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Battle strategies that ruin your love life!

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A guy once said ‘Romantic Terrorism is the worst form of terrorism because it demands for the most outrageous of expectations- LOVE!

It doesn’t matter that the dude was a cab guy in a movie or that he said those words in French. Too many people are turning their relationships into battle fields, fighting for love in precisely the wrong manner. For them love would be too scary if they gave up control. Their constant battle strategies would make Sun Tzu proud.

The only problem with this is that you either end up jumping from one failed relationship to another or stuck in a relationship with a partner who is suboptimally happy and too scared of you to walk away before the opportunity to run presents itself.

To have a happy, mutually satisfying relationship, you have to stop being a bully. Romantic Terrorism might make your partner ‘behave’ but it will not make them love you the way you crave.

Unless you are dating a puppy or kitten, here are some battle strategies you need to let go of today! 

1. Sulking: You jut out your lower lip, wrinkle your forehead, droop your shoulders and walk around in a mournful manner with a ridiculous pout just because you are pissed. First of all sulking is unflattering and immature and secondly you end up forgetting the reason you were upset and instead going down memory lane to dig up a whole lot of unresolved issues so that by the time you finally are ready to talk, your partner feels the full impact of every crime he has ever committed in his life. This gets wearisome when constantly on repeat, the sulk brings the funk into your relationship.

2. Keeping Malice: This is an informal term used to describe a long period of going invisible due to the grudge you hold for someone. You ‘disappear’ for days. No phone calls, no pings, no texts, no visits avoiding your partner like a plague till he or she has to forcefully break down the barriers just to have access to you. It’s usually accompanied by prolonged begging and involvement of a third party and it wears down a relationship fast!

3. Sex deprivation: This is an age old battle strategy and the hallmark of Romantic Terrorism. It’s been passed down from generation to generation because our mothers knew that it would be very hard to stay angry with a person you cared about when that person’s body was intimately connected to yours. This behaviour is akin to depriving a child of food because he was naughty. Many good men have strayed because of this.

4. Silent treatment: This is a form of keeping malice but different because you are physically present but emotionally distant. You do not react or respond to any circumstances around you and just go through the motions of the day oblivious to your partner’s existence. This can be highly frustrating as many people can’t stand being actively ignored.

5. Monosyllables: Yes, No, Ok, Mmm, uh-huh etc. Many people have perfected the art of giving monosyllabic responses when they are upset. They feel superior to those who keep malice and give the silent treatment because they are mature enough to carry out conversation despite their anger. Someone please tell them they ain’t any better!

6. Feeding insecurity: She got you mad so you decide to flirt with those hot babes in front of her so she knows she isn’t that special…He got you upset so you call up your old boyfriend for a hearty chat while he listens in dismay. This is destructive behaviour and feeding your partner’s insecurity does not a healthy relationship make!

7. Nagging: You tell your partner everything he or she is doing wrong, did wrong and has ever done wrong- on repeat, all day long. Hoping that your accusations constantly grating on his nerves will bring the change you desire! Wrong!

8. Temper tantrums: You get so mad that you slam doors, break stuff, drive like a maniac, throw things and yell. Soon your partner would think he/she was actually dating a maniac and run for health reasons!

9. Compulsive behaviour: You max out your credit card, empty your partner’s bank account all in the name of comfort- shopping, you get drunk every time you have a fight with her, making her worry. You gain ten pounds every time you are upset with your partner, substituting food for the love you actually crave. Compulsive behaviour may attract pity from your partner and give you the false impression that you are doing a good job handling your problems on your own but it doesn’t do your love life any favors.

10. Waterfalls: A lot of women use their tears as their most potent weapon. They have the ability to control their partners by turning on the waterfalls and can do it at will. These crocodile tears are the reason a lot of men don’t take a woman’s tears as seriously as they should. Tugging at your partner’s emotional puppet strings daily will cause them to snap when you least expect it.

The list is endless, would love to hear about those I omitted from the list. We have all been victims to this form of terrorism not necessarily in a relationship but from others we love. We all have that one friend or family member or partner whose idea of love is control.

A lot of us are guilty of romantic terrorism as well. Many learn too late that you cannot force someone to love you. Controlling your partner in a bid to make them love you the way you want and to compel them to behave exactly the way you want, leaves you in a relationship which you cleverly think is perfect because it is perfect for you but highly vulnerable because your partner secretly seeks a relationship where he or she can be free; free to love the way they know how to and free to act without fear and when they do find such a relationship they will move on- Leaving you alone in your kindgom.

Communication and understanding are key in a relationship. Let go of these battle strategies and allow yourself be vulnerable for a change, you just might be amazed that your love life gets better and the hurt you always feared would come upon you if you lost control was actually only a figment of your imagination.

Let’s make love not war.

Have a great weekend Chutzpah fam,
xoxo

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Posted by on March 7, 2014 in Relationships

 

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2. An Open Letter to Boko Haram!

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Dear Terrorist,

I see you sitting at a table planning your next raid, mapping out the trail of death and destruction that will leave many orphaned and others homeless. Collateral damage you call it. For a better cause you reason. You turn a blind eye to the weeping mother who lost an innocent child or the confused child sitting beside his dead father, murdered in cold blood.

You want to make a statement, you want the world to listen up, to respect and tremble before your sovereignty. You dream of bringing world leaders to their knees and causing a revolution that your generations will sing about proudly…
  But have you ever stopped to wonder about the lives lost, the sorrow and the pain you inflict on the weakest of mortals who have in no way wronged you? Their only crime is their association to your object of hate. All is fair in love and war you chime. Ruthless and unforgiving is the trademark you wear with pride but permit me to ask; ‘Has there ever been a successful terrorist mission?’ You don’t lack the skills, the men or the firearms but inevitably you lose the war each time even after several battle victories.

  A wise man once said only a fool does the same thing over and over and expects a different result. Don’t you think it is time for a change? Nelson Mandela touched more lives with his love than Osama Bin Laden did with his hate. It is more than mere statistics, only the living can corroborate this story.
   I see the pride in your eyes as you gaze upon your son, I know how much you want to protect him, for you see we humans are not so different after all. We love, we fear, we fight, we hope. The very same feelings your offspring evoke in your heart are the very same feelings that those whose loved ones you brutally take away feel within their hearts. Come reason with me Boko Haram, let’s make love and not war, you can be heard even without the roar of violence. Touching a life with love causes the kind of revolution that generations of blood shed cannot achieve. Let’s fight for peace for a change.
    Don’t be sucked into political propaganda shrouded in religion. Allah would never approve of the killing of the innocent. You kill Muslims and Christians alike which makes a mockery of the religious disciplines that govern your fight. Please don’t be a pawn in the hands of selfish men. They promise you gold and silver and make you believe you are fighting for a worthy cause but what good ever came out of killing off the weak and defenseless in a nation? The people you kill are not the enemy. It belies your strength and colours you in cowardice when you target those who could never fight back.

   My dear terrorist, it is 2014 and new battle strategies are necessary. I need you to take stock of what you have achieved in the last year. Nothing has changed, your demands are still not met and before long the people of Nigeria will get used to your terror the way we have accepted maternal mortality rates and road traffic accidents. Now is the time to make a change. I urge you to see things a little differently. Today I am bringing love to the table, it doesn’t make much sense but within its embrace lies the greatest weapon. Let do things differently, yes we can!

From a concerned citizen!

 
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Posted by on March 5, 2014 in Uncategorized, X-Files

 

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