Tag Archives: infidelity

10 personal lessons 5 years of marriage have taught me (2)

I am back again with more life lessons straight from ze oda room!

Here’s the second thing I learned…

2. You can’t make a man stay faithful

When I got married, despite the fact that I was lucky enough to actually marry my friend, I still went through the paranoia that many new brides go through. Marriage isn’t the most successful institution there is, and there’s so much media sensationalism about the ills of marriage that even when you feel fortunate to have married a good man, you are rife with the fear of the unknown. It didn’t help that he had moved me to a new town far removed from my comfort zone and with far more opportunities to entertain worrisome thoughts. 

First of, I became Inspector Gadget, checking and double checking every social and business convo on every possible platform he had and I can tell you, it’s easy to get obsessed for you see, the less I found, the more I was convinced that he was hiding something and was just one step ahead of me. I started doubting that I had actually been one of the fortunate ones. 

Next I started praying. Not the healthy kind of prayers you are encouraged to offer for your home but the kind that’s centered around imaginary strange women dying by fire. And the more I said these prayers, the more my paranoia grew. At this point I had almost worn hubby down with the constant inquisitions and  policing. Sometimes he actually got upset but more often than not he patiently reassured me of his commitment and love. 

Then I decided to apply some Isoko sense. If a woman greeted my husband before me while we were standing together or apparently fawned over him in the least bit she was put on the watch list and hubby would be almost certain of the interrogation to follow. I was careful of making female friends and also made sure I was at his side practically all the time even when I would rather skip the event and stay home watching series. 

These were trying times birthed by an overactive imagination and an earful of marriage horror stories. In reality, hubby had not given me even the slightest reason to doubt him. It seemed the drama queen in me was punishing him for the sins of his gender. The funny thing was I had no concrete plan for what I’d do if I actually caught him cheating. Sometimes I allowed myself wonder about it. Would I leave or forgive? How would I make him pay? Would I relocate with no forwarding address or do some revenge cheating? So many women go snooping with no idea about what their next move would be if they found what they were actually looking for.

Five things happened to me in close succession that helped me slay the fear of the unknown before it hurt my marriage…

I. I remembered something a class mate of mine said. He once argued that if you kept accusing a good man of cheating when he was making a great effort to stay faithful, one day he would stop giving a f*ck about making an effort and just cheat since whether he did or didn’t do it, he had already been judged guilty and was in his opinion, already being punished.

2. A friend of mine advised me to block the negativity. These words were etched in gold. I was consuming unhealthy daily doses of marriages gone bad on social media and when I saw how seemingly united the couples were before it all fell apart, I started feeling like why would my case now be different. I was aligning with negativity and it was affecting my psyche. The more negativity I devoured the more I forgot about the beautiful albeit not perfect, long lasting marriages that surrounded me. Both hubby’s parents and mine had been together for over 35 years but these marriages and many other great ones, never made it to social media headlines so we ended up focusing on bad news.

3. My husband and I made some meaningful friends. There’s nothing like being friends with other couples who are traveling the same  path that you are on. Iron sharpeneth iron and they make great accountability partners. A person is more likely to cheat if his/her closest friends don’t see it as a big deal or even unwittingly encourage it. The friends we made had marriages we admired and they served as role models in little ways that made a difference.

4. I read somewhere that a man would stay faithful not because you were the best, most beautiful, sexiest or most virtuous wife but because of his fear of God and his commitment to the marriage covenant. It made perfect sense to me because I never for once supported the popular belief that a man would cheat because his wife was fat, unattractive, a nag, abusive, dirty, a poor cook or lazy in bed. I had seen marriages where the wife excelled in all aspects and still lost her husband to a woman who wouldn’t ordinarily be able to compete with her and I had seen marriages where the man stayed loving and devoted to a wife who was outwardly less than stellar. 

Making the man fully accountable for his fidelity made so much sense however I realized that since men were as human as we were, choosing to be any of the above could ultimately give them the justification they required to appease their conscience after they decided to cheat so I still had a role to play…basically to be the best I could be so that he was robbed of any moral justification to do me wrong. That seemed like a more achievable plan than trying to bend his will or threaten him into fidelity. 

…do the best you can and be the best you can, the choice to cheat lies in his hands but don’t let him use you as his excuse…

5. I learned the right way to pray for my marriage. Speaking positivity into it each and every day and confessing simple bible scriptures that were marriage related but didn’t border on suspicion or warfare. 

With time, I retired from the marriage police force and actually began to enjoy my marriage believing that since God was the center of it all and He had promised that His thoughts for me were thoughts of peace and not evil to give me a future and a hope, I would definitely be alright…

So here’s lesson number 2 in a nutshell: 

Nothing you can do or say has that ultimate power, he simply chooses to remain faithful (or not). You can only make the choice easier to make! 

Don’t give yourself unnecessary hypertension, life is too short.

Have a beautiful day Chutzpah fam and watchout for the third lesson tomorrow.


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Posted by on July 14, 2017 in Inspirational


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Smart Dating!

It’s 2017 and it’s a crazy world out there. First it’s the stress of getting noticed in a sea of bleached, Brazilian-haired, makeup on fleek, skinny but thick perfection and then you finally get noticed and spend a greater part of the relationship wondering if he’s the real deal or just another f**k boy cum Yoruba demon who is gonna land you on Joro’s page with yet another sob story and through it all you are not even sure if you are the side chick or his main (or only) squeeze.

So cliché…

So how do you date smart in the 21st century? A relationship that works for you, a man who is decent and honest and is actually dating you with long term goals in mind…Sounds like a myth for so many but these cut throat tips will guide you!

1. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket

If your heart is for John but he is acting like a f**k boy, give Peter a chance, he just might be your diamond in the rough. 

2. Three strikes and he is out

A bad boyfriend makes a helluva husband so if he hurts you once regardless of what it is, that’s strike one. Three strikes and he is gone but don’t be petty, those strikes have to be real boundary crossers.

3. No unprotected sex ever

Being his baby mama won’t tie him down, getting an STD/HIV from him won’t show you are loyal and aborting his babies won’t get you your happily ever after so zip up or stay protected. No sentiments!

4. Don’t smell what you can’t eat

If his flirting is making you mad, get the hell out of there before flirtation turns to infidelity and your madness becomes mayhem. If he is badly behaved it’s because you let him get away with it!

5. Guard your heart

Not every f**k boy deserves your time or attention much less your heart regardless of how fine or loaded he is. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeves, make him work for it, that’s the only way you’ll tire out the time wasters before you become the casualty.

6. Stick to the plan

A fling is a fling, a date is a date, no strings attached is no strings attached, we’ll see how this goes is we’ll see how this goes!!! A man knows in the first week what exactly he wants from you and that’s not gonna change so stop hoping time will change the situation. If his plan isn’t in sync with yours, then get a move on it!

7. Reverse dating

Stop dating your type! What have the fine boys you dated gotten you? Heartbreaks and more heartbreaks and yet you keep repeating your silly mantra- he has to be fine, rich and a bad boy. Why don’t you try OK looking, ambitious and treats you like a queen? That’s what Beyoncé chose and see where it got her. Date the guy you’d ordinarily put in the friend’s zone and put the guys you usually date there instead! 

8. Set standards

If you are gonna willingly be a side chick, don’t cry out when you finally have a man of your own and some side chick 10 years younger is making him eat out of her hand. It’s called karma babe. And if you are gonna chase after men for money, don’t get mad if your innocent boyfriend doesn’t take you seriously when you are finally ready to settle down and if that doesn’t describe you let me drive it home, if you wanna be treated like a queen then act like a queen. A man would always treat you the way he senses you think you should be treated so if he is constantly treating you wrong, you might wanna check your standards and self-esteem. Set some standards girl!

9. Be your own hero

Make your own money, have a career or a business, have a future that doesn’t involve your man or any other man. Be your own hero so that with or without a man, you are the best version of yourself. Men prey on women who would believe or do anything for a dime or some loubs. Don’t be that girl, let him know his money doesn’t mean sh*t if his heart isn’t into it too.

10. Have a solid back up plan

So you’ve been dating him for 4 years, what would you do if he suddenly cheated or dumped you or you found out he had impregnated or proposed to another woman? Would your life be over? Girl where’s your back up plan? Feel free to make it as elaborate as you can muster. Perhaps commencing a master’s program abroad that you put on hold or finally saying yes to the cute but shy brother who has been hanging around for years hoping to catch your heart. A backup plan isn’t an elaborate revenge plot, no it’s a guarantee that no matter what curve ball life throws at you, you bounce back 100% 

So there it is, but before I sign out let me add this;

1. Don’t go snooping in his DMs, trust your instincts. Every woman who caught her man cheating already suspected he probably was and only needed to confirm. If your instincts are already telling you something start looking for a remedy instead of proof. 

2. Don’t be all up in his face. If you like him still treat him like you do the guys in your friend’s zone, after all those guys keep coming back for a reason. Showing a guy who likes you perhaps a little that you like him a whole lot more kills the thrill of the chase for him and he draws back, gets lazy and ends up not appreciating you. For some it’s an immediate turn off so slow your role babe!

3. There are three types of guys in the world- the rich guy, the ambitious, work hard or work smart guy and the lazy guy. The ambitious and lazy guys could be broke today but only one will be broke tomorrow (Mr Lazybones). The rich dude on the other hand could lose all he has by a stroke of ill luck and then you’d get to see if he was actually, deep down an ambitious guy (meaning he’d bounce back) or Lazybones! Bear that in mind when man hunting.

4. There are men everywhere! If you are chronically single it’s because your senses are only trained to see men who fall within your specs and those men are probably not seeing you. Look intently around you, a bunch of people find you attractive but you’ve friend-zoned them all to create space for Mr Specs! Go to that shelf and take a good look at those men, seriously consider each one. We attract what we are inside!

5. Don’t be moved by pet names, PDA, family acceptance, expensive gifts, flowery words or promise rings, if you still have that niggling feeling of doubt in your gut then it’s only a matter of time till the cookie crumbles!

Rant over.



Posted by on February 21, 2017 in Relationships


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Married men who cheat & the women who love them…

Hey Chutzpah fam,
Long time no see ay? Forgive me. I have written so many blog posts in my head but my hands seem too busy to spare a few minutes to put my thoughts on paper. However I just had to talk about this…

In quick succession, I was fed gist about two women who will probably never meet but who shared a common plight- they had unwittingly given their hearts to married men. These single women waiting on God for a spouse had been hoodwinked by worldly wise very unavailable men and needed serious help.

Scenario no 1.
Married man says his marriage was a mistake, wife is a succubus from hell and that girl A is his one true love. They have been together for a while but anytime girl A threatens to leave him if he doesn’t divorce his wife he begs for more time with tears in his eyes yet till date he has not made a move to leave said wife save for his 101 ever fresh excuses.

Scenario no 2.
Girl B meets the man of her dreams. He proposes after two months and life is such a dream. She is a bit skeptical about his true intentions because she has had some nasty man-trouble in the past but after dating for two years- without sex, she is convinced that he is the one. She agrees to meet his people to plan an introduction with her family and then suddenly he drops the hiroshima- dude is married with a kid!


Yea I spoke a lot of French too when I heard scenario 2. I was tempted to sing the ‘men are so wicked’ dirge but instead started thanking God babe no. 2 found out prior to her wedding cos I know someone who found out during the naming ceremony of her kid that her husband had another family.

So what do married men really want from the fresh succulent babes that their eyes gaze upon lustfully everyday?

I am not writing this post from the vantage point of the wife who views every single woman as a threat or from the opinion pool of those who believe married men are seduced by Jezebels that walk the street with a singular mission. No I am writing this post for that innocent or not so innocent girl who is about to fall prey to a married man. There are a few things you need to know so keep reading.

  1. There are three types of married men on the streets
  2. There are three types of wives they leave at home
  3. There are three types of women who fall prey to a married man.

Yes today’s post is about boxes! Even though I must admit that there will be exceptions but a wise man once said that there is nothing new under the sun and most cases would fall into the categories listed above!

The 3 types of married men:
All three groups of men string women along with the promise of marriage. So the fact that he says he will marry you doesn’t mean much. You definitely can’t take it to the bank!
Type 1- Fruit salad husband: He feels the concept of fidelity was not created for men. He cheats because he is bored and wants a bit of fun or the thrill of a new conquest. He is all for the sex and would not make empty promises but if the sex was really good or the chase particularly thrilling he might go the extra mile with flowery words and expensive deeds to bed his newest conquest but this man loves or wants his wife and family and is not looking for a replacement.

Type 2- Fed up husband- his marriage is actually going badly and this might not be entirely his fault. He is desperate for a way out and might get easily infatuated with a woman who seems to be the exact opposite of the wife who seems to be the sum total of all his problems in life. However if you are the object of his infatuation tread lightly because once his marriage ceases to be a problem either because he has found a way to resolve issues with his wife or has gotten a divorce, he would exhale, act like he is seeing clearly for the first time and leave you in the lurch regardless of the long promises of undying love given to you in his hour of need. They call it temporary insanity and the poor chick becomes collateral damage.

Type 3- Husband squared- this man at some point in his life decided he wanted a second wife and may plot his way into acquiring one. Usually he keeps both iyale and prospective iyawo in the dark till things begin to fall into place. Meaning that he would be a loving husband to iyale and a psuedo-single Mr Perfect to prospective iyawo till he has her heart and then when he knows the love has penetrated her medulla oblongata, he either confesses with tears in his eyes, an engagement ring and a sweeping romantic gesture or he keeps up the charade till after marriage number two when both women accidentally find out they have been played.

Enough said! I really didn’t plan for this to be a lengthy post so I would move on to the three types of wives these men leave at home.

  1. The good wife- she looks good, acts right, bore him beautiful offspring, is supportive, gives great sex and may not be perfect but she ticks most boxes on his list.
    Why you should be afraid of her:

– he knows what he has and wouldn’t trade it for the world so no matter how good it gets, he isn’t going to put a ring on it
– she just might have prayer warrior on her resume meaning that at some point in your life, MFM fire and Karma pepper will worry you bad bad. 😉

  1. The bad wife: She might have one or all of these traits- Bad cook, nag, quarrelsome, lazy, dirty, asexual, unsexy etc
    Why you should be afraid of her:

– she wouldn’t hesitate to beat shege out of you if she catches you with her husband after all she doesn’t have much else to lose
– all she needs to do to get his attention is to do away with the bad traits which puts you and your seeming perfection on shaky ground

  1. The blackmailing wife: whether she is a good wife or a bad one hardly matters at this point. She has something he needs desperately. It could be money, rights to his kids or being privy to a secret that he would rather the world didn’t know. It could even be something else. The point is she has a hold over him that transcends love and the vows of marriage.
    Why you should be afraid of her:

– her husband, your darling beau is afraid of her
– she calls the shots, he would dump you in a heart beat if she so much as hinted at it. She is the oga of your oga!

And finally the three types of women who fall prey to a married man:

  1. The good girl who didn’t do her homework: when you meet the man of your dreams spend less time day dreaming and more time investigating his background. There are certain types of surprises a man should not spring on you in the course of a relationship. How on earth didn’t you know he was married in this time of social media and high profile aproko friends? You did not do your homework girl!

  2. The ojukokoro woman: the one who wants to run before she can walk. Married men seem like the complete package abi? Responsible, financially stable, good in bed, handsome etc. They were once hustling single men and the honest ones attribute a great part of their success to the one woman who stood by them and prayed for them and encouraged them- wifey! Now you don’t want to work like wifey did but you want to twerk your way into wifey’s inheritance abi? Obviously you don’t like yourself. The Yoruba movie industry is booming today because of stories about girls like you. Awoof dey run bele sha…

  3. The Hollywood lover: what are marriage vows in the face of passion and true love? What are broken homes except a chance for a change of government to mend and improve them? That’s their philosophy. Nothing stops them, no fish in the sea is sacred. They don’t do it for the money neither are they sent from the underworld, they are just sensuous, narcissistic illusionists who feel that love truly covers all wrongs. They love like the movies preferring to see the married man as a lost puppy who needs to be rescued from his sad life and burdensome marriage. They dream of running away together and leaving behind any form of responsibility regardless of the body count…sometimes they get hit by reality but sometimes they hit someone else’s reality in close range.

This about sums it up. Married men and the women who love them…

P.S: A note to married women- if you suspect your husband is being unfaithful you need to do these three things before you even decide to tackle the issue in a confrontational manner:

  1. Protect yourself- STDs and HIV make the pain of infidelity a much bitter pill to swallow.
  2. Have a contingency plan: get a job, gather money, start acquiring property. Do not be the unfortunate wife who was left penniless, jobless, homeless and hungry after her husband found a new love interest.
  3. Take a critical look at yourself: did any of your actions contribute to your man straying? Do you need to lose weight or dress sexier or learn some new tricks?

And most importantly pray…God takes the marriage vow very seriously. I didn’t include prayer in the initial three because prayer should be an essential part of your lifestyle whether you are single or married!

Happy International women’s day Chutzpah fam, stay strong and united. There are some marriages that are still thriving because a single woman said no to a married man!!!

Have a fantastic week,
Xoxoxo 😉 😉


Posted by on March 8, 2015 in Relationships


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It’s all for the money $$$- A tale of one Lagos big girl….New beginnings: Part 2 Episode 9


Amaka had not seen this coming.

She had always picked her maids verrry carefully. They were not allowed to be yellow (because hubby liked light-skinned women), tall, endowed or even remotely beautiful. They wore uniforms to ensure that they didn’t dress seductively and she had made this foolproof by making doubly sure that she was the picture of pure feminity in sharp contrast to their plainness each and every day. How could her husband sleep with her every night and then still have time to sleep with that little, flat-chested rat?

She was the ideal wife. She never threatened his manhood; never nagged or quarreled, she cooked all his meals, was adventurous in the bedroom (she knew the karma sutra like the pope knew the bible) and always looked and smelt good. She had only failed in one respect; for five years now she had been unable to conceive. She had done three IVFs and they had failed. The doctor had told her to have faith that in some cases, it happened naturally. But really was that enough reason for a man whom she had given everything to disrespect her in such a manner? He had broken her heart, her spirit and her mind. She didn’t think she could ever forgive him.

She looked at Mamus and Toke and tried to make sense of their many words. She heard jazz and she shook her head. Chuka could not have been bewitched, it wasn’t possible. She was a prayerful woman; she refused to believe one Babalawo somewhere had the magic ingredient for breaking up her home. One of them had pointed out that the help could have gotten pregnant for someone else and was just blaming her husband because he was rich and successful and big, fat tears rolled down her eyes as she remembered the confrontation at home…

Chuka had not denied it. She had pleaded with him to tell her it wasn’t true but he had stayed mute, a crestfallen look in his eyes. How could he be such a dog? And that bloody b*tch, she wished she could wring her neck and snuff out the life from her pathetic body. How dare she? She was an ungrateful wretch if ever there was one and both she and Chuka were going to pay for this dagger they had plunged through her heart.

She got up suddenly.

“Where are you going?” Mamus asked with concern
“Should we come with you?” Toke added
“No, I am fine. Thank you for listening. I have to deal with this on my own.”
“Please don’t do anything rash dear…”
“Thanks Mamus, I will try, thanks Toke…goodbye”

As she drove off, she saw the concern in their eyes and thought about how she had gone from having the perfect life and being the envy of all to being pitied. She had actually thought of concealing the matter but for her sanity’s sake she had sought out her friends. There was only so much that coffee could do. She picked up her phone and called her dad. He picked on the second ring. Ten minutes later she had downloaded her whole sob story to the one man who would kill for her and he had asked her to come stay with him for a while. As she dried her tears, she had gently turned down the offer. Yes, daddy was an ex-governor and liked to be in control of everything but this was her fight and just knowing her family had her back was enough for now. She knew her mum would be calling her soon and she put her phone on silent. She wasn’t ready for her just yet.

She drove to her house and was surprised to see three cars parked in the driveway. She had sent the maid packing this morning and expected her house to be quiet. The front door was unlocked and when she entered the living room, her mother in law, the maid, her husband, his close friend Gideon and two of her husband’s uncles were seated, obviously waiting for her.

“Good afternoon my daughter”

Amaka stared at her MIL for a couple of minutes and then finally responded.

Five minutes later, she had been coerced into sitting and listening to serious crap. It was like watching a Nollywood movie. They had apologized on her husband’s behalf and then asked her to please accept the new wife (WTF) and the unborn baby as hers. She scarcely heard anything after that. There were Igbo proverbs here and there, bible verses interspersed (imagine oh!) and vague, empty promises. She desperately needed some coffee and her hands quivered slightly- she wasn’t sure if it was the coffee craving or the loads of bull sh*t she had been listening to since she walked in through the door. She suddenly felt sick.

“Please excuse me” and without waiting for consent she dashed up the stairs and into her bedroom. The tears stung her eyes as she splashed cold water on her face. She had to be strong, had to be brave. She picked up her phone and sent a message to Irene, her travel agent.

‘Need a trip to someplace serene, book me a flight for tomorrow morning. Will be gone for two weeks, you know the visas on my passport so plan accordingly. Thanks’

She felt better afterwards.

Tonight she would be lodging at the most expensive hotel she could think of. She needed her sanity back, needed to be away from all this rubbish. She felt numb and as if in a trance began to pack a few clothes and personal effects into a small travel bag. She threw in her passport and zipped up the bag. She took a deep breath and walked down the stairs, plastic smile on her face.

“Mama I have heard everything you have all said, to err is human, to forgive divine. I am not divine unfortunately. I need time to think, please don’t try to contact me and I do not want this girl in my house.”

“It is my son’s house-“

Mama never finished what she was saying because Chuka who had been on the phone when I came downstairs rushed into the sitting room, a panic stricken look on his face.

“Amaka you can’t do this to me I beg you, please.”

He knelt down, tears in his eyes and I looked at him with a mixture of anger, disgust and immense sorrow.

“You should have thought of that when you f*cked the maid!”

Amaka walked out with her head held high and started her car engine. Just then she got a text message.

‘I just finished speaking with the bastard. I not only fired him but had my boys freeze his entire assets including his bank accounts. It’s my business and my money AND no one messes with my baby girl. Love you hon, please come home your mum is worried.’

She smiled, a small smile which was a first, considering the sort of day she had had. Nobody messed with daddy’s princess. She wasn’t going home however, she loved Chuka and even though an elaborate punishment was her plan for his betrayal, she was not about to let go of her marriage.

…for better for worse

To be continued…


Posted by on July 20, 2014 in It's all for the money!, Series


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It’s all for the money $$$- A tale of one Lagos big girl….New beginnings: Part 2 Episode 8

This was a mess and frankly it couldn’t get any worse.

Mamus had just caught me lip-locking her ex-fiance. Ex didn’t make it any better and the icing on the damn cake was that she had come into the room with guess who? If you thought Barry then you are an evil person geez! Anyway it’s not like you were that off the mark, she walked in with Ifedayo, Barry’s nosy P.A who happened to have a message for me from my hubby.

This was bad…Azeez seemed annoyingly unperturbed! I needed to fix this like yesterday. I slapped Azeez hard. I swear this slapping thing never gets old. Azeez howled, his eyes round like saucers but thankfully he was too stunned to thwart my plans. Mamus seemed shocked and Ifedayo jumped, he didn’t do much to hide the smirk on his face.

“How dare you Azeez? Mamus imagine this useless man, he walks into my house asking me to help get you back and the next minute he is jumping me like a hungry ape. Hisssssssss”

I held my breath…

Ifedayo didn’t look convinced but for now he was small fry. I needed Mamus on my side.

“Azeez I am ashamed of you, please leave now.”

I had never seen Mamus like this. She seemed eerily calm and Azeez obeyed her immediately without even looking at me. When he got to the door he looked at Mamus and with a voice that sounded very sincere though you can never tell with Naija men, he apologized to her and then left.

Mamus walked to the bar and poured herself a drink. I took a deep breath and faced Ifedayo.

“Come with me Ifedayo, Mamus please excuse me.”

I picked up my purse on my way out.

“What was the message you had for me?”

“Oga said the man that wants to service the generator will be coming at 12.30 instead of 4pm and he couldn’t reach you on the phone so he sent me to come and tell you so you don’t leave the house before the generator man comes.”

“OK thank you…Take this…”

I handed Ifedayo twenty thousand naira.

“What is this for madam?”

“That man in there would have raped me if you and my friend hadn’t walked in. I am just showing my gratitude. You know we women couldn’t have stopped him but once he saw another man he had to stop. Also I wouldn’t want your oga to hear about this because he has a heart condition and this might kill him if he doesn’t kill that man first.”

“AH, Olorun maje oh. Ese ma. I promise that oga will not hear a word about this but ma please be careful oh. The world is wicked.”

“Thank you, take care.”

As he walked away I took another deep breath. This was Lagos for crying out loud. I knew Ifedayo hadn’t bought a word of what I had said but he would not spill because I had paid for his silence besides this wasn’t such an uncommon occurrence after all, I was sure he had seen worse.

I know you are wondering how I got here. How I became part of the large percentage of majorly undetected, Lagos married women who were having extra -marital affairs? God knows I tried to resist Azeez but damn that guy had all my mumu buttons and he was bloody persistent. I think the turning point was when Mamus had called off the wedding three weeks ago. Yes, I had been having an affair for three whole weeks. Barry hadn’t suspected a thing because I was if anything, more loving, caring and attentive now and no, I did not do all those cliche infidelity things like buying new lingerie. Mamus too hadn’t suspected a thing because she was too blissfully in love with Gerald coupled with the drama and gossip that ensues after a wedding is called off. Speaking of Mamus, let me give you her gist. After weeks and weeks at the gym, Mamus had lost tons of weight and gone down to a size 14 (there wasn’t enough time to get to her beloved 12). She had set up a meeting with Gerald while Azeez was outta town and the hours before the meeting I had hooked her up with a stylist, a makeup artist, the works. Mamus looked like a yummy mamalet. According to her Gerald had barely recognized her and couldn’t stop staring, they had had a nice evening and when he hugged her goodnight, she had kissed him. She swears the alcohol gave her Dutch courage and that she had carried a knife in her purse to slit her wrists if he had rejected her advances (yeah right). Anyway he hadn’t rejected her. Apparently Mamus had always had his heart and now they were a couple. Azeez had been hurt when she broke off the engagement or rather his ego was wounded as he always imagined he would be the one breaking things up if that ever happened. He had come after me with a vengeance, what was a poor girl like me to do ehn?

I walked back into the house. I couldn’t stand outside day dreaming much longer. I didn’t want Mamus to come outside and make a scene before the whole estate would be discussing me at dinner. I closed the door and Mamus got off the phone. I figured she had already reported me to Gerald sweetheart. Geez!

“For how long has this been going on?”
“Mamus I am so sorry…”
“Barely a week, it wasn’t what it looked like…”
“Toke do not lie to me”

Sigh…Mamus was one of my closest friends and she deserved the truth. I told her about how Azeez had been my one true love but fate had kept us apart and how I had had nothing to do with him till after she broke up with him. Well that was basically it! I held my breath.

“I have two questions for you Toke. One, did you advise me to break up with him because you wanted him? And two, what is gonna happen to Barry?”

“Of course not Mamus, I advised you to break up because it was obvious your heart was with Gerald I swear. I love Barry Mamus, I know it may seem like such a joke now but getting caught with Azeez brought me back to reality. I don’t wanna lose my marriage please…”

“You should have thought of that when you started cheating on your husband. Gosh I can’t believe you were the other woman my instincts kept shouting about, the one I was so sure had Azeez’s heart. SO much for friendship.”

“Please forgive me Mamus, I should have told you about my past with Azeez, maybe that would have helped keep my feelings in check. Please find it in your heart to forgive me.”

“Forgive I shall, but it would be quite hard to trust you again. You hurt me Toke, I am not gonna lie about that. Barry is a good man and I hope for your sake that your act of infidelity does not ruin your marriage. You don’t deserve him anyway.”

Ouch…I deserved that sha. I hung my head in shame.

“I am sorry for hurting you with my actions Mamus”

Just then Amaka burst into the room, tears in her eyes. She looked like her heart had been ripped out of her chest.

“What’s the matter Amaka?” Mamus and I asked in unison, concern written all over our faces. Our quarrel momentarily forgotten.

“My husband has impregnated our maid…”

“Jesus!!!” Mamus and I exclaimed.

Just then I got a text message. I glanced at the phone and froze…


I clenched my fist, e gba mi oh! “Father Lord help me”, I whispered.

….To be continued….

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Posted by on July 13, 2014 in It's all for the money!, Series


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The Truth about Office Romances…

Have you ever caught yourself smiling sheepishly after your boss walked out of the room? Have you ever admired a work colleague and then found yourself daydreaming about him/her in a manner that caused you to blush? Did you feel bad afterwards and kick yourself in the shin because you are happily married or in a great relationship and in real life you wouldn’t be caught dead making out with a work colleague? Relax, statistics show that a lot of people (a whole lot more than you can imagine) find themselves in such sticky mental jams or how on earth do you think office romances -which by the way are also the most likely to fail- are born?

Here are 5 reasons why your boss or ubercool work colleague could be your number one fantasy:
1. He/She looks well put together: You know that cool, calm, collected look that has your head spinning and your significant other looking like an ‘mgbeke’ from the village? Yes that’s the one.
You may leave the house very early in the morning when your wife is still in her hair net, with no makeup and smelling like yesterday or your boyfriend is walking around with morning breath and yesterday’s boxers and then you step into the corporate world where it’s designer suits, heady perfumes and calm professionalism and you wonder why you weren’t lucky enough to bag one of those hotties at your work place before you met your significant other.

You might want to reconsider that last thought.

What you perceive of an individual at the work place is only about 15% of that person’s actual self. There are preset images, perceptions, language, culture and work ethics that majority of people know they have to conform to from 9-5. Don’t be fooled by the facade.

Your uber cool work colleague could be the mother of all slobs at home! #fact

2. He/She is so easy to talk to and you guys seem to have so much in common. Again this is an unfair comparison. The workplace brings an air of solidarity but be warned that you do not read more meaning into it than it’s worth. Anyone even an axe murderer or the most socially inept fellow you can think of would be easy to talk to if you spent 8 hours with the fella every blessed day. Throw in the unity that working for the same mean boss or corporation brings and one or two shared office projects and he/she begins to look like your soul mate.

Thing is, you left your soul mate, the real one- at home this morning with barely a parting shot because you were running late for work and you get home cranky and tired and making conversation is the last thing you wanna do so eventually it becomes a case of out of sight, out of mind and vice versa.

3. He/She understands you better than your significant other. They notice when you are feeling down or when you had your hair done or when you lose some weight. They totally feel your taste in music and will do all those silly things your man or woman doesn’t have time for and did I add they are your best movie buddies and don’t forget TGIF! Of course he/she understands you more but do they understand that when your allergies act up, you need to lie on your side and drink hot peppersoup? Do they understand how you get afraid of the dark because when you were a kid your nanny locked you in the closet one too many times or how you had to hustle to pay your way to school. The list is endless, the truth is what actually counts?

Would that person who seems like such a rock still be there for you if you lost your job, all your money and all your swag? Hmmmmm

4. He/She is so sexy and toned and looks like they would be awesome in bed. Calm down bae, take a deep breath. I know your man or woman is packing on the pounds and isn’t looking so sexy anymore but life is much more than twenty minutes of great sex with a hunky work colleague. What happens when you are all spent and able to see clearly again? How do you walk away from the mess you have made when your brain has suddenly been unclogged and the ‘agro’ has evaporated to whence it came?

A wise man once said don’t eat where you shit (and vice versa). Sleeping with a work colleague is wrong on so many levels. Statistics show it never ever ends well. What happens to the boo you have cheated on emotionally or physically and the awesome work colleague whose awesomeness evaporated the minute you realized he had a small weiner and came in half a minute? You can’t turn back the hands of time unfortunately and you are left with guilt and sometimes much worse (Did somebody say chlamydia?)

Again I say, don’t eat where you shit!

5. He/She is so smart. They understand spreadsheets and work deadlines and strategy. Stuff your boo will never understand but then again your boo is an engineer and you are an accountant and there is a reason you never dated an accountant back in the University right? Your mate doesn’t have to know the nitty gritty of the work you do. What’s really important is the empathy, support and comfort a mate gives. How smart is your work colleague outside his/her sphere of influence? Don’t be myopic, think about how smart you thought your mate was, the very first time you fell in love. This sort of love is such a fickle emotion. Your mate hasn’t gotten duller, you have only just lost sight of the bigger picture and you are focusing on the world that is Tanxo corporation.

Having someone who you can talk about your day to, one who truly understands the sort of day you had probably because he/she experienced it too or is in the same field as you are can be such a turn on but this is just one of the hazards of the work environment. Finding a way around this is a must unless you are a single guy/girl looking to hook up with a work colleague. If you are not single then you need to get a grip on reality and realize that there really is a life outside the office that is more important than the one you live behind those doors.

Just like your job is one broken contract away from unemployment, your relationship is one broken contract away from singledom. You need to take stock and decide for good if the opportunity cost (that hunky dude that sits in the next office or that secretary with her too short skirt and perky boobs) is worth the risk.

Terms and conditions apply….

Have a great evening Chutzpah fam,


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Posted by on July 9, 2014 in Relationships


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