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21 unbelievable things women will do to get married…

15 Nov

Tired of waiting for your dream man? Tired of changing boyfriends like underwear? Tired of begging God to upgrade you? Tired of waiting for your boyfriend to propose? Tired of all the heartbreaks and betrayal? Tired of men chopping you for free? Tire no more…

Statistics show that only 3% of single women of marriageable age in Nigeria are undisturbed by their lack of a spouse! The other 97% would do just about anything to become Mrs somebody. And when I say anything, I mean it…

Here are the 21 rather unorthodox things ‘classy’ Nigerian women have done in their quest to bag a husband! πŸ™‚ Some are bizzare, some are skanky and some are downright sad…but if you’re willing to try anything and getting a husband is the only activity left on your bucket list, you might wanna try a few! (Men beware) πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰
#Not for the fainthearted…

In no particular order:
1. Snatching a friend or relation’s man. All is fair in love and war! Rumour has it that women have resorted to locking their phones, hiding their men and coding their gist from so-called friends cos it’s a jungle out there… πŸ™‚

2. Re-inventing themselves. Pretence is the order of the day. No man wants to tame the shrew or teach the inexperienced or make an honest woman out of a dishonest one so once marriage is desired, women package themselves in pseudo, ready-made, easy-to-use, highly desirable packages. After marriage, what you see is what you get! πŸ™‚ #stepfordwifemode

3. Trapping him with pregnancy. This used to be the old school method of getting a man to propose. From skipping the pill to seducing the man or getting him drunk when she was ovulating, a woman usually knew she had the man where she wanted him once she missed her period even if there was no commitment. πŸ™‚ Now the guys are saying YES to baby mamas and YES to child support. Are the girls deterred? NO! πŸ™‚ The girls have stepped up their game by involving the parents and you know parents don’t like scandals…

4. Praying&Fasting. This would presumably be an honourable means of obtaining a husband but sometimes the prayers are offered up to deities other than God& other times it becomes a song permanently on repeat…

5. Taking his photograph to Cele church for a prophetess to pray over or a powerful Alfa. Heard it works like a charm… πŸ˜‰

6. Taking his sperm, hair or personal effects to Baba. Guys disposing of your condoms yourself is not such a bad idea… πŸ™‚

7. Outright Jazz! My friend S recently gisted me ’bout how a tied up, live pigeon had been discovered in a friend’s sister-in-law’s box. The woman confessed to using jazz and said she hadn’t been sure if the guy would actually propose so she took the necessary precaution…

8. Putting love potion in his food! This is classic and timeless but shouldn’t it be called a ‘compelling’ potion? Because in this case, love na by force! πŸ™‚

9. Saying YES to a man you despise! A woman has two classes of men usually on her case. The ‘correct’ guys and the ‘disgos’. The disgos usually end up as magas or rebounds but many a woman has shocked a despondent toaster with a sudden ‘Yes’ and men have agreed that truly there is nothing God cannot do! πŸ˜‰

10. Proposing to a guy! Yes it does happen… (Who wears the engagement ring?)

11. Toasting a man’s family so they make the decision for him! A friend complained that a girl he detested had over the months gotten close to his family. Lavishing on them, cooking for them and basically being their ‘go-to’ girl and now his mum had put her foot down that he had to break up with his girlfriend and marry little-miss-went-home-to-mama depending on how much power the family wields, their word may be final…

12. Asking daddy to get you a husband! If daddy’s a big shot, arranging a husband for you is usually as easy as pie and some men would sell their souls for a large chunk of daddy’s money so both parties are happy… πŸ™‚

13. Being your man’s maga! Some women believe that when you finally get a man to be interested in you, spoiling him and overlooking his every fault would get you into a white gown faster than an okada chased by LASTMA! Some men don’t mind a woman who houses them, clothes them, feeds them, gives ’em pocket money, never gets upset with them even when they misbehave and cleans up after them with little or no contribution from them… Living the dream???

14. Giving him unlimited freedom as long as he proposes. “Tell me I’m number one baby, tell me I’m the future mother of your kids and not Amina, Bisi or Ngozi!” πŸ™‚ Women used to wanna be the one AND ONLY in their man’s life, now being the number one is good enough… πŸ˜‰

15. Polishing up a low class, barely educated brother in exchange for a ring! The deal is simple, you send your cleaner, gateman or driver to night school, you give him language lessons, you take him to buy some new clothes and deodorant and teach him to call you honey instead of madam and in exchange, he gets to marry you, share an expensive bedroom and never worry about his bills ever again! πŸ™‚

16. Revamping yourself. Change your ward-robe, lose 20kg, buy a truckload of brazilian hair, study the karma-sutra, do a vaginoplasty and change the age on your birth-certificate to read 22. Botox, plastic surgery, a compulsory gym membership and ‘body magic’ also indicated! πŸ™‚

17. Becoming a worker in church! Rumour has it that men go to church to marry, the same rumour also reveals that ‘Greeters’, ‘Ushers’ and ‘Lead Soloists’ have the best exposure…praise the Lord! πŸ˜‰

18. Moving to a new town or part of town so that you are the ‘new girl’. This always peaks the men’s interest and at the same time you get to run away from your past and the ‘old maid’ labels! Combine this with number 16 above and ooh la la! πŸ˜‰

19. Going for ‘deliverance’ from a spirit husband and sowing a big ‘marriage’ seed in church! Giving your possessions to the poor, giving a sacrificial offering or just giving one thing to God that would make you weep…

20. Abandoning your hopes, dreams and ambitions! I’ve heard people say that women looking for a prince charming live unrealistic dreams, virgins are old-school, overly educated women are proud, rich women are not submissive, ambitious women are conceited, women with demanding jobs won’t have time for their families, women who want a faithful man are deluded and women who don’t get pregnant before wedlock have something wrong with their plumbing! So forsake the masters, don’t even dream of a PhD, quit your job, give away all your money and surely a husband will come… πŸ˜‰

And if all else fails…

21. Marry a married man!
He could be your friend’s husband, your sister’s husband, your cousin’s husband, your colleague’s husband, even your mother’s husband if you like! πŸ˜‰

Can you blame these women? The average guy has commitment phobia or is out to play till he is all spent before he settles down or is waiting to make his first ‘5 million’ before saying ‘I do’. Even a man with no future ambition or class, much less finances still knows he could have his pick of the best women out there, once he announces he is looking to settle! The last census showed a female-dominated demographic with more women per eligible bachelor. Family and society constantly put the woman in hot water making her personal successes irrelevant till she bags a man…

I weep for the modern-day woman!

Little wonder, my friend C is anti-marriage! She’s a regular Igbo girl so you can imagine her family’s consternation. Her mother has talked and talked, her relations have tried matchmaking but my friend won’t even give them the time of day. She’s an ambitious woman with her own company and at 26, she couldn’t be bothered. She isn’t heart-broken or a lesbian, she just doesn’t think marriage is something she should worry her head about. She says if she’s destined to be married then some guy would have to work hard at impressing her and till then case-closed!

A successful marriage rests majorly on a woman’s shoulders yet it is taboo for her to ask where the relationship is heading or for her to bring up the marriage issue with her man. She is seen as being forward, desperate, immature or trying to scare the man away by both men and women if she does. A woman’s fertility starts to dwindle in her thirties and some men have dated women for more than a decade only to marry a chick they met two months ago. So why shouldn’t she ask? Who is to blame for this? The women who buy the idea that their life is meaningless without a man or the men whose mantra is ‘They are not ready’ or our parents or society for laying down unreasonable norms and traditions and rigid gender roles?

Pressuring a man into marriage is often a foolhardy venture. A man can say ‘I do’ without giving the necessary commitment needed to make a marriage work and if a man isn’t financially or emotionally ready to marry or isn’t mature enough, forcing him would end in tears. So what is the way forward? Girls are not smiling…

Men please consider the huge pressure the Nigerian woman is under and if you are not anywhere ready to commit, set her free! If you are ‘almost’ ready, carry her along, tell her your plans, give her security and she will nurture your dreams for you as she patiently waits…

5 tips that just might work…

Feel free to pick the above 21 over my humble 5! Those who tried the 21 are already married! πŸ™‚

1. Lay all your cards on the table before you jump into a new relationship. Tell him your plans and make him tell you his. A relationship can only progress if both parties’ personal plans converge at a point that’s comfortable for them.

2. Gravitate towards partners that are on the same wavelength and level of maturity as you.

3. Check the guy out first. What’s his track record? I know a guy who has bought four engagement rings. I know another guy who breaks up with his girlfriends every time they mention marriage. If a man can’t marry a particular tribe or religion for personal reasons, it doesn’t mean he won’t date a girl from that tribe or religion! Don’t be the side-attraction, do your homework!

4. Honesty!!! Deceit in any form usually comes around to bite you in the arse…

5. Know when to cut loose. There’s a thin line between having faith and being foolish!

Ecclesiastes 3:11 ‘He makes all things beautiful in His time…’
Have a lovely day peeps…xoxoxo πŸ˜‰ πŸ™‚

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28 Comments

Posted by on November 15, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Relationships, Women

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

28 responses to “21 unbelievable things women will do to get married…

  1. Danielle

    November 15, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    Entertaining read.

     
  2. datboy_NOT

    November 15, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    WOW!!!!

     
  3. HaLin

    November 15, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Delightful!

     
  4. HoneyDame

    November 15, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    Woa woa!!! the first 21 cracked me up soo bad!

     
  5. abi mohammed

    November 15, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    One of ur best articles till date! Am so reposting this on twitter n fb! U go girl! Though the first 21 sound more exciting than the last 5, ur mssg is clear!

     
  6. Neduzi

    November 15, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Here she goes again! Those first 21 are freaking the realest! But those 5 are the pukka. Keep doing ya thang lady!!

     
  7. ladi omoyiola

    November 15, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    I really don’t know what to say…….DΜ…Μ²ΜΆΜ₯̊ whole thing ξ›‘s a little complicated…….nice blogg……cheers

     
  8. Moji Sanusi

    November 15, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    neetah, too hilarious abeg! but yeah, the women who tried the 21 are married o…lool. lovely, keep it up

     
  9. bykerboi

    November 15, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Wonderful read. Wanna ask a question tho? Is it wrong for a lady to propose to a guy? Would love answers

     
  10. Lue

    November 15, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    I feel like hugging yu right now.
    Something is not wrong with yu if yu r not married even at 30……yu dont have to start feeling bad becos ppl r talkin………..but if yu dont tink so, try d 21……im sure they’ll help

     
  11. Michael Spears

    November 15, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    Nice writing style. I look forward to reading more in the future.

     
  12. ajijala ayokomino

    November 15, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    Omo Lwkmd,d first 21 is so hilarious,but true word girls would do anything to get hooked dese days!

     
  13. jay

    November 15, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    gasp! live pigeon!
    lol at okada chased by lastma. how come our famous lastma gist hasnt been blogged about?

     
  14. Adenike Omotoso (@NikkiTosh)

    November 16, 2011 at 1:14 am

    luv it!

     
  15. UcheAnne

    November 16, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    Your five are better any day. Nobody should have to go through that much to get married.

     
  16. Jindu

    November 17, 2011 at 7:20 am

    Fascinating read!!!. Ok…..time for questions. Anita, which of these 21 ”Sins” have u ever been guilty of? Dont lie o. Lol!!

     
  17. Ginger

    November 17, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    lwkm! #2, 3, 5 11 – I have heard of too many times. Infact a friend recommended it. Today her entrapped marriage is on the rocks..

     
  18. Jemima

    November 18, 2011 at 11:45 am

    omg..this is so funny and shockingly true..well done!

     
  19. ace

    November 23, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    I’m forwarding this to all the single ladies I know

     
  20. hippybarbie

    December 1, 2011 at 11:42 pm

    hahahaha….your sense of humor is killing, but dear me, its closer to home dn u think,my best friend has been going for “mountain of fire deliverance” 2ce every year since she turned 23, 3years now and physical husband is still not forthcoming! and oh…….my very own sister just pulled a No9 with a despised/hated Ex of over 8yrs on the family (just gt my invite yesterday, yay??!!!!)….and d list goes on and on….babe nobody is safe, cos to be honest i can’t say numbers9,14,17,19 nd 20 avnt crossed my mind….hehehehe(shame on me) am currently on a new weight loss plan dis month tho πŸ˜€

     
  21. Harzgin

    December 2, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    Meeeen!! U don do ur research well oooo. All na 2ru words u talk oo.

     
  22. Dva

    December 3, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    …..And I love ur article,kp it up…

     
  23. Helen Adewole

    March 20, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    hahahahaha! women don suffer.

     
  24. onyinye

    August 21, 2012 at 5:20 am

    first things first,congrats on your award! i wish i clinched the award myself,but no hating…i totally think you deserve it. secondly,may i be permitted to “borrow” this article for my blog? pleaaaaze i totally love it.

     
    • Neetah

      August 21, 2012 at 11:14 am

      Thanks Onyinye and yes you may borrow this article as long as my blog and I are duly recognized. Cheers…xxx

       

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