she didn’t make a ton of mistakes and not even because she went through the worst psychological trauma any child can endure but because even when her life was going all shades of wrong, she found strength in God and that strength gave her the will to finally move on, the grace to rise above her past and present and wisdom to spin the biggest sob story ever into a money making investment during a recession! Toke may never make it to my hero hall of fame but I have an unswerving respect for her. Her story could have happened to absolutely anyone regardless of what they did or didn’t do to deserve it. I know so many women who couldn’t rise above a husband who had betrayed them or some other life tragedy. From suicide to revenge, from bitterness to chronic sickness; many of these women could never find the strength to climb out of the murky waters that they had been unceremoniously thrown into. Breaking the silence is always a great place to start…

So without further ado, here are ten things I learned from reading Toke’s book:

  1. No one is really bad, they are just broken and many times the product of their past, don’t be so quick to judge. Let he who has no sin cast the first stone…

  2. Don’t ever manage a boyfriend, a lousy boyfriend makes an even lousier husband, your case won’t be the exception.

  3. If he breaks your heart the second time, don’t look back- just leave for good. The sting of betrayal is far worse than the prick of a heartbreak but the former only becomes apparent after you have vested too much time and emotion into the relationship. Get out while you are still ahead.

  4. You can never run out of ‘second’ chances. Even the bible says a righteous man falls seven times (and how many of us can actually call ourselves righteous) and yet rises up again. No matter how messed up your past is, your future can be unbelievably bright if you let God in.

  5. Get a support system that’s foolproof. You don’t need a million friends or fam. Two or three people that would always have your back no matter what and would always give you the truth instead of telling you what you want to hear, people you can trust with your life, your drama and your kids. Find them and keep them close!

  6. A counsellor should not be a last resort, if the problem is big enough to give you sleepless nights and you love the person enough to wanna stay, seek help. You both may have deep rooted psychological issues that will keep ruining things till you tackle them. Hurting people hurt others and more importantly broken people attract brokenness. Get the root problem fixed.

  7. God is close to the broken hearted and He doesn’t give two hoots about your past or what you did or didn’t do to deserve it. When you have no where else to turn, no place to hide, no one to run to, go to Him. He is always waiting with open arms.

  8. If you ignore the signs you won’t like your final destination. There are always signs. If you keep making excuses for him/her then you already deserve to be treated better. That is a sign! A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. People have clung to the devil they know instead of trusting there was an angel out there that they were yet to meet and the devil dragged them to hell. Take a leap of faith.

  9. Anyone or circumstance that makes you feel less about yourself or eats away at your self confidence is toxic. Love doesn’t live there, the sooner you realize you deserve better the sooner you can start your journey to freedom. It’s difficult but doable. 

  10. A person chooses to cheat. There is no such thing as he/she was pushed or tempted due to the inadequacies of his/her partner. It’s a personal decision. Yes I agree that some factors can make rationalizing the sin of infidelity easier but still it’s your sin. God will not hold you less accountable because you had a bad marriage or relationship. And for the men, if you never discussed the possibility of having a second wife with your partner BEFORE marriage- regardless of perceived tribal or religious norms- then it’s still wrong. Marrying your side chick or concubine doesn’t erase the sin of infidelity! If you are going to alter your partner’s life forever, she deserves a say in it before she commits to you. Speak up!

Toke I hope the release of this book, brings you a new lease on life, a breath of fresh air, closure and more importantly sets you on the path God created for you. You cannot have gone through fire only for you to turn your back on God when things start getting really good, resist compromise! Let this experience be your epiphany, your starting point for a fuller and better life and not just a well thought out business decision. I wish you all the best, and to everyone who thinks she deserved what she got due to karma or her poor choices or because she ignored the signs, take a chill pill, I was team karma too (and was quite vocal about it) but I realized that ‘nobody holy pass’ and we all have someone or something that is our ultimate weakness. It’s by His mercies alone that we are not consumed lest anyone should boast.

Have a great night Chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on December 7, 2016 in Relationships

 

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The Ideal Friend

You only need one!

A friend that sticketh closer than a brother and a brother is born for adversity but in these cut throat times…

Having a real friend is a rarity many long for but can’t afford, they are too busy chasing dreams to grow potential friendships and instead make do with frenemies- well not the absolute bad kind, just the kind that are happy for you and with you till you start to outshine them.

The truth is the world talks about frenemies like they are the worst but they seem to be just a mirror image of the friends they keep. Jealousy laced with a tinge of envy has become a hustle garland people wear with pride, it dictates their drive for success and their level of satisfaction and contentment in life in comparison with the next dude in their circle of influence. In fact many a frenemy have been the sure push behind a man’s success story (the Lord keep my enemies alive so they can witness my victory syndrome).

It’s all a great arrangement till you actually need a friend- one you can trust with your life, one you can do business with without ever getting screwed, one you can ask to care for your family after you are gone, one you can share your deepest, darkest secrets with, one you’d mutually take a bullet for, one you can laugh with, cry with, be brutally honest with and take real advice from because you know they have your back no matter what! Some people are lucky and their spouse becomes that friend, others are luckier and they are gifted with such friendships (na only Baba God fit give this one oh- because human beings are innately flawed and he knows what flawed souls work best in sync) but how do you get that sort of friend- the BFF who still cracks you up in your 70s and would still fight your battle for you even if it’s with a wobbly cane and hoarse curses?

Here’s how…

1) Be honest about the friendships in your life. 

Draw a list of all your ‘friends’ and then put them in 3 groups; 

the frenemies (they’ve pricked you with pocket knives enough times for you to know they’d stab you with a kitchen knife if they ever got the chance);

then the real friends (usually one or two- they won’t be perfect but you can count the times they’ve taken a bullet for you or gotten you out of hell- it’s not enough for them to sit with you and give great advice cos talk is cheap);

and then the acquaintances (it doesn’t matter how often you guys hang out- they are the ones who the world thinks are your friends cos they are in all your facebook and Instagram pics but you know exactly where you stand with them and don’t even want them knowing your business so there’s always a façade and lots of coverups when they are around). This last group is different from the frenemies because your frenemies have access to your heart and your personal business these people only have access to your good days and great occasions!

Now to the second…

2) Be honest about what you want out of a friendship

Everybody wants different things from a friendship. Most people need the 3 groups of friends to satisfy 3 different longings. The frenemies to push you to be better (some healthy or unhealthy competition), the real friends to share your burdens and the acquaintances to have fun with (because all work and no play…). A friend can function as 2 and 3 or 1 and 3 but 1 and 2 always cancel out each other and if a 2 acts like 1, the 2 becomes a 1!

The real issue begins when you blur these lines or worse put the wrong person in the wrong group. You need to be honest about what you want out of a friendship so that you don’t go telling your deepest woes to an acquaintance (TMI- awkward!) or to a frenemy (ammunition- dangerous!) A person doesn’t get upgraded to 2 because they have been in your life for years (perhaps waiting to strike) or because they held your hand through one crisis (did you get your degree after just one exam?). You need to take time to study their personality, how they feel about you and their concept of loyalty and their spoken and unspoken words not to mention their actions! The next time you want to reach out to a friend, you need to ask yourself what you desire at that moment- some excitement, some competition-driven motivation or a real friend and let it guide your call out.

3) Be honest about where you stand with each person.

Unrequited friendship is just as bad as unrequited love. Does your boo have a boo? If you are her number 3 and she is your number 2 then you are both out of sync and that friendship will not be satisfying. 

Don’t mistake a person who is genuinely nice and honest and helpful to everybody for your own personal person!

That’s why nice people always have tons of friends but they alone know who their friends really are. So if you are always sharing life issues with her and she’s so helpful and such a great listener but you don’t know jack about her or well the stuff about her that really matters, she isn’t your friend. She is your counselor, doctor or life coach at best! 

Not being honest about where you stand with people leads to disappointments and heart break and dramatic feelings of betrayal which you wouldn’t have been feeling if you only opened your eyes. 

4) Be honest about who you are.

Would you be friends with you?

I’ve noticed that a lot of people who are insincere, backstabbers, foul-mouthed, competitive, unfeeling (the bad character list is quite long) are the ones who are the loneliest, who crave more meaningful friendships and who have totally lost hope in the sincerity of a good friendship (“I don’t have friends that are girls, too much drama!” And the guys? “You know guys only want one thing!”)

Some people have developed these traits as a defense mechanism for all the stuff they have seen or gone through (kill or be killed), others are really good people deep down but never let anyone see the good because of all the emotional baggage it’s buried under but you must understand that actions and reactions are equal and opposite! 

Some people also see an overly friendly person as either suspicious (even the bible asks you to suspect a neighbor that loudly greets you early in the morning) or having too many friends so they don’t want to increase your body count. Sanguines tend to have a lot of acquaintances since they are easily the life of the party but very few meaningful friendships and as a result get very lonely!

Also some people are overly jealous and clingy and stifle their friendships but I think this again is mostly a myth. Unless you are a sociopath, a real friend would not consider you jealous or clingy because your friendship would be as much of a priority to them as it is to you however if your friend sees you only as a number 1 or 3,  she could have you committed!

If you are in need of a real friend, check yourself are you friend material? 

5) Be honest about the friendships you have ignored.

Nothing like a post like this to open your eyes and make you realize that you’ve spent too much time watering and nurturing the weeds instead of tending your garden! No friendship even the strongest ones will thrive without love and attention. Look at that list again, if you were unable to put down any name in the real friend group (2) then you need to draw up another list of people who could be potential friends (based on surprising acts of kindness, their total devotion to you even when you don’t give back or some other positive action- forget words) and beside their names write down why exactly you didn’t nurture that friendship. If the reason is a valid one, strike their names off the list (not all that glitters is gold) but if your busy schedule or laziness or your sense of entitlement is the reason why you you haven’t nurtured that friendship then get your garden tools and do some work! If the friendship was made in heaven, it won’t be too late.

Real friends make life so much more beautiful but even pretty gardens have weeds. If your real friend has hurt you and you cannot seem to trust him or her anymore, demote the person to number 1 or 3 and move on. You’ll find it easier to let go of the unforgiveness when you don’t have to pretend that the friendship is something it isn’t. Some friendships last for only a season, others for a life time but I can assure you that when one door closes the good Lord always opens another. 

Have a lovely day Chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2016 in Life

 

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How to spot a Nigerian player!!!

You can’t miss ’em, lurking at parties, clubs, office functions all dapper and looking for whom to devour. This is what a Nigerian man only out to play games with your heart and score looks like:

1) He wears a white flowing agbada or a sharp suit with swag dripping to his toes.

2) He doesn’t pick his calls while seated.

3) His social media profile doesn’t have any pictures of girls just he and his boys having tons of fun.

4) He knows every female in a 20mile radius.

5) He is the perfect gentleman.

6) Your mom and all your aunts adore him.

7) His phone has a super complicated password.

8) He doesn’t have an ex-girlfriend, he says he has never really dated anyone.

9) He is very particular about his looks.

10) Your older sister’s friends don’t approve of him but they won’t say why.

11) He has a type. Every woman he has been with looks like a clone of the very next.

12) He knows what’s hip and cool and his fashion advice is always on point! You literally take fashion and style lessons from him.

13) He has an impossibly long list of what he wants in a woman.

14) He has a baby mama.

15) He’s got the moves like Jagger in bed. Super hot.

16) He is so romantic, he absolutely melts your heart every time.

17) He is a great cook and his house is impeccable and well groomed.

18) He has more phone numbers than you have BBM contacts.

19) All his friends are married.

20) He is one step ahead of every get him to settle down trick in the book!

So before you give him your heart, be sure he isn’t out to cause catastrophe and vamoose!

Disclaimer: the delightful caption photo is only to serve as eye candy, he is not guilty of the felonies listed!

Have a great weekend chutzpah fam,
Xoxo

 
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Posted by on January 9, 2016 in Relationships

 

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10 things you need to do before you get married

This is the ultimate bucket list. Daring, fun, unforgettable! Your perfect prelude to kicking the singles bucket!!!

Marriage isn’t the end of all things fun- you spend more of your life married than you do single so why eliminate fun from the equation? But that being said, there are some things you probably shouldn’t do after you are married. They should be hidden in a box labeled fantastic memories for your peeking and reminiscing pleasure but of course that can’t happen if you left them in the secret fantasies box ay?
So here’s Chutzpah’s single bucket list:

1.  Go on a spontaneous adventure. The key words being spontaneity and adventure! A lot of us live well thought out and planned existences, we are where we are supposed to be when we are supposed to be there. While living an ordered existence may make life drama free and progressive, you need to one day look back on your life and chuckle about that one (or more) spontaneous adventure. Mine was during NYSC when two of my girlfriends and I decided to go to Idanre hills out of the blues. Read it here —> Mountain climbing

  1. Live alone: There is no feeling as sublime as living by your own rules, in your own filth and at your own pace without input from another person even if it’s only for a little while. If it’s not already on your bucket list please put it there. It’s the best emancipation you could ever have and you learn about being independent and your own person in ways you never dreamed of. I know most families traditionally want their daughter to marry from their house but there are ways around this. NYSC, masters (in another town or country), a cross-country job, an internship or a volunteer job just remember to move back home a couple of months before you say ‘I do’. There’s a certain mushiness and bond that pervades your family house when you are planning a wedding together plus the fights and unwarranted advice are priceless.

  2. Face at least one of your fears: One day you are gonna have a kid who might be afraid of something and you’d need to give him a talk on facing your fears but if all you’ve ever done is run from them then how brave would you expect your offspring to be? I grew up sheltered and not particularly brave, I was the goody two shoes who always played it safe but I have long since earned my ‘Chutzpah’ badge! From riding a bike without screaming for dear life—-> Okadas a one way trip to hell to conquering my phobia for driving- now drive interstate like a pro or allowing my friend Ame to convince me to go on those death-defying rides at the park! If you haven’t faced at least one fear you haven’t started living!

  3. Love your body- what’s the bucket list challenge here you may be wondering? Well if you have never worn a bikini at the pool or a bodycon dress without strapping yourself into a corset or spandex first then you can’t cross this off your list yet! No matter how many flaws you think you have now, you will look back in a couple of years and actually wish you had the body you have now. So rock it babe! Be proud of who you are. Statistics have shown that men are more attracted to confidence than to perfection. Don’t become that woman who can’t have a makeup free day or who is totally lost without a bum-pad, padded boobs and a waist cincher. Have some self-love bae, don’t be that wife who would only have sex with the lights off!!! No one can love you unless you love yourself. And if you feel gaining or losing a few pounds will do the trick, then do it now. There’s no time like the present.

  4. Fall in love, Hollywood style: You know the script, the one that makes you feel so good after watching the movie. The one that has the heroine fall for a man she thought was totally wrong for her or totally out of her league. He doesn’t have to be the one but nothing says I totally enjoyed the life of my head like having those kinda memories and I am talking the whole works here- butterflies, heady kisses, late night rendezvous, midnight calls, big fights and even better makeups. The guy who becomes your greatest love story. Every grandma has a story like that and her face lights up as she tells it and then softens when she says and then I met your grandpa… #epic

  5. Do your own thing—> achieve something just for you! Don’t let all your accomplishments in life be from the day you became Mrs Somebody! Before you get married, finish up your degree, achieve a career milestone or do something on that secret list you have. Something awesome that you can always feel good about…Before your father met me, I had started my own business…

  6. Travel somewhere with your girlfriends or sisters. Somewhere far, somewhere new and somewhere exciting. It could be a road trip or you could fly there but make sure you are seated together. The memories, the conversations, the adventure, the summer flings and the pictures will last a lifetime plus it’s not a guarantee that you’d have the opportunity to make such a trip after you get married.

  7. Treat yourself: Splurge on yourself without apology. So many people are cautious about their spending habits and never get to just buy that one unnecessary thing that would make their life perfect LOL. You need to indulge at least once before you get married because once you are married finances are a joint discussion and you might not have the chance to treat yourself without apology. Life is too short to never have thoroughly enjoyed yourself even for a minute without worrying about the bills or the deficit the expense will create.

  8. Tell that one truth: Do not get married if you never got the chance to tell your crush or your ‘best friend’ how you really feel about him. Don’t get married with baggage. Set yourself free. Tell that one truth, that truth you swore you’d be buried with because it was too embarrassing to share. You’d be surprised at the outcome and even if your crush doesn’t admit to have secretly been loving you back all this time at least you can proudly strike it off your bucket list and laugh about it later.

  9. Get to know yourself—> do not wait for marriage to define you or to be your sole identity. It irks me when I see married women who would literally cease to exist if they stopped being Mrs Somebody. That shouldn’t be. You were a person before you met your husband and became his wife and mother of his children! Get to know yourself. Go on a self-discovery trip if you must. Know what you like and what you don’t like, what you can compromise on and what you absolutely can’t, what your strengths are and where your limits lie. Know your personality type, your temperament and your weaknesses! You can absolutely not get married till you know exactly who you are and creating
    opportunities of self discovery is entirely up to you and your awesome bucket list!

So ladies instead of sitting around waiting for Mr Right to sweep you off your feet, spend the time slaying this single bucket list. Get yourself some CHUTZPAH! And you’ll be surprised and astounded by the
new, more confident you. Self-love is key baybay!

Mwaaaah!

 
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Posted by on July 2, 2015 in Inspirational

 

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