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Friends with Benefits; the rule book!

06 Aug
Friends with Benefits; the rule book!

There are relationships and then there are friends with benefits. Once a man or woman is not in a relationship, chances are there’s an FWB lurking somewhere. What is this fad that has gained so much popularity in the last century? For some people, it is a prelude to a commitment, for others it is a way to avoid commitment altogether and yet for some, it is their way of sitting on the fence.

The Urban Dictionary defines friends with benefits in the most simplistic way; ‘Friends by day, sex partners by night’. Day and night may not necessarily be in relation to the sun but more in a social sense. Day meaning when you can be observed and night representing whatever goes on behind closed doors. With the permissive society we live in, it is unsurprising to hear people publicly announce their friends with benefits status.

Now if the parties involved are not careful, this escape route can become a path with treachery and heartbreak along its way. So here are the 10 COMMANDMENTS OF BEING FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. I like to call them the ‘Rules of engagement’, after all, if you are gonna play ball, you have to abide by the rules!

COMMANDMENT NUMERO UNO: Thou shalt be honest! Do not start a friends with benefits secretly hoping for more. Be honest from the start about what your needs and expectations are. Remember that being dishonest can lead to future disappointments and jeopardize your friendship.

COMMANDMENT NUMBER TWO: Thou shalt not be friends with benefits with a friend who is in a relationship! There are a lot of other names to describe getting involved with a person who has a commitment with someone else and none of them are pretty. If you go ahead in this kinda situation, you risk the feelings of jealousy, insecurity, low self- esteem and guilt that come with most affairs especially when you can clearly see your friend has genuine feelings for his/her lover and you are just a sexy distraction.

COMMANDMENT NUMBER THREE: Thou shalt not spread the word! Being friends with benefits is a mutual agreement and should be embarked upon discreetly. You don’t wanna put your other friends in an awkward position or have people mistake you both for a couple. You are first and foremost, friends!

COMMANDMENT NUMBER FOUR: Thou shalt not expose the other person to risk! Sexually transmitted diseases are real and they no dey show for face. If you cannot abstain, you owe it to your friend to be faithful and if that is not possible, use protection. Remember that regardless of whether you have a commitment with this person or not, it is your duty to protect him/her and yourself! AIDS is real!

COMMANDMENT NUMBER FIVE: Thou shalt not act ‘daddy and mummy’! No playing house, no acting like a boyfriend or a girlfriend. That’s the fastest way to bring on trouble! Don’t expect him to call more or check up on you more. Your emotions and disposition towards each other remain that of friends. If you cannot handle this, you have no business being in an FWB in the first place!

COMMANDMENT NUMBER SIX: Thou shalt not get too attached! Getting all romantic or mushy is a big minus unless it is mutual but statistics show only 1 out of 10 FWBs progress to a relationship so don’t count on it. If spooning, sleep overs and mushiness will get you too attached, desist from it. Try to hangout with other people when you are not getting down and dirty to reduce the ‘us’ time.

COMMANDMENT NUMBER SEVEN: Thou shalt not close the door to real relationships! Don’t get it twisted, friends with benefits can never substitute for a wholesome relationship, neither can you build a future on it. Doing so would be like building castles in the air! Remember it is a temporary arrangement.

COMMANDMENT NUMBER EIGHT: Thou shalt not become territorial! If you are a possessive person by nature, resist the urge. If you don’t really wanna date her/him, you may feel on some level that you don’t want other guys/chicks to date her/him either and this is unfair. If you are a jealous person, it is better to avoid the whole FWB idea because the slogan for this business is NO STRINGS ATTACHED!

COMMANDMENT NUMBER NINE: Thou shalt not be FWBs with close friends only acquaintances! More often than not, FWBs never develop into anything more. The parties slowly drift apart and life continues. Secondly, a future girl/boyfriend who learns that you used to be intimate with one of your close friends will instantly feel threatened and want the friendship over and done with. In the worst case scenarios, FWBs can ruin close friendships because once you’ve seen your friend naked, the easy air you guys once shared may be gone forever. If you wanna keep a friendship, don’t complicate it!

COMMANDMENT NUMBER TEN: Thou shalt cut loose as soon as both parties stop being on the same page! If you notice your friend is falling in love with you or getting too attached or getting involved in a serious relationship, call it quits before someone gets hurt. You are first of all friends and friends look out for each other. Don’t let sex override your loyalty.

A friend with benefit implies that you are actually friends and should not be used for scenarios where strangers decide to be together without any form of commitment. Very rarely, true love blossoms and it becomes a story worth telling. If the love is one-sided, it ain’t true and if you know you haven’t the strength of mind to carry out an FWB, wait patiently and prayerfully till your authentic-genuine article-limited edition-one of a kind-lover walks into your life and you’ll be glad you still have a friend to gist about your new found happiness! 😉 🙂 😉

Have a lovely night peeps….xoxoxo 🙂

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25 Comments

Posted by on August 6, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Relationships

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

25 responses to “Friends with Benefits; the rule book!

  1. babaneyo

    August 6, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    Commandment 9 is very important. A rule most people don’t understand before embarking into such an ordeal

     
  2. Jay (@MegaJayVox)

    August 6, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    Its complicated.

     
  3. leonmacedon

    August 7, 2011 at 2:51 am

    Thinking of Re-blogging this

     
  4. maony

    August 7, 2011 at 3:10 am

    I lyk….
    *nw obeyin ð commandmnts*

     
  5. xavier

    August 7, 2011 at 9:04 am

    Beautiful piece…nicely written&well read.cheers doctor

     
  6. luyi

    August 7, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    Rule 2 is quite interesting. Wht if both are in relationships? Happens.
    Rule 9 I dont completely agree with. Coz if its an acquaintance then it might jst be a one night stand. Besides, sex doesn’t hav to be done naked.

     
  7. bolarin

    August 7, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    uhmm…Commandment 2 is very important, but also difficult to obey.

     
  8. aot2

    August 8, 2011 at 12:29 am

    Ok I will hereby follow these rules. Now looking for a FWB! Anybody interested should holla. Lol

     
  9. Myne Whitman

    August 8, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Still clutching my tummy in laughter here. The commandments are right on point. Did you hear or see the movie FWB? It was great!

     
  10. Nshina

    August 8, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    @aot2..you’re a joker!lol
    Nice one Neetah..us emotional chics can’t handle it sha..but for those who can..una try..lol

     
  11. victoria

    August 20, 2011 at 2:24 am

    nice one! i like!

     
  12. Jay

    August 21, 2011 at 12:36 am

    Emm… FWB my foot! Sum1 (usually d female) always ends up breaking most if not all of d rules n then comes heartbreak! Not worth d wahala. I prefer ALL or NONE pleease!

     
    • agisanang

      September 29, 2011 at 5:41 pm

      come on jay its obvious men are the ones who always break the rules lets face it they lie everyday(tallking from experience)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lol

       
  13. eme

    August 24, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    Nice one

     
  14. eme

    August 24, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    Nice one.been in one bf,I broke all d rules.lol

     
  15. agisanang

    September 29, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    i just love tese rules im 16 and i am thinking of being an FWB with my ex is that cool because we nomally kiss on a daily bases so what do i do

     
  16. Dee

    October 12, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    what if the person is an ex-husband that wants to be friends with benefits?

     
    • Neetah

      October 15, 2011 at 5:13 pm

      Ask yourself if you can handle it without complications setting in and without getting your heart broken a second time and also consider the effect it will have psychologically on your children if they find out about it.

       
  17. Stellar Beauty

    November 2, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    COMMANDMENT NUMBER TEN: Thou shalt cut loose as soon as both parties stop being on the same page! — very true :)) nice blog!

     
  18. sharon walters

    January 29, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    i have messed up! i fell in love with my friend… we were not actually friends in the beginning.we are coworkers who decided to get busy…nothing was clear in the beginning about what we are..he is very clear now..i love him but he does not feel anything for me he says…just friends nothing else at all.. but we spend so much time together movies dinner and yes sleepovers almost everynight…sounds like boyfriend girlfriend too me..he even checks my phone for other guy stuff….dont know what to do.

     
  19. keikei

    February 8, 2012 at 1:07 am

    number 8 is tough for me. i have to literaly have time away from my FWB and ge my head strait befor i go back.

     
  20. Tochukwu

    July 18, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Neetah, every-time I read your blog, I have smiles plastered all over my face, and occasional laughter thrown in. keep it up!

     
  21. ChiamakaO.

    April 5, 2013 at 5:12 pm

    Reblogged this on Yellow Igbo Girl.

     

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