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Eliminating Toxic People From Your Life

December is the month of sweet endings, it comes with fabulous holidays, a feeling of cheer and great expectations for the new year. It is also a time to clean out your closet, pack up shop, walk away and most importantly eliminate toxic people from your life so that you start the new year on a clean slate.

It seems that every Christmas for the past three years I have been doing just that!

My first Christmas, I eliminated a toxic landlord from my life. Dude had told me he was a ‘witch’ and had been monitoring my husband and I and was gonna show us his power was superior to ours (Abegiii Jesus power SUPER POWER!) – among other crazy stuff he said. Now if I lived in Chicago, i’d scoff at that and probably hook him up with a shrink but I live in Nigeria, Benin city for that matter (Did I hear someone say haaaa?!!!) anyway we prayed and started house hunting with a passion and in a week we had found this lovely house in an estate that made me feel like I was still living in Las gidi ;-).

Fast forward one year and another toxic situation was crying out for an eviction! My job had hit rock bottom. I had lost my enthusiasm for the boring routine and was daydreaming about having the sort of job that I didn’t dread going to everyday. You know that job that actually pays the bills, boosts your career aspirations and still gives you enough free time to spend doing extra curricular activities in addition to an awesome work environment (Did I hear someone say amen?) Well most of us only dream about jobs like that and my present job was far from it and just when I was half heartedly considering becoming a housewife, a new job came up; one I had applied for ages ago and voila the toxic situation got the boot!

Now this Christmas I wondered what detox I was gonna have as I eyed every unsavory person and situation in my life like a kid waiting for a miracle and then just this morning I sacked my driver. I had been managing the reckless driving, constant insubordination and manhandling of my vehicle for months till it had gotten to a point where I didn’t even consider it a foreign stressor anymore. His presence in my life had been registered in the box in my head labeled ‘necessary evils’ but last night he took it too far and when I fired him this morning I felt such a whoosh of relief that I was quite amazed at the sort of burden his exit from my life had lifted.

So how about you? What sort of toxicity are you managing? Here’s a list of toxic people and situations trending this christmas:

  1. A relationship that doesn’t bring you joy anymore.
    Is your boyfriend a cheat or have you been dating for so long and yet the relationship seems to be going nowhere? Do you have this feeling of discontent when you think about the person you are dating? Are you only with this person because you are afraid of being alone?

  2. A friendship that is putting a strain on you.
    Do you know deep down that this friend doesn’t have your back? Are you investing so much in this friendship and not getting anything out of it? Are you still friends with this person because you guys have been friends for years or the person did you some good years ago? How about the present?

  3. A job that you have lost enthusiasm for. Is your job getting you where you hoped you would be career wise? Have you been passed over for a promotion or a raise countless times? Do you have job fulfillment? Is this what you always dreamed you would do? Is the work environment conducive for you? Is your company about to go under but you are scared of jumping ship despite all the signs? Is your boss horrible to work with?

  4. A hired help that does more harm than good.
    After watching the Ugandan maid beat up that toddler or hearing about the Abuja maid who strangled a 3 year old because the parents wouldn’t let her travel home for Christmas or the keke driver who sold a woman’s three kids to ritualists in Warri for 5 million naira or my very own driver who drove my car into a ditch because I couldn’t give him money for his house rent, one needs to be very careful about the people who work for you. Once your instincts tell you to cut them loose do so at once, delay may cost you more than you ever bargained for.

5. A situation that you have been bearing for a long while.
I know Nigerians are great at suffering and smiling but sometimes all one needs is a little push to change a lifelong difficult situation. How long will you keep managing? How long will you keep depriving yourself of the happiness you deserve? Till death? (God forbid)

Even if your trouble didn’t fall into numbers 1-4 above, 5 is definitely all encompassing. Aren’t you tired of the toxicity in your life? Isn’t it time you said ‘ENOUGH‘?

You can’t continue being a pawn in life’s circumstances. Waiting for ‘fate’ to smile at you or for something to finally happen. You need to do something! If you are not happy about any aspect of your life it is your duty to fix it. Nobody is gonna do anything about it for you. Life na per head and it’s too damn short to live it managing situations or people you had no business with in the first place. What’s the worst that could happen? We just allow the fear of the unknown keep us in shackles all year long. I know a friend who at 30 is quitting her very lucrative bank job and wants to go back to school just so she can pursue her dream- her actual dream not the second hand dream constant hustle makes you settle for. I admire her a lot and this coming 2015 I have decided that it would be a year of many leaps of faith however small. It’s time to release the greatness in you and the first step is to eliminate toxic people from your life. Anyone that robs you of your joy and peace has got to go!

Who’s with me???

Season’s greetings chutzpah fam,
Xoxo

 
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Posted by on December 18, 2014 in Relationships

 

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SUPERDUPERDAPPERGENIUS!

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Ever hear the story of the one eyed CEO? He was a great man, started tons of businesses and was very successful but the thing is nobody ever really knew his name except those he was really close to. The rest of the world called him ‘the rich one eyed man‘ or ‘the one eyed CEO‘ or ‘that man with one eye‘. You see, they just couldn’t get past his one deformity. To them that lost eye was more significant than all his achievements and all the good he had ever done. Sad innit?

How many times have you felt limited or defined by a particular circumstance in your life? How many times have the labels put on you by other people robbed you of the joys of the present. Sometimes these labels cause us to forget the myriads of other things going well in our lives and focus on that one thing we don’t have. Sticking a label on you is easy. People look at you and sum up the insecurities they sense into one great adjective and that becomes your definition. Here are some very common labels that a lot of us carry around like billboard signs:

– Single
– Barren
– Failure
– NFA (No future ambition)
– Dreamer
– Loser
– Broke
– Player
– Heart breaker
– Easy/ Loose / Ho
– Bad breath
– Body Odor
– Deaf
– Blind
– Ugly
– Dumb
– Widow
– Divorcee
– Ex-con
– Liar
– Albino
– Criminal
– Black
– Fat
– Skinny
– Gossip
The list is endless.

Do you know Amaka? Oh the _________ babe? Yes! (Insert label).

So many of us are tired of labels defining us. We can’t seem to get past that one mistake or weakness or one thing that makes us different. It haunts us, every time we hear our names it becomes the dreaded prefix or suffix that blurs all our accomplishments both real and imagined as well as all our positive traits and the awesome parts of our personality. It becomes a constant reminder of what one person or a group of people believes our place in society should be. (Dreadful huh?)

The truth is that people will always see you in a way that makes you ‘ordinary’. Being extraordinary is almost too hard to bear because it reminds them of their own insecurities and ineptitudes. So how do you make an extraordinary person ordinary? You take away the magic by sticking on a negative label effectively reminding the person and the rest of the world that no matter his achievements heΒ  ain’t all that!

Do you have a friend or co-worker who constantly tears you down with a single label dropped at the most precise moment guaranteed to make you look bad, ruin a first impression or take away the hype you are struggling to create? HATER ALERT!!! No matter how subtle it is, no matter how you try to avoid it, no matter how you accept it or how you laugh over it, if that label makes you feel bad inside about the way other people perceive you then you need to take a stand and say a firm NO to that label rather than just ignoring it even if you risk being tagged as guilty or oversensitive.

Guard yourself against these emotional worms. They eat deep into your self- confidence and psyche and make you less of the person you were created to be. Nobody has the right to define you by a mistake or weakness or handicap. Nobody is perfect. Crippling your success with a negative label is something you need to put an end to today. So the next time someone introduces you with a label you’d rather not have, make sure you set the record straight there and now. Polite society makes allowances for polite but firm corrections. The only label I wanna have is superduperdappergenius!

πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

Have a great night Chutzpah fam,
xoxo

 
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Posted by on March 23, 2014 in Inspirational

 

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True Love vs Fairytale Love

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I have many hats in my little bag and on days like this I get to wear two. I had just been on the phone with a heart-broken patient (names changed to protect their identities). Amanda had been diagnosed with HIV a year ago following a shady blood transfusion at one of the private hospitals in Lagos. This had to have been the most terrifying period of her life but she survived the ill health, the drug side effects and the stigma from family members and after a protracted sick leave returned back to work. None of her colleagues was the wiser. They treated her the same and seeing that my dear patient was successful, smart and very beautiful she had an army of interested menfolk wanting to make her their Mrs. She made a conscious effort to ward off any advances even though she admitted that every night she still cried unto God to give her a good husband. She wasn’t very hopeful because the average Nigerian man would never willingly marry a HIV positive woman and likewise. Then along came Emeka. Emeka was a dream and soon despite her steely exterior he began to affect her and that was when I got the first phone call. She wanted to know when was the best time to tell a suitor that she had HIV and more importantly HOW to break the news. She was convinced she would be judged, abandoned and worse still, the news of her status would be spread abroad by her suitor leaving her with a stigma she wouldn’t be able to shake off. She was in a dilemma, I was in a dilemma. Seriously nothing in med school prepares you to be able to give this sort of advice. I told her to follow her instincts, be sure his love was genuine before sharing her secret and most of all, not expose him to the virus in anyway. At this point, I would like to say categorically that you cannot catch HIV by hugging, kissing, sharing toilets or cooking utensils or by sleeping together on a bed!

Β 
Amanda started dating Emeka without informing him of her status. She said she tried several times but just couldn’t. Emeka sensed she was hiding something and kept bugging her while assuring her of his unconditional love. He began to hint about marriage and Amanda realized time had run out. Most churches in Nigeria require a HIV test before they conduct the ceremony. Amanda under a lot of duress broke the news to Emeka. Emeka’s first reaction was fear, his second unfortunately was rejection and the rest is history. Emeka wanted a fairytale not the harsh reality he was presented with. Β  Before you start defending him and preaching about why self-preservation is key, let me tell you about the eye-opening experience I had at a missionary hospital. I was on a one month posting to the hospital and I saw a lot of families, some having up to six children attending the special clinic they ran. At the clinic the most common demographic were families comprising of one HIV positive patient and his/her HIV negative spouse and children. The clinic staff provided support and counselling for couples who had one HIV positive partner and ensured they and their families lived a healthy life without transferring the virus. So YES it is very possible and you may ask yourself what made these HIV negative people stick it out with their partners and even marry them and have children together. According to Lionel Ritchie, ‘They call it, we call it, you call it, I call it love…β™₯β™₯β™₯’ Β 

So now the question to ask yourself is how deep is your love? How much can it take? Many people just want the fairytale wedding along with the fairytale tall, dark (or extremely yellow), slim, good-looking and very rich spouse. Unfortunately the number of people in the world who fit that description is very small compared to the average looking, 99 problems, struggling to make ends meet populace that abounds. No wonder so many women and men are crying out for a spouse. They all have the same expectations for a spouse and the supply of this particular breed of perfect homo sapiens can never meet the demand. Β  So is your love the stuff that real life happy endings are made of or is it as flighty as our beloved fairytales? Would you marry a HIV positive person? Or maybe someone who was blind, mute, deaf or without arms or legs? Would you marry a person with vitiligo or albinism? Would you marry someone scarred by accidents or burns? Some of you wouldn’t even date a fat, seemingly unattractive person much less one with heart disease or a grim diagnosis or even someone with sickle cell genotype. Would you marry a broke dude or a woman who couldn’t have children? I can hear the loud ‘Olorunmaje!!!’ Β 

People who do not conform to the world’s idea of beautiful are usually the most beautiful of souls. Warm, kind, funny, amidst their suffering they have developed strength and the grace to laugh at their condition and reachout to others. Under the layer of imperfection is a soul and a spirit no different from yours and when you talk to the wonderful people who have chosen unconditional love and married someone who the world would have otherwise scorned, they seem genuinely happy with their choices, seeing a depth that is incomprehensible to the keenest of eyes. Β What is the guarantee that your hubby or perhaps wifey, the perfect one you married will not lose his/her job, Β health, money, position, property, figure or looks after marriage? What would happen to your fairytale then? Adversity develops character and unfortunately most people with seemingly perfect lives have never really had the chance to develop their inner man so what happens when they are stripped of everything? Nobody yearns for misfortune but time and chance happens to them all. Today I urge you to ditch the fairytale love affairs the same way you swapped Disney cartoons for blockbuster movies and embrace the imperfections and endurance that make true love what it is. Remember that beneath the bleached skin, Brazilian hair, red lips, designer clothes, money bags, six packs and baby face lies the person you will be waking up to for the rest of your life. Remember that pedigree does not mean he will respect you, wealth does not mean he will be kind to you, education does not equate faithfulness and looks do not guarantee fine children! Β 

Have a great day chutzpah fam, Xoxoxoxo πŸ™‚

 
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Posted by on October 9, 2013 in Relationships

 

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The Frenemy!

What do you do when you have a friend who gives you more grief than joy?
What do you do when your friend only remembers you when she needs you or is never there for you?
What do you do when your friend joins others to criticise you publicly or gossips and jeers at you behind your back?
What do you do when your friend always picks a fight with you or gangs up with others to do so?
What do you do when your friend is more interested in kicking you down than building you up?
What do you do when you seem to be in constant competition with your friend?
What do you do when your friend only corrects you or points out your flaws in public?

Sounds like the friend from hell right?

Well guess what, it ain’t new. There’s a reason the term frenemy was coined. It’s like a game of tag and guess what? You’re it!

You have to ask yourself one of these 3 questions:
1. Are we really friends? (Is this a mutual friendship or is it one-sided?)
2. Does she have a reason to envy me or a personal vendetta?
3. How did this friendship even start? (Was it a mere thrusting of 2 people due to environmental factors or did it come with the excitement and love a new friendship brings?)

If by now you are really beginning to consider then ask yourself some more questions…
1) Is the friendship dispensable? Some people have too many friends, cutting an unhealthy friendship can be not as hard as you think but others require the friendship because it comes with some not so unattractive benefits, maybe a club membership or a pass into the in-crowd or a sense of belonging to a group of other people your friend is chummy with. If you hate her guts but need her for some specific other reason then chances are she knows she’s indispensable and not many people are nice when they don’t have to be.

2) Do you like having a frenemy?
There’s an upside to frenemies. They keep you on your toes. They make you wanna get better with their criticism and competitive nature. They make your spirit stronger. They tell you the truth! Sometimes a lot of friends try too hard to spare your feelings, they tell you what you wanna hear because they genuinely have love in their eyes and are blinded to your imperfections. On the flip side a frenemy is all about your imperfections and some people need this to maintain the balance. As long as she won’t literarily stab you in the back one day, she may not be the worst problem in your life so ride on. Besides everyone thinks having a hater is a mark of success. If you are doing well someone’s gonna beef you. It may be nice having that person on speed dial.

3) Can you talk to the person about it?
Some people are frenemies by design. They’ve been hit hard by life, maybe numerous heartbreaks, a divorce, a death, some failures, it could be anything and for some reason you seem to have it good. The thing is nobody has it all good and they probably don’t see your silent tears but many of these people don’t know they are frenemies. They’d even be hurt if you told them straight up that you were ending the friendship or if you let them see how much they hurt you. So talking may help with some of them but remember that this doesn’t always go well. You may end up being further criticised and jeered about ‘the talk’ in public or she could just laugh in your face. If your frenemy is an attention-seeker and she feels you are always stealing her spotlight then forget talking, it won’t help.

Don’t get it wrong, frenemies are capable of being loyal friends to certain people, unfortunately you didn’t make the list and you didn’t get the memo. Forcing a friendship is acceptable in high school, even pardonable in the university but by the time you are a grown ass woman, having a frenemy is just plain ole stupid unless like I said before you are into that sorta thing. The bible says there’s a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. If you have that friend then focus on her and stay as far away from those who cause you grief. The world is full of enough enemies and can be a cruel hard place, making time for unnecessary and unwholesome friendships can be such a weiste!

But don’t get me wrong, there’s a reason ‘Frenemy’ starts with the first few letters of the word ‘Friend’. Some of them can be quite friendly, even bail you out or be there for you once in a blue moon so you’ve gotta weigh the friendship on the frenemy scale. If it’s tipping more towards friend than enemy, you may consider keeping the friendship and even investing some time and love into it. That may just be the sweetener it needs. If it’s tending more towards enemy, get a pair of scissors, you need to cut the ties fast! You don’t have to write a long letter about why you can’t be friends anymore, just lose touch on purpose. Be too busy to hangout, keep your personal business private and refuse to humor them with arguments or retorts. Eventually they’ll either get the hint or they’ll make an effort to be nicer to you.

And if you are like someone I know who tends to forget to contact real friends and instead spends time diddling with frenemies and acquaintances, you may need to shape up. Your friends love you but if you don’t give them enough attention, they’ll get other friends and you’ll find out when you really need a friend to talk to, you have a blackberry messenger with a hundred contacts and yet you feel so alone.

I’m blessed, I have some really good friends and today I’m gonna call them and tell them how much I love and appreciate them and while I’m at it, weed out a few frenemies! You should try it too! πŸ˜‰

Have a great day peeps…
xoxoxo πŸ˜‰

 
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Posted by on May 31, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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50 WAYS TO GET NOTICED!

Β  Β  Β Wanna get noticed? Tired of being ignored? Here are the top 50 ways of getting noticed. Some are good, some are bad and some are downright naaaassty! Get a pen, you’re gonna wanna take notes! πŸ˜‰

I said get noticed, I didn’t specify what kinda attention so yep, this is my disclaimer! πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

 

1) Be confident: People respond to self-confidence. They are drawn to it. So smile and always look people in the eye when you are speaking to them and don’t look at the floor when you walk like there’s a secret there or you made a vow to keep your head down. Practise walking shoulders high and don’t slouch or drag your feet! (Reminds me of secondary school and my etiquettes class) πŸ˜‰

2) Have a warm, non- sweaty but firm handshake and don’t linger or scratch the person’s palm with the nail of your index finger! (I wonder on what planet that sorta body language is sexy? Did I hear someone say ewww, gross? E-xactly!) πŸ˜‰

3) Have good personal hygiene. Use deodorant with 24 HOUR protection. Seen the Axe advert? Yep! Nothing gets a woman going like a man that smells fresh πŸ˜‰

4) Hangout a lot in the places the people you wanna get noticed by usually hangout. It shows you have common interests and you are not a stalker if you are there by ‘accident’ or if you are doing your own thang! (Surveillance equipment not included!) πŸ˜‰

5) If you drool or snore PLEASE SLEEP IN PUBLIC! πŸ˜‰

6) Bask in your natural scent, body odour does get you noticed! πŸ˜‰

7) Chew gum very loudly!

8) Colour blocking!!! The more the colours, the more the attention! Who cares about the fashion police? Screw ’em! πŸ˜‰

9) Be a Miss-Know-it-all: Nothing gets you noticed like raising your hands every two seconds to answer a question even the ones the teacher kept hidden in her mind! πŸ˜‰ And while you are at it, now is a good time to share your ideas for achieving world peace!

10) Learn a language that’s not popular in your locale: It’ll definitely get you noticed if you spurt out a loud stream of Japanese during a group conversation! πŸ˜‰

11) Find your niche: Figure out what makes you special and unique. There’s gotta be Β  something and once you find it, use it to your advantage!

12) Authenticity: People can smell it. A wannabe gets deliberately ignored by those she hopes will notice her. Don’t try to be somebody else!

13) Make the first move: It shows you are confident, suave and not afraid of rejection! Take control!

14) Gbagaun freely: Grammatical blunders definitely get you noticed! “DOESN’T IT?” πŸ˜‰

15) Bad breath: Some are lucky, it comes naturally to them and its intensity could kill a bed of roses. If it doesn’t come naturally, you could always eat garlic or skip brushing your teeth which by the way is soooo overrated! πŸ˜‰

16) Laugh loudly and even snort at the end of the laugh and when you have everybody’s attention, tell them you thought of something funny and please DO NOT share!

17) Fart silently: You know the ones referred to as the silent killers? This is best done in an air-tight or air-conditioned place preferably with that one person you hope to notice you standing or sitting close-by so they know beyond doubt that it’s you! Smile for effect! πŸ˜‰

18) Wear a bra that’s noticeable through your top.An orange bra under a white chiffon top should do the trick and if all your bras are black, feel free to ‘accidentally’ pour water all over the front of your top! ‘Everyday’s a wet T-shirt contest!’ πŸ˜‰

19) Develop your own personal style: As long as it’s fashion forward, even styles that are quirky will get you noticed in a good way!

20) Wear grape slippers or colour blocking rubber slippers: They are trending among a category of attention seekers, it’s not too late to belong! πŸ˜‰

21) Hug people when you are sweaty and dirty and not using deodorant and make sure it’s a lingering hug and for the best attention, take ’em by surprise! It’ll definitely get you noticed! πŸ˜‰

22) Get into a fight with the most popular or respected person in the room. Since all eyes are on him, the attention will shift to you and be sure to raise your voice so no one misses your 5 MINUTES of fame! πŸ˜‰

23) Wear very loud makeup! Pack on the blush, the eyeshadow and the lipstick! Clowns have nothing on you! Shiorrr πŸ˜‰

24) Dress indecently: There’s a reason some girl’s wear very little! Try it and experience getting noticed on a whole new level!

25) Be a cave-man: You know how your voice echoes in a cave? Well try echoing other people. Just repeat everything they say for ten minutes. It’s sure to get you really noticed. “Be a cave-man: You know how your voice echoes in a cave? Well try echoing other people. Just repeat everything they say for ten minutes. It’s sure to get you really noticed”. You are learning already, see? πŸ˜‰

26) Be sarcastic: It comes naturally to some but others need to practise. Try saying; ‘Who died and made you boss?’ every time someone comes up with a suggestion and practise a dry laugh which is actually a cross between a snort and a yawn and voila! you are now a member of the sarcasm society!

27) Be daring but not foolhardy: Everyone notices a hero, everyone notices the fool too. Depends on how you wanna get noticed ay? πŸ˜‰

28) Fake interest: You want the in-crowd to notice you? Easy as pie! Pretend to like what they like, laugh at their jokes, ain’t that hard you know! πŸ˜‰

29) Be very obvious! Wanna flirt? Then go all out, Marilyn Monroe style!!! Short skirt, chew a pencil, bend to pick up an imaginary paper with your tooshy in plain view and then turn and wink! Gets you noticed every time! πŸ˜‰

30) Get a piercing in an awkward place. Your eyebrow, nose and tongue are pretty good places and while you are at it, get some tattoos!!! πŸ˜‰

31) Wear sunshades at night and buy everyone drinks at the club! Nothing spells Naija celeb more and it’s bound to get you noticed and even get you a groupie or two! πŸ˜‰

32) Have a bad hair day! Get a great hairstyle like black-gum-darling-yaki-lace-wig or put a zipper in your hair or dye your hair 7 colours and while you are at it, fix your eyelashes like Goldie and DO NOT shave your eyebrows! πŸ˜‰

33) Ask a friend to push the person you want to notice you into you by accident! As you collide, the impact will get you not only noticed but sparks AND BRUISES are sure to fly! πŸ˜‰ (Make sure your friend runs as fast as he can away from the scene. Waiting to watch how it plays out never ends well for the friend!)

34) Fart loudly in class and do an armpit fart for double measure! No one can ignore that πŸ˜‰

35) Be antagonistic! If everyone in a team is going west, be the one going north. You’ll be noticed fast! πŸ˜‰

36) Wear a very large gele to church. One that makes those behind you unable to see the pulpit and come out at least thrice to give an offering during the service!

37) Don’t shave your arm-pits and when the hair is long enough, wear a sleeveless shirt and wave your hands in the air like you really don’t care! πŸ˜‰

38) Talk with a fake accent! British or American. You needn’t travel, a healthy dose of DSTV will sort you out!

39) Wear lots of fake bling and sag your trousers. Nothing gets you noticed like a hairy butt crack for public viewing!

40) Wear a neon-coloured suit and if you wanna dress down, a white tux with a matching white cap and red shoes should do the trick! πŸ˜‰

41) Compliment a woman’s boobs or a man’s package while staring intently at them!

42) Use a nice perfume. Nothing like everyone asking what perfume you use cos they absolutely love your scent! πŸ˜‰

43) Be current: News, music, movies, sports, fashion etc. Have an opinion! (Not a popular one lest you come out looking ordinary instead of amazing).

44) Munch chats showing your sexcapades or how you scored with a chick and use it as your phone’s display pic or send it to a group! Nothing else gives proof of how great you are! πŸ˜‰

45) Work hard! It’s old-fashioned but it gets you noticed positively. Be the best you can be in whatever you do!

46) Crack dry jokes. People may look bored and slightly annoyed but don’t despair, it’s a facade and inside they are ROTFLTAO! πŸ˜‰

47) Have your mum pick you up from a public function and pretend not to hear her familiar and very odd horn so that she has to call you by your embarrassing pet name! The girls will think you are so adorable, all 30 years of you! πŸ˜‰

48) Gossip: Compliment or Criticize the person you want to notice you while his back is turned but make sure your whisper is loud enough for your comment to be heard loud and clear. Act all innocent when he turns! Things can only get better from there. πŸ˜‰

49) Make others feel good: Give compliments, encouraging words and smiles. People gravitate towards others with positive energy!

50) Make people laugh. Barney is so awesome because —- Wait for it —– HE ALWAYS MAKES US LAUGH. Best way to get noticed. Comedians are popular for a reason but if your goal is to be taken seriously, being the class clown won’t help!

Now what did I do wrong? Hmmmmmmm

Ok right, I didn’t divide the points into the good, the bad and the nasty. That’s because most of these descriptions are relative. Who makes the rules anyway? If I wanted to get a stalker-toaster off my back, some of these points would be absolute life savers so it depends on the kinda attention you are gunning for. Image is everything but being yourself is the best image you can present to the world. Everything else is a counterfeit and will only get you noticed for 5 minutes after that you sink back into oblivion.Β Live your life without regret, don’t be someone who they’ll forget and the next time someone talks about you, thank them for making you the centre of their world!

YOU ROCK!!!

Have a great night peeps….xoxoxoxo πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

 
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Posted by on May 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Remove the wool from your eyes!

No one’s gonna do it for you. Most would prefer it stayed there. Unless you come to the realisation that you can’t see past your nose, wool is gonna be the new Armani shades and you’re gonna keep rocking ’em like a fashion conscious bat!

So you think she’s your friend, you do the calling, the pinging, the watching of her back and worrying about stuff that’s important to her and when you need her, you realize she’s done a rent-a-ghost number on your arse. Optimistic is your middle name, celebrating your friendship with cuddly pics and furry messages, wake up and smell the dog poo, you are as alone as Robinson Crusoe was! Why are you holding on so tight? Yes you were friends as kids, but why have you decided to be the old grandma who refuses to change with the times? Forced loyalty to an old friend who doesn’t have your back while you put the ones who do in second place every time. Think about it, the people who are ready to bail you out when you are in need and cover for you, those who remember to check up on you every once in a while, they are your friends. BFFs are only forever if the friendship is forever, screw the title!

So you and your man have been dating for 8 years ehen? Are you happy? No! Is he gonna put a ring on it anytime this century? You think not. Does he try to make you happy? No! Is he faithful? No! Then why on earth are you still there? Did he tie you to a chair and gag you with a dirty sock? Did he make a pact with your soul for some change he’d use to take another girl out? For crying out loud, life is short. You ain’t even married yet and it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen soon. So why don’t you screw marriage, screw what others think and screw everything else screwable and follow your dreams even if all you have in the dream safe is a longing for solitude and peace of mind. Trust me, you could work your way up from there. A day at a time and you’ll be doing not just you, but the man you claim would be lost without you, a whole lot of good.

So your job sucks? You are under-paid and over-worked. You borrow like an alcoholic and can’t wait for the next pay check. You’ve never even heard of the word ‘savings’ cos you don’t even have enough and to top it all, your boss treats you like s**t. Did you go to school to end up like this? You spend more hours at your job than anywhere else. Is this what you call making a living? This profitless hard work? I know bus drivers who make more money than you. So they don’t wear a suit everyday, big deal! Then one day a new bill is added to your never-ending list of bills and then you can’t take it anymore so you decide to buy some strong rope and kill yourself! WRONG!

You think that’s bad, life throws all sorts of curve balls at us and they hit really hard and many times below the belt but do we give up? Do we suck on the lemons a little at a time hoping we’ll eventually get accustomed to the acrid taste? No! That’s not living, that’s existing. The worst thing you can do is to compare yourself to someone worse than you. That only works when you are on your knees struggling hard to be thankful as you say a prayer to the Almighty. When you get off your knees, if you don’t know the difference between the hope that comes with being thankful that you’re not as bad as somebody else AND the mediocrity that creeps up on you when you are HAPPY you are not as bad as somebody else then you’ll be sooooo screwed!

You’re clearly not succeeding at what you’re doing. Has it occurred to you that you aren’t doing it wrong, you are just in the wrong place? Failure is relative. A lot of great men and women were failures till they shook off the mantle of propriety. Who gives a flying f**k about status quo? Who gives a rat’s arse about what the world thinks? If you do, you are gonna die a slow, very painful death caused by broken dreams and an unfulfilled life. All the people emulated today dared to be different. What’s the best that can happen to you if you do get it right? Just another marriage, just another paid employee, just another part of the national demographic, just another person struggling to survive. What’s the worst that can happen if you don’t get it right? Shame? Rejection? Disgrace? Suicide? Poverty? WRONG! Those entities don’t wait for you to ‘not get it right’ before they pounce on you. “Time and chance happens to them all”.

I’ll tell you something. If you hit rock bottom then presumably there’s no where else to go except up, or under- if you choose to end your life! Maybe your destiny is a whole lot greater than the average Joe’s. Maybe instead of just being a married woman, you are gonna be the woman who helps other married women get out of the mud while earning a lot of money on the side. Why do we love TV so much? Because people seemingly make tons of money from not doing anything extraordinary. So find that ordinary thing you are good at. David was great at throwing stones with a sling and he became King. Somebody was great at updating his facebook status and now he does it for the president. Sometimes when the opportunity arises, we are just too ill-prepared to seize it and some of us don’t get more than one chance. You don’t have to be the best there is, you just have to be different from what there is. Carve your niche and you’ll be surprised what lengths you’d go. And if where you are makes you so mad, if you hate the situation you find yourself in, don’t despair, don’t kiss arse, just flee. You’ll hurt more people if you stay. You can’t give what you don’t have. Having a happy and fulfilled life is the only way you can impact positively those around you!

Have a lovely day peeps. xoxoxo

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2012 in Hall of Fame, Inspirational

 

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Is love enough?

A not so recent poll showed that the average person is willing to sacrifice 6 months’ salary to find true love!
To some, this may be regarded as a bad business investment, not with the divorce rate sky rocketing and broken love being as common as a 20 naira note. Nowadays people wonder if this thing called love is worth sticking their necks out for.

What is love anyway? According to my friend D, if it isn’t ‘agape’ love (the kind taught in the bible; meaning you could be Jack in the titanic for that person), then all na wash! Cos according to him, if it ain’t that kinda love, then it’s just prada-coated lust! I was watching Tinsel last night and was so mad at Soji for going to jail for a crime he didn’t commit because of his love for some chick who’d cheated and dumped him times without number. Some weeks back, I had been itching to slap someone as Fred Ade-Williams’ wife allowed her husband’s ex into their home because he had amnesia and his only memories were not of her but of a former love. I didn’t pity her one bit when she found out they had started sleeping together! Obviously, I could never be Jack in the Titanic!

My African sensibilities forbid that I love blindly but is that enough to say all I’ve ever felt has been infatuation and lust? Is that enough to say I am incapable of knowing what true love is? Abeggy joor, course not! I have loved; Deeply, truly and sacrificially, I have had my heart broken and had it mended again. Yes this thing called love is more potent than we can imagine. But is love enough?

After things with boyfriend number two went awry because of religious differences, I learnt an important lesson. Love is like salt in soup. Without salt, the soup is tasteless, boring, almost inedible (almost I said) but yet who can eat salt alone? So again I ask, ‘Is love enough?’
Today all over the world sincere and not so sincere people proclaimed undying love for 24 hours to that special person. But was the love proclaimed enough to keep them together till next year’s valentine’s day or even till the end of the week? For many the answer is No!

If anyone claims to understand this thing called love, then the person claims to be the wisest of all. Love is damn hard to figure. Worse than a jigsaw puzzle because sometimes the pieces just don’t fit right. Love defies logic, it baffles common sense. As if that’s not enough trouble, it springs up in the most unlikely places and loves to evade those who earnestly seek it. Love… The beginning and end of wahala. It’s such a beautiful emotion yet people have acted foolishly and sometimes even committed hurtful, heinous crimes all in the name of love. But powerful as it is, is love enough?

Can love keep a couple together during a storm? Can love replace the emptiness of a bank account? Can love take away the pain of death? Can love mend a heart betrayed by infidelity? Or more clichΓ©, can love put food on the table? Love can do a whole lot of things but there are some things it cannot do… Love cannot take the place of friendship, honesty, maturity, trust and fidelity between two people. Love heals but love destroys.

As we enjoy the spirit of the moment, let’s pause and evaluate this thing called love. It’s worthy of celebration but one must remember that it cannot stand alone. Fortifying it takes more effort than the acceptance of jobless butterflies floating around in your unsuspecting tummy! Like a rose garden love should be tenderly pruned and watered and planted in a soil rich with honesty and fertile with trust for it to blossom. It doesn’t matter if the soil be clay, humus or sandy for we were all made differently and have different priorities. Don’t wait till next year to check on your garden, it needs attention everyday…

“Love is sustained by action, it is a pattern of devotion in things we do for each other everyday…” (Nicholas Sparks)

Happy Valentine’s day Chutzpah fam!
xoxoxo

 
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Posted by on February 14, 2012 in Hall of Fame, Relationships

 

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