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10 things you need to do before you get married

This is the ultimate bucket list. Daring, fun, unforgettable! Your perfect prelude to kicking the singles bucket!!!

Marriage isn’t the end of all things fun- you spend more of your life married than you do single so why eliminate fun from the equation? But that being said, there are some things you probably shouldn’t do after you are married. They should be hidden in a box labeled fantastic memories for your peeking and reminiscing pleasure but of course that can’t happen if you left them in the secret fantasies box ay?
So here’s Chutzpah’s single bucket list:

1.  Go on a spontaneous adventure. The key words being spontaneity and adventure! A lot of us live well thought out and planned existences, we are where we are supposed to be when we are supposed to be there. While living an ordered existence may make life drama free and progressive, you need to one day look back on your life and chuckle about that one (or more) spontaneous adventure. Mine was during NYSC when two of my girlfriends and I decided to go to Idanre hills out of the blues. Read it here —> Mountain climbing

  1. Live alone: There is no feeling as sublime as living by your own rules, in your own filth and at your own pace without input from another person even if it’s only for a little while. If it’s not already on your bucket list please put it there. It’s the best emancipation you could ever have and you learn about being independent and your own person in ways you never dreamed of. I know most families traditionally want their daughter to marry from their house but there are ways around this. NYSC, masters (in another town or country), a cross-country job, an internship or a volunteer job just remember to move back home a couple of months before you say ‘I do’. There’s a certain mushiness and bond that pervades your family house when you are planning a wedding together plus the fights and unwarranted advice are priceless.

  2. Face at least one of your fears: One day you are gonna have a kid who might be afraid of something and you’d need to give him a talk on facing your fears but if all you’ve ever done is run from them then how brave would you expect your offspring to be? I grew up sheltered and not particularly brave, I was the goody two shoes who always played it safe but I have long since earned my ‘Chutzpah’ badge! From riding a bike without screaming for dear life—-> Okadas a one way trip to hell to conquering my phobia for driving- now drive interstate like a pro or allowing my friend Ame to convince me to go on those death-defying rides at the park! If you haven’t faced at least one fear you haven’t started living!

  3. Love your body- what’s the bucket list challenge here you may be wondering? Well if you have never worn a bikini at the pool or a bodycon dress without strapping yourself into a corset or spandex first then you can’t cross this off your list yet! No matter how many flaws you think you have now, you will look back in a couple of years and actually wish you had the body you have now. So rock it babe! Be proud of who you are. Statistics have shown that men are more attracted to confidence than to perfection. Don’t become that woman who can’t have a makeup free day or who is totally lost without a bum-pad, padded boobs and a waist cincher. Have some self-love bae, don’t be that wife who would only have sex with the lights off!!! No one can love you unless you love yourself. And if you feel gaining or losing a few pounds will do the trick, then do it now. There’s no time like the present.

  4. Fall in love, Hollywood style: You know the script, the one that makes you feel so good after watching the movie. The one that has the heroine fall for a man she thought was totally wrong for her or totally out of her league. He doesn’t have to be the one but nothing says I totally enjoyed the life of my head like having those kinda memories and I am talking the whole works here- butterflies, heady kisses, late night rendezvous, midnight calls, big fights and even better makeups. The guy who becomes your greatest love story. Every grandma has a story like that and her face lights up as she tells it and then softens when she says and then I met your grandpa… #epic

  5. Do your own thing—> achieve something just for you! Don’t let all your accomplishments in life be from the day you became Mrs Somebody! Before you get married, finish up your degree, achieve a career milestone or do something on that secret list you have. Something awesome that you can always feel good about…Before your father met me, I had started my own business…

  6. Travel somewhere with your girlfriends or sisters. Somewhere far, somewhere new and somewhere exciting. It could be a road trip or you could fly there but make sure you are seated together. The memories, the conversations, the adventure, the summer flings and the pictures will last a lifetime plus it’s not a guarantee that you’d have the opportunity to make such a trip after you get married.

  7. Treat yourself: Splurge on yourself without apology. So many people are cautious about their spending habits and never get to just buy that one unnecessary thing that would make their life perfect LOL. You need to indulge at least once before you get married because once you are married finances are a joint discussion and you might not have the chance to treat yourself without apology. Life is too short to never have thoroughly enjoyed yourself even for a minute without worrying about the bills or the deficit the expense will create.

  8. Tell that one truth: Do not get married if you never got the chance to tell your crush or your ‘best friend’ how you really feel about him. Don’t get married with baggage. Set yourself free. Tell that one truth, that truth you swore you’d be buried with because it was too embarrassing to share. You’d be surprised at the outcome and even if your crush doesn’t admit to have secretly been loving you back all this time at least you can proudly strike it off your bucket list and laugh about it later.

  9. Get to know yourself—> do not wait for marriage to define you or to be your sole identity. It irks me when I see married women who would literally cease to exist if they stopped being Mrs Somebody. That shouldn’t be. You were a person before you met your husband and became his wife and mother of his children! Get to know yourself. Go on a self-discovery trip if you must. Know what you like and what you don’t like, what you can compromise on and what you absolutely can’t, what your strengths are and where your limits lie. Know your personality type, your temperament and your weaknesses! You can absolutely not get married till you know exactly who you are and creating
    opportunities of self discovery is entirely up to you and your awesome bucket list!

So ladies instead of sitting around waiting for Mr Right to sweep you off your feet, spend the time slaying this single bucket list. Get yourself some CHUTZPAH! And you’ll be surprised and astounded by the
new, more confident you. Self-love is key baybay!

Mwaaaah!

 
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Posted by on July 2, 2015 in Inspirational

 

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Lagbaja something for you…

When I was younger I was fascinated by the lyrics of this song. My Yoruba is a disgrace but Lagbaja makes you feel like you could actually be fluent in the language. It was just after I read a Mills&Boons novel about a young heroine who fell for an older guy and I started wondering what it would be like to shun the gangly, immature male admirers that flocked to my side from time to time and settle for a mature gentleman who would taste as great as vintage wine was rumored to be.

Before I continue here are the lyrics (truncated) to the song courtesy http://sweetlyrics.com

Omo gbe mi saya / Eh eh gbe mi saya / Baba to bi mi lomo ko mama so mi luncle / Ki lo wa de to mi pe mi luncle / I no be your uncle / Your uncle dey for village / No take your mouth to make me Methuselah / I might be forty something / I might be fifty something / In my heart I’m twenty something / No look my belly o / It’s a sign of good living / So you would know say Baba na father / I might be thirty something / I might be forty something / In my heart / I’m twenty something / Ma ma wo tikun me / Seb’obe lo wa nibe / Iyen lo fi ma gba pe baba ni father nje / Omo anything for me?
Chorus: Lagbaja nothing for you
Aa ki lo de / Omo anything for me so gbo o / Oo to be / Omo gbo se anything for me / Ab’oo gbo mi se / Ki lo de o / Omo anything for me eh eh / Aaaa

Tell me anything you want me to do for you baby / And I would do for you right away / Tell me what would make you happy / And I would do for you / Ma ma je n se’ra mi lese si e lorun baby o/ Aa, ab’o fe gboruko / Because of you, I fit close all my account patapata / Aa ma ma gboruko / Omo anything for me? / O se, O se
Chorus: Lagbaja, something for you
E hen… Aa… l’ataaro

The song always made me giggle. Fast forward a few years and I was in the University and was hit with the concept of ‘aristos’. These men lined the streets of Moremi, Newest Hall and New hall (Unilag) on a nightly basis, expensive cars, expensive perfumes and wedding rings in tow and I realized my concept of dating older men had just been redefined. The first concept was dating an older man for love but this new concept was dating an older man for money and the older men here were neither graceful nor sincerely gentle they looked like men on the prowl loaded with enough cash to ensure they had a smooth transaction into the pants of any lady of their choosing regardless of the baggage they brought with them. I was still trying to understand this new concept from the vantage point of a keen observer when another concept was again presented to me by Eedris Abdulkareem, the Mr Lecturer concept which was dating an old man to pass exams or move ahead in life.
Old men totally lost their appeal after I reviewed the three concepts because they all seemed to flow into each other with most girls swearing concept one was the reason for their choice while pretending not to notice that they got concept two and three in the bag too.

I still thought Sean Connery, Captain Von Trapp (Christopher Plummer) and Richard Mofe Damijo were beyond cute. Plus you can’t deny the gentility, wisdom and pampering that come with a doting father-figure cum lover boy! 🙂 But it’s never so simple in reality now is it?

As I grew older every time I saw a young girl with an older man, I wondered which of the three concepts was reason for her choice. The romantic in me hoped it was concept number one but the more cynical people around me held on to the other two concepts and judged the hell out of the girl. Then there were young girls who displaced their mother’s age mates from their matrimonial homes and I always wondered, don’t they fear God? How would you willingly be step-mother to kids older than you are? And of course there were naive young girls who narrowly missed getting entangled into ‘ministry of home affairs’ drama! Let me give you one gist, when I was in medical school I met this dashing older man (I swear my girlfriends rated him a 9/10), he was beyond gorgeous, cultured, the perfect gentleman and we had awesome conversation AND HE DIDN’T HAVE A WEDDING RING! I can hear you laughing at me already abi? One day he takes me out to dinner, bought me a nice perfume when he came to pick me up and then we headed out. Now I may be a romantic but I am not a fool. I always carried ‘vex’ money wherever I went (Queen’s College girls you know what I am about LOL). Anyway, I am laughingly responding to one of his numerous stories when his phone rings and he asks me to be quiet rather abruptly and then I hear the following convo (well his side of the convo).

“Hi honey, how are you and the kids”
…………
“I am working late again, need to finish that project”
…………
“May not come home tonight…”

I had heard more than enough, I got up grabbed my purse and with righteous anger walked off. ‘How could he be married?’ I asked to no one in particular with righteous indignation. Even the cab guy who silently returned me to school sensed I wasn’t in the mood for chitchat and you know how Lagos cab guys sabi gist. My friends were very supportive, insulting men in general as all girls do in such situations but later on my inner voice mocked me. 40- something year old gorgeous, cultured and very rich dude still single in this Nigeria? Come on! Girls are not sleeping or blind. If indeed he had been really single he would either be divorced, separated, gay or have one mega scoinscoin that would make you fear fear!

Later on a man who claimed he was ‘separated’ started toasting me and every time I gave him the ‘Lagbaja nothing for you’ line he would pout and promise that he was true and sincere and age was nothing but a number until one day I got a mysterious phone call and one woman abused my life ehn. The thing pain me no be small because I wasn’t even remotely interested in her man but you know we women na, face the woman instead of the man. Dude calls to apologize later on and swears that he is separated but his soon to be ex-wife is crazy jealous and wants him back. Shuoooo? Ogbeni shift joo, you are blocking my Oxygen!
I’d like to believe that the average young girl growing up in the world today is smart enough to see through all of this BS.
No ring doesn’t equal not married and separated doesn’t equal divorced and if he claims he is divorced insist on seeing papers biko!

So back to concept 1…Does this sort of love truly exist? Is there an acceptable maximum age difference that should exist between man and woman? This goes both ways cos the number of cougars is growing by the second! 😉
Could it really be defined as love or is it strictly a mutually beneficial relationship? What say ye? I’d really love to hear your views on concepts 1, 2 and 3. Do you have successful marriage stories to share that involve cross-generational relationships?

And for the young girls forced into marriage to men of their fathers’ ages by family, tradition or circumstances, my heart goes out to them. Marriage before the age of consent by an unwilling child bride should be a crime. Shikena!

So ladies would you date an older man, an aristo or Mr Lecturer? (Concept one, two or three) Or have you? And for the men have you ever dated an older woman or a cougar let’s hear your experiences and your verdict on the issue!

Xxx

 
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Posted by on July 2, 2015 in Relationships

 

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NIKE! JUST DO IT!

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Another post by our guest blogger, Joseph and this time it’s for the ladies…xxx

Dear diary,

So I saw Tunde again today. I really like him, but don’t know if he is serious. Sometimes he is all nice and at other times he just forgets about me till I ping or call him. I know he probably just wants to have sex with me and I swear I want to have sex with him too. But I know he won’t call me again the moment I have sex with him. He has even refused to define our relationship, he says he likes me but he hasn’t even asked me to be his girlfriend. He has invited me to his house again tomorrow. I don’t know oh…after what happened last time. What if we end up doing it this time? I must confess, I want it to, it’s been a while. Maybe I should just ask him what we are. I’ll ask him tomorrow. I have to go now, expect good news tomorrow.

Ciao

XOXOXO NIKE XOXOXO

You all know what’s going to happen to Nike right? She’d go to Tunde’s house after the movie (it could be anything else really), they’d start fooling around and when homeboy’s about to turn the page, she would resist. He would do a bit more convincing and when it seems like her guards are lowered again, he’d make a move but she’d resist again. He does a bit more convincing; including telling he that wants to put only the head. Sisi has been around so she knows the thing doesn’t have a shoulder and therefore no means of stopping the body after the head. So she pulls out a famous move

‘What are we?’ or ‘What am I to you?’

The answers range from a simple

‘We’re boyfriend and girlfriend’ (for the less creative ones).

To the more elaborate

‘What? What kind of question is that? I call you every day, send you text messages, take you on dates and spend time with you. Do you think I do this for every girl?’

‘Maybe.’

‘Wow! Wow! Wow! Am I wasting my time? Because I thought we had something real. Are you even serious about this?’

Let’s back up a little.
Bla bla bla… So she pulls out her famous move, this time just as he is about to Los Merengues at the Bernabeu.

‘Do you love me?’

Really ladies! At this point, the answer could only be a testosterone coated, sperm laden, conji induced baritone ‘YES’. You could ask him if he was a serial killer at this point and his answer would be the same.
I’m going to level with you; this is the reason why some of you get ‘heartbroken’:

  1. You are in a very simple situation. Boy likes you, you know the attraction is physical and he only wants your body. You want him too, your juices are flowing but you hold back, which isn’t entirely wrong, restraint is good. It’s sex, not a peck on the cheek. The reason you’re holding back is the real kicker though. You’re worried that if he sleeps with you he won’t call you again, which is the likeliest possibility but you don’t really know that. At this point, your options are limited. Just two in all honesty. You either walk away and kill the desires or give in to those desires and see where it leads. Because you’re Nike however, because your feminine constitution demands it, you manufacture a third option

  2. Take the very simple situation and complicate it. You have decided you like him enough to sleep with him but your mind doesn’t want it to happen except he makes some form of commitment. Says he loves you (even though you know he doesn’t) or calls you his girlfriend even though you know you aren’t. With all due respect, any girl who has ever pulled the ‘Do you love me?’ move during foreplay has the IQ of a millipede and except the dude has that of a doorknob, it’s a put-off (I said put-off, not turn-off, we hit it either ways). The most solid commitment a man can make to a woman and vice versa is marriage and even those get broken nowadays. Words mean nothing and I’m sure most of you know this. But it feels better when you know you’re sleeping with him because ‘he loves you’ or because ‘you are his girlfriend’ than when there’s nothing involved. So you do it and it’s nice. Sidenote: It’s always nice for guys, I don’t care what anyone says, and that’s why we have necrophiliacs. You do it a couple more times on different days and you brain starts to believe the hype and therein lies the problem.

  3. You get crushed. You guys have done it now and done it a couple of times more so your brain starts to believe the hype. You knew from the beginning that the dude only wanted the physical aspect but you coerced a ‘commitment’ out of him and now you expect him to follow through. So you start the quegging (it’s a portmanteau). Why didn’t you call? Why didn’t you text? Why didn’t I see you yesterday? Why don’t you take me out on dates again? Why don’t you walk on water for me? And on and on. From this point on, the period the guy holds on for is directly equivalent to the bombness of your arena. I know I said all guys enjoy it but some enjoy it more than others and to be fair, some of you ladies are just Cleopatra reincarnates. I’ve seen men go all the way (more on this later).  Eventually, more often than not, the guy snaps and he ‘ends’ the relationship. Now you’re heartbroken, from a relationship that was only on your head. Women!

What I am saying is simple. While getting a commitment is not out of place, you don’t need a guy to say the words ‘would you be my girlfriend?’ or any it’s variants to know you’re in a relationship. You would know if what you have is real. Guys would say anything to get laid, anything!
So Aunty Nike, if Uncle Tunde gets your juices flowing, there are only two options. You either kill the desires and get on with your life or give in to them with minimal expectations. Better yet, have no expectations. Just do it!

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Posted by on August 1, 2014 in Manology

 

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