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The Little Finger Phenomenon

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Have you ever sensed that a person may not be all they seem to be? That behind the smile lies a lurking darkness that you can’t quite figure out?

Have you ever felt your instincts kick you in the guts every time a certain person assures you of their loyalty or friendship but you try hard to ignore the ill-feeling?

Have you ever felt like someone you trusted could stick a knife in your back if given the opportunity or would bring you down in a heartbeat if they had the chance?

Have you ever felt a persistent unease around a certain person, the kind of unease that only grows the moment you start divulging classified info or things too personal to share with someone who truly doesn’t have your back?

Don’t suppress the flight or fight emotion, the outcome could be deadly!

At one of my old workplaces there was a woman who was always hanging around me and her words and body language showed she was interested in a more meaningful friendship but I couldn’t shake off the niggling doubts I had deep down. We became acquaintances and as time went by I learned to block out the unease. One day she comes to report a close colleague to me and said a lot of horrible things about the person trying to get a response out of me. As I opened my mouth to speak I saw her hand working very deftly on her phone and my instincts start screaming ‘DANGER’. Of course, she wasn’t looking at me cos her eyes were fixated on whatever she was doing. I leaned over the table and saw her activating the voice recorder. She looked up suddenly and caught my eye and the guilt in her eyes finally cleared every doubt I had ever had. I asked her why on earth she would want to record one part of a private discussion without my consent especially about such a sensitive topic. I walked her out of my office and the charade ended that instant.

What if she had succeeded? She would have messed up my reputation and my friendship with the other colleague without roping she and her inciteful comments in. Sometimes we never actually realise the reason for the uneasiness with certain people. However, it’s safe to say that if your head keeps telling you to be careful and you don’t have a history of paranoia, you should take it seriously.

I call it the ‘Little Finger Phenomenon’. Little Finger in the Game of Thrones Series was my most hated villain because he seemed so helpful and charming and was able to gain the trust of unsuspecting people only to advance his selfish ambitions without caring who he hurt or who he ruined. He did get his comeuppance but at what cost?

Jealousy, ambition, competitiveness, hate, obsession and bitterness are some of the emotions that can trigger your instincts about another person. The negative energy is often hard to ignore by the subconscious mind. So people, today I am asking you to screw the dictates of polite society by not accommodating anyone who constantly makes you uneasy. Keep a more than respectful distance and let your words be few because ultimately you are better safe than sorry!

Have a good day Chutzpah fam,

xoxo

 
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Posted by on July 9, 2018 in Inspirational

 

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Pointing Fingers

“A wise man once said that every time you point a finger to accuse someone else, your other four fingers are pointing right back at you…”

A friend of mine called me one day out of the blues that she had just lost her pregnancy and I experienced a rainbow mix of unexpected emotions. I was shocked and confused because I had seen her almost every day prior to that and had no clue that she was preggers. I felt sad and heartbroken because she had lost something she had wanted for so long. I felt hurt and betrayed because she hadn’t trusted me enough to confide in me till she needed a shoulder to cry on. For the time being I put my feelings aside and was there for her. I was everything she needed me to be.

It didn’t take too long however, to realise she wasn’t the only one that needed comforting. I called my mom to unburden my chest and she told me it was usual for some friends not to tell each other sensitive stuff like this because of our culture and the ‘you don’t know who is really happy for you’ mentality and that maybe the couple had reasons for keeping it in and I shouldn’t let it affect me. But it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. All my other friends had told me the news as soon as they peed on the stick and this friend had shed tears more than once that some other friend of hers had excluded her from the baby announcement and since some of her inner circle knew about it, I felt I had been deliberately excluded.

So I called up one of my oldest friends to whine about it and as I was going on and on about the seeming betrayal, I let it slip that all that time I had confided in this friend about the procedure I had done, and she had never once felt the need to trade her own secret and voila, the next instance something unexpected happened. My dear friend cut me short and asked when I had the procedure done. I told her and as it dawned on me that I had goofed, I felt the embarrasment creep up my neck. I had kept the details from my friend even though she had initially suggested it and asked me about it once or twice. I hastily replied that I wanted to be sure the procedure had worked and was waiting for the right time to break the ‘good’ news which unfortunately never came. I tried to convince her that I hadn’t excluded her for any negative reason and that it was just more convenient to tell my other friend because she was going through the same issues that I was. Right then it occured to me that I had been feeling hurt and betrayed when I had done exactly the same thing to my other friend!

So many friendships have had bad blood mar them because one friend hid a new man, new job, a pregnancy, an engagement, a wedding announcement, a party, a promotion, a hangout or some other opportunity or good news from the other friend. We have done this to protect their feelings, prevent jealousy or bad blood, protect our good news from frenemies (and village people) or just to keep our matters private but most times we inadvertently hurt someone who has only good intentions towards us. The worst part is that the friend doesn’t know which of the above reasons you had for excluding her and many times emotions make people assume the worst.

So how do you control the dissemination of your private affairs without sacrificing a good friend on the altar of secrecy? Here are 3 points to note. This points don’t apply if you deliberately excluded the person for any reason.

1. Be consistent. Let your friend know exactly what place she occupies in your life. Every person has different circles of friends. If you have 2 best friends, don’t tell one and leave the other out unless it is a known fact that you are closer to one of them. If you tell only your inner circle a secret, a friend in the outer circle won’t feel excluded unless you have given her reason to believe that she was part of your inner circle.

2. Be sensitive. Don’t assume that your friend understands why she wasn’t included. Take out time to explain to her and to gently tackle how she may be feeling. Invest more time, attention and love into the relationship so that you restore the balance that was there before the big reveal and so that she is assured that she wasn’t excluded for a negative reason. This may take time, don’t be in a hurry to move on unless you are sure she has.

3. Be fair. The world is so intertwined that many times we get as good as we give. If you are a private person then don’t get mad if someone else keeps their information private. If you planned to keep the information private but a couple of people already know about it, tell the people who are important to you rather than someone in your inner circle hearing it from a random friend outside or finding out she was one of the few people who didn’t know. Remember gist gets around pretty fast.

Life isn’t static. We will always have our own secrets and not be privy to someone else’s. Even though we may be inadvertently or intentionally excluded from certain circles of trust, we must be careful not to point fingers for with someone else we may have unwittingly crossed the same line. People have different characters and if you choose to be friends with a secretive person, you must own this and not get upset when the person is just being herself. You must also understand that some secrets are kept out of fear of past personal failures (they don’t want to jinx it) and not fear of what you can or can’t do to ruin it.

Finally, if you choose to keep a secret, do it for your own reasons and not because of advice from some random third party who doesn’t understand the depth of your friendship and has made you suspicious of the very people you trust. Your friend knows you and as a result can anticipate your reactions and odd behaviour hurts even more.

Nobody is perfect, may the force of friendship be strong within us and may forgiveness, love and understanding guide the ones we love and the ones who love us!

Have a lovely day Chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on May 23, 2018 in Memoirs

 

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The Argument against Gossip

Gossip is therapeutic. I am a grownass woman and I can attest to this fact!

Talking about your grievances against someone to a neutral sympathetic ear makes you feel instantly better.

We justify it by saying we are only confiding in a friend who understands; or airing our views to one who wouldn’t blow it out of proportion. We shy away from the word back-biting seeing it as an unkind synonym.

‘I am not a confrontational person’, we say.

‘I am passive aggressive’, we seek to justify.

‘He/She would never accept the fault was theirs’, we argue.

‘It may lead to a big fight and an end to a friendship you still need’, we silently agitate.

So we say nothing. We talk about our grievances to all and sundry except the aggressor; not realizing that we are creating a monster. A person who feels they do no wrong and goes through life unchecked.

We unknowingly groom a self-righteous fiend and then one day it goes too far and you blow the lid off your pent up emotions and say more than you should about every damn issue that has ever bothered you and the other person is taken aback believing his small misdemeanor led to a torrential outpouring of negative emotion. We overreact like a pressure cooker in its prime. Many friendships do not survive that, even well-meaning ones.

So is gossip really therapeutic? Maybe in the short run but facing your issues with the one you call friend is an investment in your future.

You know you deserve better so if there’s someone out there who you call a friend, who has done things to you that make you choke up with unspoken emotion every time you think of them, man up and tell that person exactly how you feel. Cut out the insults and assumptions and say it as you see and feel it. It won’t be pretty but your friendship will come out stronger and if you have to kiss the friendship goodbye then consider it self-preservation. Nobody is indispensable!

Rise above gossip. Don’t say it to them till you have said it to him/her. #hardbutworthatry

Matthew 18:15 KJV;

‘Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.’

I wish for you friends that stick closer than brothers…

Have a great day Chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on April 29, 2018 in Inspirational

 

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The Ideal Friend

You only need one!

A friend that sticketh closer than a brother and a brother is born for adversity but in these cut throat times…

Having a real friend is a rarity many long for but can’t afford, they are too busy chasing dreams to grow potential friendships and instead make do with frenemies- well not the absolute bad kind, just the kind that are happy for you and with you till you start to outshine them.

The truth is the world talks about frenemies like they are the worst but they seem to be just a mirror image of the friends they keep. Jealousy laced with a tinge of envy has become a hustle garland people wear with pride, it dictates their drive for success and their level of satisfaction and contentment in life in comparison with the next dude in their circle of influence. In fact many a frenemy have been the sure push behind a man’s success story (the Lord keep my enemies alive so they can witness my victory syndrome).

It’s all a great arrangement till you actually need a friend- one you can trust with your life, one you can do business with without ever getting screwed, one you can ask to care for your family after you are gone, one you can share your deepest, darkest secrets with, one you’d mutually take a bullet for, one you can laugh with, cry with, be brutally honest with and take real advice from because you know they have your back no matter what! Some people are lucky and their spouse becomes that friend, others are luckier and they are gifted with such friendships (na only Baba God fit give this one oh- because human beings are innately flawed and he knows what flawed souls work best in sync) but how do you get that sort of friend- the BFF who still cracks you up in your 70s and would still fight your battle for you even if it’s with a wobbly cane and hoarse curses?

Here’s how…

1) Be honest about the friendships in your life. 

Draw a list of all your ‘friends’ and then put them in 3 groups; 

the frenemies (they’ve pricked you with pocket knives enough times for you to know they’d stab you with a kitchen knife if they ever got the chance);

then the real friends (usually one or two- they won’t be perfect but you can count the times they’ve taken a bullet for you or gotten you out of hell- it’s not enough for them to sit with you and give great advice cos talk is cheap);

and then the acquaintances (it doesn’t matter how often you guys hang out- they are the ones who the world thinks are your friends cos they are in all your facebook and Instagram pics but you know exactly where you stand with them and don’t even want them knowing your business so there’s always a façade and lots of coverups when they are around). This last group is different from the frenemies because your frenemies have access to your heart and your personal business these people only have access to your good days and great occasions!

Now to the second…

2) Be honest about what you want out of a friendship

Everybody wants different things from a friendship. Most people need the 3 groups of friends to satisfy 3 different longings. The frenemies to push you to be better (some healthy or unhealthy competition), the real friends to share your burdens and the acquaintances to have fun with (because all work and no play…). A friend can function as 2 and 3 or 1 and 3 but 1 and 2 always cancel out each other and if a 2 acts like 1, the 2 becomes a 1!

The real issue begins when you blur these lines or worse put the wrong person in the wrong group. You need to be honest about what you want out of a friendship so that you don’t go telling your deepest woes to an acquaintance (TMI- awkward!) or to a frenemy (ammunition- dangerous!) A person doesn’t get upgraded to 2 because they have been in your life for years (perhaps waiting to strike) or because they held your hand through one crisis (did you get your degree after just one exam?). You need to take time to study their personality, how they feel about you and their concept of loyalty and their spoken and unspoken words not to mention their actions! The next time you want to reach out to a friend, you need to ask yourself what you desire at that moment- some excitement, some competition-driven motivation or a real friend and let it guide your call out.

3) Be honest about where you stand with each person.

Unrequited friendship is just as bad as unrequited love. Does your boo have a boo? If you are her number 3 and she is your number 2 then you are both out of sync and that friendship will not be satisfying. 

Don’t mistake a person who is genuinely nice and honest and helpful to everybody for your own personal person!

That’s why nice people always have tons of friends but they alone know who their friends really are. So if you are always sharing life issues with her and she’s so helpful and such a great listener but you don’t know jack about her or well the stuff about her that really matters, she isn’t your friend. She is your counselor, doctor or life coach at best! 

Not being honest about where you stand with people leads to disappointments and heart break and dramatic feelings of betrayal which you wouldn’t have been feeling if you only opened your eyes. 

4) Be honest about who you are.

Would you be friends with you?

I’ve noticed that a lot of people who are insincere, backstabbers, foul-mouthed, competitive, unfeeling (the bad character list is quite long) are the ones who are the loneliest, who crave more meaningful friendships and who have totally lost hope in the sincerity of a good friendship (“I don’t have friends that are girls, too much drama!” And the guys? “You know guys only want one thing!”)

Some people have developed these traits as a defense mechanism for all the stuff they have seen or gone through (kill or be killed), others are really good people deep down but never let anyone see the good because of all the emotional baggage it’s buried under but you must understand that actions and reactions are equal and opposite! 

Some people also see an overly friendly person as either suspicious (even the bible asks you to suspect a neighbor that loudly greets you early in the morning) or having too many friends so they don’t want to increase your body count. Sanguines tend to have a lot of acquaintances since they are easily the life of the party but very few meaningful friendships and as a result get very lonely!

Also some people are overly jealous and clingy and stifle their friendships but I think this again is mostly a myth. Unless you are a sociopath, a real friend would not consider you jealous or clingy because your friendship would be as much of a priority to them as it is to you however if your friend sees you only as a number 1 or 3,  she could have you committed!

If you are in need of a real friend, check yourself are you friend material? 

5) Be honest about the friendships you have ignored.

Nothing like a post like this to open your eyes and make you realize that you’ve spent too much time watering and nurturing the weeds instead of tending your garden! No friendship even the strongest ones will thrive without love and attention. Look at that list again, if you were unable to put down any name in the real friend group (2) then you need to draw up another list of people who could be potential friends (based on surprising acts of kindness, their total devotion to you even when you don’t give back or some other positive action- forget words) and beside their names write down why exactly you didn’t nurture that friendship. If the reason is a valid one, strike their names off the list (not all that glitters is gold) but if your busy schedule or laziness or your sense of entitlement is the reason why you you haven’t nurtured that friendship then get your garden tools and do some work! If the friendship was made in heaven, it won’t be too late.

Real friends make life so much more beautiful but even pretty gardens have weeds. If your real friend has hurt you and you cannot seem to trust him or her anymore, demote the person to number 1 or 3 and move on. You’ll find it easier to let go of the unforgiveness when you don’t have to pretend that the friendship is something it isn’t. Some friendships last for only a season, others for a life time but I can assure you that when one door closes the good Lord always opens another. 

Have a lovely day Chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2016 in Life

 

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It’s all for the money $$$- A tale of one Lagos big girl….New beginnings: Part 2 Episode 5

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Modinat knew in that instance that he was going to kiss her. The unmistakable tilt of his chin and that dark, smouldering look in his eyes caused her tummy to lurch and she knew she had a choice; close her eyes and give in to the heady emotion or step away. There was no time to think…

“What is it babe?” He asked softly with the confusion that comes with getting mixed signals from a person you want so bad.
“I…I can’t. I am married and you are engaged!”
“But what we have transcends time and ties, I know you feel it just as strongly as I do”
“I feel nothing Azeez, we are not teenagers. This is crazy!”

Azeez grabbed my waist with a sudden aggression his breathe ragged in my ear.
“I will have you Modinat, I swear to you. Making you mine shall be my life’s mission…”
He kissed me deeply and with my thoughts in a maze of shock and unbridled passion I did the first thing that popped into my head.
“Ow!”
“That’s for kissing me without my permission”
He grinned and rubbed his cheek in a way that was all too distracting. I turned and walked towards my car. I needed to be home with my husband.
“I am moving into your neighborhood hon, I hope you won’t get into the habit of slapping your neighbour…”
His deep chuckle was the last thing I heard as I drove off in a hurry.

******************************************************************

“Having connections is koko in Naija”
Amaka smiled at my remark. Siki’s husband had been picked up and harassed by her father’s men and then he had signed an agreement never to come near her again. He hadn’t resisted and was just grateful to be allowed to leave without any permanent scars. We had all been shocked to realise that he wasn’t her ex. Siki had never divorced him. If the guy was more influential he could have made an issue out of it but instead he came after her. Siki was just a big bag of secrets. Almost as bad as I was lol. We waited patiently for her to be strong enough to talk while speculating about why she would choose to be a bigamist seeing as it was against the law. The only reason we could think of was the physical abuse. We watched over our friend like mother hens and her husband was grateful for the support. Siki could see the questions in our eyes but she was assured of our devotion and support. We were friends and friends stuck together no matter what. Which was of course one of the main reasons I couldn’t have anything to do with Azeez. I hadn’t seen him since that night but the way Mamus was carrying on, I knew she was in love and happy. I couldn’t take that away from her. There was also my Barry. The only real love of my life. That man’s love and devotion made hurting him a bizarre thought. He made me feel safe, secure and wanted and there was no way I was going to give up my marriage for a tall, dark stranger. There were too many stakes involved.

One bright Saturday morning Mamus, Zainab, Amaka and I were sitting around Siki’s bed making small talk when she took a deep breath and told us she was ready to tell us the story we were all itching to hear.

Siki’s story:
“Sometimes one mistake can haunt you for the rest of your life. I met Wasiu at a party in Lagos some years ago. He looked nice and talked like he was somebody and we felt the attraction immediately. Wasiu had told me he worked in an oil company and I had been blown away by the car he drove and his sweet tongue. We started dating soon after and I tried to be a good girl for him. I never asked him for money because I had all the money I could want from the business deals I did and I didn’t stress him in anyway. Our love was a fairytale and one day he asked me to marry him. He told me straight up that he didn’t believe in big weddings and that a court wedding with dinner afterwards with a few friends was his ideal wedding. I agreed. I didn’t need a big wedding anyway. I had visited him in the modest apartment he shared with his friend a couple of times and when asked about the modesty, he had told me he was almost done building his house in lekki and didn’t want to waste money paying for an expensive apartment. The day I became Mrs Ajibade the truth began to unfold. We had skipped the honeymoon because he had to be at work and soon after I had settled in the modest apartment with his friend as a flatmate based on the premise that his mansion was almost complete. In two weeks being the sharp babe I was, I began to get suspicious. He never brought his car home, one excuse after another. He was always broke though he blamed that on his mansion in progress and he was always fast to ask me for money. The love began to wane and one day I confronted him. I asked him to tell me the truth and the truth was shocking. He was a driver for a big shot who worked in an oil company, he had no house anywhere and he was currently squatting with his friend cos he hadn’t had money for rent due to some other pressing issues. I had almost fainted.  I shouted and cursed and insulted him. I couldn’t believe I had been hoodwinked. I always considered myself a sharp babe. I guess I must have really bruised his ego because soon he was raining insults on me telling me he knew I slept with men for money and wasn’t fooled by my pretence and had only married me because my ‘business’ was so lucrative. I had cussed and thrown a stool at him and it must have triggered something because he beat the hell out of me. That night as I writhed in pain, he told me we were gonna move out of his friend’s apartment and that he had found us a new one and I was to pay for it the next morning or he would kill me. That was the beginning of my nightmare. I constantly walked the streets looking for men who would have their way with me in exchange for money at my husband’s insistence. He took all from me and left me with just enough to look good for the men and take care of any wounds I incurred from his constant beatings. He eventually quit his job and became my pimp, dictating who and who I was allowed to sleep with and even making me steal things from the men. I knew I had to escape. I had already met Tosin and he was quite smitten with me. One day I made up my mind to leave. I drugged Wasiu’s drink and ran. I lay low for a month avoiding all the places I usually hung out and didn’t pick any calls. I was constantly afraid he would find me and his threatening text messages had clogged up my inbox. I finally decided to change my SIM and move on with my life because I was seriously low on cash. I sent Tosin an sms with my new number and told him I had been kidnapped by unknown men and only just released. He came to get me and the fear in my eyes made him not doubt my story. He brought me here and in no time he made me his wife. I actually thought I was safe here till Wasiu broke into my home…”

I squeezed her hand as big fat tears rolled down her eyes. I wasn’t surprised at her story. I had encountered worse in my hustle. We were Lagos girls and we all had our sob stories. I looked at the other three, born with silver spoons- daring them to judge!
Amaka was the first to speak.
“I am so sorry Siki luv. I spoke to my father and Wasiu has been handled. He will never bother you again. You are safe here.”
Mamus dried her tears and Zainab seemed genuinely pained. Silver spoon or not, love and friendship prevailed. They may not have understood all of her pain or the reasons for some of her actions but they were behind her solidly. I smiled a grateful smile.
“Thanks guys, what would I do without friends like you? I hope you don’t think me a fool for not seeing Wasiu for what he was before marrying him. I truly fancied myself in love and love makes you do stupid things…”
We all nodded, lost in thought. Love did make us do stupid things and I was determined not to allow myself fall in love with Mamus’s fiance.
Just then Mamus looked at me and said;
“Toke I have been meaning to ask, how well do you know Azeez?”
My eyes widened, kai yawa don gas oh…

……………………………………………..to be continued………………………………….

 
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Posted by on March 17, 2014 in It's all for the money!, Series

 

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It’s all for the money $$$- A tale of one Lagos big girl….New beginnings: Part 2 Episode 2

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It couldn’t be Azeez. I blinked, was I dreaming?
“Hey beautiful, are you gonna let me in?”
I pulled myself together and forced a smile. Please come in.
“Azeez darling, I wasn’t expecting you so soon, was just rounding up my evening with the girls”
As Mamus gave her visitor a warm hug, I caught Siki’s eye, that was our cue to leave. I knew Siki would have loved to stay, she generally loved aproko but I couldn’t stand being there a second longer than necessary. Thankfully Zainab and Amaka agreed with me and despite Mamus’s half-hearted protests that we stay a little while longer, we were gone in less than five minutes.

“Didn’t he recognize me?”

I silently pondered about this on the short drive home. Thankfully Barry was working late so I had the house to myself. I poured myself a stiff drink. Barry had banned me from drinking since we were trying for a baby but I needed it. Where had Azeez been all these years? Was it a good thing that he couldn’t remember me? Why did seeing him still have such an effect on me? Was he the beau Mamus had been talking about finally getting serious with? Why would he want an older woman? I hated having so many unanswered questions. I had a brilliant idea and grabbed my iPad. These days, most people had their lives on full display on one social network or the other. I checked Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram and Twitter and four hours and a full bottle of wine later I had answers to quite a few of my questions.

Azeez was a successful designer with a fashion brand called Azure. He had relocated to Lagos from L.A some months back and he was divorced (already) with a child from his previous marriage. His ex-wife and kid still lived in L.A. He had no pictures of Mamus on his Facebook or Instagram but had some interesting tweets about his new lady love. I scrolled through his older tweets and one dated on the 12th of August 2010 caught my eye.

“I wish I could have this night forever,  I wish time and circumstances would give us a chance…”

I had felt that exact same way that night. I remembered that night so vividly. I had hustled my way into a society owambe hoping to catch myself a generous toaster but had realised it wasn’t your regular party when all around me there were sounds of excited conversations heavily impregnated with deep British and American accents. This was forming on a new level and I had gotten weary of hearing people boast about how much money they had or where they spent their last holiday and had quietly retreated to the balcony. I couldn’t imagine opening my mouth in this kinda gathering and with the number of correct babes in designer clothing at the party, my chances of catching any correct bobo were slim. I stood there hoping Taiwo would hurry up with her work so we could leave, most guests had eaten anyway so I figured her job was almost done. That was when I heard his rich baritone. I have always been a sucker for a sexy voice. The balcony was dark so he hadn’t caught a glimpse of my face but his handsome features would be forever etched in my memory. He had come to the balcony to make a phone call and hadn’t noticed me which gave me ample time to study him.

“Remi this party is dulling oh, all the babes are forming like they never spoke Yoruba in their lives. Abeg come and pick me, I dont know why my mum refuses to let me drive in naija…”

I giggled at what I had eavesdropped and he noticed me for the first time.

“Guy I dey wait oh, let me call you back” “Hello were you laughing at me?”
“Yep, I couldn’t help it, the forming at this party na die”
“As in, omo I no fit shout, Hi my name is Azeez and you are?”

Modinat was what he knew me as and we had gisted for one hour switching from pidgin to Yoruba back to pidgin in obvious defiance of the party behind the glass door. We had tons in common, our ideas about life, favorite songs, childhood games. I had never been so real with anyone in my life. I was really feeling him and I knew it was mutual. When he let on that he had just finished his masters at a university in America and had come home to visit his mum, I felt the insecurity for the first time. Our lives were too different, I was a poor orphan, hustling for a living. He would never want to be with me if he knew who I really was. We bonded unimaginably and I tried to be as truthful with him as possible which meant evading any questions I felt were too personal. He told me that he had never felt this way about anyone in such a short time and that he wanted to be with me and see how far things would go even though he admitted that he had a girl abroad. I knew we could never be together and I told him I was engaged and in love with my fiance. His friend called at that very moment telling him he was parked badly and that Azeez had better hurry down. A tear pricked my eye as he asked for my phone number and I refused, how would I explain to him that I didn’t own a mobile phone? He took it as further rejection and had turned to leave and on a whim, he had grabbed me and kissed me and I swear down, no one had ever kissed me with such passion.

I hadn’t seen him again till tonight at Mamus’s house and he obviously hadn’t recognized me. I reached for my glass of wine and found it and the bottle empty. I groaned. What was wrong with me? I was supposed to be happily married and here I was agonizing about the one that got away. As if on cue, I heard Barry’s key in the door.

“Hi honey, I figured you’d be too tired to cook after hanging with the girls so I stopped by at Mandy’s and got us some dinner. Have you been drinking woah!?!”

Barry rushed to my side and instead of reprimanding me, he fussed over me caressing my hair and cooing into my ears. He had learnt early in the marriage that I didn’t like being questioned and as he silently reassured me of his love and carried me to bed, thoughts of Azeez began to dim in my head. When Barry served me dinner in bed I smiled gratefully at him. I would never know what could have been between Azeez and I but I was grateful about what I had in the present with Barry. Just as I finished dinner the doorbell rang, I wondered who could possibly be at my door at past 9. Barry got up from where he was propped beside me to check who was at the door. He came back in looking grim.

“Honey I think you had better dress up and come with me”

My heart skipped a beat!

……to be continued………

 
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Posted by on February 24, 2014 in It's all for the money!, Series

 

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