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10 Signs That He Is Not Ready For Marriage!

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Are you dating or about to date this hunk of a man and you are already choosing asoebi colors and dreaming of your dream wedding with yours truly? Slow your role babe, this seeming 10 yards of husband material may not be ready for marriage at all. It’s akin to making a baby king because he is next in line to the throne. A good man regardless of his background or assets needs to mature to the point where he personally wants to make the commitment to marry. This is regardless of his age or successes and forcing or cajoling him prematurely would only lead to disaster. So here are 10 signs that bobo is not going to be ready to get hitched any time soon and even if he says he is, you’d best be advised to give him small space to grow some!

1) He has just enough money to comfortably take care of one!

Every guy has a dream, a lifestyle he always wanted to live and if he is living the dream don’t immediately assume he is ready to get married. 200k a month is good money for a single guy, average money for a couple and barely enough for a family with kids. It’s all about perception (and number of mouths to feed)!

2) He wants to settle when he is a certain age (which is years away)

If he wants to marry at 35, nothing is going to change that. Not you, his new car, his posh apartment or the money in his bank account. Not even his parents could make him change his mind. Going into a relationship believing you can make him change his life goals is selfish and foolhardy and trust me if he does change his mind, you will get the memo!

3) He is a flirt

A guy who flirts, genuinely enjoys women and is definitely not ready to commit to one. Forcing him to settle down is like taking a kid to a candy store and forcing him to pick only one candy. It takes serious discipline and nine out of ten guys are labelled cheats and Yoruba demons by women who were trying to force monogamy out of a man who was only out to have fun. A man who is ready to settle down will most likely have had his fill and be much calmer.

4) He has no plan for his life

If your guy is barely holding his job together, has no future plans to speak of and is more concerned with clubbing, football, get rich quick schemes and fun in general, don’t fret- just know he isn’t ready. Trying to force him to grow up so you can quickly be his Mrs would most likely backfire. Every one matures at their own pace. He is doing alright by his standards and should be left alone to figure life out at his own pace.

5) He seeks constant validation from friends and family

The opinion of his family and close friends are the only voices in his head and they guide his every move. This dude is not his own man yet, he has absolute faith in the opinions of those nearest and dearest to him to the point that he is oblivious to subtle manipulations and subjects you to the will and whims of others irrespective of what you want.

6) He has odd ideals about marriage

Marriage has no handbook, every couple finds out what works for them and then create their own customised handbook. If he is rigid about his ideals and they are odd to say the least, he probably has a lot to learn about life and marriage and you should most likely sit this one out. So if you are a 21st century woman and he says stuff like a woman must not talk when her man is talking or she has to give the head of the family all her income every month or he never wants a house help and at the same time doesn’t believe men should ever help out around the house (even if the woman has a full time job), don’t succumb to a heated argument because your words won’t sway him instead he’d be judging you and cutting each yard of wife material away from you so just take a chill pill and leave him to figure things out in solitude.

7) All his friends are not married

If none of his friends are married, getting him to be the first to commit may be hard if it isn’t initiated by him. Men usually begin to think of settling down when one of their close friends or close male relatives takes the lead.

8) He still lives with his family (parents, sibling or other relative)

This is not absolute, but most men who are yet to get their first apartment (which is usually christened the bachelor pad and then thoroughly baptised) are far from ready to settle down. Unlike many women who dream that the first house they’d live in after their parent’s would be their matrimonial home, men dream of a seriously pimped out bachelor pad before the more sensible matrimonial home.

9) He is focused on some other non-marriage priority

Men are single-minded unlike women who can multitask so if your man is focused on his career or his job or his business or maybe just making money or some other priority like getting a degree, no matter how you hint, push or cajole he will stay focused and eventually see you as a distraction that he needs to cut loose from. If you can’t wait for him, keep it moving!

10) He is about to relocate

A man who is about to leave the country either for work, school or permanent residence is not going to be looking for anything serious before he leaves. He wouldn’t want anyone tying him down or putting undue pressure on him and would be excited about the possibility of meeting an exotic woman abroad so a man who is about to relocate, no matter how appealing he may be would most likely not be looking to settle down till he has settled in his new abode.

Of course it wouldn’t be real life if there weren’t exceptions to all of these warning signs. Sometimes a guy may just surprise you but babe, better to err on the side of caution so that you don’t get your hopes dashed to pieces by a good man who just wasn’t ready to settle.

Have a great night Chutzpah fam,
xoxo

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Posted by on September 23, 2016 in Manology

 

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Ten Reasons He won’t marry you… Part 1

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The only constant thing in life is change right? Well for many women that change was supposed to come in 2013 along with a proposal, a ring and a 2014 wedding date now you are wondering what the hell is going on in that head of his and if he is seeing someone else behind your back.

I am wondering too and y’all know how curious I can be so I asked a bunch of random dudes about the stuff that would make them think twice about going the whole hog with a great girlfriend and ladies, the answers were shocking.

So in no particular order, here are the ten deal breakers.

1. A foul mouth: My friend A was thinking twice about asking his girlfriend of four years to marry him because of her razor sharp tongue. When she was angry, she would say things to him that tore him up inside and for weeks afterwards her words would sting like a hot slap every time he remembered them. She always apologized afterwards and would say she was only speaking the truth but we all know how that feels and ladies, the guys are saying NO to EMOTIONAL ABUSE too!

2. The lazy-selfish diva: Lazy and selfish are now a twosome? Noooo! Well B says YES! B says that a selfless woman wouldn’t be aversed to getting her hands dirty and he says that his girlfriend S was disqualified for being lazy AND selfish. She would never call herself those things because she is a successful exec who works hard at her job but she always thought about herself first and only! Her excuse was that she had lived alone for three years and if she wanted a liability she would get a pet! She wanted a man who would not require her to be the cliche woman or be petty enough to get angry when she cooked for one on days when she knew he was coming over.

3. The Olojukokoro aka the greedy,gold-digger: I want, I want, I WANT!!! That is her mantra and P said he would scream if he heard those words from her mouth one more time. She knew the prices of the latest phones, cars and houses and who was on Forbes richest but didn’t seem to know much else and he always had a feeling she would dump him the moment he couldn’t finance her. She wasnt even from a rich background and he knew she wanted to be Mrs P badly because of his (what did she call it?) PEDIGREE but he wasn’t so sure anymore…

4. High maintenance: It wasn’t her fault she hadn’t worked a day in her life even with her masters. It wasn’t that she couldn’t get a job, she just couldn’t get the perfect job! And she was used to the best of everything (thanks to her dad and her unending list of admirers). He liked her class but was afraid that her ‘undying’ love didn’t have what it took to utter the words “For better or worse” and actually mean them.

5. Too independent: J wasn’t sure if he had a valid reason for complaining but having a girlfriend who was a super woman and could do absolutely everything on her own made him feel well, not needed! He wasnt old fashioned and definitely didn’t want a damsel in distress but he wanted to feel like he was important to her and not just some item of minimal usefulness that she could do away with at random and her dildo wasn’t helping… Meanwhile T who considered herself the perfect girlfriend was wondering why on earth he was dragging his feet. She had a timeline for her life and marriage was almost late, the ring was supposed to come after the promotion. Geez!

6.  Too dependent: “Tell me your plans” “…well other than finding a good man and getting married, I don’t have much else. Marriage is an institution founded by God and a full time job right? hahaha…” G didn’t think it was in the least bit funny. He understood that society put mad pressure on women but not having a concrete plan for her life besides getting married really sucked. He wasn’t ready to make her only dream come true, life was NOT that easy!

7. Too gangster: K had been very much attracted to B when he met her at the club, she could roll a joint better than most dudes, used swear words in the bedroom that got him really horny and had an IDGAF attitude that made people respect her and they had been together for long but suddenly he wanted a woman who was more like his sister. Yes his sister didn’t dress sexy and was a bit overweight but she felt like home to him and marriage was too long a time not to feel at home…

8. Baggage: She has too much baggage, she has too much baggage, SHE HAS TOO MUCH BAGGAGE! Five guys gave me this answer and two who didn’t actually use the word baggage implied it. F said he was tired of hearing about her exes and the evil they had done her. R said he was fed up with being punished for the crimes of every man who had ever treated her wrong, that a simple argument always escalated because she would retreat to a dark space in the recesses of her mind. S was tired of assuring her he would not treat her the way her dad had treated her mum…these men couldn’t imagine travelling the rest of their lives with this much baggage.

9. Dirty: D stared at the mess his girlfriend had made after the weekend she spent at his place. It didn’t help that she insisted on cuddling when her Brazilian weave reeked like a dead rat not to mention the Amazon jungle down below or those armpits! How on earth would she be able to keep a home when she couldn’t even keep his tiny bachelor pad or herself for that matter, neat. He sighed as he began to wash the dishes. Her flat was always clean but he was starting to suspect her flat mate was responsible. How could one woman be so unperturbed? Y couldn’t be bothered, there was a reason people hired house helps and she wished D would let her hire one for him….

10. The opinionated Bosslady: It’s the 21st century and women are not taking crap from anyone. There is freedom of speech and we all know that what a man can do a woman can do so many times better. But as a woman when do you go from expressing your opinions to being downright offensive, demeaning and controlling? This is what H would like to know. His girlfriend is smart he knows that but she is such an unrepentant know-it-all that his friends have gotten tired of her superior airs. She scoffs at the notion that women should be submissive and believes that the most intelligent ought to lead the pack not the one with the balls. H bought a ring 6 years ago but he is thinking of taking it to the pawn shop this Christmas….

There were other points that didn’t make the cut like looks and weight because I figured if he was dating an overweight girl with the notion that she would slim down after some years then he was the one who needed a reality check. A person is much more than how they look. Other more obvious character traits like honesty, how the woman treats other people and respect were also left out because these are core traits and if she doesn’t have them, most men wouldn’t even bother considering the long haul.

No one is perfect but ladies maybe we can add eliminating that trait to the list of to-dos in the new year and shock the pants off le boo!

Watchout for part 2 when I ask the women what they have to say…
Have a great holiday chutzpah fam!
Xoxo

 
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Posted by on December 23, 2013 in Relationships

 

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