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Raising Godly Children and the Key-Talk by Pastor Caroline…Part 2

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Hi Chutzpah fam, here is the second part of the four part series on raising Godly Children by our guest-blogger, Pastor Caroline.


2. Children of some great men of God have ended up being godless. What roles must we play to ensure that our children are godly?

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

Being spiritually strong is a prerequisite to raising godly children but is not enough to make them godly. You have a great role to play in their upbringing.

1– Pray with your child and read Bible stories to him even before he starts talking.  Teach him to pray. Then when he can read, teach him to have a personal quiet time, where he can worship God, confess his sins, read his bible, pray for himself, his family and for others.

2–Learn to prophesy good things to your unborn baby and see the power of God’s word. Teach your child to honour God even before he can talk. Pray regularly with him and read Bible stories to him. The time he starts talking, teach him to pray.

3–Spend quality time with your children. Love and teach them. The first five years of life are the most crucial years. They learn 50% of what they need to know by age three and 75% by age seven. Do not let nannies mould them for you.

4–Protect your child’s environment. Environment includes what comes into your home through television, school and friends.
*Monitor the films they watch, even cartoons. Fearful cartoons expose your children to spirits of fear and many have been possessed by the demons present in some cartoons.
*We are living in a world that condones the culture of death and violence. Watching films filled with violence have been known to breed violence in children.

5—Show affection to your child. Hug him, kiss him and let him feel
loved. You are sowing love and you child will be loving.

6–Be sensitive to his needs. This requires sacrifice on your part.

7–Model what you preach. Never say do what I say and not what I do.

That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto His kingdom and glory (1 Thessalonians 2:12).

8–Do not be too strict and do not be too permissive.

9—Be very patient. Do not let your temper lead you to violence.

When you give a child a solid foundation, it becomes easy for you to train him to grow into a godly adult. When you refuse to invest in their spiritual lives very early in life, their foundation becomes spiritually weak.

If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Psalm 11:3)

3. The act of telling lies is a common habit in children. How can we deal with this habit?

Children tell lies for virtually the same reasons that adults lie. Children who lie often have parents who lie. Without realising it, many parents teach their children to lie. The child watches you lie to the police when you are caught breaking a traffic law. You send him to tell a lie that you are not in the house, when you want to rest. He hears you tell so called ‘white lies’. He then believes that you can lie to avoid punishment and that some lies are permissible.

–To raise honest children, you must be truthful at all times no matter the cost.

Lie not one to another, seeing that you have put off the old man with his deeds. And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of Him that created him (Colossians 3:9-10).

–You must teach the children Biblical standards for honesty. Remember all liars will go to hell (Revelations 21:27, 22: 15).

  1. How can we build self esteem in our children knowing that timid children do not attain great heights in life?

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).

Generally, children from enlightened and rich homes appear to have more self esteem than other children. Two main causes of low self esteem: parental influence and school environment. When parents are too harsh and violent with their children, they tend to lose their self esteem and live fearful lives. The same harsh treatment is common in public schools where many comfortable parents will not send their children. When punishment is severe, the child’s spirit is broken and he grows to be timid.

Build self esteem in your child by observing the following:

  1. Do not compare him with other children. This is because abilities, aptitude and intelligence vary and are inherited.

  2. Bear in mind that children mature at different rates.

  3. Be patient with your child and have realistic goals.

  4. Tell your child how proud you are of him when he does well. Do not abuse or punish him when he fails. Encourage him and spend more time with him to teach him. You can provide good lesson teachers where necessary.

…To be continued…

Have a great week Chutzpah fam,
xoxoxo

About the author: Dr Caroline Umebese is an Associate Professor at the University of Lagos, a Pastor at the Redeemed Evangelical Mission (TREM HQ) and a mother of four with a passion for young people.

 
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Posted by on July 20, 2014 in #TeamJesus

 

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Don’t harm my children

I watched a video today that sickened me to the pits of my stomach. It showed a 4 year old boy being sexually molested by his 11 year old care giver. It was obvious it wasn’t the first time it was happening to the unfortunate preschooler as he thrust with mechanical accuracy seemingly unaware of the grave injustice done to him. I wondered where his parents were or how such an act could go unnoticed and I remembered this was Nigeria, a place where a parent’s primary responsibility was to put food on the table and pay school fees. Children in many homes were basically responsible for their own upbringing and at best the responsibility of molding the child’s attitude and setting an example for him to follow was left in the hands of hired helps or younger members of the family. One couldn’t blame the parents as they crawled into bed after a hard day’s work barely able to ask if junior had eaten or if all was well with him. They relied on a lack of illness and a smile half-hearted as it may be, from their children to assure them that truly all was well but many times all was far from well.

I remembered the tears in many a mother’s eyes when I told them what they feared more than HIV. “Madam I’m sorry to have to say this, but these signs are evidence that your child has been abused…”. The mothers and sometimes fathers would break down in tears, unable to grasp the fact that someone in a position of trust had robbed their offspring of his innocence. Sometimes if the child was considered old enough, the dirty look on the parent’s face and the terror in the child’s eyes broke my heart as it unwittingly pointed at the dysfunctional setting of the home they belonged to.

Child molestation is a very serious problem that can happen to any child. Determining if your child is actually being molested requires your best guess based on the proof that you find. Here are some facts about child molestation:

1)      Handsome, rich men molest children. Beautiful, talented women molest children. Ordinary people you laugh with every day molest children. Family members molest children. Church members molest children. Parents or siblings molest children. Hired helps and neighbors molest children.  Married people molest children. You simply cannot tell a child sexual predator by looking. (But do pay attention to your instincts, which see deeper than a person’s surface appearance). Most child molesters are known and liked by others and they cultivate certain relationships in order to gain access to children. Whether or not a person twangs your intuition, observe the person closely and don’t let him/her have your child alone until you’re satisfied they are completely safe. Talk to others about them. Find out all you can.

2)      A child molester may hug and cuddle your child in healthy ways right in front of you and your child doesn’t resist or fuss. This doesn’t mean nothing’s happening. Molesters themselves say that they deliberately do this so that your child, the victim, thinks you approve of the way the molester touches them. A child assumes his parents know what’s going on, so when the molester hugs him in front of you and you’re fine with that, the child thinks you’re OK with what happens in private too. 😦

3)      If your child develops changes in behavior such as having big-time mood swings, withdrawal from everything and everyone, fearfulness and crying on a regular basis or starts bed-wetting or changes toilet-training habits or starts having nightmares or if he or she is scared to go to bed or develops fears of certain places, people or activities then know it is time to do some investigating. Consult your child’s school and find out if your child has problems in school or with his or her behavior such as acting out sexual activity or being curious about certain sexual matters. Inspect your child’s body and look for unexplained marks such as bruises, rashes, cuts, limping, multiple and poorly explained injuries and observe your child’s private areas and look for certain things such as pain, itching, bleeding, fluid or rawness.

4)      Observe the child’s behavior how he/she is with the other parent. Fathers have been known to molest their children and this usually happens whilst the mum is asleep or out. If your child never likes staying at home alone with the other parent or insists on following you every time you step out, it’s an inclination that this child feels safer with you. Find out why.

5)      Teach your child that NO ONE should be touching their private areas. That it is not ok for anyone. That if someone does, your child should tell you and NOT be afraid. Make yourself a safe person for your child to talk to. If you get angry whenever your child fails or misbehaves, or you get upset a lot in general, be certain he/she will learn never to tell you anything. Molesters know this. They watch for this type of relationship between a parent and a child so they can exploit it and gain the victim’s trust with patience and kindness.

6)      Listen to your instincts. If you feel a deep disquiet or unease around someone, simply don’t let that person have access to your child–especially not alone time.

7)      Don’t put your faith in the presence of a group. A child molester can and will single out a child while on group trips or during group play. Child sexual predators like this because they know they can get alone time with their victims.

8)      Make sure your child gets plenty of healthy attention, love, and physical affection at home. This prevents your child from having the vulnerability that predators look for in potential victims. A healthy, well-loved child with good self-esteem is less likely to be targeted. In a sense, molesters are looking for victims who are already victims.

9)      Let your child know that he/she can say a strong “NO” to a molester and you will back him/her up completely. Let them know that they can fight or run away or tattle and you will stand by them 100 percent. Molesters make threats about what parents will or won’t do to a child if he tells, so you have to have that trust with your child.

10)   If your child spends a lot of individual time with someone, ask your child carefully phrased questions about whether the child has been exposed to any sexual material of any kind. Kids are curious. If it’s presented to them, they’ll probably watch and listen.

11)   If you suspect your spouse may be molesting your child, watch closely. Do you feel like somehow, subtly, you’re being cast as the bad guy to your child, while your spouse is the good guy? Abusers gradually block communication between their child and the other parent, and damage the trust in that relationship.

12)   If you’re a parent married to a step-parent, be aware that all the statistics show a significantly higher incidence of child sexual abuse among step-parents than among birth parents. You may be thrilled with your new spouse’s interest in your children but ask yourself; is he gaining their trust while undercutting you or your relationship with your children? While you want to back up your new spouse, you also want your children to know they haven’t lost you to your new spouse and that you trust them and support them.

13)   Children often keep molestation a secret because the molester has threatened that they will be taken from their family if they tell or that he will be violent to them or to their family or he has manipulated the child into thinking it’s his/her fault and that if anybody gets punished, it will be him/her or he has won your child’s love and trust with treats, attention, and “love”.

14)      If you suspect that your child has been molested sit your child down and ask these questions GENTLY and without any show of emotion that may distress the child. We recommend the mother does this alone as sometimes fathers may be the culprits and that this is done in complete privacy so that your child feels secure. Also make sure they understand that while you’re asking them questions, they are not in trouble in any way whatsoever. You may need to continually reinforce this, as children have a tendency to take any serious comments from an adult as meaning that they have done something wrong. Here are some questions to ask:

“You do know that between your legs is a private area, don’t you?”

“Has anyone touched you in your private area besides yourself or stroked your chest or bottom?”

“Has anyone asked you to show them your private parts?”

“Has anyone asked you to look at their private parts?”

If these questions are not asked in a proper manner, they may lead to an innocent victim being accused falsely of child molestation, a crime punishable by prison. If it turns out that no one has touched them, or asked to be touched, be happy and show them that you love them.  Do not be over enthusiastically relieved, because if you do and you have cause to ask them again at some time they will simply answer in the negative to please you.

15)       If your child has been molested, do not confront the person who has done anything to them. Immediately contact the police and do not speak to anyone else about it whatsoever. This is very important. The police will pick up the suspect and get a child psychologist to question the child again. If you are a health personnel dealing with a case involving molestation, immediately admit the child and report to the necessary department, do not release the child to the parents. This is essential in Nigeria because many parents due to the shame take their children home and simply do nothing about it, eager to forget it happened. Some beat the children and blame them for the molestation and the child predator continues this act on the child or another child. Other times, a member of the family may be responsible for the abuse and the family may seek to protect the person. As a parent try to remain calm and make sure your child understands they have done nothing wrong and they are not in trouble in any way. Make sure to smile a lot at them, they need you to be strong and comforting. Even if your child has answered in the positive, it is still possible that nothing untoward has happened. This is why it is very important to get a skilled child interrogator to find out the truth.

Statistics show that the effects of sexual abuse can prove to be traumatic to a child and lead to serious mental problems during adolescence and adulthood. It’s important to mention that most kids who were abused grow up to become abusers and dysfunctional themselves in some way, shape, or form. Please protect our children. They are our future.

Have a lovely day peeps…xoxoxo

 
9 Comments

Posted by on May 23, 2012 in Inspirational

 

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The Docs of Hazard!

…Daddy I wanna be a doctor when I grow up…

Many a child has uttered that cry as he/she got an epiphany. Some buried those dreams the first time they caught sight of blood gushing from an open wound, others were never given a chance to choose a life beyond medicine and yet for majority of the doctors in Nigeria, it was a life-long dream, which involved years of sweat, toil and tears (6yrs+X for some).
Now one can write about the many benefits of being a doc, from the title to the ‘efizzy’, to the respect, to the ‘god-complex’, to the money (not in Naija), to the certain degree of immunity from the police, to the good karma that arises from helping others, to the high market-value in the dating and marriage market, to the widely open arms parents use to welcome a would-be, doctor-in-law. The list could be longer and however long it takes to achieve this status, for some, it’s to die for. But no one ever talks about the bad…

We doctors have become the ‘Dukes of Hazard’ and here are 10 awful things you should consider before sending your child to medical school…

1. Med school is tough. To even start the race, you have to have been a really brainy kid in secondary school and the work load is structured so that the frail fall by the way-side.
I know a guy who ran mad during his exams in med school. #shocking-but-true! And then there are the strikes that thankfully, have become rare but sometimes keep a kid in school for up to 10 years. There’s also the issue of accreditation which has become a nasty new trend, leaving students hanging for long periods till their schools can get their acts together and sometimes totally interrupting their studies. My friends F and I who are currently doing masters in the UK say after med school, you can basically face any academic challenge or stress that there is. For them, the workload seems a bit too light at the post-graduate level when compared to the hassle of becoming a Nigeria-trained doctor.

2. They will rebel. Many parents think a doctor in the house is a must-have and have grown tired of paying the family doctor, desiring one of their own. While this is a noble thought, forcing people to do what they don’t wanna do is akin to delaying their destinies because one day, many years after, they’ll realise what exactly it is they are supposed to do in life. My friend A started out in med school and dropped out in his second year. Today he is a seasoned DJ and radio/tv presenter studying a business course on the side and says he has finally found fulfilment. My friend T now works in an auditing firm and if she had been allowed to follow her dream from the very beginning, she could have gained 3 years and would have been on a level far above where she is today. I have countless classmates who were forced into med school by their folks and dropped out of the race with alacrity as soon as they obtained the title. According to my friend F, “Daddy here’s the title you always wanted, now can I live my life?”…

3. The risk of infection. Doctors are prone to needle-stick injuries and blood and body-fluid borne infections on the job, HIV and Hepatitis top the list. Some call it carelessness but I tell you that many of these accidents are freaks of nature and some have been both life-altering and life-threatening! A colleague of mine was pricked by a needle she had introduced into a child with HIV when the child jumped suddenly. The mother was supposed to be restraining him and was profusely sorry but sorry doesn’t cut it when you have to take HIV medication for 6 weeks. She can never take back those 6 weeks of her life that she spent sick and vomiting due to the side-effects or the constant anxiety about the probability of testing positive to HIV. Thankfully she tested negative. I also know a male doctor who tested positive to Hepatitis when he was asked to do the test by the church weeks to his wedding… 😦 so many doctors have been paid with a measure of the patient’s illness in return for their services and have learnt the hard way that even if the hospital or government doesn’t put in place measures for personal protection, it is imperative that you protect yourself!

4. Any doctor who has worked in a teaching hospital or community clinic will regale you with tales of how doctors have had to run for dear life even jumping through windows because they failed to perform magic on a badly injured patient and as a result became targets for violently angry and grieving family and friends. It happens quite frequently in teaching hospitals where mortality is the highest because they are the highest point of referral especially those located in poorer neighbourhoods…

5. There was an episode at a hospital some years ago where doctors were robbed and molested sexually at night, while on duty by a gang of hoodlums that attacked the hospital. No one knows for sure if the offenders were brought to book but the memory of the trauma lives on in those doctors’ minds…

6. Doctors are their own enemies. We don’t have a strong enough governing body and many times it is outrageous how the doctors at the top are the very ones standing in the way of progress. A while ago doctors went on strike in a teaching hospital on orders from the Association of Resident Doctors (ARD) and were fired en masse by the state. Adverts were put out for new doctors and doctors flooded the institution not caring about the events that preceded the jobs becoming available nor the cause for which the other doctors tried to fight. The ARD seemed powerless but thankfully, the governor of the state granted the doctors leniency and recalled them. It was quite amazing that their sack didn’t incite a nationwide revolt. Wasn’t it a worthy cause they fought for? Every man for himself, God for us all… 😦

7. Patient wahala! Sometimes patients can be a handful and I’m not talking about the average run off the mill, disgruntled or stubborn patient. I’m talking big wahala! A female patient being managed for infertility was found to be problem free and the doctor suggested, as is routine, that she bring her husband to the clinic for tests as the fault may not have been hers. The next day an angry man with a raised voice barged into the consulting room accusing the doctor of telling his wife that he was impotent! Now you can imagine the scene that unfolded and there have been far worse scandals…

8. The residency exams. I know people who have failed those exams up to 5 times regardless of the depth of their knowledge on the subject matter all because they failed to satisfy an examiner in an exam which is highly subjective. Exams cost as much as 50k and there are update courses to pay for from our meagre salaries too. Abroad, most exams are objective so you can hardly fail because an examiner thinks you are cocky or thinks it is your right to taste failure in this lifetime!

9. We do not work for the devil! Some patients treat us no better than the devil but in their defence, it should be expected since we constantly deliver bad news. I have grown weary of patients giving testimonies in church that start with; “The doctors said I had…..but my God put them to shame…..”
It is not doctors versus God!!! We also offer hope and look after you, remember? We care but God heals!- Our mantra 😉

10. It has been said that doctors dress horribly and have terrible cars. The salary doesn’t help matters and sometimes a doctor has to do ‘locum’ (part-time job) apart from his main job to keep body and soul together. In other countries, doctors are amongst the highest paid but every time we rise up in protest, the people angrily tell us we earn enough already and should be content as our job is ‘humanitarian’. Humanitarian my foot! I know an elderly doctor who had to beg for 5,000 naira to feed his family because salaries had not been paid. With the above-listed hazards, should this ever occur? He had given almost his entire life to the people, I think it’s time the people gave back!

Most doctors after realising what they signed up for, look for the easiest way out. They try to leave the country but alas, a doctor trained in Nigeria is not readily hired in other countries despite his experience or skill till he has passed myriads of hurdles, exams inclusive and many have returned, after losing years abroad because they were unable to find suitable work.

So peeps, carefully consider these before you decide the life of a doctor is the life for you. I won’t even mention our crazy 24-hour work schedule or how our families suffer as a result because that would be complaining and we knew this was part of the package when we signed up and besides despite everything, I love being a doctor and wouldn’t pick any other life…

Today before you shout at your doctor or act rudely, remember this and realize that we are under-appreciated and a smile and a thank you from you, not to mention your co-operation would go a long way to help us serve you better…

‘Be careful how you treat me because I may be your doctor one day!’ 😉 😉 😉

Have a great weekend peeps, T.G.I.F (though I’m working tomorrow!)….xoxoxo 🙂 🙂

 
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Posted by on November 18, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Health, Inspirational

 

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My Chemical Romance

    A long time ago, people didn’t marry who they loved, they loved who they married…

Sounds like a really, really, really long time ago right? But so many things have gone wrong in our world, and amidst the wars, destruction, economical crises and famine, there’s a new scourge. One that was such a shocker in times past but is now almost like pure water. Divorce!

People don’t plan to get divorced or so they think but what I’ve always pointed out is that you don’t get a brain transplant after you say ‘I do’.

In our grand parent’s time, there weren’t things like relationships in the way we look at it today. There were courtships. A man looked and looked, till he saw what he wanted and then courted her for an acceptable period and then they got married and after that, however she turned out, he was stuck with her. He sometimes added a new wife but never ever disposed of the former unless she was adulterous or tried to kill him. 🙂

Courtship wasn’t a trial and error phase. It wasn’t a time to test the goods and after eating half the food on the plate, reject the meal that was served. No! Courtship was a time to prepare for a life together. To get acquainted with each other’s families, to become your intended’s friend, to develop a love that was a product of a decision already made. They weren’t hasty, no. They did their homework, asking people who interacted with the woman about her because back in the days, men were wise… They knew that a woman who was openly being courted would hide her flaws and mask her true nature.They knew better than to try and discover her true character for themselves. Instead they watched her from afar, let her be in her natural habitat, saw her relationship with the world. And if they liked what they saw, they made a move.

The women had many suitors, they’d stand and talk for hours and though the men begged for a little more of their time and affection, they carefully guarded their hearts till they found one that they could trust. They asked questions, they sought counsel. They watched him at work and watched him at play. Wanting to be sure that he was a man they could love and submit to, a man worthy of their respect. There was no compulsion to tell the world that they belonged to a man who had not made his intentions clear or known. Being his ‘girlfriend’ was not a craved-for title. They selected a partner based on what was important to them. If their heart was set on material things, then they picked the wealthiest of the lot and if their heart was a romantic one, they picked the one who made their heart glad but it was a process. And it was made very clear to them that they had to stick to their decision.

Fast forward to the 21st century…men and women are in a constant hurry. A man picks a woman based on three things. Her looks, the sexual chemistry and the facade she puts up as her personality. He doesn’t care to dig deeper before he commences because he either isn’t ready for a long term commitment or feels that if she is all wrong, he can start over like a great gamble till he finally gets lucky. Even when he asks about her, the questions would not make it into a standard personality assessment test. They questions are cliche…What do you do for fun? What are your likes and dislikes? What turns you on? What’s your Biodata? Every sharp woman knows the sensible answers to these questions. I could morph from reverend sister to intelligent nerd to fun, feisty girl at the drop of a hat depending on who or what was at stake. All eyes on the prize! Women are no better. When money isn’t our driving factor, then we focus on his looks and even when we claim a depth above the average woman and focus on his character, our limited senses don’t unravel even a hair’s breath of information about a new beau before we jump in, head first. And we have a perfect excuse for our foolhardy haste….an entity called LOVE 🙂

People say ‘you cannot help who you fall in love with‘ and yes you cannot help the release of endorphins from your brain or the Oxytocin that gives you butterflies…These hormones work in sync with your limbic system, giving you the ‘high’ we call love. But where is that love some months down the line when you cannot stand to look at your ex? or when you walk away from a woman you once claimed to love, without batting an eyelid? If truly we have progressed over the centuries and developed a society that makes love the guiding principle for its copulation rather than a pairing of people with similar structural and social encoding then why is divorce so rampant? Could it be that a chemical romance parading as sexual attraction has totally redefined what we call love? Why risk all on a love that could in time, change to indifference and hate if subjected to the right amount of pressure?

Wouldn’t it make more sense to be with someone whom you had developed a genuine friendship with, one who knew you in and out, your flaws and virtues and then allowed the love to blossom? Than to love a perfect stranger only to realize you couldn’t live with his/her flaws. When a person takes his time, it is assumed that he is dull,has options, or too much shakara. Everyone is quick to swallow the eager fish only to be in agony when the bones get stuck in their throat. The average woman has dated four men by the time she is married and slept with a bit more than that. Every time she changed relationships, the excuses were the same. He cheated or they weren’t feeling the love anymore or they grew apart or there were storms they couldn’t weather or she discovered something new about him she couldn’t live with etc. We do the same thing every time but expect a different outcome. And then she gets married, already used to leaving at the first sign of trouble and you expect it will be different this time? Marriage isn’t much different, the storms are pretty much the same, the only difference is you can’t jump ship when there’s a storm. Seems like everyone is forgetting this. The men even more than the women. Now pastors are getting divorced, senators are getting divorced, beggars are getting divorced… Haba! Only celebrities used to get divorced back in the day…

Here are the top ten reasons for divorce worldwide:

– Disagreements on financial issues concerning bills, debts, spending, budgets, savings and wife’s earnings.

– Inability to discuss/disagree/dialogue without conflict/misunderstandings/boredom. Poor communication prior to marriage will escalate after tying the knot.

– Problems with sexual frequency, quality, and infidelity. Sex before marriage to ‘test the goods’ has not been shown to reduce this in anyway.

– Physical, Psychological, or Emotional Abuse towards spouse or children.

– Growing distant, disinterested, and eventually bored with each other. This often occurs if you were never friends and have nothing in common except the love you share. When the love wanes you find yourself cohabiting with a stranger.

– Differences in ethnicity, religion and culture. Couples may find themselves being pressured by the expectations of their spouse, or their spouse’s family to conform to the ideals of the other.

Disputes over the appropriate upbringing of a child. If you were brought up by indulging parents and your spouse was brought up by disciplinarians, your child rearing styles may clash and be criticized.

– Addictions; An addiction is an acquired compulsion to repeatedly engage in an activity, putting it before everything else, to the point that it negatively affects other priorities and prevents you from spending quality time together. It may include food, gambling, drugs and alcohol, the Internet, games, porn, your career/job, religious activities, partying, football etc

– Disillusionment: The ability to adapt to changes in married life often depends on having realistic expectations about a spouse and the marriage relationship itself. It is common for disillusionment to set in when romantic or other unrealistic expectations are not met. Marriage is not an escape from your life or a ticket out of poverty, like all beds of roses, it has its thorns.

– Personality clashes: marriage seems to amplify faults and personality incompatibilities may lead to a divorce.

If you have these areas covered before jumping in, it could save you a divorce and eventually, less children will suffer the psychological effects of a broken home. Patience is key, it is better to study a person well before committing. Hurrying into a relationship will lead to more heartbreaks and result in more cases of commitment phobia. Take your time, Do your homework! Save a marriage today! 🙂

Have a bomb-free week and a fabulous holiday….xoxoxo 😉

 
18 Comments

Posted by on August 29, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Relationships

 

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Cutting your clit to spite your libido!!! *Adult content

     My first call duty as a corper doctor was four nights ago. It didn’t help that I was on call again the next day which was a public holiday. I’d previously been handling the saturday clinics and hence was exempted from call duty but with the increase in salary promised to us by the government well on the way, the other doctors felt it necessary to ensure we corper docs earned every penny.
I had skipped work that morning based on the fact that my call duty would run from 4pm on monday to 8am on wednesday. Did I hear someone say bloody hell? Nobody bat an eyelid at work at my obvious absence, half of them weren’t even at work and the others that made it to work were just happy that they had the public holiday to themselves. I got to the hospital at some minutes past four and realised that I didn’t know where the makeshift children’s wards were. The hospital has been undergoing some renovations of recent and every unit has been moved around a bit. I also came to the unfortunate realization that the houseofficer that was to work under me for the night was green, pediatrics being his first posting. So there I was bag and laptop in hand, armed with a hair net, wrapper and tissue paper and trying to find the key to the call room while my houseofficer ran down my phone battery begging me to come set a line he hadn’t even attempted. I finally got myself sorted out and prepared myself for forty hours of call duty!

Several patients later, I snuggled into bed, grateful for the cold airconditioning and steady power supply the hospital provided. It was past midnight and I was ready to take a bow when my blasted phone rang yet again. I cursed loudly in Isoko and struggled out of bed, not bothering with earrings or my wristwatch but remembering to whisk my hair net off my head. Yeah yeah despite what Noble Igwe thinks, I still wear hair nets to bed when my boyfriend isn’t anywhere in sight! 😉
I got to the wards and met the houseofficer, a nurse and a couple with a baby. The baby was a month old and had blood dripping down its legs. What happened I asked? Trying to sound as calm and professional as I could given the situation, the fragility of the child, the volume of blood and the thought of the work that lay ahead.
‘We circumcised the child at home and it didn’t go well’
The mother was sobbing, the father was exasperated. The woman who performed the act was fast asleep in her home, her wallet fatter! I christened the unknown woman ‘Edward scissors-hands’. Yes I’ve got a brain that depends on humor to preserve my sanity in the medical profession.
The child was paper white, had used six pampers in quick succession each being thoroughly soaked with bright red blood and all her tiny veins had collapsed, making my job a hellish one.
I am pleased to say the child survived and nights like this make my job worthwhile but it got me thinking. She survived but Lord knows how many other female babies die from massive hemorrhage because their parents want to keep them from the evils of sex. The poor baby’s elder sister had been circumcized, her mother had been circumcized. They were from Imo state and miles away from their village but still held bound by tradition. It was their identity, all they knew. As the mother wailed to Chineke God not to punish her by taking away the child she suffered to carry for nine months and I mumbled a prayer under my breath begging God to let me find a vein so I could resuscitate the dying child I couldn’t help wondering why….

Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) is practised all around Africa. It is a rite of passage for most women. Their choice in the matter never sought for as most of them are circumcized either as infants or before puberty. Just to ensure purity, a preservation of sexual morals and reduce fornication. I have a friend whose mother was circumcized as a baby yet she got pregnant in SS3 and gave birth to my friend so what was the motivation? If FGM turns women into frigid creatures uninterested in sex except for the purpose of reproduction, then why was this glitch present? Did she enjoy her boobs being played with or strive to please the horny teenager she called her lover that she didn’t care that she would never experience an orgasm but still went ahead to give life to his seed?
Surely a tradition that has left many women maimed, in pain and dead not to mention scarred and frigid should be fool proof right?
Why would a man want his daughter to lie stiffly in bed as her husband had her way with her? The only sounds in the room being his grunts and the squeaking of the bed?
Women have learnt to fake orgasms but could it be that this was the origin of the trend that has spread so widely amongst women?
Why would a woman deprive her daughter of the pleasures of cunnilingus? Even if it was morally frowned at, did she not care that her daughter would never know what it meant to be fingered? No wonder in african movies, grabbing a woman’s breasts made her squeal with such delight hence the term african romance was birthed in its rawest form as that was all the pleasure the woman could hope for since the bundle of nerves responsible for the feel-good feeling down there had been permanently severed.

Many people have pointed out that sex is a thing of the mind and maybe that’s the rationale behind searing her womanhood. But has FGM achieved the purpose for which it was created? Statistics show that the number of pregnant teenagers who are circumcized is not significantly lower than those who are not. These same statistics however prove that the number of women who have been circumcized who suffer complications like massive bleeding and tetanus is on the increase and those who had long term sequelea like HIV and Hepatitis B as well. Would any parent happily give up the fruit of their loins to avoidable morbidity and mortality? If this was a well-established tradition why aren’t there government approved hospitals that cater for this need rather than putting the lives of innocent children in the hands of a pepper-seller with a sharp knife! Everyone turns a blind eye saying the tradition has been abolished yet everyday a new generation of circumcized children are reared.
What guy would willingly marry a frigid woman? These women rather than carrying the mark of their culture with pride have an aura of shame around them and a humility that is decidedly ungodly. One can’t but shed tears for these beautiful creatures who have been branded for life.

As that baby battled for her life, her parents in great sorrow, I wondered who was to blame. These parents obviously loved their kid and only felt they were doing the right thing. We had to call in the surgeons to sew up the tangle of flesh that used to be her external genitalia. I couldn’t help wondering if Edward Scissors-hands had been high on kai kai or blind as a bat when she made the cut or cuts.
I must say at this point to parents that there’s no guarantee your child will not get pregnant in highschool if you circumcize her and the elders and keepers of tradition won’t sit with you at the hospital at 3am praying to God to spare your child’s life neither will they provide money for the funeral.
Men who think it their place to uphold the tradition, I have this to say to you; if you think breaking your woman or daughter’s spirit will keep her grounded remember the bird with a broken wing. One day it will fly again. If you loved your wives so silent when being f**ked why do you spend so much on porn and secretly crave a woman who turns every alphabet into a swear word when a man rocks her world?
Don’t maim these women, their tears and shouts for mercy have reached high up into heaven.
Stand against Female Genital Mutilation, stand for the rights of women everywhere.
A woman’s smile is like blessed rain, don’t take it away.
She needs all her lips and smiles intact! The vertical smile included.
Don’t cut off her clit to spite her libido!
Say No to Female Genital Mutilation! Let our generation see an end to this awful tradition.
Stand for something today!
And women on a final note when you are scrubbing down there and you feel your clit or you are contemplating whether to wank or go for fellowship, remember to be grateful. There are some women who don’t even know what a clitoris is!
Have a great day peeps! Xoxo

 
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Posted by on November 19, 2010 in Hall of Fame, Health, Inspirational

 

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