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Triage Patients to stop the Ebola epidemic; An essential tool for every health worker!

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If you are a health worker, hospital administrator or any other staff in a health facility then THIS IS FOR YOU!

 

Hello Nigerians,

The Ebola virus has become an unwelcome visitor and calculated steps must be taken to curb this epidemic before it escalates. Do not be a victim. As a health worker you are in the fore-front and you need to be armed with this questionnaire to ensure that the patient whose life you are trying to save does not become the very patient responsible for your demise. Hospitals should print out these questionnaires and have them at the front desk. Insist all patients fill them before they are attended to and above all, every health worker should obey universal precautions even if the questionnaire puts the patient in the clear.

Please click on the links below to view and download the questionnaire and spread the word. Thank you!

The BE questionnaire- Instructions

The BE Questionnaire

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Posted by on August 12, 2014 in Health

 

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EBOLA VIRUS- The Serial Killer Gets Shipped To Lagos!

EBOLA VIRUS- The Serial Killer Gets Shipped To Lagos!

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His name was Patrick Sawyer, a Liberian who died yesterday in Lagos from a suspected case of the newest epidemic- Ebola. May his soul R.I.P.

Ebola is a virus which causes the Ebola Virus Disease or Ebola Hemorrhagic fever; the symptoms of the disease include fever, sore throat, muscle pains, headaches, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea along with decreased functioning of the liver and kidneys and as the disease progresses, the affected person begins to bleed from any or all of the following – mouth, nose, ears, eyes, skin, internal bleeding, prolonged bleeding from wounds etc. Death inevitably occurs in about a week, as there is no known vaccination or cure at present.

Can you catch Ebola?

Yes! A person can get Ebola by eating contaminated bush meat or touching a contaminated corpse or coming in contact with contaminated blood or body fluids of an infected animal such as a monkey or fruit bat (farmers and hunters beware) and even pigs but that isn’t why we are all worried after all how many average Nigerians get to do any of these things.

Well here is the problem: EBOLA IS SPREAD FROM ONE INDIVIDUAL TO ANOTHER BY PHYSICAL CONTACT!

–          If you touch a person who has Ebola virus, you will be at risk. (Think about the health workers who treated the Liberian man and initially didn’t know he was infected and then think of all the other people they could have touched- in the hospital, at home, in the bus etc.) THANKFULLY, DOCTORS OBEY UNIVERSAL PRECAUTIONS and wash their hands after seeing a patient. The question is, do you?

–          Men who survive an infection with Ebola (yes, a few people do survive, the disease kills 50-90% of infected victims) may be able to transmit the disease sexually for nearly two months. GIRLFRIENDS, WIVES and SIDECHICKS BEWARE!

Ok so now you see the magnitude of the problem. The dude who shook your hand could have Ebola. The lady who touched you may be infected. The caretaker trying to get that body to the morgue may be joining him soon and the doctors, nurses and the other members of the health team are very much at risk. The brave doctor who was spearheading the Ebola epidemic in Sierra Leone has been infected by the virus and his predecessor died of Lassa fever (Ebola’s brother). If you felt the Nigerian doctors were being greedy by asking for a meaningful hazard allowance, think again. The money won’t stave off death but at least it would show the risk they were taking was duly compensated!

So how can you prevent catching the disease and how can you help curb the epidemic?

  1. Wash your hands with soap and water and if you can help it carry an alcohol-based hand sanitizer in your bag so that every time you touch an individual, you disinfect your hands.
  2. Forget about bush meat right now. Do not visit joints that offer exotic meat. Yes I know it tastes great with palm wine but dead men don’t drink remember? (Libation doesn’t count!)
  3. If you suspect your neighbor has Ebola or even your family or friends, do not take them to a chemist, please take them straight to a teaching hospital AND DO NOT TOUCH THEM OR THEIR BLOOD, FAECES, URINE, TEARS, SPUTUM OR SWEAT and if you have been in close contact with them, avoid contact with others till you are sure you didn’t catch it.
  4. Health workers please observe UNIVERSAL PRECAUTIONS abeg!!! Avoid contact with blood and body fluids of infected individuals.
  5. Don’t touch the dead body of an infected person.
  6. Do not travel to a place where an Ebola epidemic has broken out (Liberia, Sierra Leone, Guinea, Democratic Republic of Congo and Sudan)
  7. Avoid touching contaminated materials and utensils used by an infected person.
  8. Call 08057886636, 08023169485, 08033086660, 08033065303, 08055281442, 08055329229 to report a case or ask questions.

Ebola virus is highly infectious and contagious and it has no cure. Please stay safe!

Don’t panic, just stay calm and wash your hands, thank God it isn’t air-borne!

Have a lovely night Chutzpah fam,

xoxo

 
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Posted by on July 25, 2014 in Health

 

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Staphylococcus- the mythical mother of all STDs!

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The doctor’s in the building…Here is a post by our very own doctor and guest blogger. Hope this answers all your questions about Staphylococcus!


Growing up, I had always heard about the dreaded disease- Staphylococcus. Even the name sounded so serious, a life threatening disease I was sure it was. I couldn’t wait to have the lecture on it in school. I figured it was going to be in the league of HIV/AIDS. Then we started having lectures, days became weeks then months, yet none of my lecturers had talked about it yet. Hmm, perhaps they were saving the ‘best’ for the last. Then one day, our microbiology lecturer was talking about bacteria and then he talked about the cocci group of bacteria, finally! I said to myself. Then he mentioned staphylococci, I settled into my seat properly, ready and eager to know all there was about this dreaded disease. To be fair, the lecturer probably spent 30minutes talking about staphylococcus, the laboratory findings, the clinical features and then the treatment and management. I wasn’t satisfied. After all, last week we talked about HIV for about 3 days. Why should this disease get only 30 minutes, wasn’t it serious enough? Considering all the fliers, newspaper adverts, billboards, radio jingles and TV adverts dedicated to this disease by various trado-doctors (herbalists or babalawos) why were the Western doctors not taking the disease seriously? Maybe that’s why we kept losing the trust of our patients. What would uncle R think if I couldn’t cure common staph? What sort of doctor would I be?

Now, I’m usually self-conscious and I don’t like to ask questions in class and all, but seeing that I’d been looking forward to this topic, I was torn, do I get up and ask the lecturer more questions or should I just read about it? While I was still trying to decide, a classmate of mine asked the questions on my mind.

‘Was staph not a sexually transmitted disease, didn’t it cause infertility and why were there no antibiotics that could treat it, why did people need to seek herbal medicine to manage staph?’

So my people, that was how my classmates and I saw through the scam that these native doctors aka babalawos aka tradomedicine aka herbalists aka naturalists run on the average unsuspecting Nigerian. I really don’t know the genesis of how staphylococcus being an STI came about. I don’t even know who taught these guys how to spell the word, seeing as it does take me some time to spell it correctly. All I know is somehow, one day these guys had a meeting and decided that staphylococcus was a big sounding word that would instil fear in their clients and fetch them more money because of the claim that it was life threatening, sexually transmitted and would affect their fertility. You know we Nigerians don’t joke with anything that would affect our fertility, our sex lives or our lives generally.

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So ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to dispel a couple of rumours and hopefully I would be able to relieve you of the fears you have and provide you with adequate information about the great staphylococcus bacteria. Don’t get me wrong, staphylococcus infections could be very serious requiring long hospital stays and strong ANTIBIOTICS, IN THE HOSPITAL under the supervision of a MEDICAL DOCTOR.

Here are ten things you didn’t know about staph.

  1. Staphylococcus is a group of bacteria that can cause a number of diseases as a result of infection of various tissues of the body. They can cause illness can range from mild and requiring no treatment to severe and potentially deadly.
  2. Staphylococci can be found normally in the nose and on the skin of around 25%-30% of healthy adults and in these people it does not cause disease. Due to this, it is often found as a contaminant in laboratory cultures so a urine, blood, vaginal swab or seminal fluid specimen can yield staph as a contaminant if the specimen is not properly handled or the laboratory work environment is not sterile. This is probably why a lot of labs give results that show patients have ‘staph’.
  3. Anyone can develop a Staph infection, although certain groups of people are at greater risk, including new born infants, breastfeeding women, and people with chronic conditions such as diabetes, cancer, IV drug users, those with skin injuries or disorders, intravenous catheters, surgical incisions, and those with a weakened immune system.
  4. Skin infections are the most common infections that can occur from staphylococcus, this can be as minor as pimples or boils (abscess collection), cellulitis or as fatal as scalded skin syndrome. In this case, it can be transmitted from person to person and is highly contagious. Since pus from infected wounds may contain the bacteria, proper hygiene and hand washing is required when caring for Staph-infected wounds.
  5. Staphylococcus can also cause mastitis which is a collection of abscess in d breast which makes the breast painful and swollen and is usually seen in breast feeding mothers.
  6. Staph infection can spread in the blood stream and cause pneumonia (infection in the lungs) or cause endocarditis (infection of the heart valves) or cause osteomyelitis (infection of the bones) or general staphylococcal sepsis which is wide spread infection of the entire blood stream.
  7. There is also a kind of food poisoning that can be caused by staph. In this cause the symptoms are acute vomiting, diarrhoea and dehydration usually develop within one to six hours after eating contaminated food. The illness usually lasts for one to three days and resolves on its own. Patients with this illness are not contagious.
  8. Toxic shock syndrome is a rare potentially fatal infection caused by toxins from staphylococcus. It is characterized by the sudden onset of high fever, vomiting, diarrhoea, and muscle aches, followed by low blood pressure (hypotension), which can lead to shock and death.
  9. Treatment of staphylococcus is dependent on the kind of illness. Minor skin infections are usually treated with an antibiotic ointment or in some cases, oral antibiotics. If abscesses are present, they are surgically drained. More serious and life-threatening infections are treated with intravenous antibiotics.
  10. Prevention includes careful hand washing, avoiding close skin contact with possible infected individuals; also careful attention to food-handling and food-preparation practices can decrease the risk of staphylococcal food poisoning.

So there you have it. Everything you need to know about staph. Staphylococcus is NOT a sexually transmitted disease so please stop dashing money to these no-gooders and spread the word!

Please leave a comment if you have any questions and thanks for stopping by at the doctor’s office. x

 

You can follow our guest blogger on twitter: @deevadoc

 
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Posted by on July 17, 2014 in Health

 

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The Docs of Hazard!

…Daddy I wanna be a doctor when I grow up…

Many a child has uttered that cry as he/she got an epiphany. Some buried those dreams the first time they caught sight of blood gushing from an open wound, others were never given a chance to choose a life beyond medicine and yet for majority of the doctors in Nigeria, it was a life-long dream, which involved years of sweat, toil and tears (6yrs+X for some).
Now one can write about the many benefits of being a doc, from the title to the ‘efizzy’, to the respect, to the ‘god-complex’, to the money (not in Naija), to the certain degree of immunity from the police, to the good karma that arises from helping others, to the high market-value in the dating and marriage market, to the widely open arms parents use to welcome a would-be, doctor-in-law. The list could be longer and however long it takes to achieve this status, for some, it’s to die for. But no one ever talks about the bad…

We doctors have become the ‘Dukes of Hazard’ and here are 10 awful things you should consider before sending your child to medical school…

1. Med school is tough. To even start the race, you have to have been a really brainy kid in secondary school and the work load is structured so that the frail fall by the way-side.
I know a guy who ran mad during his exams in med school. #shocking-but-true! And then there are the strikes that thankfully, have become rare but sometimes keep a kid in school for up to 10 years. There’s also the issue of accreditation which has become a nasty new trend, leaving students hanging for long periods till their schools can get their acts together and sometimes totally interrupting their studies. My friends F and I who are currently doing masters in the UK say after med school, you can basically face any academic challenge or stress that there is. For them, the workload seems a bit too light at the post-graduate level when compared to the hassle of becoming a Nigeria-trained doctor.

2. They will rebel. Many parents think a doctor in the house is a must-have and have grown tired of paying the family doctor, desiring one of their own. While this is a noble thought, forcing people to do what they don’t wanna do is akin to delaying their destinies because one day, many years after, they’ll realise what exactly it is they are supposed to do in life. My friend A started out in med school and dropped out in his second year. Today he is a seasoned DJ and radio/tv presenter studying a business course on the side and says he has finally found fulfilment. My friend T now works in an auditing firm and if she had been allowed to follow her dream from the very beginning, she could have gained 3 years and would have been on a level far above where she is today. I have countless classmates who were forced into med school by their folks and dropped out of the race with alacrity as soon as they obtained the title. According to my friend F, “Daddy here’s the title you always wanted, now can I live my life?”…

3. The risk of infection. Doctors are prone to needle-stick injuries and blood and body-fluid borne infections on the job, HIV and Hepatitis top the list. Some call it carelessness but I tell you that many of these accidents are freaks of nature and some have been both life-altering and life-threatening! A colleague of mine was pricked by a needle she had introduced into a child with HIV when the child jumped suddenly. The mother was supposed to be restraining him and was profusely sorry but sorry doesn’t cut it when you have to take HIV medication for 6 weeks. She can never take back those 6 weeks of her life that she spent sick and vomiting due to the side-effects or the constant anxiety about the probability of testing positive to HIV. Thankfully she tested negative. I also know a male doctor who tested positive to Hepatitis when he was asked to do the test by the church weeks to his wedding… 😦 so many doctors have been paid with a measure of the patient’s illness in return for their services and have learnt the hard way that even if the hospital or government doesn’t put in place measures for personal protection, it is imperative that you protect yourself!

4. Any doctor who has worked in a teaching hospital or community clinic will regale you with tales of how doctors have had to run for dear life even jumping through windows because they failed to perform magic on a badly injured patient and as a result became targets for violently angry and grieving family and friends. It happens quite frequently in teaching hospitals where mortality is the highest because they are the highest point of referral especially those located in poorer neighbourhoods…

5. There was an episode at a hospital some years ago where doctors were robbed and molested sexually at night, while on duty by a gang of hoodlums that attacked the hospital. No one knows for sure if the offenders were brought to book but the memory of the trauma lives on in those doctors’ minds…

6. Doctors are their own enemies. We don’t have a strong enough governing body and many times it is outrageous how the doctors at the top are the very ones standing in the way of progress. A while ago doctors went on strike in a teaching hospital on orders from the Association of Resident Doctors (ARD) and were fired en masse by the state. Adverts were put out for new doctors and doctors flooded the institution not caring about the events that preceded the jobs becoming available nor the cause for which the other doctors tried to fight. The ARD seemed powerless but thankfully, the governor of the state granted the doctors leniency and recalled them. It was quite amazing that their sack didn’t incite a nationwide revolt. Wasn’t it a worthy cause they fought for? Every man for himself, God for us all… 😦

7. Patient wahala! Sometimes patients can be a handful and I’m not talking about the average run off the mill, disgruntled or stubborn patient. I’m talking big wahala! A female patient being managed for infertility was found to be problem free and the doctor suggested, as is routine, that she bring her husband to the clinic for tests as the fault may not have been hers. The next day an angry man with a raised voice barged into the consulting room accusing the doctor of telling his wife that he was impotent! Now you can imagine the scene that unfolded and there have been far worse scandals…

8. The residency exams. I know people who have failed those exams up to 5 times regardless of the depth of their knowledge on the subject matter all because they failed to satisfy an examiner in an exam which is highly subjective. Exams cost as much as 50k and there are update courses to pay for from our meagre salaries too. Abroad, most exams are objective so you can hardly fail because an examiner thinks you are cocky or thinks it is your right to taste failure in this lifetime!

9. We do not work for the devil! Some patients treat us no better than the devil but in their defence, it should be expected since we constantly deliver bad news. I have grown weary of patients giving testimonies in church that start with; “The doctors said I had…..but my God put them to shame…..”
It is not doctors versus God!!! We also offer hope and look after you, remember? We care but God heals!- Our mantra 😉

10. It has been said that doctors dress horribly and have terrible cars. The salary doesn’t help matters and sometimes a doctor has to do ‘locum’ (part-time job) apart from his main job to keep body and soul together. In other countries, doctors are amongst the highest paid but every time we rise up in protest, the people angrily tell us we earn enough already and should be content as our job is ‘humanitarian’. Humanitarian my foot! I know an elderly doctor who had to beg for 5,000 naira to feed his family because salaries had not been paid. With the above-listed hazards, should this ever occur? He had given almost his entire life to the people, I think it’s time the people gave back!

Most doctors after realising what they signed up for, look for the easiest way out. They try to leave the country but alas, a doctor trained in Nigeria is not readily hired in other countries despite his experience or skill till he has passed myriads of hurdles, exams inclusive and many have returned, after losing years abroad because they were unable to find suitable work.

So peeps, carefully consider these before you decide the life of a doctor is the life for you. I won’t even mention our crazy 24-hour work schedule or how our families suffer as a result because that would be complaining and we knew this was part of the package when we signed up and besides despite everything, I love being a doctor and wouldn’t pick any other life…

Today before you shout at your doctor or act rudely, remember this and realize that we are under-appreciated and a smile and a thank you from you, not to mention your co-operation would go a long way to help us serve you better…

‘Be careful how you treat me because I may be your doctor one day!’ 😉 😉 😉

Have a great weekend peeps, T.G.I.F (though I’m working tomorrow!)….xoxoxo 🙂 🙂

 
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Posted by on November 18, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Health, Inspirational

 

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Arms folded: Good Samaritans now extinct in Nigeria?

We all know the story of the good Samaritan in Luke 10:25-37 and even those unfamiliar with the scripture have at least heard once or twice the phrase ‘Good Samaritan’.
A good Samaritan is someone who helps another in need for compassionate motives and with no thought of reward. Many have told stories about being in trouble and then rescued by total strangers, some disappearing before a thank you could be offered. Some people like to think of ’em as guardian angels but many times they are living and breathing humans just like you and I.

In Nigeria, the story is quite different especially in the classic case of injured victims seen on the road side. We have adopted a Pharisee and Levite approach not because we are as cold-hearted as our actions show but because as my friend J rightly said, ‘Samaritans are treated like criminals in Nigeria’
It has become so bad that often times a body can be left to decompose for days on a major street with people walking by, holding their noses but no one willing to take responsibility and in the process be victimised. 😦

I saw an accident yesterday evening that had me almost in tears and thoroughly shaken up. There were three victims on the road, unconscious and injured. It happened in the market so a crowd had gathered, more than a 100 people around the victims, shouting and recounting and wailing but no one was doing anything. A young cadet barely a soldier who looked like he was fresh out of his teens asked bus driver after bus driver for help to move the victims to the hospital but each driver sadly refused. The accident had been a hit and run by a bus similar to theirs and the victims didn’t look like they would survive so no one wanted to get involved because the police would detain and rough-handle the kind stranger as a prime suspect since he would be the only lead they had. It had happened so many times before…

Even as a doctor, my hands were tied. It was so sad. All I had in my bag was a stethoscope and I wasn’t about to attempt being superman. I had worked in Luth and witnessed agberos turning on doctors and even getting violent when they failed to perform magic and that was in a health facility, how much more on a street. I was in the middle of a rowdy market with a throng of people and I mentally calculated what I could do to help and it wasn’t significant. An ambulance had been called already and the victims moved to the side of the road so I continued on my journey, feeling guilty and upset but at the same time knowing that doing more there and then would have been foolhardy. It got me thinking…

In some countries around the world, there are laws called ‘Good Samaritan laws’. These are laws or acts protecting those who choose to serve and tend to others who are injured or ill. They are intended to reduce bystanders’ hesitation to assist, for fear of being sued or prosecuted for unintentional injury or wrongful death while assisting the victim and protect them from being blamed for the accident and harassed as suspects before the offenders are accosted.
Such laws generally do not apply to medical professionals’ or trained emergency responders’ on-the-job conduct, but some extend protection to professional rescuers when they are acting in a volunteer capacity.

In some jurisdictions, unless a caretaker relationship (such as a parent-child or doctor-patient relationship) exists prior to the illness or injury, or the “good Samaritan” is responsible for the existence of the illness or injury, no person is required to give aid of any sort to a victim and this has become the common practise in Nigeria. The police do not act like these laws exist so the people have conditioned their minds to not give aid since it could backfire.

Good Samaritan statutes in some countries, require a person at the scene of an emergency to provide reasonable assistance to a person in need. This assistance may be to render first aid, rescue the victim from further harm or call 911 or in our case, Lagos State Emergency Medical Service (LASEMS) or Lagos State Ambulance Service (LASAMBUS) to call 123 (or 933 for MTN subscribers in Lagos and Abuja). Violation of the duty-to-assist subdivision is a petty misdemeanour in other parts of the world and may warrant a fine of up to $100 in places like Vermont.

Pre-hospital emergency medical care, the provision of prompt and effective communication among ambulances and hospitals, and safe and effective care and transportation of the sick and injured are essential public health services and the government should work towards encouraging the average Nigerian to take action at an accident scene instead of just looking on, arms folded or on their heads. We need to celebrate heroes and not punish them like common criminals.

This post will not be complete if I do not mention that where the good Samaritan laws apply, there are exceptions. In the absence of imminent peril, the actions of a rescuer may be perceived by the courts to be not worthy of protection. To illustrate, a motor vehicle collision occurs, but there is no fire, no immediate life threat from injuries and no danger of a second collision. If a ‘good Samaritan’ elects to ‘rescue’ the victim from the wreckage, causing paralysis or some other injury, a court may hold the actions of the rescuer as ‘reckless’ and unnecessary. This is a good point although not practised in Nigeria because sometimes over-eager agberos may cause more harm than good especially in the movement of patients with injury to their spine.

Finally I think it is only right that an officer of the law who witnessed the accident or was called to the scene, accompanies the good Samaritan to protect him from being wrongfully charged for the crime by other law-enforcement agencies and if one is not present, they should wait for an ambulance unless there’s a skilled medical practitioner on the scene or a bunch of witnesses ready to come along and testify to his innocence. Accident cases can be messy and there’s also the issue of settlement of bills for a ‘John Doe’ and the un-ending police questions but still as long as you are not blamed for the crime, think of the inconvenience as worth it because one day it may be you or a loved one lying injured far from home and desperately needing a good Samaritan.

Be thankful for the gift of life, have a lovely day peeps and please drive carefully, your life and the lives of the strangers on the road with you depend on it. xoxoxo 😉

 
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Posted by on October 26, 2011 in Inspirational

 

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Run baby run…

   When I was in secondary school we had guidance counselors who took their jobs pretty seriously. They went through great lengths to warn the budding flowers under their care about the ills of premature plucking, regaling us with tales of young girls who let a boy under their skirts and ended up as pepper sellers because they had gotten pregnant and had to drop out of school. Back in the 90’s, kids weren’t warned about HIV, even parents hadn’t fully accepted the killer disease and STI’s were still hush hush, reserved for the paid and unpaid asewos so girls like you and me were shaken up real good about getting pregnant.

Some mothers went quite overboard, damaging their daughter’s psyche with strict warnings about the fabled virility of a man’s seed. All he had to do was touch you, and it didn’t matter where and you’d be giving him a child in 9 months. My cousin S had sobbed for days when a man had grabbed her hand as she got off a bus. She didn’t have the heart to tell her mum that she would be a grandmother soon, not because the news would break her mother’s heart but because the news would break her own back. She could imagine the whipping she’d get and if Aunt M was in town she’d add pepper to the matter literally! Rubbing pepper on her body so that the koboko would enter well! Cousin S lived in dread for ages but her mum would tell you over and over that the end justified the means. S said No to sex till she was old enough 😉

Mothers weren’t entirely off the hook. Some found it positively discomfiting to sit their wide-eyed daughters down and have to tell them about the birds and the bees. They put it off for so long, hoping nature would slow the growth process and their little angels would stay little but they usually were given a shocker when they had to console a crying little girl who thought she had suffered a mortal wound and was bleeding to death or discovered an over-sleeping, over-weight once-upon-a-time innocent young girl who had been lured by uncle for just a couple of sweets. Yes, some mothers have chosen to live like the ostrich burying their heads in the sand and other would-be mothers have taken to praying for just sons, calculating that this is way easier, after all, no one barely remembers boys need the same sex education as the girls till they catch a virus or a baby. It must have been assumed that porn, peer pressure and the public media are teachers enough for growing men. 😮

I vaguely remember an old Channel O advert that always cracked me up. The boy declared he wanted it ‘Skin on skin’, I don’t remember the rest of the sexual awareness advert but I do remember the Gold circle condom adverts on the radio telling anyone who cared to listen that skin on skin was a bad idea. There’s a story that has been circulating on social networks and blackberry broadcasts about a chic called Chidinma who is currently standing at the pearly gates because her ‘clients’ preferred skin on skin, used her blood for rituals and in exchange gave her a dream life, sadly she was woken from that dream by the cold clutches of death. Now nobody is saying this story is true or false but every Nigerian knows these are our modern folk tales. Wale Adenuga’s Superstory fetches him mad money because of stories like this but before we shake our heads and laugh it off, remember that the truth is stranger than fiction. AIDS is real, because you are faithful doesn’t mean she/he is. Pregnancy is real too. Ask wizkid, he definitely didn’t dull in Ghana. Sources say he may be following in Tuface’s footsteps before long. I love that kid but someone should have told him that being a father is a whole different ball game. I wonder what happened to abstinence? Like the ‘shimi’ it has almost become extinct. I was reading online about the babalawos in Lagos needing 50 virgins to appease Yemoja and abort an impending flood and they seemed to think it was a nearly impossible feat without dropping the age range to include pre-pubertal girls. *shocking*. Abstinence is the only 100% protection against STIs, HIV and unwanted pregnancies SHIKENA!!!

Governor Fashola recently came up with some revolutionary laws in Lagos.The two most notable ones are; A man who impregnates a woman must care for her or face prosecution and Landlords are only allowed to collect a year’s rent at a time. Seems to me like this will reduce the number of ‘hit and runs’ we have in Lagos. 😉 Hearing this conversation had become so cliche…

Babe: I missed my period

Dude: Ehn?

Babe: I think I am pregnant

Dude: WTF? you had better go and find it wherever you misplaced it, you think I don’t know you have been sleeping with X, Y and Z? Don’t put the blame on me… *storms out angrily and is never seen again*

Curtain falls…

Aren’t we tired of seeing babies without daddies? I know Fashola is! Kudos sir 😉 And we mustn’t forget the average Lagos girl who thinks getting pregnant is the only way to get the man of her dreams to say ‘I do!’. Once upon a time, when men were men, if a girl got pregnant for you, you manned up, gave the woman your name and bore the responsibility but with child support and all the latest fads, being a baby mama has become a common and very lucrative business enterprise and the men go scot-free. 😮

So baby girl, run. No matter how old you are, you are your father’s little girl and he deserves to walk you down the aisle with pride not inwardly cussing the young tout who stole the flower in his garden without permission and if that doesn’t move you, remember CHIDINMA….(said eerily).

*check out Chutzpah Yellow pages for our featured one-stop shop: https://chocolatechutzpah.wordpress.com/chutzpah-yellow-pages/kesabelle-a-world-of-possibilities-at-your-fingertips/.

And here’s a little something to make you smile on a Tuesday morning…

Chutzpah’s pick of 10 funniest condom slogans 🙂

1) Balloon your baboon before you tune her poon

2) Wrap that stiffer, then let him sniff her

3) If you’re nude, tube your dude

4) Cover your stump before you hump

5)  Before you attack her, wrap your whacker

6)  If you slip between her thighs, condomize

7)  Don’t make a mistake, cover your snake

8 )  When in doubt, shroud your spout

9)  Bodies shouldn’t go slapping unless peter’s got his wrapping

10)  Don’t be silly, protect your willy

And don’t forget our very own Naija slogan…. If you no fit hold body, use condom ooooh! 

AIDS is real, Have a great day peeps, xoxo 😉

 
18 Comments

Posted by on August 23, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Uncategorized

 

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Summits, villages and the good food between…

    When my boss told me I was gonna be attending the Pan African Health Summit, I was thrilled. Not because I thought it would be highly entertaining because it wasn’t that long ago that I had missed my favorite sitcoms cos NTA insisted on showing boring summits… primary school really wasn’t that long ago. Neither was I thrilled because I was gonna be on TV, nah! Been there, done that, got the T-shirt after all Maltina had conspired with parents to have us kids on TV making requests and sending greetings every christmas growing up. I was actually excited cos I felt I was gonna be doing something different from my boring routine and I would be networking with the high and mighty of the health industry. I spent ages picking what to wear. The summit was held at the Lagos-Osun Conference hall of the Transcorp Hilton hotel from the 9th to 11th of August. The theme was “Enhancing Mobile Healthcare using Information and Communication Technologies to Deliver a Healthier Tomorrow for Africa.”

    It was the first of its kind in Africa and in attendance were Ministers of health from Nigeria and neighboring African countries like Kenya and Ghana as well as delegates from India, US and the UK, also in attendance were the Honorable Minister of Communication technology and representatives of the Intel Corporation and Ewave MD. It was so cool sitting with all this famous people and I wore my badge quite proudly.
  The Pan African Health Summit provided a forum for showcasing the mobile integrated primary healthcare program, ‘Mailafiya’ which in plain English, was a project that not only sent doctors to remote villages where phones didn’t work and electricity hadn’t been invented but also ironically, gave them cute, already-charged laptops with internet access to record patient data so it could be added to a database. Pretty tech stuff huh?
    It aimed at achievement of MDGs 4, 5 & 6. MDGs are the Millenium Development Goals and there’s been such a buzz about them cos the world’s leaders figure if they achieve all those goals, the inhabitants of planet earth will have a realistic shot at a better life. This summit aimed at achieving MDG 4 (reduce child mortality), 5 (improve maternal health) & 6 (combat HIV/AIDS, malaria and other diseases) using a scalable Information communication technology solution.

    The Honorable Minister of Communication Technology, Mrs Bola Johnson, who by the way, looks young and incredibly hot and is one of the top people in Accenture had a few things to say. Gosh, that woman can’t be 40 yet and like Beyonce sang, ‘she totally rules this muthaf**king world’. I hope I have that much greatness in my future oh! Anyway she pointed out that affordability was one of the biggest challenges of communication technology in Nigeria. (stale gist actually, affordability affects everything in Nigeria, we aren’t a developing country for no reason).
    Mrs Purnima Mane, the Deputy Exercutive Director UNFPA, a petite indian woman, pointed out the need to scale up pilot programs. That was such a valid point cos one thing we Nigerians are good at and probably all of the developing world, is starting up pilot programs. Pilot sites, pilot hospitals, pilot schools….Pilot projects should give way to other projects but the people in charge usually are just concerned with fattening their pockets and soon the project becomes a pilot that crash landed into oblivion…
    One of the speakers stated that we had no right to ask for quality when a product was free, that wasn’t a novelty for me cause we Nigerians are believe that awoof dey run bele anyway. He pointed out the need for quality assurance. Interestingly he stated that if 1kobo/minute was deducted for health per phone call and there were 88million lines in Nigeria, we would be more than able to far exceed the stated budget and achieve the MDGs. Good idea huh? Who knows how many one kobos MTN and GLO have been collecting from us? I really wish they were all for a good cause but I doubt that… 🙂
   Robert Higgs, the president Global Care International USA told us a touching story about his wife and how she’d fueled his passion. He stated some of the challenges facing these erstwhile project and they were quite a mouthful. What struck me the most about him was the fact that he turned his tragedy into a channel to help the world. We should learn from him.
     The cuisine was exquisite, Transcorp hilton classic-all-you-can-eat buffet and I even saw one of my old lecturers Dr Alero Roberts, another woman running the world. She remembered me and that was cool too cos I don’t remember ever interacting with her though we did jam at Silverbird cinemas once. We went to watch Hancock. Guess women of all ages were drawn to Will Smith’s buffness in that movie. 🙂
      On the last day of the summit, we visited Kuje village. That village was in the middle of nowhere-land and one of the sites of the Mailafyia project. I watched in horror as my EDGE became GSM and then NO SERVICE. No blackberry messenger for 6 hours? Ridiculous! The villagers looked at the white people like they were re-making the hit film ‘The gods must be crazy’. One of the health workers said that a 60 year old man in the village had exclaimed that he was seeing a doctor for the first time in his life. These people were barely civilized but there must have been a method to their madness cos even with the poverty, they looked happy and unperturbed. We had a barbecue to attend so we didn’t stay too long. On our way out, one of the buses got stuck in muddy, quick sand and the natives jumped in and lifted the bus out. Native heroes! Thankfully I was in an SUV. 😉
      And so the summit came to an end. A lot of issues were raised and recommendations made. Intel was looking for partnerships and Nigerians were more than eager. I do hope in a year or two, I will be able to look back and say with pride that the summit made an impact on the health care sector but hey even if it doesn’t, the food was delicious!
     I can’t but wonder if there was a child somewhere who got quite annoyed when NTA cut off his exciting TV program to show my summit 🙂
Have a lovely evening peeps, one day we shall change the world…xoxoxo 😉
 
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Posted by on August 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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