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14 REASONS WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE

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Hey ladies, Valentine’s day fast approaches and for many women the countdown is one of dread. Are you wondering why on earth you are still single? Why you never seem to meet ‘correct bobos’ just losers and baggage carriers? Are you wondering why men keep failing to notice all the fabulousity that you are made of or why after all the oohs and aahs about how wonderful you are, they don’t take a step further to make you theirs?

Here are 14 reasons why you are still single…
1. You are fishing in the wrong waters: There are men everywhere, forget what the National Census says. One of the reasons you are still single could be because of the location of your market. Your selling point could be overshadowed by other shinier competition. Every wise fisherwoman knows you won’t catch anything in the wrong waters. This is akin to being on a man-hunt at a gay bar or a marriage retreat. Location is essential. Every woman has her selling point, that one feature or attribute that draws the men to you. It could be your smile or quick wit or intelligence but most men will not notice intelligence in a room full of long-legged, curvaceous women or a smile at a nightclub. Places with too many women become informal beauty contests with the few available men acting as judges. So carve your niche and own your space! 😉

2. You are trying too hard: Fake personality, fake accent, plastic surgery kinda make-up, fake mannerisms and airs, fake laughter, feigning interest, appearing too eager, the list is endless. There’s nothing wrong with looking good and being pleasant but there’s a thin line that separates a plastic babe from a beautiful woman and men take that line very seriously. Most men fear being deceived by a woman. One of my friends ‘S’ actually admitted that one of the pitfalls of picking up a woman at night was that she always turned out hideous in the morning when the makeup and darkness were gone (when the alcohol had worn off is what he meant 😉 ). Contrary to what women think, the average man knows when you are trying too hard and it spells ‘fake’, ‘poor self-esteem’ and ‘easy lay’. A calm woman is usually the one perceived to be confident and interesting.

3. You are stuck on the obvious: 1) What do you want in a man? Your answer is the same as millions of other girls. 2) What is the first thing you notice about a man? Your answer is the same as every other girl on the street. Your problem begins here. If you are too stuck on the obvious; his looks, his money, his laugh, his dressing, his swag etc., you will miss the man who was having an off day, the not so good looking prince charming, the eccentric billionaire and what have you. Many women argue that there are no good guys but when a good guy comes along they can’t don’t see him if he doesn’t fit their brain’s perception of eligible, hence they fail to recognize his existence. Sometimes your prince charming could be a jewel in the rough, all you need to do is get glasses look a little closer.

4. You are rolling with the wrong crowd: Are your friends all single? Get some married ones. There’s something about hanging out with married women that changes your perspective. So many single women have a whole armory of “I can never date…” or “I can never marry…” or “I can never do…” one thing or the other and their friends share the same views but sometimes rolling with someone different can positively change your mindset. I had a friend who would always say “I can never date a man shorter than me, much less marry him”. She did meet tall guys but they were all jerks (strangely enough) and one day she started hanging out with a girl who was married to a shorter dude and she realised how mundane height was where happiness was concerned. Look at your friends circumspectly, if you all think and reason alike and are all single, you should consider some outside influence.

5. You are a woman’s woman: All your female friend think your fashion sense , style, looks and sex appeal are on point but what do the men think? Try watching manswers on Sony max and you would be amazed how differently men are wired. If you feel you are doing everything right and yet still not bagging a man, try taking man advice from a man. Men have opinions about everything (SURPRISE!), from the way you wear your hair to the way you react to a situation…Men are from mars and women are from Venus, the best way to capture a man is to ask a Martian! 😉

6. You come on too strong: Yeah this is the age of female gender equality, women’s liberation etc but men are still in whatever age they were conceived in, and a woman who comes on too strongly freaks them out. You may think you are being confident, no-nonsense and assertive but all he sees is controlling, crazy and trouble. So take it easy babes, even if you know he likes you but he’s acting irritatingly slow for words calm down and read an encyclopedia while he gets his act together. Sometimes even a little unwanted encouragement can be seen as coming on too strongly.

7. You conclude too quickly: He says he isn’t ready for a relationship so you shut him out completely without a backward glance. Whatever reasons he gives you, as long as he isn’t saying what you want to hear, you shut him out sharply, sometimes without the minimal politeness required from a lady. You just may be shooting yourself in the foot. A lot of men find it hard to makeup their minds right away, other feel the need to ‘test’ you by playing mind games or thrusting you into ridiculous situations and others just need you to give them a reason to stay. If you felt right about him deep down but he is dragging his feet or saying contrary words, don’t slam the door, put him in the friend zone. Yeah that could be the hardest thing you have ever done but being nice and caring towards him even when your heart feels he should be kicked in the butt, could actually be the game changer. Don’t conclude too quickly! (Contraindicated in certain scenarios, use wisdom).

8. You are putting your worst foot forward: “I just show him my worst side immediately so that if he can’t take it, he won’t hang around wasting my time” “I can’t be fronting for any man, what he sees is what he gets, it’s called honesty.” Yes, honesty without tact! Your friends love the good and the bad things about you right? WRONG! Your friends are loyal to you and love you because they got to see and appreciate the good in you before it dawned on them that you weren’t perfect. Nobody is perfect and putting your worst foot forward is like deliberately serving your guests burnt food so that they know you aren’t a perfect cook. The thing is, this isn’t necessary because if the guests hang around long enough they are bound to taste both the good and the bad. Ditch the defense mechanism!

9. You are acting out a script: Who really are you? Some of you have actually forgotten who you are. The real you is buried beneath a pile of peer pressure, societal expectations, disappointments, facades, defense mechanisms, walls and anti-rejection strategies. Your need to fit in and be accepted has turned you into a poor copy of who you really are and when men look at you and your well rehearsed script, they see a lost woman who is hungry for love but cannot love another because she has not learnt to love herself. You are beautiful just the way you are…

10. You are exuding negative energy: Men cringe when surrounded by negativity. Negativity to them is best friends with nagging, yelling, backbiting, aggression and emotional instability. Being pessimistic about the first date won’t get you a second. I heard of a girl who kept telling a guy who was really interested in her that she couldn’t date him because he would end up hurting her. The guy finally got tired of trying to convince her and left her with her demons. Slay the Dragon of negativity in your life. No baby is born a pessimist!

11. You are stuck on your ex: You compare every man to your ex and they fall short. Girl you had better use that brain the Lord gave you to hatch up a plan to get your ex back or better still, move on! It’s no one’s fault you are single, you are the one still in a relationship with your past! Only single girls get hooked…

12. You are stuck on your dream man: Hollywood, Disney, Harlequin romance and Mills and Boons should be blamed for this tragedy. Babe you are not single, you are in a fantasy relationship. “I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream…I know you the gleam in your eyes is such a familiar gleam…” Wake up girl, life is passing you by. Men are human beings like you and I and being human is a contraindication to perfection, no man will ever fully measure up to your dream man!

13. You are stuck on your father: Little girls and their daddies, what a perfect picture that paints in the mind. Well you are a grown ass woman and unless you plan to have your mum assassinated and then somehow force daddy to marry you, you had better wake up to reality. Men describe women in this group as having daddy issues. Daddy may have loved her too much or maybe not enough and yes most men won’t treat you as good as daddy treats you (neither would you treat them as good as their mums treat them- more often than not!) but that is besides the point. Would you have married daddy back in the days when he was broke and skinny and not the most attractive man on the block? Would you still want daddy if mummy told you about her secret pains, the hidden tears and the hushed arguments? Trust me, daddy would want you to be with a better man than he was and if you don’t take your eyes off daddy, you won’t see all the wonderful men around you.

14. You aren’t trying hard enough: It could be where men are concerned; one bad breakup, one bad date, one bad encounter and now you have put all men in a box and dumped that box in the attic. Or maybe it’s with your appearance; men are visual creatures. Or maybe your character needs a serious overhaul. Whatever it is if you aren’t putting in any effort, don’t blame cupid when you are sitting all by yourself ‘Bridget Jones’s style’ on Valentine’s day!

Sometimes waiting for the right man to come around might be really hard, especially with friends getting married every weekend and family giving you all sorts of pressure but I urge you to spend the waiting time, pursuing your dreams and doing fabulous things with your life. Good things come to those who wait and one day when you least expect it, he will waltz into your life and never leave your side.

Have a great day chutzpah fam,
Xoxo

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Posted by on February 5, 2014 in Manology, Me, Myself and I, Relationships

 

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When Daddy says No!

For many of us our fathers are our heroes. They don’t have capes and don’t always get it right but we know they love us fiercely and want only the very best for us or why else would they work from dawn to dusk or be so strict with us every once in a while? Without doubt daddy always knows best…

My friend ‘M’ has had to carefully consider this as mutiny unfolds in her household. She comes from a family with 4 daughters and her father has always been strict where men were concerned. This wasn’t alarming because most men would unsheath their swords at the slightest lingering glance cast upon their female spawn but as she and her sisters approached the giveaway age, their father found a new rule to daily add to his barrage of rules and regulations and like slaves they groaned and tried to adjust while holding on to the tattered remains of a social life till things came to a head when her sister brought her secret boyfriend home. They’d been dating for years and the guy had popped the question. Needless to say, her father was shocked that the man could go behind enemy lines and have the effontery to seek his daughter’s hand but alas he could not find anything wrong with him other than his tribe and capitalized on that, swearing that over his dead body would he ever condone the union.

Anyone who has ever lived in a house full of women knows that one can’t win a war against a bunch of starry-eyed, love-sick women. The conspiracy began and various strategies were employed but two years after, her father still wouldn’t budge. He didn’t mind the tears, was unmoved by the chorused pleas and undeterred by doors banging in feigned rebellion. He knew he had good children and that despite their chagrin they actually did believe that father knew best or so he thought…

The girls had taken it personal, M was dating a man from the same tribe as her elder sister’s fiance so she knew winning the battle for them would end the war. Her elder sister recently did a secret court marriage and according to the Federal Republic of Nigeria she is legally married. She has decided that her final attack will be a missed period followed by an elopement of sorts if her father doesn’t change his mind. Here she is caught in the middle, pitched between the man she always called hero and another man who may never love her even half as much as her father does…Does daddy always know best?

My mother told me the story of her classmate who had to wait years till her father conceded to her marriage. Her father had been an influential man and had high hopes of his daughter marrying ‘well’ and that didn’t include the village-headmaster, poor as a church rat, hungry looking man who obviously adored his daughter. Why wouldn’t he? Poor sap! The young lad probably saw his daughter as his ticket out of poverty and he only accepted him after he was sure no other eligible bachelor was on the horizon.

It’s quite criminal that we are not warned before hand that our fathers are gonna go on a guilt trip once the doctor pronounces our sex, fearing karma for all the misdeeds of their youth and dragging us along in their shadows till they find an ‘unsharp’ man to hand us over to! Little wonder the ‘badder’ a man is as a young man, the more fearsome and formidable he is as a parent especially where his girls are concerned. He looks at them and remembers the kele kele loves, one night stands and countless broken hearts he left in his stride not to mention the abortions. There is no way he is gonna allow miss-know-it-all karma who looks just like the ex who cursed him, get a hold of his darling, precious, innocent daughter.

…And the saga continues. So do we listen to daddy and follow him like a good daughter would, away from our singing hearts and raging hormones or do we do an ‘omo buruku’ number on him and follow the man of our dreams, the rogue who’ll be a potential daddy in a couple of years? Women marry their fathers, so they say& like poles repel (Do the maths); Hence the father/son-in-law tiffs. There’s a little girl whispering into her daddy’s ears somewhere…’Daddy you taught me right from wrong, you showed me how to survive and be sharp in the jungle we live in, now I need you to trust me…’

Sometimes fathers may not get it right but you’ll always be the little girl they held in their arms at the hospital and swore to love and protect. While I may not have the answers my friend M desperately seeks, I do know that our people say that what the elders see sitting down, the children can never see even if they climb on top of a tree…

Have a great day peeps…xoxoxo

 
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Posted by on February 15, 2012 in Inspirational, Relationships

 

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