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10 Signs That He Is Not Ready For Marriage!

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Are you dating or about to date this hunk of a man and you are already choosing asoebi colors and dreaming of your dream wedding with yours truly? Slow your role babe, this seeming 10 yards of husband material may not be ready for marriage at all. It’s akin to making a baby king because he is next in line to the throne. A good man regardless of his background or assets needs to mature to the point where he personally wants to make the commitment to marry. This is regardless of his age or successes and forcing or cajoling him prematurely would only lead to disaster. So here are 10 signs that bobo is not going to be ready to get hitched any time soon and even if he says he is, you’d best be advised to give him small space to grow some!

1) He has just enough money to comfortably take care of one!

Every guy has a dream, a lifestyle he always wanted to live and if he is living the dream don’t immediately assume he is ready to get married. 200k a month is good money for a single guy, average money for a couple and barely enough for a family with kids. It’s all about perception (and number of mouths to feed)!

2) He wants to settle when he is a certain age (which is years away)

If he wants to marry at 35, nothing is going to change that. Not you, his new car, his posh apartment or the money in his bank account. Not even his parents could make him change his mind. Going into a relationship believing you can make him change his life goals is selfish and foolhardy and trust me if he does change his mind, you will get the memo!

3) He is a flirt

A guy who flirts, genuinely enjoys women and is definitely not ready to commit to one. Forcing him to settle down is like taking a kid to a candy store and forcing him to pick only one candy. It takes serious discipline and nine out of ten guys are labelled cheats and Yoruba demons by women who were trying to force monogamy out of a man who was only out to have fun. A man who is ready to settle down will most likely have had his fill and be much calmer.

4) He has no plan for his life

If your guy is barely holding his job together, has no future plans to speak of and is more concerned with clubbing, football, get rich quick schemes and fun in general, don’t fret- just know he isn’t ready. Trying to force him to grow up so you can quickly be his Mrs would most likely backfire. Every one matures at their own pace. He is doing alright by his standards and should be left alone to figure life out at his own pace.

5) He seeks constant validation from friends and family

The opinion of his family and close friends are the only voices in his head and they guide his every move. This dude is not his own man yet, he has absolute faith in the opinions of those nearest and dearest to him to the point that he is oblivious to subtle manipulations and subjects you to the will and whims of others irrespective of what you want.

6) He has odd ideals about marriage

Marriage has no handbook, every couple finds out what works for them and then create their own customised handbook. If he is rigid about his ideals and they are odd to say the least, he probably has a lot to learn about life and marriage and you should most likely sit this one out. So if you are a 21st century woman and he says stuff like a woman must not talk when her man is talking or she has to give the head of the family all her income every month or he never wants a house help and at the same time doesn’t believe men should ever help out around the house (even if the woman has a full time job), don’t succumb to a heated argument because your words won’t sway him instead he’d be judging you and cutting each yard of wife material away from you so just take a chill pill and leave him to figure things out in solitude.

7) All his friends are not married

If none of his friends are married, getting him to be the first to commit may be hard if it isn’t initiated by him. Men usually begin to think of settling down when one of their close friends or close male relatives takes the lead.

8) He still lives with his family (parents, sibling or other relative)

This is not absolute, but most men who are yet to get their first apartment (which is usually christened the bachelor pad and then thoroughly baptised) are far from ready to settle down. Unlike many women who dream that the first house they’d live in after their parent’s would be their matrimonial home, men dream of a seriously pimped out bachelor pad before the more sensible matrimonial home.

9) He is focused on some other non-marriage priority

Men are single-minded unlike women who can multitask so if your man is focused on his career or his job or his business or maybe just making money or some other priority like getting a degree, no matter how you hint, push or cajole he will stay focused and eventually see you as a distraction that he needs to cut loose from. If you can’t wait for him, keep it moving!

10) He is about to relocate

A man who is about to leave the country either for work, school or permanent residence is not going to be looking for anything serious before he leaves. He wouldn’t want anyone tying him down or putting undue pressure on him and would be excited about the possibility of meeting an exotic woman abroad so a man who is about to relocate, no matter how appealing he may be would most likely not be looking to settle down till he has settled in his new abode.

Of course it wouldn’t be real life if there weren’t exceptions to all of these warning signs. Sometimes a guy may just surprise you but babe, better to err on the side of caution so that you don’t get your hopes dashed to pieces by a good man who just wasn’t ready to settle.

Have a great night Chutzpah fam,
xoxo

 
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Posted by on September 23, 2016 in Manology

 

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Break-up survival kit! #15 facts

Relationships are as unreliable as the human nature and sometimes people decide to go their separate ways. It could be a mutual decision but many times it’s one-sided, leaving the last man standing to pick up the pieces…

Here are 15 things you definitely need to know/do/allow sink-in, to help you survive that break-up and move on with minimal casualties;

1. Break-ups hurt like a car knocked you over. Sometimes you feel so numb like you couldn’t possible be breathing…However you feel, you must realise it is not the end of the world and you are going to get through it.

2. Even with all the ‘maggi’ in the world, you cannot make pepper-soup from chicken shit! Yes you were managing that relationship and tried to overlook your partners faults but if the relationship is history then it’s for a reason. Something better awaits…

3. The guy/chick you loved, took a good look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together and said ‘No thanks, I’ll try my luck elsewhere!’
It’s his/her loss…time will definitely tell…

4. Some people have perfected the act of passive break-ups where they don’t wanna hurt your feelings so they act in a way that would make you break-up with them. It’s under-handed and cowardly, do not beat yourself up for not ‘managing’. Your ex wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

5. Chocolate, ice-cream, comfort eating, excessive sleep, binge drinking and destructive behaviour don’t make you feel better. You’ll only end up more miserable cos your ex is gonna hear about or see how horrible you look and he/she would be feeling all fly and thankful that they didn’t stick around…

6. Calling, texting, pinging or mailing your ex after a break-up doesn’t say you just wanted to see if they were ok cos you are doing great and are a mature adult, it says you are lost without them and still need their approval!

7. Keeping tabs on your ex on facebook, twitter or in real life or drunk-dialling your ex will rob you of your self-respect. Let them wonder what you are up to. It doesn’t make you more mature and tryna see if they’ve moved on could drive you crazy also you’ll start seeing ‘subs’ in everything they write. Your heart is already broken, your ego is bruised, your pride is hurt, your tears are almost on reserve and you won’t see the effect of your stalking on your self-respect till your head clears a little, or you are embarrassed or restrained and you’ll feel so small for stooping so low for someone who wasn’t worth it.

8. Don’t keep talking about your ex. The more you bring up your ex in a conversation, the more you re-live the pain whether it is to bash him/her or reminisce and it doesn’t help you. Your friends and family go through a break-up with you and after a while, they’ll get sick of hearing his/her name or the story of your lost love.

9. Cursing/Revenge: Nigerians especially women, love to ‘swear for’ an ex. From biblical curses, to ‘African magic Yoruba’ curses to ancestral curses. Some even curse with their private parts, others are bizarre enough to do jazz for an ex, while a small number actually set their exes up and are even prepared to commit murder, arson or assault! We all wanna be Miss Karma and truly some exes can be so cruel and don’t deserve any happiness for breaking your heart but imagine if every one we’d ever hurt cursed us or punished us? The world would be full of a bunch of dysfunctional, wretched, unhappy, mad, maimed and unsuccessful people. If you think you have never hurt anyone, remember the ‘toaster’ or girl with a crush on you that you unkindly blew off, now imagine if they cursed you? You needn’t do anything extra, what goes around, comes around, that’s a certainty!

10. Have a support group; A list of people you can call or hangout with instead of your ex. (They shouldn’t be your ex’s friends!) As relationships evolve, lovers unwittingly chase away their friends and exist in their own little world but the good thing about friends is that they’ll forgive you and be there for you when you need them.

11. Don’t be available: Some people see exes as a very sure booty call or ‘maga’. Don’t fall prey! He/she calling you all of a sudden may just mean they need a favour not that they want you back! They may just feel guilty and want some self-validation, let them get it elsewhere. Even if you are bored out of your mind, you are unavailable!

12. Love is like salt in a pot of soup! Without salt the soup is tasteless but you cannot eat salt alone! Sometimes break-ups happen not for a lack of love so it may be hard staying away especially if you know your ex still cares and he/she was forced by circumstances to move on but don’t procrastinate your healing, he/she didn’t stay cos they felt it couldn’t be worked out, making them feel guilty or sending a touching letter/email or your aunty or his/her friends to reason with him/her would not make a difference. It makes you look pathetic and gives your ex an opportunity to reject you further and soon days would become months… Lingering only makes a bad situation worse…don’t prolong your agony!

13. Don’t promise to change who you are just to get your ex back! If you are patient, you’ll find someone who despite your flaws thinks you are to die for and will be ready to stick with you till the end. Be yourself! There are no perfect people…

14. Love is about how well NOT how long! Because you’ve been together for ten years doesn’t mean you are with the best person for you. Are you happy? Do you have inner peace? If you barely tolerate each other, scoff at romance and constantly infect hopefuls with your pessimism then you are not a wise, old couple, you are just a sad, dysfunctional couple too scared to be alone or find real happiness. If you’ve worked at your relationship without success and your partner decides to make a run for it, be thankful he/she saved you a divorce or unhappy marriage in the future!

15. Pseudo-breakups are dress rehearsals for the real one! Don’t break up if you don’t want it to be over. A break up is not a ‘warning’ or ‘shakara’. It is what it is! A couple that uses break-ups as a weapon instead of resolving conflict properly will not last long because one day either or both partners will decide they have had enough and take a bow…

The point is to get through a break-up, not prolong the pain and end up stuck in a rut. It’s an opportunity to do things you always wanted to do but your partner wouldn’t let you do. It’s an opportunity to upgrade. Get rid of anything in your life or personal image you wouldn’t wanna be seen with if you happened to bump into your ex. Focus on self-improvement. Look inwards and see if the problem lies with you. Are you dating the same type of awful people? Step out of the box and don’t rush yourself. Healing takes time. ‘Rebounds’ are like putting makeup on an unconscious patient! No matter how cute he/she is, the emptiness inside doesn’t go away and sometimes you hurt an innocent person by taking love when your heart is closed for repairs and unable to reciprocate. At the end, you become the very person you despise!

Exes don’t announce when they are gonna bump into you and sometimes your replacement may be in tow. Make sure you look gorgeous and well put together everyday and you’ll realize in the long run that you weren’t doing it for them, you were actually doing it for yourself, plus it increases your chances of meeting someone fantastic. Let your exes grudgingly have to admit you seem better off without them.

Remember what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger…Dying of a broken heart is a myth!!!
Have a lovely night peeps and happy birthday to the sweetest mum in the whole world, love you loads…xoxoxo 🙂 😉 🙂

 
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Posted by on November 28, 2011 in Me, Myself and I, Relationships

 

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