Tag Archives: diet

Look but don’t touch!

Started a diet today…sigh…story of my life. Been on more diets than I can count. I am such a foodie, the original ijekuje but I also dream of having a bombshell body (Did someone say bipolar? You can’t be vain and a foodie at the same time can you?)
Anyway today is a fresh start and I’ve done good all day- almost! Le boo tempted me with my absolute best club sandwich after 7pm and I fell even though I had sworn off that kinda stuff. Ah well, a righteous man falls seven times and picks himself back up every time so we’ll try again tomorrow. The sandwich was my only carb today so I didn’t do too badly. Mentally however, I am a wreck! Spent the whole day on instagram and Facebook lusting after food pics. First of all I visited a group I joined some years ago on Facebook called ‘So you think you can cook‘, my oh my, I had a gustatory overload. I was drooling like those thirsty nigguhs watching baes twerk and then I moved over to Instagram and had a food-filled day. Damn food never looked so good!

It kinda got me thinking, isn’t this how the devil tempts us? You are on your own jejerly on your lane days after promising God to abstain from pre/extra-marital sex and then you go on social media and there are girls twerking (and guys twerking too sheesh) and girls with no clothes on and girls with boobs and pouty lips on fleek and dude you look up to heaven and say ‘God have mercy, I am gonna just take a peek but I certainly won’t touch’. Heck at that time the only female available for you to touch is the picture your ex left you when she kicked you out the door so all seems peachy till you step out of your house and BAM you see the best wiggle-jiggle combo you ever laid eyes on and then all your resolve goes out the window and you are a dog in heat barking up that fruitful tree. #thetrialsofbrotherJero. Same way with my diet, after spending the whole day staring at food pics, feeling like I was getting some form of emotional comfort by just looking, I couldn’t resist when the time of reckoning came and my oh my, that sandwich was divine but then here I am exactly where I was yesterday- overweight!

Life is a lot like this. The devil uses the power of suggestion to get us to do his bidding. His is a smooth, sly guy who isn’t going to use force or make you do what you don’t want to do. Oh no! He is going to instead make you do exactly what you want to do but the thing is you didn’t wanna do it till he sugar-coated it and made it look super fine.#instagramfilterstyle
Really he has mastered the art of using our 5 senses plus our ego and lust to entice us into doing almost anything- if we let him. So don’t! Society prides itself on numerous grey areas but the thing is sometimes in life, it really is just black and white, right and wrong, good and evil and the grey is often the devil sugar-coating the negative because he knows that being a great guy you definitely wouldn’t pick evil over good- at least not in your right mind. So the next time you wanna rationalize about not going all the way, remember that that act is sending a subliminal message to your mind that it’s OK to go all the way sooner or later.

Sandwich over and done with and I am starting to realize the number of calories I guzzled down in half a sec! Walk away from temptation bro, don’t you think about dining with the devil because no matter how long you think your spoon is, your safety net amounts to nothing once he has got your mind all enticed and dancing to his tune. This is a public service announcement this fine Sunday evening. Resist the devil (whatever he is to you) and he will flee from you… #blessyouchild

And for the foodies in the house, this post wouldn’t be complete without this natural, low carb icecream recipe I found—–> Banana icecream. Try it and let me know what you think. P.S: the riper the banana the sweeter the icecream. Please share any delicious, easy, low-fat recipes you have and have a finger lickin’, super yummy week full of astounding favour!!!


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Posted by on July 5, 2015 in Diet


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The Excuse!


Ok November is gradually drawing to a close and I have to confess! Chutzpah fam I have sinned. I have fallen off the wagon and wallowed in the laps of procrastination. I have sunk to the depths of excuse-ville to ponder upon my inadequacies, blaming others but myself.

What am I on about…?

Nanowrimo2013! I had the badge, i started the journey but here I am with barely 10,000 words penned on paper. I have failed my challenge miserably and national writing month has become national empty words month! Alas my greater sin was taking time off from blogging. I am sure you all thought how noble and utterly incredible that Miz Chutzpah was finally gonna write a full novel in one month. 50, 000 magical words (and/or inclusive) but here I am, writing an apology instead as I shamefully face the blogosphere. Write I did not, read I did not ( my masters sadly tossed aside howbeit temporarily) but do I regret this one month spent lounging? Of course not (uhm I mean yes of course) but before I apologize allow me to formally tender my excuses.

1. It was my weight’s fault. I have lost 4 kg in the past month and I won’t lie tryna be creative when hunger is thwacking your innards is quite impossible. I have looked at Chinese restaurants so lustfully of late that my ever faithful ugwu and chicken breast threatened to kick me to the curb. I have skipped till my bossoms begged for respite and drank water like I lived in a desert so you would agree with me that 4kg is a mean number, 10 would be far nicer and of course now you can understand why I could not write those words

2. It was GEJ’s fault! What? Don’t roll your eyes at me, everyone loves blaming the government for everything so why should I be different (might I add that PDP is to blame too!) 😉

3. It was ASUU’s fault. If they hadn’t gone on strike my neighbors wouldn’t be home drinking and blasting music to the wee hours of the night making me unable to write down two remotely connected sentences! Please send our kids back to school biko!

4. It was my boss’s fault. In an ideal world I should have been given a full month off work to express my inner creativity as I poured out my passion on paper but since I have to work 8am to 6pm every day that leaves me with just enough energy to creatively go to bed!

5. Blame marriage. I had to cook, clean, color and then do some more cooking so really if the words couldn’t jolly well write themselves I wasn’t gonna add that to my list of wifely duties.

Truthfully my excuses are endless…and I would cheekily rant and rave about how justified I was if you had the time to listen but the truth is if something is important to you, you will accomplish it. NO EXCUSES! Before y’all bury me, take a moment to consider all the things you have failed to do and all the flighty excuses you thought every one else was buying. The truth is most excuses are lame and letting our family, our friends and our boss’s down is not even as bad as letting ourselves down yet we do it so often. As the year comes to a close it’s time to take stock of your life. Look at those things you have been putting off since January and the excuses for not doing them which by now must have worn really thin. You can do it! Don’t wait till January first to start making cliché new year resolutions, just decide today is the day.

I used to be so afraid of driving and kept procrastinating actually learning to drive but this month I registered at a driving school and now I can’t wait to be auditioned for the fast and the furious. Maybe I should add a ferrari to my wish list? Dear Santa….ahem, to be continued.

Chutzpah fam, do something incredible this year! End the year with a bang.

ps: sorry for being AWOL and not writing my 50k words. Kisses.


Posted by on November 27, 2013 in Uncategorized


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A plus not a minus…

I’m so angry I could break something. So effing frustrated I could just yell! Why won’t the pounds roll off, why won’t the weight get wasted? I turn away from the mirror in disgust. Eyes can barely take in the folds and the flab. Why can’t I be skinny like those b*****s on the street? They look at me and they think there’s a girl that loves her food! I shake my head in despair. I have been on an effing diet for 3 weeks now. Eating scraps, hunger torments me as I sit each meal out. Afraid to put even the ‘littlest’ morsel in my mouth. How can I be barely surviving and yet still adding weight? What sort of anomaly has befallen me?

No one understands. They tell me ‘I need to lose weight’. They tell me ‘You should go on a diet’ and team BBW psyche me the most; ‘You look absolutely stunning’, ‘Don’t lose any weight’, ‘Anyone who doesn’t like you like this is blind’. But I’ve lived a life of diets. Made so many sacrifices but all for what? Is there a light at the end of this tunnel? Or am I destined to go up a dress size every time I visit the mall? Tears of frustration fill my eyes. I remember their response to my last outburst…’All you need is exercise’. Does anyone even understand?

I pause and I ask myself, why is it so difficult to accept that He who made them slim, also made them fat. That the world would be boring if everybody was the perfect size and looked perfect. Then perfection would become common and an oddity would become a rare beauty (Oh I wish…). So back to me. Why do I strive so hard to be slim? Why do I endure this ceaseless comparisons with other women? I know they have their flaws too but I don’t wanna be part of the statistics. I don’t wanna be the fat girl, I don’t wanna be mistaken for an older woman. I don’t want other women to think I’m not a force to be reckoned with. But is it all in my head? Do I continue to strive for perfection or do I accept that this is who I am? A plus sized woman?

I am not who the world thinks or says I am, I am not what I think I am or what I hope to be. I am who God says I am, created in His likeness. He saw me and called me good. I am an epitome of beauty, a masterpiece, specially hand-crafted. A limited edition. I can never be you and you can never be me. Don’t judge me by the rolls of fat because I am much more than carbon, water and hydrogen atoms. Don’t size me up when I walk pass other women cos you don’t know me. You don’t know my struggles. You don’t know where I’ve been and best of all you don’t know where God is taking me to!

So I may be plus sized but it’s a plus and not a minus. It means that in addition to being a one of a kind woman, I’m loaded with extra heart, extra humour, extra warmth, extra brains and extra sympathy (I got more pluses than a straight A kid)! Come to me and my large arms and ample bosom will provide solace as I soothe your pain. I know how it feels to be judged, rejected and to fall short of expectations but I’m not gonna stay down and I’m telling you the same. It’s not over till it’s over. Nobody said it’d be easy. We all get to the finish line one day but it’s how you run the race that counts. So don’t give up. No matter what’s getting you down, refuse to be put down. You can shake it off and I promise you that YOU WILL LAUGH AGAIN!

Barka de Sallah peeps,


Posted by on October 25, 2012 in Inspirational


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