RSS

Author Archives: Neetah

Who are you?

I have been sick for a couple of days and as a medical doctor, admitting I’m sick comes after repeated ingestion of varied medication. In simpler terms, I’d done all I knew to do and it wasn’t working. I have always had a sensitive tummy but this had to be one of the worst cases of the stomach bug in history. My glucose, water and potassium depleted body tossed and turned for 3 days on my bed alone in a big house only stumbling to the door when my food was delivered. Yes, too sick to cook! 

Hubby is a traveler and many times I have to be strong for me while he sends love and goodwill and tons of instructions (take your meds, eat some food, don’t use tissue lol) from miles away. So there I was sick, weak and wondering why on earth the drugs weren’t working and feebly chatting with le boo via WhatsApp who by the way was on his way to Lagos from Port Harcourt for a meeting, when my bedroom door creaks open… 

It was threatening to rain, the power was out which is usual in Nigeria once the clouds get a bit dark and with an overactive imagination thanks to back to back episodes of Doctor Who (can’t get over this series) there I was trying to process the shadow in the door frame. It was certainly too dark for my brain to register the silhouette and my husband who was the only one with a key was miles away. Thoughts of Evans the famed kidnapper and extraterrestrials flashed in my head. I was undressed under the duvet and I pulled it under my chin and shouted; 

‘Who are you?’ 

WHO ARE YOU?

And then I closed my eyes in fright, expecting the worst and wondering if delusions from dehydration had beset me and then he jumped on the bed and I smelt his perfume and I burst into tears. 

It didn’t make sense at all. How could he be here? I had been chatting with him since I woke up and he was on his way to Lagos! I touched him to be sure he was real and then hugged him tight. He shouldn’t  be here but yet he was. My husband had come home! I wish I could tell you that I didn’t cry twice more before he left or that he cancelled his trip, but just making a detour amidst the bad roads and the threatening rain because I needed him totally made me feel amazing. 

He made me the dreaded ORS (doctors are the worst patients I know) and sorted out food and drugs for me and with a kiss said his goodbyes and by the way, he had a great laugh about my response to his breaking into our house and I know for the next few weeks I’m gonna be taunted with the ‘Who are you?’ catchphrase but hey I don’t care because my hero showed up just when I was at my weakest and sickest. He is the sweetest, kindest person I know and yes today is husband appreciation day! God bless you OJ.

P.S: I feel better already. 😉

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on June 22, 2017 in Life

 

Tags: ,

The darkness

Since childhood she was taught to fear the darkness. The monsters lurking within, the stillness before the scream. No one warned her of the darkness within the light, the darkness in broad daylight. No one ever mentioned the darkness that sits in a room full of people or that stands in the corner amidst the brightest lights. This darkness is so terrifying that every adult and a child or two stumbles upon it entirely on their own. 

I met my darkness a few years ago. He goes by many names. Maybe you have met him along the way. 

Some call him fear…

My irrational fear of driving and then swimming and the fear of the unknown that never goes away. He loves it when I dream up the absolute worst possible case scenarios and allow them dominate my thoughts.

Some call him insecurity…

He sits whispering in my ear every time I don’t feel good enough, every time I feel unworthy of love, friendship or goodness. He cheers me on every time I doubt myself.

Some call him loneliness…

Alone in a big town, alone in a small house, alone without friends or alone in the midst of friends and family. He is the constant. The aloneness leading many on to the boulevard of depression.

He goes by many names. Seducing you in the name of all that’s careful and cautious. Promising to protect you from harm if you only let him in and then like the proverbial monster he devours all that is in his path, making a mockery of the greatness you carry within. 

But if only you’d dare. Just a little dare, dare to defy him and see what happens. He would lose his power, he would tremble and flee leaving behind the remains of the smokescreen that served as your shackles. He needed your fear to feed him strong and now he has nothing!

Be a true slay queen today! Slay your dragon & slay your darkness 🙌🙌🙌 

He is lurking behind every excuse, every self-doubt or depreciation and every ‘can’t‘. You can do absolutely anything you set your mind on to do. You just need a little dare

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on June 19, 2017 in Life

 

Tags: , , ,

Dr Jekyll & Miss Hyde

Oh how she mocks me! A wry grin crosses her face as she hears me chirp away with bubbly optimism. She scoffs at the girly giggles and the feigned interest. She closes her eyes as the boredom of plans which will never reach fruition engulfs her. There’s only so much she can take after all. She taps her foot impatiently as the last one leaves, scowling at the lingering goodbyes. And then when I’m finally alone, she breathes a sigh of relief and another door as if on cue opens up into the only reality she is comfortable with. 

“Why do you subject yourself to such agony?” She asks.

“People are nice… sometimes”

“But they are so insensitive and ask the most annoying questions and all they ever really do think about is themselves and what they can get from you.” She states matter of factly.

She isn’t wrong. Just the other day she’d helped bind my wounds from yet another careless word.

“Are you tired of playing nurse?” I challenge.

“Don’t be stupid! When you hurt I hurt, when it stings, I sting and even longer than you do if I may add. This is purely a matter of self-preservation”.

I am quiet this time. She does have a point. When I’m with her, I’m happy. She isn’t my captor, well not technically and she does allow me a few meaningful social interactions. It’s all for my good she says and so most of the time I let her lead.

“Don’t give people the opportunity to hurt you” She continues.

“But I can’t lock them out. I miss social events that you think would be a burden, I let the phone ring out sometimes without answering because you don’t think I need the interference. I keep so many people at arm’s length. If I did any more than that I’d be a sociopath”. 

My last remark makes me shudder. Where did the happy go lucky girl who saw good in everything and everyone go?

“Don’t make this sound weird. Those people are poison. They spew negativity every chance they get. What have they done for you lately? You give and give till there’s no more of you left and still they ask. You have nothing to prove. You score no points for being the social butterfly not with a broken wing.”

I wince at her last words. I do have a broken wing. They see it. They pretend not to notice or notice fleetingly and give me a cheer or two before promptly forgetting the uncomfortable sight. They attribute my victories to overcompensation. They consider my handicap as grounds for many a favor. She can’t fly because her wing is broken so she wouldn’t mind spending time on land helping us with some more trivialities. My broken wing has become my identity. Almost half a decade and I can’t shake it off. I wish it wasn’t so. I wish people genuinely cared. I wish they didn’t give me pity; empathy I could stand but sympathy sickens me. It’s a wing…only a wing. I have learned to run like a cheetah, hop like a kangaroo, climb like a monkey and exist to the fullest while waiting for the promise of wholeness. I do more than exist, I’m doing just fine…but yet they make it seem like it all amounts to nothing…

“And that’s why you don’t need these negative people around you. These constant reminders of what you lack. These situations that make waiting all the more harder to do!”

“No I don’t…”

She smiles. Her work is done. 

I grab my phone and watch the next episode of Doctor Who. She is always there, like the doctor; waiting, ready to step in when I get too involved. She calls herself  the aloofness the people don’t understand. I call her the introvert within…

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on June 19, 2017 in Life

 

Tags:

​10 things to do when your woman is not in the ‘mood’


Has your sex life come to a halt and you are on the verge of sexual frustration? Are her anti-sex headaches legendary? Don’t freak out just yet. Here are 10 winning ways to help her flip the switch in your favor!

1. Don’t whine about it or ask her to make time or lecture her about her God-ordained duties. 

It’s counter productive my brother!

2. Don’t spend all your time in another room on your devices. 

In this case out of sight is a sigh of relief and an unapologetic ‘out of mind’ rejoinder.

3. Hold her 

You think she’s selfish or acting up but still you should hold her close. It’s possible that she hasn’t been held tenderly in a nonsexual way in a while.

4. Talk with her 

About something unrelated to sex or the lack thereof. Find out about her day.

5. Be there with her 

Silence can be very loud, sit with her, lie with her, stand in the kitchen with her, before long the issues she’s buried within will surface and perhaps you’d be able to sort them out and then get to the kiss and makeup part. 

6. Make her feel loved 

The sexual act begins long before you touch her. Does she genuinely feel the sincerity of your love for her or are you only honey-tongued when you want some TLC?

7. Make her feel appreciated 

Thank her for the things you may have overlooked. Thank her for things you noticed but forgot or deliberately chose not to comment on. A woman who feels appreciated is a woman ready to give some more of herself.

8. Make her feel important to you 

Sexual objects are only important for a couple of minutes and then it’s bye bye till the need arises. Same with cooks, laundry women, housekeepers…catch my drift? You need to make her know she means so much more to you.

9. Tell her she is amazing 

Have you ever read the Songs of Solomon? He writes amazing poetry about every part of his woman’s body that any insecurities she may have had fly out the window and she’s ready to give herself to him. Tell her!

10. Make her feel safe and not judged

And if all else fails and you still are left in the cold, don’t treat her badly or reject her. Allow her feel safe enough to say NO, safe enough not to fear that you would withdraw your love or care if she doesn’t perform.

Your relationship is not performance oriented. Let her know you value her on the good days and on the bad ones too…

Have a great weekend Chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 28, 2017 in Relationships

 

Tags: , ,

Smart Dating!


It’s 2017 and it’s a crazy world out there. First it’s the stress of getting noticed in a sea of bleached, Brazilian-haired, makeup on fleek, skinny but thick perfection and then you finally get noticed and spend a greater part of the relationship wondering if he’s the real deal or just another f**k boy cum Yoruba demon who is gonna land you on Joro’s page with yet another sob story and through it all you are not even sure if you are the side chick or his main (or only) squeeze.

So cliché…

So how do you date smart in the 21st century? A relationship that works for you, a man who is decent and honest and is actually dating you with long term goals in mind…Sounds like a myth for so many but these cut throat tips will guide you!

1. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket

If your heart is for John but he is acting like a f**k boy, give Peter a chance, he just might be your diamond in the rough. 

2. Three strikes and he is out

A bad boyfriend makes a helluva husband so if he hurts you once regardless of what it is, that’s strike one. Three strikes and he is gone but don’t be petty, those strikes have to be real boundary crossers.

3. No unprotected sex ever

Being his baby mama won’t tie him down, getting an STD/HIV from him won’t show you are loyal and aborting his babies won’t get you your happily ever after so zip up or stay protected. No sentiments!

4. Don’t smell what you can’t eat

If his flirting is making you mad, get the hell out of there before flirtation turns to infidelity and your madness becomes mayhem. If he is badly behaved it’s because you let him get away with it!

5. Guard your heart

Not every f**k boy deserves your time or attention much less your heart regardless of how fine or loaded he is. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeves, make him work for it, that’s the only way you’ll tire out the time wasters before you become the casualty.

6. Stick to the plan

A fling is a fling, a date is a date, no strings attached is no strings attached, we’ll see how this goes is we’ll see how this goes!!! A man knows in the first week what exactly he wants from you and that’s not gonna change so stop hoping time will change the situation. If his plan isn’t in sync with yours, then get a move on it!

7. Reverse dating

Stop dating your type! What have the fine boys you dated gotten you? Heartbreaks and more heartbreaks and yet you keep repeating your silly mantra- he has to be fine, rich and a bad boy. Why don’t you try OK looking, ambitious and treats you like a queen? That’s what Beyoncé chose and see where it got her. Date the guy you’d ordinarily put in the friend’s zone and put the guys you usually date there instead! 

8. Set standards

If you are gonna willingly be a side chick, don’t cry out when you finally have a man of your own and some side chick 10 years younger is making him eat out of her hand. It’s called karma babe. And if you are gonna chase after men for money, don’t get mad if your innocent boyfriend doesn’t take you seriously when you are finally ready to settle down and if that doesn’t describe you let me drive it home, if you wanna be treated like a queen then act like a queen. A man would always treat you the way he senses you think you should be treated so if he is constantly treating you wrong, you might wanna check your standards and self-esteem. Set some standards girl!

9. Be your own hero

Make your own money, have a career or a business, have a future that doesn’t involve your man or any other man. Be your own hero so that with or without a man, you are the best version of yourself. Men prey on women who would believe or do anything for a dime or some loubs. Don’t be that girl, let him know his money doesn’t mean sh*t if his heart isn’t into it too.

10. Have a solid back up plan

So you’ve been dating him for 4 years, what would you do if he suddenly cheated or dumped you or you found out he had impregnated or proposed to another woman? Would your life be over? Girl where’s your back up plan? Feel free to make it as elaborate as you can muster. Perhaps commencing a master’s program abroad that you put on hold or finally saying yes to the cute but shy brother who has been hanging around for years hoping to catch your heart. A backup plan isn’t an elaborate revenge plot, no it’s a guarantee that no matter what curve ball life throws at you, you bounce back 100% 

So there it is, but before I sign out let me add this;

1. Don’t go snooping in his DMs, trust your instincts. Every woman who caught her man cheating already suspected he probably was and only needed to confirm. If your instincts are already telling you something start looking for a remedy instead of proof. 

2. Don’t be all up in his face. If you like him still treat him like you do the guys in your friend’s zone, after all those guys keep coming back for a reason. Showing a guy who likes you perhaps a little that you like him a whole lot more kills the thrill of the chase for him and he draws back, gets lazy and ends up not appreciating you. For some it’s an immediate turn off so slow your role babe!

3. There are three types of guys in the world- the rich guy, the ambitious, work hard or work smart guy and the lazy guy. The ambitious and lazy guys could be broke today but only one will be broke tomorrow (Mr Lazybones). The rich dude on the other hand could lose all he has by a stroke of ill luck and then you’d get to see if he was actually, deep down an ambitious guy (meaning he’d bounce back) or Lazybones! Bear that in mind when man hunting.

4. There are men everywhere! If you are chronically single it’s because your senses are only trained to see men who fall within your specs and those men are probably not seeing you. Look intently around you, a bunch of people find you attractive but you’ve friend-zoned them all to create space for Mr Specs! Go to that shelf and take a good look at those men, seriously consider each one. We attract what we are inside!

5. Don’t be moved by pet names, PDA, family acceptance, expensive gifts, flowery words or promise rings, if you still have that niggling feeling of doubt in your gut then it’s only a matter of time till the cookie crumbles!

Rant over.

Xxx

 
2 Comments

Posted by on February 21, 2017 in Relationships

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Link

I was talking to my friend E who just got out of a relationship that lasted 11 years and amongst her fears was the fact that she was in her early twenties when she left the dating pool and now that she was back again in her thirties, the rules had changed. She now had to compete with younger women for attention while wrapping her head around the fact that Instagram and Snapchat had changed the game not to mention the added disadvantage that her dating skills were now rusty and outdated! 

Her story isn’t unusual. It doesn’t matter how many years you spent in the dating pool before you left or how good or sexy you were before you left. It also doesn’t matter whether you are coming from a broken relationship, marriage or a personal hiatus from dating, all that really matters at this point is that you are wondering if you can ever compete with the teeming number of sexy, 100 yards of wife material floating in the dating pool waiting to be caught by the very few good fishermen left!

Here are 10 ways to ease your passage back to singleville and the world of dating!

1. Forget everything you knew about dating before you got with your ex

Not that you even remember the specifics but trust me the OS you used to captivate your ex is now outdated and like sharks to blood the men in the dating pool in 2017 can smell fresh meat a mile away. 

2. Don’t go in with baggage

My friend P who is a confirmed ‘Igbo demon’ 😁 says that women with baggage are the easiest prey. If you still feel vulnerable then you’d be especially gullible and the next man who seems to care may steal your heart when all he wants is the cookie! Give yourself time to heal first. There’s no hurry.

3. Get your self confidence back 

Leaving a long term relationship comes with its own insecurities amidst the hurt. You may not feel or look your best, don’t patch things up and slap a huge band-aid over your injured self esteem just because you want to get back into the dating pool. Give it time. Once you are able to look at yourself in the mirror again and smile confidently, you are ready to date again. 

4. Don’t date because you are looking for a replacement 

If you are only looking for someone to fill the hole your ex left behind or someone to make your ex feel jealous then you don’t have closure yet. Now may not be the right time to date someone else because you risk hurting that person and yourself since you are obviously not ready.

5. Get on social media

There’s work to be done on social media. First you have to either sanitize your account by deleting all the pics of you and your ex or you get a new account altogether. Social media has become the proverbial bar to pick up guys and it’s supposed to be a reflection of your best self. Take some cute pictures and be social and soon enough some guy would slide into your DM.

6. Get a wingman

This is essential for surviving the dating pool! Get a female friend who is single and who is still actively dating and ride shot gun with her. Let her show you the ropes, the faux-pas, the types of guys to avoid and what to look out for in a man. Learn from her experiences and ask questions. You’d be surprised how rusty you are (don’t forget to take notes 😉).

7. Don’t be too eager

When you finally get a man interested, you may be very tempted to jump from ‘I like you’ to ‘let’s get married’ because you want to skip the unnecessary part and get back to your interrupted happily ever after (same story, different guy). This freaks guys the hell out. They don’t want a girl who is all over them or mothering them or making them husbands after the third date cos they interpret it as desperation and too much too soon makes you end up with yet another guy leaving you in the lurch. Take it slow, do some shakara and don’t act like he is saving you by being with you. 

8. Don’t jump to conclusions 

Don’t be too fast to stereotype your new man and toss him into a box labelled ‘men like your ex’ just because your heart isn’t ready to start trusting again. If you don’t understand his behaviour or motives seek clarification or ask a trusted third party for a second opinion. 

9. Don’t lose your individuality in the quest to reinvent yourself

The women dominating the dating pool mostly belong to a particular stereotype. Thick, Brazilian hair wearing, flawless light skin, make up on fleek and ready to twerk like a pro not to mention scoring major points in the kinky sex department! Truly it’s hard to compete and though you may be tempted to reinvent yourself to at least be able to compete with their perceived perfection, you need to not lose yourself in it because you want the man who eventually falls for you to fall for the real you and not the filters. To thine own self be true.

10. Don’t sit around waiting for your life to pick up

Get a job, start a business, join a gym, start a diet, get a life coach or do some traveling. A woman who is sitting around doing nothing after she leaves a relationship is wallowing in misery and allowing life to pass her by and the men see it as she not having any thing to bring to the table other than her pretty face and body. Men want more than that and nothing is as sexy as a woman who is in control of her life.

If you can’t date the version of you that you see in the mirror, no one else can!

Xoxo

 
4 Comments

Posted by on January 3, 2017 in Relationships

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Nuggets for 2017 (1)

Happy new year people! We made it to yet another year and that’s reason enough to celebrate and of course to reflect and plan. 

I stumbled across 10 wise instructions for the new year and I want to discuss each with you for the next couple of days, from my perspective.

Here’s Numero uno!

Never embark on a project without prayer. Regardless of how prepared, professional or persistent you are, you NEED God.

There can’t be any form of planning without prayer. The belief in a higher power is the only form of security one can actually lay claims to in this time of economic and financial insecurity. 

Being prepared is not a guarantee! 

How many times have we been prepared for an event and then got thrown a curve ball? 

Being professional is not a sure banker!

Whether you are a professional or you act in a professional manner makes little difference when favors are to be dispensed. 

So many people have gotten jobs they were ill- qualified for and got passed over for positions that they were even over- qualified for. 

Being persistent could be misguided!

Persistence pays but not when you are barking up the wrong tree. For so many, persistence easily gives way to desperation and depression.

Proverbs sums it all up nicely!

So people let’s not put the cart before the horse in 2017! 

Have a lovely day Chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

Photo credits: Google images

 
2 Comments

Posted by on January 3, 2017 in #TeamJesus

 

Tags: , , ,