Tag Archives: medicine

It’s all for the money $$$- “A tale of one Lagos big girl” Episode 5


He stifled my scream half way out of my mouth with a dirty palm. I struggled as he pushed me indoors and bolted the door.  
“I am going to release you and you are going to be calm you hear me?” He growled menacingly.  
I nodded absolutely terrified. Why was he here? He was obviously no ghost but really I would have preferred if he was dead and buried. He let me go and I sat down on the chair farthest from him.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were dead, the police-”
“Don’t tell me about the police, trust me I know all about it. Just listen to me, we don’t have much time…”  
He proceeded to tell me about his escape from that building, his partner whom he had maimed but not had the courage to kill because of the loyalty he once had towards him. Alhaji and the role his organization played in his untimely death and then about his constantly being on the run since the envelope was found. Really it was a very great story but how did that have anything to do with me? I needed to know and damped the consequences. I had to know.  
“Sammy why are you here?”
“Damnit I hate it when you call me Sammy! You are the reason I am in this mess. They asked me to kill you and I hesitated that’s why my partner had to turn on me. He had been given instructions. Now because of you I am a fugitive without the protection of the organization I worked for. Because of you Modinat!” “Because of me you are alive!” I retorted angrily.  
He looked at me incredulously.  
“No be me wake you up? You had passed out. If not for me that your partner for kill you finish!”
“You would have been dead too! Anyway we have to leave first thing in the morning. I think we would be safe here tonight. Tomorrow you will gather as much money as you can while I get us new passports. We will cross the border and go and live in Ghana as husband and wife. It’s a new start and that way we will be safe-”
I hissed out with all the pent up anger and frustration within me. Was this man a joker? Did I follow him to kill pessin? This criminal wanted my money and on top of it all wanted me to join him as his wife. Bonny and Clyde ko, Sammy and Modi ini. I needed a plan. I looked at him, wishing he would just vaporize. If looks could kill ehn.  
“Modi it’s for your own safety. I know you would rather marry someone else and live a normal life but you and I are alike, we are tainted and have done things we are ashamed of. Also there is no guarantee either of us will live past this so let’s stick together. You need me Modi, I am doing this for your own good.”   I kept quiet. Really I couldn’t be bothered with all this long story. The koko was I wasn’t going anywhere with this man. Just when I had decided to put my life in order. Lai lai.  
“Can I boil water for you to take a bath and perhaps give you some food to eat?”
“Yes Modinat, I would really like that.”  
I half expected him to follow me into the kitchen but I didn’t hear footsteps behind me, then I realized I had left my two phones on the table. I groaned. No wonder he didn’t follow me. I contemplated using one of my kitchen utensils as a weapon but I couldn’t be sure if he was carrying a gun and everyone knows a gun is faster than a knife. I decided there was only one thing left to do. I had sworn I would never do this again but really this had to be the exception. I prepared his bath water and ushered him into my bathroom.  
“Alhaji left you all of this? You must have been really good in bed.” He murmured.  

I ignored him and focussed on the task at hand. I had warmed some efo riro and was making some eba to go with it. My plan was simple. Drug him through his food and escape while he was asleep. By the time he woke up, so much time would have elapsed that he would have no choice but to go on with his escape plan alone. The only problem was he might probably suspect foul play and demand I eat with him, it wouldn’t be the first time a demand like that would be made, the only problem was I couldn’t find the damn antedote.
Back in those days as a newbie aristo chick I had had to drug a few disgusting clients, those I would rather die a slow, painful death than sleep with. Many of them had insisted we eat together and along with the native sleeping medicine I had gotten from iya Bola at the garage was the antedote. A small black bottle with foul smelling liquid that made one instantly alert and a tad hallucinatory if I may add. Usually when the men awoke with me at their side, they couldn’t remember anything but assumed we had had a night of wild, passionate sex.

The sounds coming from the bathroom ceased and I was jerked out of my reverie, time was running out. Frantically I rechecked the kitchen cabinet and heaved a huge sigh of relief when I spotted it behind a jar of curry. No sooner had I mixed the medicine into the efo that I heard the room door open. Samsudeen had found one of alhaji’s jalabias and had eased himself into it although it was a little short. No respect for the dead. I hissed.  
“Food is ready!” I called out.  

Soon we were eating and like I foresaw, he had asked me to share his food, even joking about me poisoning him. Throughout the meal, I kept stealing glances at him. I wondered if the effect of the drug would be dramatic, I had taken the drug several times and knew I had ten minutes before it’s effect would hit me but for a first timer it was usually faster. The meal was finished and he was still up. I offered him a glass of juice and he obliged. I ran to the kitchen to drop the plates and drink the antedote and out of annoyance I poured all of the remaining medicine into the pack of juice. Thankfully the medicine was tasteless.   “Here’s your juice.”
“Why only one glass? Please get another glass”.  He said quietly and my heart began to pound. I had drank all of the antedote. What would happen if he insisted? I had to think fast.
“I don’t drink juice.”
“Very funny so why do you have it in your house?”
“Haba Samsudeen, you know the line of work I used to be into. Alhaji had a sweet tooth. If I used to drink juice anyhow would I have been able to keep my body in such great shape?”  

As I emphasized the word body, I gave him my sexiest pose and rubbed my body as if unconsciously but in a manner so seductive that I knew I would definitely have his attention. I had decided that rather than he drinking the juice and forcing me to drink it too, I would distract him totally from the juice matter and pray the powder in the efo riro did its magic.  

Samsudeen swallowed hard. His mouth was suddenly dry. Modinat was so beautiful and the thought of spending forever with her was so appealing. He grimaced as he saw her seduction for what it was. He would have preferred her as the good, Muslim girl she had been a long time ago but all hope was not lost. He would lead her back to the faith as soon as they were out of harm’s way. Now he had to resist spending the night in her arms, he really needed full concentration for the next 24 hours at least till they were safe and he could already feel the tiredness taking its toll. It wasn’t easy to be on the run. He needed a few hours of sleep. He tried to say something. She looked wanton, horny and very inviting. No words came out of his mouth. He looked at the glass of juice he had suspended in mid air and downed the whole glass.  
“Modinat I don’t think that is a good idea. I think we had better get some hours of sleep before tomorrow”.  
He rose up from the dining table and staggered. As he clung to the table, a confused look on his face, I smiled a small smile.  
“Are you alright?”  
…… be continued………

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Posted by on September 30, 2013 in It's all for the money!, Series


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The Docs of Hazard!

…Daddy I wanna be a doctor when I grow up…

Many a child has uttered that cry as he/she got an epiphany. Some buried those dreams the first time they caught sight of blood gushing from an open wound, others were never given a chance to choose a life beyond medicine and yet for majority of the doctors in Nigeria, it was a life-long dream, which involved years of sweat, toil and tears (6yrs+X for some).
Now one can write about the many benefits of being a doc, from the title to the ‘efizzy’, to the respect, to the ‘god-complex’, to the money (not in Naija), to the certain degree of immunity from the police, to the good karma that arises from helping others, to the high market-value in the dating and marriage market, to the widely open arms parents use to welcome a would-be, doctor-in-law. The list could be longer and however long it takes to achieve this status, for some, it’s to die for. But no one ever talks about the bad…

We doctors have become the ‘Dukes of Hazard’ and here are 10 awful things you should consider before sending your child to medical school…

1. Med school is tough. To even start the race, you have to have been a really brainy kid in secondary school and the work load is structured so that the frail fall by the way-side.
I know a guy who ran mad during his exams in med school. #shocking-but-true! And then there are the strikes that thankfully, have become rare but sometimes keep a kid in school for up to 10 years. There’s also the issue of accreditation which has become a nasty new trend, leaving students hanging for long periods till their schools can get their acts together and sometimes totally interrupting their studies. My friends F and I who are currently doing masters in the UK say after med school, you can basically face any academic challenge or stress that there is. For them, the workload seems a bit too light at the post-graduate level when compared to the hassle of becoming a Nigeria-trained doctor.

2. They will rebel. Many parents think a doctor in the house is a must-have and have grown tired of paying the family doctor, desiring one of their own. While this is a noble thought, forcing people to do what they don’t wanna do is akin to delaying their destinies because one day, many years after, they’ll realise what exactly it is they are supposed to do in life. My friend A started out in med school and dropped out in his second year. Today he is a seasoned DJ and radio/tv presenter studying a business course on the side and says he has finally found fulfilment. My friend T now works in an auditing firm and if she had been allowed to follow her dream from the very beginning, she could have gained 3 years and would have been on a level far above where she is today. I have countless classmates who were forced into med school by their folks and dropped out of the race with alacrity as soon as they obtained the title. According to my friend F, “Daddy here’s the title you always wanted, now can I live my life?”…

3. The risk of infection. Doctors are prone to needle-stick injuries and blood and body-fluid borne infections on the job, HIV and Hepatitis top the list. Some call it carelessness but I tell you that many of these accidents are freaks of nature and some have been both life-altering and life-threatening! A colleague of mine was pricked by a needle she had introduced into a child with HIV when the child jumped suddenly. The mother was supposed to be restraining him and was profusely sorry but sorry doesn’t cut it when you have to take HIV medication for 6 weeks. She can never take back those 6 weeks of her life that she spent sick and vomiting due to the side-effects or the constant anxiety about the probability of testing positive to HIV. Thankfully she tested negative. I also know a male doctor who tested positive to Hepatitis when he was asked to do the test by the church weeks to his wedding… 😦 so many doctors have been paid with a measure of the patient’s illness in return for their services and have learnt the hard way that even if the hospital or government doesn’t put in place measures for personal protection, it is imperative that you protect yourself!

4. Any doctor who has worked in a teaching hospital or community clinic will regale you with tales of how doctors have had to run for dear life even jumping through windows because they failed to perform magic on a badly injured patient and as a result became targets for violently angry and grieving family and friends. It happens quite frequently in teaching hospitals where mortality is the highest because they are the highest point of referral especially those located in poorer neighbourhoods…

5. There was an episode at a hospital some years ago where doctors were robbed and molested sexually at night, while on duty by a gang of hoodlums that attacked the hospital. No one knows for sure if the offenders were brought to book but the memory of the trauma lives on in those doctors’ minds…

6. Doctors are their own enemies. We don’t have a strong enough governing body and many times it is outrageous how the doctors at the top are the very ones standing in the way of progress. A while ago doctors went on strike in a teaching hospital on orders from the Association of Resident Doctors (ARD) and were fired en masse by the state. Adverts were put out for new doctors and doctors flooded the institution not caring about the events that preceded the jobs becoming available nor the cause for which the other doctors tried to fight. The ARD seemed powerless but thankfully, the governor of the state granted the doctors leniency and recalled them. It was quite amazing that their sack didn’t incite a nationwide revolt. Wasn’t it a worthy cause they fought for? Every man for himself, God for us all… 😦

7. Patient wahala! Sometimes patients can be a handful and I’m not talking about the average run off the mill, disgruntled or stubborn patient. I’m talking big wahala! A female patient being managed for infertility was found to be problem free and the doctor suggested, as is routine, that she bring her husband to the clinic for tests as the fault may not have been hers. The next day an angry man with a raised voice barged into the consulting room accusing the doctor of telling his wife that he was impotent! Now you can imagine the scene that unfolded and there have been far worse scandals…

8. The residency exams. I know people who have failed those exams up to 5 times regardless of the depth of their knowledge on the subject matter all because they failed to satisfy an examiner in an exam which is highly subjective. Exams cost as much as 50k and there are update courses to pay for from our meagre salaries too. Abroad, most exams are objective so you can hardly fail because an examiner thinks you are cocky or thinks it is your right to taste failure in this lifetime!

9. We do not work for the devil! Some patients treat us no better than the devil but in their defence, it should be expected since we constantly deliver bad news. I have grown weary of patients giving testimonies in church that start with; “The doctors said I had…..but my God put them to shame…..”
It is not doctors versus God!!! We also offer hope and look after you, remember? We care but God heals!- Our mantra 😉

10. It has been said that doctors dress horribly and have terrible cars. The salary doesn’t help matters and sometimes a doctor has to do ‘locum’ (part-time job) apart from his main job to keep body and soul together. In other countries, doctors are amongst the highest paid but every time we rise up in protest, the people angrily tell us we earn enough already and should be content as our job is ‘humanitarian’. Humanitarian my foot! I know an elderly doctor who had to beg for 5,000 naira to feed his family because salaries had not been paid. With the above-listed hazards, should this ever occur? He had given almost his entire life to the people, I think it’s time the people gave back!

Most doctors after realising what they signed up for, look for the easiest way out. They try to leave the country but alas, a doctor trained in Nigeria is not readily hired in other countries despite his experience or skill till he has passed myriads of hurdles, exams inclusive and many have returned, after losing years abroad because they were unable to find suitable work.

So peeps, carefully consider these before you decide the life of a doctor is the life for you. I won’t even mention our crazy 24-hour work schedule or how our families suffer as a result because that would be complaining and we knew this was part of the package when we signed up and besides despite everything, I love being a doctor and wouldn’t pick any other life…

Today before you shout at your doctor or act rudely, remember this and realize that we are under-appreciated and a smile and a thank you from you, not to mention your co-operation would go a long way to help us serve you better…

‘Be careful how you treat me because I may be your doctor one day!’ 😉 😉 😉

Have a great weekend peeps, T.G.I.F (though I’m working tomorrow!)….xoxoxo 🙂 🙂


Posted by on November 18, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Health, Inspirational


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