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10 personal lessons 5 years of marriage have taught me

Time flies…

I’m just gonna start with that.

I have been married for 5 years (officially 5 in 2 months) and I have seen and heard a lot about marriage but nothing beats personal experience and I hope mine are as weird and stimulating as yours!

Here goes…

1. You need to take control of your body.

I put on so much weight in the first few years of marriage because I felt loved, accepted and content plus I had to cook more regularly than I had ever done in my life and my mother in law had emphasized the importance of a shared meal plus I had a man who totally accepted me the way I was and even when he occasionally mentioned my increasing girth I was sure it was from a place of love…

Sound familiar? 

When I decided to take control of my weight which actually came after I had gone 2 dress sizes up, the look of relief on my husband’s face coupled with renewed admiration took me by surprise. Apparently he was being a good husband and ‘loving me through thick and thin’ all along but he definitely preferred thin (pun intended). He wouldn’t have loved me any less if I weighed any more but I realized that if it was within my power and realistic enough (and it was), he deserved the woman of his fantasies…

Getting back in shape made me less paranoid, more confident and generally more content but if the truth be told, the change had to come from me- not his nagging or complaining or comparing…in fact those would  have only made me crave comfort food and also not his seeming indifference…which I erroneously took to mean acceptance and permission to over indulge… 

Even if your husband desires a thick madam, please be a healthy one and not one who becomes a 2 minute woman in the bedroom (yes such things exist! If you can only manage missionary and side-to-side I’m talking to you). Build your stamina and strength even while you rock those fine curves and please dress for your body type! I know women who are size 24, whose beauty, poise, confidence and dress sense would make any size 6 girl very uncomfortable and any man drool. No one says you can’t slay and pepper them (within reason) as a married woman. 

A wise woman once mentioned that if no one is ogling you outside the home, if you don’t get at least one compliment on a regular praising your husband for taking very good care of you (even if it’s all you lol) then you are doing something wrong. You don’t cease to exist because you got married, marriage shouldn’t make you less attractive, only unattainable and inaccessible! So if the average man outside doesn’t think you are attractive then hubby may be secretly struggling. Abraham had to lie that his middle aged/geriatric wife was his sister to prevent getting killed. Sarah was the ultimate slay mama! And it’s not just abinibi, it’s ability too. They say black don’t crack but anything not well taken care of can crack #Enoughsaid

…Five years of marriage taught me to be the best version of myself FOR ME even if le boo seemed content with the current version. Every man loves an upgrade! 

Didn’t plan for this to be so long so I’m just gonna drop this here and post about the second point tomorrow. 
Have a great day chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
1 Comment

Posted by on July 13, 2017 in Inspirational

 

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A plus not a minus…

I’m so angry I could break something. So effing frustrated I could just yell! Why won’t the pounds roll off, why won’t the weight get wasted? I turn away from the mirror in disgust. Eyes can barely take in the folds and the flab. Why can’t I be skinny like those b*****s on the street? They look at me and they think there’s a girl that loves her food! I shake my head in despair. I have been on an effing diet for 3 weeks now. Eating scraps, hunger torments me as I sit each meal out. Afraid to put even the ‘littlest’ morsel in my mouth. How can I be barely surviving and yet still adding weight? What sort of anomaly has befallen me?

No one understands. They tell me ‘I need to lose weight’. They tell me ‘You should go on a diet’ and team BBW psyche me the most; ‘You look absolutely stunning’, ‘Don’t lose any weight’, ‘Anyone who doesn’t like you like this is blind’. But I’ve lived a life of diets. Made so many sacrifices but all for what? Is there a light at the end of this tunnel? Or am I destined to go up a dress size every time I visit the mall? Tears of frustration fill my eyes. I remember their response to my last outburst…’All you need is exercise’. Does anyone even understand?

I pause and I ask myself, why is it so difficult to accept that He who made them slim, also made them fat. That the world would be boring if everybody was the perfect size and looked perfect. Then perfection would become common and an oddity would become a rare beauty (Oh I wish…). So back to me. Why do I strive so hard to be slim? Why do I endure this ceaseless comparisons with other women? I know they have their flaws too but I don’t wanna be part of the statistics. I don’t wanna be the fat girl, I don’t wanna be mistaken for an older woman. I don’t want other women to think I’m not a force to be reckoned with. But is it all in my head? Do I continue to strive for perfection or do I accept that this is who I am? A plus sized woman?

I am not who the world thinks or says I am, I am not what I think I am or what I hope to be. I am who God says I am, created in His likeness. He saw me and called me good. I am an epitome of beauty, a masterpiece, specially hand-crafted. A limited edition. I can never be you and you can never be me. Don’t judge me by the rolls of fat because I am much more than carbon, water and hydrogen atoms. Don’t size me up when I walk pass other women cos you don’t know me. You don’t know my struggles. You don’t know where I’ve been and best of all you don’t know where God is taking me to!

So I may be plus sized but it’s a plus and not a minus. It means that in addition to being a one of a kind woman, I’m loaded with extra heart, extra humour, extra warmth, extra brains and extra sympathy (I got more pluses than a straight A kid)! Come to me and my large arms and ample bosom will provide solace as I soothe your pain. I know how it feels to be judged, rejected and to fall short of expectations but I’m not gonna stay down and I’m telling you the same. It’s not over till it’s over. Nobody said it’d be easy. We all get to the finish line one day but it’s how you run the race that counts. So don’t give up. No matter what’s getting you down, refuse to be put down. You can shake it off and I promise you that YOU WILL LAUGH AGAIN!

Barka de Sallah peeps,
xoxoxo

 
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Posted by on October 25, 2012 in Inspirational

 

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