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10 more things that make absolutely no sense! Part 2

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Letting off steam is proving to be quite therapeutic #forgivemyFrenchalongtheway. More rants coming your way…

  1. Boko Haram marrying off Chibok girls! WTF! You didn’t carry those girls for 9 months in your womb or battle morning sickness. You didn’t change diapers or wake up at midnight to feed a crying baby. You didn’t hustle to put food on the table or to send any of those Chibok girls to school! How dare you take the brideprice that rightfully belongs to these grieving parents? Who died and made you the godfather? Counting down to your total annihilation shit heads!

  2. Why are market women so deceitful? Why do they try to sneakily sell off their damaged, decaying items in exchange for your hard-earned money? Why are people so dishonest? Why do I need to watch you like a hawk before you do the right thing? Sigh…

  3. Why doesn’t any one have a job description in this country? Why do policemen feel it is their right to fine you for expired insurance papers or ask to see your fire extinguisher? Na the work dem send you? Haba?!

  4. Why doesn’t it pay to go to school anymore in this country? The richest men in Nigeria today are uneducated, unlearned, uncouth fellas. Really schools are either becoming outdated or someone ought to change the curriculum!

  5. Why do politicians jump from one party to another like mogbomoyas crashing an owambe? I don’t see American politicians switching from Republican to Democrat at the drop of a hat, have some loyalty fellas. This dirty politics is starting to make my eyes ache! Grrr

  6. Speaking of politics what is it with all of you and bags of rice? Kilonse? This is absolutely ridiculous. Swaying the masses with rice, how on earth is that democratic? The people are hungry, don’t make them sell their souls for a bag of rice and some loose change! How on earth will Nigeria ever get better if we all live for the moment?

  7. And then all these Nollywood actors and actresses going into politics, H-I-A-N!!! Abeg what is your qualification biko? Most of your movies suck, you haven’t taken out time to master your field and now you jump into murky waters that you know nothing about all for one reason and one reason alone- MORE MONEY! Your hustle no get part 2 oh! I really hope you know what you have signed up for! I will say a prayer for Nigeria…

  8. Lying that the man is your cousin! Today I heard that two cousins whom I know very well are getting married this December and no it isn’t incest. Family ties are getting looser by the day and the next time I catch a woman in a funny position with a guy and she says; ‘Have you met my cousin?’ I am gonna turn up my nose and walk out! As if!!!

  9. Work colleagues who are not loyal. You spend more hours at work than you do any place else and they expect your help on everything from personal to work-related at a moment’s notice but then just when there’s a problem and you need these aliens to act like a team or maybe stand up for you, you find out that these hoes ain’t loyal!!! There is a difference between a work colleague and a friend, don’t get that twisted!

  10. Loud neighbors! These are actually the worst type of neighbors. Throw out your TV cos with neighbors like these, you are sure to get your daily dose of Telemundo, Action X and Reality TV- VSNL guaranteed! Someone read them the terms and conditions please! Geez!

Got a rant? Post it here. Let’s let out the steam and make room for some inner peace.

Have a super weekend Chutzpah fam,
Xoxo

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4 Comments

Posted by on November 1, 2014 in Life

 

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15 things that make absolutely no sense! Part 1

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This is the mother of all rants…Feel free to add to the number or to leave a comment about the one you feel die. Sometimes we have to let the steam out…#forgivemyFrenchalongtheway

  1. Why does NEPA/PHCN have to take light just some minutes after bringing it, right in the middle of your favorite DSTV program when they know that DSTV takes forever to load?

  2. Why on earth does DSTV take forever to load? For heaven sake regular TV loads as soon as you put on the Telly so there has got to be a software that can cut down the loading time or are we stuck paying big money for medieval services because we are Africans and most local TV sucks?

  3. Why is MTN so stingy? They make billions every week and yet they are so fast to drain your credit or MB like a thirsty brother sucking up a soda through a straw and they never ever give freebies. Nothing like loyalty gets rewarded, f*ck you MTN how do I port?

  4. Don’t you just hate traffic? Especially when you are late and your A/C’s acting up and after what seems like hours crawling some walking distance, you get to the front and can’t even find the reason for the traffic, aaaaargh!

  5. Why does everybody abroad look so damn successful? Where are the people who they say wash dead bodies or do menial jobs? Where are those who live on the streets or have to marry an old hag for papers? Everybody all up on instagram acting like they play golf with Jay-Z every Saturday!

  6. Why can’t people f*cking spell right? ‘Ow r u?’ ‘Yer am gud’ ‘kk’. Yeah, blame it on blackberry messengers and instant messaging but instant doesn’t mean Morse code, respect the English language! I would like to see you abbreviate Yoruba words. It’s bad enough that people are failing English in SSCE/WAEC but now they are making up words on the go!

  7. Why can’t someone round up all the corrupt politicians in this country and force them into an early retirement? We know who they are, we gather at bars to discuss the evil they do and yet when one of them comes on the scene, we wag our tails, stick out our tongues, make sycophant noises and beg for doggy treats! Disgusting

  8. Why do people think it’s OK to be less than professional in a professional setting? Why do you have to insult that employee or subordinate instead of just correcting the person? Guys leave your personal sh*t at home. Don’t be bringing it to the office, just remember that that employee could become one of the politicians in (7) above and guess who would be wagging his tail begging for doggy treats?

  9. Don’t you just hate it when all your life’s achievements are summed up into two questions: 1. Are you married? 2. Do you have children? It doesn’t matter if you have a mansion on banana island or the 2014 range rover. Paddle your own canoe for Pete’s sake! It’s not your prerogative to remind me of what you feel are my problems!

  10. Isn’t it just ridiculous that some people
    see opening a church as a lucrative business? They forget that church money is blood money, the Blood of Jesus is over all that money and if you steal it or con your way into it or greedily covet it forgetting that many of the people who give this money are poor people crying unto God for help, your affluent lifestyle will just be akin to Idi Amin feeding his victims at a lavish lunch before assassinating them. You are chopping curse oh, fear God!

  11. Why are some people effortlessly rich? They don’t work hard, are not qualified and are not legit. Yet nobody catches them, they don’t die ‘suddenly’ and they don’t go mad, regardless of who they sacrificed! And then one day they give their lives to Christ and all their sins are washed away (money stays tho’).

  12. Why don’t online Nigerian shopping websites indicate height of the model or the length of the dress, skirt or trousers they are selling? And let me not begin to complain about UK 7 shoes that can’t even enter my cousin’s feet and she wears a size 6. What the hell is wrong with you? Sell by fire by force? And y’all know your return policy is wack! Who is gonna pay for postage?

  13. Why are our roads so bad? Mr Governor I know your potbelly is sitting pretty in your ultra expensive car but no matter how great your shocks are, you can’t pretend the bumps on the road don’t threaten to unsettle your food or that those ghastly pot-holes aren’t hungry pits waiting to swallow up brand new tyres! Chop the money if you must but do your job for Pete’s sake!

  14. Why is customer service so bad in Nigeria? Like I need to grovel and beg to spend my own hard earned money or pretend I am highly entitled and an effing diva just to get attended to? Haba!

  15. Why do Nigerians have such a ridiculous sense of entitlement? Everybody has to do something for you but you don’t wanna do anything for anybody, not even for your damn self. You complain that the roads are dirty and gutters overflowing yet you throw that gala wrapper on the ground without a backward glance. You expect everyone to bend over backwards for you because life has handed you lemons but when you get a chance to do something remotely decent for someone else you lock up! Absolutely ridiculous…

That felt good…now you try. Bottling stuff up can lead to hypertension, stroke,  heart disease the list is endless so take a deep breath and spill…leave a rant-full comment that sets you free…

Have a stress-free weekend Chutzpah fam,
Xoxo

 
5 Comments

Posted by on October 31, 2014 in Life

 

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The Little Bird…

Have you ever been caught in a drama that started with ‘one blasted little bird’ or ‘one yeye horse and his mouth’ or per chance a little fox? If you haven’t caught my drift yet, relax. I’m not finished but before I continue, if you are a lone wolf you better stop reading here because I don’t want you using this to validate your sociopath ways. 😉
We all need people. But sometimes our association with other people can be a bit *scratching head…complicated!

How so?

I’ll be there in a minute but let me give you two illustrations.

First there’s the ever popular game called Chinese whispers (or telephone in the United States) in which one person whispers a message to another, which is passed through a line of people until the last player announces the message to the entire group. Errors typically accumulate in the retellings, so the statement announced by the last player differs significantly, and often amusingly, from the one uttered by the first (not amusing when it’s bad info involved #drama). Reasons for changes include anxiousness or impatience, erroneous corrections, personal misinterpretation and that some players may deliberately alter what is being said in order to guarantee a changed message by the end of it! (WIKIPEDIA)

Catch my drift? Keep reading…

The second illustration-
Bola and Bisi are friends.
Bola and Tolu are friends.
Bisi and Tolu are not friends.
Bisi confides in Bola and Tolu confides in Bola.
Bola in animated conversation unconsciously mentions some things in passing that Tolu told her to Bisi. Tolu hears about it from a random person and gets angry with Bola. Bola is shocked by what she’s hearing because she doesn’t even remember saying such plus it’s been so remixed that it sounds hurtful, cruel and malicious and she would never say such things.

——What a hot mess——–

Now back to the beginning!

For centuries men have enjoyed labelling the average woman as a gossip (research shows men looooooove to gossip too) 😉 However many times the men have been spot on. There’s never equity in information sharing and there’ll always be someone who knows a little more than the others know and wants to be the little bird who heard it from the horse’s mouth who was last seen with the little foxes!

Now before you start feeling self-righteous, I am not talking about keeping secrets. Most people are able to keep information that starts as; ‘This is a secret, please don’t tell anyone’…. unless they have malicious intent but most of the wahala lies with the info which the sender believes is confidential but does not communicate its confidential nature to the receiver thereby giving the receiver a free hand to disseminate it consciously or unconsciously at will.

Nobody likes to hear their name called up in matters of she said, he said, they said neither do they like the drama that ensues because many times it leads to a tell-all phase where even unrelated secrets are exposed as self-defence as well as a lot of hurt and betrayal and at the end of the day who is left to clean up the mess that remains of the friendship?

Whether in the office, at church, in school or in a social gathering, here are 10 tips to keep you drama free and to protect you when it comes to disseminating information.

1) A secret is a secret. If someone tells you a secret and states categorically that it is a secret then keep it a secret. If you have conflicting interests and need to keep your plate clean to prevent compromise, kindly ask the person not to tell you the secret.

2) Try to divulge the motives of the person giving you the information. You must realise that some people tell you things about others because they want to spoil the other person’s name or sow negative seeds in your heart. If the person’s motives are in any way questionable then take the info with a pinch of salt. Sometimes information disseminated are as a result of people’s thoughts and not actual events. For example; Thought: Tolu always has so much money, maybe she gets it from men. Word: Do you know Tolu sleeps around? #error

3) If the gist could only have come from one source or is obviously pointing to one person, telling it to someone else and saying- ‘a little bird told me’ or ‘I heard it from someone’ or ‘I had a dream’ or ‘I’m just advising you for your own good’ or ‘I’m not gonna tell you who it’s about or who told me’- isn’t clever, it is lame because tracing it to the source isn’t hard so if you must recount a story be wise.

4) Where information is concerned- the friend of my enemy is my enemy and the friend of my friend is my friend because that’s what usually happens. Like Bola in the second illustration, when people are in lighthearted conversation with their friends, they hardly guard the words uttered from their mouth so if for example you don’t want your story becoming front page news, don’t share it with someone who has a close friend you do not want knowing your business. Bola may have had no ulterior motives when she spilled the not-so-confidential gist to her ‘other’ friend Bisi but Bisi had no loyalties to Tolu and who knows, may not even have liked Tolu very much so Bola has unintentionally armed Bisi with info she can use against her other friend Tolu and guess who gets caught in the middle?
5) Don’t say things about other people that you would never admit to their faces. Now this clearly crosses the line from gossip to slander. If you say “Hey I heard Tolu stole Bisi’s boyfriend”. Tolu can choose to explain herself or ignore when she hears the story and may even laugh it off depending on the gravity but if you say “Tolu is a ho, keep your boo far from her. The last person who fell victim was Bisi”, then you have tried and sentenced her to a crime she may not be guilty of and when she hears, she’ll be angrier about the name-calling and slander arising from your cruel generalisations than the accompanying case study. If you must retell, keep it simple.

6) Anyone who gives you gossip will gossip about you. Shikena! You think you are immune sitting there enjoying the gossip she keeps bringing to you. Be careful hon, you ain’t that special, she’s probably using your life as a case study in her entertainment of her other friends!

7) Your comments matter. You don’t gossip but when you hear gossip you are quick to comment or even share similar stories you’ve heard. “So disappointed in Amaka, that’s how I heard Seyi did the same thing some weeks ago”. Don’t act all shocked when you hear you’ve been quoted out of context or your name keeps coming up. Remember sometimes these people are only looking for one word from your mouth- ‘Anything you say shall be used against you in the court of law’. Silence is golden.

8) If it means that much to you, don’t share it. The only information you can keep in check is information you haven’t told anybody. Now many times it’s hard to keep it all in but you can find a select few that you can trust with your life and unburden your secrets on them. Feel free to test them with an outrageous-must share-not dangerous to you if shared- secret to see if they can keep it. If they fail to keep it then you know you can definitely not trust them with your life’s dramas.

9) Be wary of people who seem overly concerned about you and want to know all that’s going on with you. If you are not moved to voluntarily share information with these people then don’t. Trust your instincts. Most of these people may camouflage as your most caring friends but really don’t have your best interests at heart and giving them information empowers them to hurt you.

10) Beware of technology! With the advent of tape recorders, phone voice recorders and others, you can be caught in a hot mess if you say something you shouldn’t. You may not be able to deny the voice on the recorder and many times the way it is played back may not be the way you intended to say it or the meaning you intended to convey. #drama

Most people have at least once in their lives been involved in such drama. Sometimes like the little foxes, it ruins promising friendships or really old ones. If you’ve been hurt by a friend who spilt the beans on you, remember that sometimes the person may not have intended to hurt you but by being careless with your information has exposed you to hurt and ridicule. Forgive the person but be more careful about your personal info in future and if you are the one who has inadvertently said, shared or re-broadcasted something you weren’t sure of, humiliating as it may be, own up and apologise. Nothing kills drama faster than a heart-felt apology.

Before you share something about someone, verify the story, ask yourself- Is it hurtful? Would I like someone to spread such stories about me? What if it isn’t true? Even if it’s true do I wanna get caught up in this sorta drama? What are my motives? How would my motives be interpreted if sh*t hits the fan? Think before you speak!

Philipians 4:8 says “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true,
whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

If your mind is full of these things above, it will reflect in your conversation!

NO MORE DRAMA #NMD

Have a great drama-free weekend chutzpah fam,
Xoxo 😉 🙂 😉

 
6 Comments

Posted by on June 22, 2013 in Inspirational

 

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