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8 Odd Truths about Nigerians and the Economy!

Hey people, the exchange rate for a dollar is now 407 freaking naira! I was just shaking my head about the Nigerian economy and how everything is so expensive. I recently asked a Lagos babe on Instagram with a human hair online wig store for the price of one of her wigs and she sent me her price list in dollars! I laughed out loud and faced my business.

Who dollar epp?

Certainly not the Nigerian economy!

Someone I know was doing an online masters and chose to pay for his course per month but with the new dollar rate, he is paying almost triple what he was paying before! #badmarket

An egg is now sold for forty naira and the adamant market woman insisted on mixing the big ones with the pinchomic kekeres stating that no one was gonna buy the small ones from her if I picked all the big ones- like I care. First come, first serve abeg!

Why does the economy seem to get worse but Nigerians still find a way to adjust? The structural adjustment program of the late 80s has become the Nigerian nightmare! 

Fuel is where it is, 141-143 naira per liter, people have quit complaining since it is at least available. 

Everything is pricey but really I didn’t come here to rant. I haven’t said anything new. We know this and we hustle to survive each and every day and sometimes we get lucky!

I wanted to instead blog about eight odd and maybe even hilarious occurrences that are now rampant in the name of the hustle! It just makes you wonder…

1) Magas are still paying because they are above the economic crisis! Ask any taxi driver. A couple of days ago I needed to take a cab to UBTH because I really didn’t wanna drive and after haggling with the guy for what I considered the best price, he relented. Dude was as loud as he was fast and I couldn’t help chuckling in between prayers for my safety when he announced that it was the ring on my finger that made him agree to that price. “Sista for Bini we know say na those small, small unifasity gehs get all the money. If na them, na 5k last. You know dem get haccess!” So if you have ‘access’ you are above the Naija wahala!

2) The upcoming elections have made some people in Benin mega rich. While politicians are spending loads of money to get people on their side, the carpenter in charge of the wooden structures for the posters and billboards is smiling to the bank every day not giving a  rat’s arse about who actually wins. Making money out of national headline news good or bad- is what the true hustlers are doing now.

3) People are now gay for pay! Forget that it is an offense, we see guys on Instagram who boast about bae paying them truckloads of money for services rendered and it’s all just part of their hustle. Aristo chicks move aside, it seems the boys want a piece of the action too and they’d go to any lengths and it really seems like a lucrative business in this harsh economy especially since the mega rich seem mega kinky.

4) Houses are still springing up everywhere at alarming speed! While the average Nigerian is counting his precious naira notes, builders, foremen and construction engineers have not stopped thanking God for the booming business because ‘built in three months’ mansions are still cropping up every where you turn. Where EFCC oh?!

5) Still on property, everybody is suddenly into property sales in Lekki near the new trade free zone, just beside the next International airport and across the 4th Mainland bridge ;-). This utopia of sorts has more sellers than buyers and one begins to wonder just how much they have been promised as a cut. If you need a new hustle join the band wagon and for those relentless sellers; no thank you people ahn ahn it haff do!

6) Windscreen washer boys are not smiling! The other day a friend was in traffic when some dude attempted to wash his windscreen (we know the drill), he refused and washer boy got mad, he stood in front of the car, pressed the bonnet as hard as he could (he for try leave dent sic) and with a menacing expression kept demanding to wash the windscreen with an ‘I go wash am oh’ threat every 5 seconds till the traffic light turned green. Abeg when in traffic make sure your windows and doors are securely locked, not just for them but for all the other uniformed troublemakers lurking everywhere!

7) Local government boys have become the absolute worst. They have zero chill, zero filter and hustle or die attitudes. They are the area boys, the community boys and even the band of riff raffs hired as traffic law enforcement officers and then fired after years of menace. If you own a shop or you are building a house in a developing area or you are a traveling sales man, you know these people and fear them even more than the police, VIO and road safety combined! Where’s your roof-repair permit? Or your sit outside your house license? Where’s your switch on generator permit or your drive on our roads certificate? They chase, deflate tyres and make trouble like a legion of demons and their permits, receipts and licences never finish so your papers can never ever be complete! ‘Oga you no get this other receipt, na 10,000 naira, na yesterday dem make am, oya park’. The hustle never ends.

8) The two months salary human hair wigs, weaves and bleaching creams are still hot cake oh. The theory is simple, you need to spend money to make money. Uncle likes what he sees, uncle pays to see it again, the circle of life! So stop asking yourself who is buying all these things (face your wage)!

The list is endless, hate the hustle but put some respek on it! People are doing whatever it takes to survive and even in this dire economy, holidays in Maldives, first class tickets and tear rubber cars are still the order of the day, seems like some people couldn’t be bothered about the dollar! 

What weirdness have you encountered around you in the name of the hustle?

TGIF #friyay (hope money to turn up dey?)

Have a great day Chutzpah fam, may God bless your hustle!

xoxo

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2 Comments

Posted by on August 26, 2016 in Urban Culture

 

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My take on Nigeria’s proposed change

It’s been a month since ‘power changed hands’ like my MFM people like to say and Nigerians have been waiting and waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel that was promised when General Muhammadu Buhari took over.

Now we all know he was handed over a beat down, scrap metal car that refuses to start whose previous owners had not even finished paying for and he is supposedly expected to pimp this ride to the latest ultra-sophisticated model out there which by any standards is quite a feat but my Math teacher used to say the working of the problem is as important as the end result. There is no way GMB is gonna do things the same way they have always been done and yet expect different results.

Here are 7 things that really do need to change if his policies and governance are gonna be anything near successful:

Your excellency this is for you:

  1. Get rid of the old cargo! The treacherous cycle of never do well politicians has left a dirty stain on our economy. Yet everywhere I turn these expired and quite rotten delegates are being recycled and shoved down our throats as if they had any more room to keep their continually amassing loot. GMB these politicians need a forced retirement. Please do not dance to the ‘if you can’t beat them join them’ tune. These old men are corrupt, greedy, wasteful and heartless. Nigeria is for all of us and not a few of us. Please flush that toilet as they have begun to really stink! I watched the fight at the National Assembly with gross disdain. Are these hoodlums the people supposed to have our best interest at heart and bring change to Nigeria? The same people who earn more than senators worldwide when Nigeria is in severe economic depression, unable to pay salaries, borrowing left, right and center and with its majority living on less than a dollar a day? This is pure tyranny. Those over fed touts need to go: ALL OF THEM!

  2. GMB we seriously need to look into this light issue. For heaven sake this is 2015. How will we ever become an industrialized nation if we can’t even guarantee basic power supply? POWER MUST CHANGE HANDS! We need an overhaul of our power supply. Find a country that has been able to provide power for its citizens against all odds and seek professional help from them. You have our permission as a country to fire the buffoons at the top seeing as they have failed to do the job and have already fed themselves and their generations fat on squandered funds. You can’t do four years and not make the power supply steady and seeing as majority of your foot soldiers are corrupt already I wonder how you are gonna pull this off. It isn’t enough to have good intentions GEJ had them and it got us nowhere!

  3. Well done on firing the NNPC board now please get EFCC to probe them, we need our money back. I laugh anytime Nigerians boast about being an oil producing country. Yes we have oil but a handful of individuals own the oil blocks and oil wells like it’s a shop they bought in Alade market. It’s ridiculous if you ask me. And why on earth can’t we fix our refineries? Exporting crude oil to have it refined is absolute rubbish, especially with all the graduates and skilled work force Nigeria is supposed to have. I know we are all sick of the endless fuel scarcity, GMB please don’t stop till you win where our fuel is concerned!

  4. There were male suicide bombers then we lost a whole lot of women and now there are female suicide bombers. Does that not tell you something? GMB BRING BACK OUR GIRLS!!! They have been raped, starved, abused, neglected, forsaken and now are being brainwashed. Please do something! You have become the father of Nigeria and what father would sleep a wink while his children lay with their abductors?

  5. The ministerial list that everyone is waiting for with bated breaths: GMB please do not fall our hands by recycling dirty politicians, our disappointment in you would be epic! Please take your time to find honest, skilled men and women who have great track records and even greater potential and who have never been involved in Nigeria’s politics and give them the country to run. Take a cue from Pharaoh who made Joseph-the slave the prime minister because he saw something in him that his governors didn’t have and it saved a country. I beg you, out with the old, in with the new.

  6. The health sector needs an overhaul. I am tired of the strikes, the discord, the seeming injustice to the health workers and the lives wasted as a result of industrial action and do I need to mention the deplorable state of the facilities? The doctors are not the enemy, Nigeria has become a country where the government only responds to industrial action instead of dialogue. Please change this, we cannot continue like this.

  7. Job creation and mass education: Crime will not reduce unless Nigerians have jobs and can live on hard work. It will not reduce unless Nigerians see that being a tout, a corrupt politician or a fraudster is not the only way to vast wealth. Crime will not reduce if you do not stop the celebration of dishonesty and corruption in this country! We need jobs, we need education, we need entrepreneurs! For every good imported that can be home grown set up an industry and a market for it that would give graduates and school leavers the necessary work they require to get by. Stop the exportation of our most skilled workers by giving them relevance in this country. We cannot build a greater Nigeria without empowering our people.

I am sure there are many more things that we ordinary Nigerians would love to draw your attention to and if you have any ideas please drop them in the comments section. We all need to do more than complain and right now GMB needs all the help he can get. Let us all work together to make Nigeria a better place and to do away with corruption once and for all.

God bless Nigeria!!!

 
7 Comments

Posted by on June 28, 2015 in Inspirational

 

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