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Is your new beau a serial monogamist?

There are obviously three types of guys- Those who don’t cheat, those who cheat and the serial monogamist. The serial monogamist is a guy who is faithful for the shortest possible time that he is in a relationship with you and as soon as he gets bored he finds an excuse to break up and is on to the next relationship in a flash and then the cycle continues.
So how do you spot a serial monogamist?
1) He has more exes than there are episodes on Tinsel!
Every time you step out you meet yet another ex! It’s like he’s been with the whole town.

2) His longest relationship lasted one month.
He was a very great boyfriend for 30 whole days till he wasn’t.
And if for whatever reason his ex wouldn’t give up the cookie before 90 days then his longest relationship lasted 100 days!

3) It’s always his ex’s fault that they broke up.
She was too clingy, too jealous, too crazy, moving too fast, always talking bad about his mother, wanted to get married too soon, didn’t like his friends…the list is endless. He always comes off looking like the victim who just had to run for dear life.

4) He is Mr. Right-now in every sense of the word.
He gets this funny look on his face right before he changes the subject any time you talk about any type of relationship goals. Who’d have thought going on holiday together would be such a big deal?

5) He is paranoid about babies and baby mamas.
He disposes of his condom himself, doesn’t sleep with you till the first time he catches you on your period and then you find a period tracker on his iPad that’s synchronized to your menstrual cycle. He never ever has unprotected sex and if he does, he serves you morning after pills alongside a hot cup of cocoa and doesn’t laugh at the joke you made about having a child together. He never leaves a trail and he makes sure his track record stays squeaky clean.

6) He has a very complicated plan for his future that doesn’t seem to flow with your plans in the least.
His aim is to ensure that you are not traveling the same path!

7) The texts on his phone to various women seem to all be a prelude to something more.
“Hey babe, you were looking so fly today…wish I wasn’t in a relationship…would never ever cheat on bae but who knows dreams do come true…x”

Like wtf???!!!!

8) His family don’t seem particularly interested in knowing your name.
He takes you for family gatherings and you think this shows he is considering a long term relationship with you but his family acts funny. They barely ask your name and act like you are nothing more than his plus one at the dinner party not their future in-law. They know the drill!

9) He is all about the romance.
This guy is a hopeless romantic. Breakfast in bed, flowers, songs dedicated to you on cool FM, cupcakes to your office, surprise gifts and just because I love you gestures but as soon as you both start acting like a normal couple he complains about the flames flickering out and is gone with the wind!

10) He never ever does the breaking up.
Now this sneaky fellow has perfected the art of breaking up with you without actually breaking up with you. When he is done with the relationship, he let’s it fizzle out. Too busy to pick your phone calls or reply your messages. Way to busy to come see you or be in the same room with you for more than 5 seconds. Avoidance is key to his strategy and sooner or later you break up with him out of frustration possibly via text message.

This smooth, suave, heart breaker would never be labeled a cheater, he prides himself in having great relationships which were fun while they lasted, too bad they are gone in 60 seconds! Ladies beware of the serial monogamist! Check out his track record before you say yes!

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Posted by on May 25, 2016 in Relationships

 

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How to Re-date Your Ex!

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Are you stuck in the past? Feeling like a dog because your vomit ex seems so appealing? Are you beginning to feel leaving that relationship was a mistake? Have you realized the grass is truly not greener on the other side?

Whatever your reason may be, going back to an ex is a huge step and many times it’s a step in the wrong direction. Sometimes true love does still live there but before you even think about considering an ex, you have to critically ask yourself these 5 questions:

1. Am I interested in my ex because nobody better has come along and I am lonely or I am interested in him despite the great dudes that have come my way?

2. Whose fault was the break up? If it was his, am I ready to live with the faults that made me leave in the first place or am I expecting him to have changed? And if it was my fault, have I matured enough now not to hurt him again if given a second chance?

3. What are the odds that I will be given a second chance? Is he seeing anyone at the moment? Are they serious? Are we on good terms? Is there any sign that he still feels something for me?

4. Would I be able to handle his rejection if he chose not to get back with me? Would I be able to move on if he dumped me soon after we got back together as payback?

5. Would I be able to handle the negative energy from friends and foes who don’t want me to get back with him?

If you are confident about the answers to these questions, you can proceed. Remember that going into a relationship expecting an individual to change is foolhardy at best. If you are hell bent on making things right with that ex, here are ten tips that will give you a fighting chance!

1. Write a list of the ten things your ex loved most about you and make sure they are the first things he notices when he sees you. If those things are not physical, create scenarios where you can show off those attributes with him watching but don’t be too obvious!

2. Open the communication lines. Call him out of the blues or send a text message or readd him on your blackberry messenger. He will be suspicious no doubt but telling him you just wanna be friends is safe ground while you strategize. Remember you need to put him at ease if he is gonna let his guards down around you so don’t come on too strongly.

3. Go down memory lane. The good lane only please! Reminding him of your sweetest shared memories and how great you used to be together releases endorphins in his brain and would leave him nostalgic.

4. Do one remarkable thing he never thought you could do. He needs to see you as the new and improved version of yourself and if there is something he was always bugging you to do but you never got around to doing it, now is the time for action. Maybe he wanted you to lose a few pounds or get a masters degree. You may need to think hard but usually there is something.

5. Get better. Follow your dreams, get a makeover, go back to school, start your own business, the list is endless. An ex doesn’t wanna bump into you just to find out that nothing significant has happened in your life since the last time you guys dated. It reeks of stagnancy and that in itself is unattractive.

6. Take responsibility. A time will come in the pursuit of an ex when the hurt and the pain of the past relationship will be unearthed. Don’t play the blame game, don’t point fingers. Be as honest and sincere as you can be and take responsibility for the wrongs you did and apologize. This is a very big step, do not expect instant forgiveness. Give your ex time to heal and forgive.

7. Mark territory. Nobody knows a man like his ex. You know his favourite foods, music, movies, pet peeves, dislikes, what turns him on, his secrets and his fondest childhood memories. You have an edge over the new babe on the block (depending on how new she is). Just remember to keep it classy. No senseless fights or desperate moves. Forget all the rubbish you see on TV, there are ways to make your presence felt in a positive way that will aid the marking of territory. Just remember that men are anti-drama and even though we women may enjoy two guys fighting over us, the men are not keen on that sort of scenario. If he has a serious girlfriend, you may wanna back off because this may just be a very humiliating battle that you would most likely lose.

8. Get allies. His friends are your greatest allies because when it gets to the point where he isn’t sure whether to go back to you or not, he is gonna ask them for advice. Mend the fences with them. I know it’s easy to unfriend the friends of an ex and that’s probably what you did after the break up but if you are gonna have a successful second chance, you need them all on your side.

9. Create avenues for you to spend quality time with your ex. If you are still friends, suggest casual fun dates and if that won’t work, join a committee or group he is involved with. If all else fails, show up at his house with his favourite meal and a great movie or video game (not very tactful but it works). If he gives you a straight face, tell him you really need to talk.

10. Get involved in his life. Find out what you have missed since you guys were apart and fill in as many gaps as you can. Show him you care with ‘actions’ since your words may not mean much at this point (depending on the sort of breakup you had). Be his friend and his confidante and soon it would be just like old times. 🙂

Great romantic gestures also work wonders but use sparingly cos they temporarily distract from the underlying issues making you feel like you don’t have much work to do and you may end up with an unexpected disappointment when reality dawns on your ex.
     Getting back with an ex is serious work and taking the easy way out usually means the issues are left unresolved and a future breakup awaits. Sex is a no-no, it’s one of the easy ways out and it may guarantee you a temporary spot on his bed (cc: Okafor’s law) but it will not give you the second chance you crave. Men do not equate sex with love.

So there you have it. Goodluck cos you are gonna need all the luck in the world 😉
p.s: if your ex was abusive or a cheat, getting back with him for whatever reason isn’t the best thing to do. A good man will come around soon…

Have a great day Chutzpah fam,
Please share your thoughts on re-dating an ex!
xxx

 
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Posted by on February 19, 2014 in Relationships

 

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14 REASONS WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE

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Hey ladies, Valentine’s day fast approaches and for many women the countdown is one of dread. Are you wondering why on earth you are still single? Why you never seem to meet ‘correct bobos’ just losers and baggage carriers? Are you wondering why men keep failing to notice all the fabulousity that you are made of or why after all the oohs and aahs about how wonderful you are, they don’t take a step further to make you theirs?

Here are 14 reasons why you are still single…
1. You are fishing in the wrong waters: There are men everywhere, forget what the National Census says. One of the reasons you are still single could be because of the location of your market. Your selling point could be overshadowed by other shinier competition. Every wise fisherwoman knows you won’t catch anything in the wrong waters. This is akin to being on a man-hunt at a gay bar or a marriage retreat. Location is essential. Every woman has her selling point, that one feature or attribute that draws the men to you. It could be your smile or quick wit or intelligence but most men will not notice intelligence in a room full of long-legged, curvaceous women or a smile at a nightclub. Places with too many women become informal beauty contests with the few available men acting as judges. So carve your niche and own your space! 😉

2. You are trying too hard: Fake personality, fake accent, plastic surgery kinda make-up, fake mannerisms and airs, fake laughter, feigning interest, appearing too eager, the list is endless. There’s nothing wrong with looking good and being pleasant but there’s a thin line that separates a plastic babe from a beautiful woman and men take that line very seriously. Most men fear being deceived by a woman. One of my friends ‘S’ actually admitted that one of the pitfalls of picking up a woman at night was that she always turned out hideous in the morning when the makeup and darkness were gone (when the alcohol had worn off is what he meant 😉 ). Contrary to what women think, the average man knows when you are trying too hard and it spells ‘fake’, ‘poor self-esteem’ and ‘easy lay’. A calm woman is usually the one perceived to be confident and interesting.

3. You are stuck on the obvious: 1) What do you want in a man? Your answer is the same as millions of other girls. 2) What is the first thing you notice about a man? Your answer is the same as every other girl on the street. Your problem begins here. If you are too stuck on the obvious; his looks, his money, his laugh, his dressing, his swag etc., you will miss the man who was having an off day, the not so good looking prince charming, the eccentric billionaire and what have you. Many women argue that there are no good guys but when a good guy comes along they can’t don’t see him if he doesn’t fit their brain’s perception of eligible, hence they fail to recognize his existence. Sometimes your prince charming could be a jewel in the rough, all you need to do is get glasses look a little closer.

4. You are rolling with the wrong crowd: Are your friends all single? Get some married ones. There’s something about hanging out with married women that changes your perspective. So many single women have a whole armory of “I can never date…” or “I can never marry…” or “I can never do…” one thing or the other and their friends share the same views but sometimes rolling with someone different can positively change your mindset. I had a friend who would always say “I can never date a man shorter than me, much less marry him”. She did meet tall guys but they were all jerks (strangely enough) and one day she started hanging out with a girl who was married to a shorter dude and she realised how mundane height was where happiness was concerned. Look at your friends circumspectly, if you all think and reason alike and are all single, you should consider some outside influence.

5. You are a woman’s woman: All your female friend think your fashion sense , style, looks and sex appeal are on point but what do the men think? Try watching manswers on Sony max and you would be amazed how differently men are wired. If you feel you are doing everything right and yet still not bagging a man, try taking man advice from a man. Men have opinions about everything (SURPRISE!), from the way you wear your hair to the way you react to a situation…Men are from mars and women are from Venus, the best way to capture a man is to ask a Martian! 😉

6. You come on too strong: Yeah this is the age of female gender equality, women’s liberation etc but men are still in whatever age they were conceived in, and a woman who comes on too strongly freaks them out. You may think you are being confident, no-nonsense and assertive but all he sees is controlling, crazy and trouble. So take it easy babes, even if you know he likes you but he’s acting irritatingly slow for words calm down and read an encyclopedia while he gets his act together. Sometimes even a little unwanted encouragement can be seen as coming on too strongly.

7. You conclude too quickly: He says he isn’t ready for a relationship so you shut him out completely without a backward glance. Whatever reasons he gives you, as long as he isn’t saying what you want to hear, you shut him out sharply, sometimes without the minimal politeness required from a lady. You just may be shooting yourself in the foot. A lot of men find it hard to makeup their minds right away, other feel the need to ‘test’ you by playing mind games or thrusting you into ridiculous situations and others just need you to give them a reason to stay. If you felt right about him deep down but he is dragging his feet or saying contrary words, don’t slam the door, put him in the friend zone. Yeah that could be the hardest thing you have ever done but being nice and caring towards him even when your heart feels he should be kicked in the butt, could actually be the game changer. Don’t conclude too quickly! (Contraindicated in certain scenarios, use wisdom).

8. You are putting your worst foot forward: “I just show him my worst side immediately so that if he can’t take it, he won’t hang around wasting my time” “I can’t be fronting for any man, what he sees is what he gets, it’s called honesty.” Yes, honesty without tact! Your friends love the good and the bad things about you right? WRONG! Your friends are loyal to you and love you because they got to see and appreciate the good in you before it dawned on them that you weren’t perfect. Nobody is perfect and putting your worst foot forward is like deliberately serving your guests burnt food so that they know you aren’t a perfect cook. The thing is, this isn’t necessary because if the guests hang around long enough they are bound to taste both the good and the bad. Ditch the defense mechanism!

9. You are acting out a script: Who really are you? Some of you have actually forgotten who you are. The real you is buried beneath a pile of peer pressure, societal expectations, disappointments, facades, defense mechanisms, walls and anti-rejection strategies. Your need to fit in and be accepted has turned you into a poor copy of who you really are and when men look at you and your well rehearsed script, they see a lost woman who is hungry for love but cannot love another because she has not learnt to love herself. You are beautiful just the way you are…

10. You are exuding negative energy: Men cringe when surrounded by negativity. Negativity to them is best friends with nagging, yelling, backbiting, aggression and emotional instability. Being pessimistic about the first date won’t get you a second. I heard of a girl who kept telling a guy who was really interested in her that she couldn’t date him because he would end up hurting her. The guy finally got tired of trying to convince her and left her with her demons. Slay the Dragon of negativity in your life. No baby is born a pessimist!

11. You are stuck on your ex: You compare every man to your ex and they fall short. Girl you had better use that brain the Lord gave you to hatch up a plan to get your ex back or better still, move on! It’s no one’s fault you are single, you are the one still in a relationship with your past! Only single girls get hooked…

12. You are stuck on your dream man: Hollywood, Disney, Harlequin romance and Mills and Boons should be blamed for this tragedy. Babe you are not single, you are in a fantasy relationship. “I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream…I know you the gleam in your eyes is such a familiar gleam…” Wake up girl, life is passing you by. Men are human beings like you and I and being human is a contraindication to perfection, no man will ever fully measure up to your dream man!

13. You are stuck on your father: Little girls and their daddies, what a perfect picture that paints in the mind. Well you are a grown ass woman and unless you plan to have your mum assassinated and then somehow force daddy to marry you, you had better wake up to reality. Men describe women in this group as having daddy issues. Daddy may have loved her too much or maybe not enough and yes most men won’t treat you as good as daddy treats you (neither would you treat them as good as their mums treat them- more often than not!) but that is besides the point. Would you have married daddy back in the days when he was broke and skinny and not the most attractive man on the block? Would you still want daddy if mummy told you about her secret pains, the hidden tears and the hushed arguments? Trust me, daddy would want you to be with a better man than he was and if you don’t take your eyes off daddy, you won’t see all the wonderful men around you.

14. You aren’t trying hard enough: It could be where men are concerned; one bad breakup, one bad date, one bad encounter and now you have put all men in a box and dumped that box in the attic. Or maybe it’s with your appearance; men are visual creatures. Or maybe your character needs a serious overhaul. Whatever it is if you aren’t putting in any effort, don’t blame cupid when you are sitting all by yourself ‘Bridget Jones’s style’ on Valentine’s day!

Sometimes waiting for the right man to come around might be really hard, especially with friends getting married every weekend and family giving you all sorts of pressure but I urge you to spend the waiting time, pursuing your dreams and doing fabulous things with your life. Good things come to those who wait and one day when you least expect it, he will waltz into your life and never leave your side.

Have a great day chutzpah fam,
Xoxo

 
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Posted by on February 5, 2014 in Manology, Me, Myself and I, Relationships

 

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