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Smart Dating!


It’s 2017 and it’s a crazy world out there. First it’s the stress of getting noticed in a sea of bleached, Brazilian-haired, makeup on fleek, skinny but thick perfection and then you finally get noticed and spend a greater part of the relationship wondering if he’s the real deal or just another f**k boy cum Yoruba demon who is gonna land you on Joro’s page with yet another sob story and through it all you are not even sure if you are the side chick or his main (or only) squeeze.

So cliché…

So how do you date smart in the 21st century? A relationship that works for you, a man who is decent and honest and is actually dating you with long term goals in mind…Sounds like a myth for so many but these cut throat tips will guide you!

1. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket

If your heart is for John but he is acting like a f**k boy, give Peter a chance, he just might be your diamond in the rough. 

2. Three strikes and he is out

A bad boyfriend makes a helluva husband so if he hurts you once regardless of what it is, that’s strike one. Three strikes and he is gone but don’t be petty, those strikes have to be real boundary crossers.

3. No unprotected sex ever

Being his baby mama won’t tie him down, getting an STD/HIV from him won’t show you are loyal and aborting his babies won’t get you your happily ever after so zip up or stay protected. No sentiments!

4. Don’t smell what you can’t eat

If his flirting is making you mad, get the hell out of there before flirtation turns to infidelity and your madness becomes mayhem. If he is badly behaved it’s because you let him get away with it!

5. Guard your heart

Not every f**k boy deserves your time or attention much less your heart regardless of how fine or loaded he is. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeves, make him work for it, that’s the only way you’ll tire out the time wasters before you become the casualty.

6. Stick to the plan

A fling is a fling, a date is a date, no strings attached is no strings attached, we’ll see how this goes is we’ll see how this goes!!! A man knows in the first week what exactly he wants from you and that’s not gonna change so stop hoping time will change the situation. If his plan isn’t in sync with yours, then get a move on it!

7. Reverse dating

Stop dating your type! What have the fine boys you dated gotten you? Heartbreaks and more heartbreaks and yet you keep repeating your silly mantra- he has to be fine, rich and a bad boy. Why don’t you try OK looking, ambitious and treats you like a queen? That’s what Beyoncé chose and see where it got her. Date the guy you’d ordinarily put in the friend’s zone and put the guys you usually date there instead! 

8. Set standards

If you are gonna willingly be a side chick, don’t cry out when you finally have a man of your own and some side chick 10 years younger is making him eat out of her hand. It’s called karma babe. And if you are gonna chase after men for money, don’t get mad if your innocent boyfriend doesn’t take you seriously when you are finally ready to settle down and if that doesn’t describe you let me drive it home, if you wanna be treated like a queen then act like a queen. A man would always treat you the way he senses you think you should be treated so if he is constantly treating you wrong, you might wanna check your standards and self-esteem. Set some standards girl!

9. Be your own hero

Make your own money, have a career or a business, have a future that doesn’t involve your man or any other man. Be your own hero so that with or without a man, you are the best version of yourself. Men prey on women who would believe or do anything for a dime or some loubs. Don’t be that girl, let him know his money doesn’t mean sh*t if his heart isn’t into it too.

10. Have a solid back up plan

So you’ve been dating him for 4 years, what would you do if he suddenly cheated or dumped you or you found out he had impregnated or proposed to another woman? Would your life be over? Girl where’s your back up plan? Feel free to make it as elaborate as you can muster. Perhaps commencing a master’s program abroad that you put on hold or finally saying yes to the cute but shy brother who has been hanging around for years hoping to catch your heart. A backup plan isn’t an elaborate revenge plot, no it’s a guarantee that no matter what curve ball life throws at you, you bounce back 100% 

So there it is, but before I sign out let me add this;

1. Don’t go snooping in his DMs, trust your instincts. Every woman who caught her man cheating already suspected he probably was and only needed to confirm. If your instincts are already telling you something start looking for a remedy instead of proof. 

2. Don’t be all up in his face. If you like him still treat him like you do the guys in your friend’s zone, after all those guys keep coming back for a reason. Showing a guy who likes you perhaps a little that you like him a whole lot more kills the thrill of the chase for him and he draws back, gets lazy and ends up not appreciating you. For some it’s an immediate turn off so slow your role babe!

3. There are three types of guys in the world- the rich guy, the ambitious, work hard or work smart guy and the lazy guy. The ambitious and lazy guys could be broke today but only one will be broke tomorrow (Mr Lazybones). The rich dude on the other hand could lose all he has by a stroke of ill luck and then you’d get to see if he was actually, deep down an ambitious guy (meaning he’d bounce back) or Lazybones! Bear that in mind when man hunting.

4. There are men everywhere! If you are chronically single it’s because your senses are only trained to see men who fall within your specs and those men are probably not seeing you. Look intently around you, a bunch of people find you attractive but you’ve friend-zoned them all to create space for Mr Specs! Go to that shelf and take a good look at those men, seriously consider each one. We attract what we are inside!

5. Don’t be moved by pet names, PDA, family acceptance, expensive gifts, flowery words or promise rings, if you still have that niggling feeling of doubt in your gut then it’s only a matter of time till the cookie crumbles!

Rant over.

Xxx

 
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Posted by on February 21, 2017 in Relationships

 

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The Side Chick!

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I love the hit series ‘Scandal’ but who doesn’t? The complicated lives of Olivia and Fitz keep me enthralled and in love with love. But is anyone worried about the subliminal messages being passed? The sidechick fad is slowly creeping back and now women are gonna wanna emulate Olivia Pope aka the Fixer and fix married men, engaged men and men in serious relationships or NOT?

What is a side chick anyway?

The urban dictionary has 5 definitions for the sidechick…Here goes:
1. The other woman; also known as the mistress; a female that is neither a male’s wife or girlfriend who has relations with the male while he is in another relationship.
2. A position allocated to a girl which is neither a wifey or a girlfriend but a side dish like nandos rice (ouch! I don’t even like nandos rice 😦 )
3. Girls you have sex with (or date) on and off whilst you’re looking for THE ONE you want to go out with (or marry).
4. Female version of a “wingman”. I.e. a female willing to rescue her friends from awkward social interactions and  help them find successful, romantic partners (aww@ all my girlfriends, I’ll be your sidechick any day! 😉 ♥ )
5. A woman who provides a male show host (primarily in radio) with occasional, or sometimes frequent input and conversation on the current topic. She is rarely credited formally for contributing to the show and can be present from the outset of a show, but usually is added in when ratings drop to increase female demographics. (Hmmm naija radio stations I see you!)

Ok back to Olivia Pope the goddess of all things on the side ;-). Being a side chick has it’s perks. Many times you get all the bonuses of a relationship without the heartaches and drama and you don’t have to put in as much effort to make things work as wifey does because it’s not like you are tryna build anything anyway!

The only time there’s a problem is if you get caught by the woman whose house you are renting for free or you catch feelings! Both are very bad. Bad for you, bad for him and bad for wifey. Bad for you because that’s usually the end of the side matter. Most men would never pick their side chick no matter how awesome she is over their wife or girlfriend. Even worse, you get disgraced (sometimes publicly), let’s not begin to talk of the scorned girlfriend/wife who happens to have hot water, acid or a loaded gun on standby (Hell hath no fury!). You also get stuck with a badass reputation not to mention several curses (every strange woman fall down and die sturvs #MFM). Then of course, if you are religious, being a side chick makes it a tad difficult to believe God for your man ko? “Dear Papa God, as I am stealing this woman’s food, finish preparing my own sharp sharp so I can chop it alone, hunger dey catch me!” (I hear you 😉 )

Now there are two types of side chicks. The accidental one and the intentional one. Let me give you the gist;

The accidental side chick didn’t do her homework. She failed to notice the ring mark on his finger, settled for his vague answers and didn’t probe deeper. She also lacks aproko friends to help her dig up dirt. Many times she is the victim (in quote oh).  She’s been deceived by one over nice guy who failed to mention his happy family abroad or the girlfriend he has taken home to meet his family. Sometimes she isn’t deceived by a particularly clever guy, she just decided to bury her head in the sands like an ostrich and not see the obvious. This side chick is far from cool. This is not the Olivia Pope kind at all but sometimes an accidental sidechick can port to the dark side. It usually happens when she discovers, he begs and she looks at the opportunity cost. Maybe the relationship is too sweet or the benefits are too mad and there’s no other correct guy in sight. She then realises that half a loaf is better than none and carries on.

Now the intentional side chick! (Aha)
She usually doesn’t start out as the chick out to wreck your marriage or your relationship. These are things she dreamt of having herself one day but things happened. Her heart may have been broken more than once or her bank account (who knows?) and here comes this unavailable man offering her everything she ever wanted. Well it’s a dog eat dog world and she’s not gonna let something as mundane as another woman stop her. Sometimes it’s less cold blooded more out of this world-one of a kind-love affair. He may be in a loveless marriage of convenience and she may be the only one who can save him (I see you Olivia!) sometimes the wife or the girlfriend may not even mind her being around. The girlfriend may be practising abstinence and have given her boyfriend a hall pass. The wife may feel you make her husband happier or more focussed and is content with just being his Mrs (First lady things). Whatever the case may be, sometimes the side chick gets upgraded to the wife, girlfriend or who knows second wife (our culture does allow this, religion however, doesn’t! Even Islam says you should be able to love them equally and i have never seen a man love two women equally jare 😉 ). Other times she ends up discontented, bitter and having to raise a kid alone (if she happened to have one) plus she has no control about when she gets to see her man (His real family is his priority).
It’s cold. I wouldn’t wish side chick status on any woman. We know how many depressing moments Olivia has and how many times she struggles to do the right thing but hey she still is the coolest side chick in the world. Sometimes even found myself wishing the first Lady would just carry go! 😉 🙂 😉

Anyway before I conclude, I’d like to give you 10 things to watch out for so you don’t become a side chick cos even the cool ones crave more…

1) He is ready for marriage in every way but seems to be seriously dragging his feet where you are concerned (definition  number 3)
2) He has a deep ring indentation on his ring finger but no ring ( Don’t jonze, it’s in his pocket)
3) He doesn’t pick his calls at night (midnight calls are lost on him)
4) You only know a few of his friends and none of his family save for one distant cousin (Yea we both know why)
5) He never takes you out in public (not to the cinema or club, talking about to his aunt’s 50th birthday)
6) He claims he is separated from his wife or taking a break from his relationship (Separated is not the same thing as divorced, very few couples actually go the whole 9 yards)
7) He admits he has a woman but they are having problems
8) He doesn’t pick certain calls in your presence
9) His phone is allergic to you. You havent even touched it much less looking at his gallery
10) Your name is saved as your name. No endearments, no pet names just your name and occupation

Disclaimer: The points above are not absolute but they should get you thinking. Ladies abeg make you shine your eye. Your knight (armor or no), emphasis on ‘YOUR’ cometh. Stolen bread is sweet but like most awoof e dey run belle.

Have a fabulous weekend chutzpah fam, love u muchos. ♥♥♥♥♥
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2 Comments

Posted by on October 4, 2013 in Relationships

 

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