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Am I too black?

Am I too black?

skin-bleaching (2)

I was 12 years old when it hit me that I could be too dark. Perhaps God had been a bit overeager with the melanin and where the manual said a pinch he threw it all in.

But the preacher says God doesn’t make mistakes…

I was walking through Tejuosho market that blazing hot afternoon and a couple of innocuous market women bored with the fact that they hadn’t made any sales all afternoon decided to shake the very core of my foundation perhaps for sport or maybe the way mothers do when they think they are doing what’s best for you.

“Sisi you too black”

“Come make we give you cream”

“Man no like black skin like this oh”

“No mind her black and shine, come make I give you the one wey go tone you small”

“This one go maintain your colour make you light small, all the big girls use it”

And so they hovered around like birds of prey while I tried desperately to escape their greasy palms.

Something changed that day and I became acutely aware that I had lived with these jibes for most of my life. My friends called me “Blacky shadow”, family often referred to my darker skin tone. I was often described as the black girl which wouldn’t have been weird if I lived abroad but I was somewhat bemused because everyone around me was black- well racially speaking.

I tried to fix my inadequacies by attaining flawless skin by hook or crook! Tried using my mom’s creams and soaps. Even reacted to one of them, a French cream given to her by a friend which turned out to be liquid soap and yours truly slathered it generously on her face before bed and woke up to swollen eyes and lips which took their damn good time to resolve. Or the time I had that one pimple and put an antiseptic soap on my face overnight and woke up with chemical burns! Had to wear my hair like a rockstar, obscuring most of my face and I got laughed at by the unkind kids in church. Needless to say, I was obsessed with my skin. That obsession steered me towards the path of Dermatology and fuelled my passion for dark skin activism.

Last year I decided my dermatology thesis would be on skin lightening because it was the elephant in the room. Every body knew somebody who was bleaching. The media celebrated it, dark skin actors and actresses were sidelined, the cosmetic industry was still making billions of dollars annually and NAFDAC had released a watery statement banning the use of mercury, hydroquinone and steroids in skin lightening agents but of course didn’t enforce it and the market still thrived. I even had medical colleagues that were bleaching- this was certainly going to be an unpopular topic.

Do you know that 77% of Nigerians are currently using skin lightening agents and research shows that the figures may be much higher.

Women who claim to be against bleaching are toning their skin to ‘maintain’ their colour. People are mixing steroid containing creams like Funbact-A into their body creams and acting surprised when their skin gets lighter. Like one woman said “I was lighter skinned as a child, it’s my true colour coming out”. But then she couldn’t understand why she suddenly had unsightly stretch marks.

People are free to do whatever they want with their skin so why am I so concerned with this?

The Federal Ministry of Health warns that smokers are liable to die young…

The Federal Ministry of Health warns that tobacco smoking is dangerous to health…

Front-and-Back-views-of-Cigarette-pack-in-Nigeria-showing-text-only-warning-labels

Boldly inscribed on every cigarette pack! Smokers are free to smoke but fully aware of the adverse effects. People who lighten their skin have no idea what they are signing up for. Research showed that less than a tenth of skin bleachers were aware of the side effects. I want the Federal Government to put inscriptions about the adverse effects of skin lightening on every bottle or jar of skin lightening cream sold in the market. Ignorance is killing Nigerians!

I watched a 25 year old girl die from kidney failure. She had been on maintenance dialysis but her kidneys couldn’t keep up. Her only risk factor was the use of skin lightening agents for a couple of years. She had started in secondary school because a guy she liked picked a lighter skinned classmate over her…

You can’t change the behaviour if you don’t change the perception.

Here are 20 adverse effects of use of skin lightening agents (the list is not exhaustive)

  1. Obesity
  2. Diabetes
  3. Hypertension
  4. Poor wound healing
  5. Skin discolouration (especially on the cheeks, feet and knuckles)
  6. Kidney disease
  7. Liver disease
  8. Ring worm and other fungal infections
  9. Stretch marks
  10. Recurrent boils and bacterial infections
  11. Thinning of the skin and increased skin fragility
  12. Heart valve infections (from intravenous injections of skin lightening agents)
  13. Sudden death from air embolism (from intravenous injections of skin lightening agents)
  14. Skin cancer
  15. Sun burns
  16. Increased redness of the skin
  17. Prematurely ageing skin
  18. Growth of unwanted hair on parts of the body like the chin and chest in women
  19. Body odour
  20. Worsening of pre-existing skin conditions like acne.

People have different thresholds and skin lightening agents have different strengths so people may experience these side effects with varying lengths of time. Some skin-lightening agents especially the newer ones like the organic brands and Glutathione may promise little or no side effects but one thing is for certain, if you strip away your melanin by using skin lightening agents, your skin will be more exposed to the ultraviolet rays of the sun and your risk of skin cancer and sun burns will definitely increase. Nature has established that those with more melanin live in places with greater sun exposure and that’s why the Caucasians with less melanin have a higher risk of skin cancer with prolonged exposure to the sun. Dear skin bleacher, you are now a Caucasian living under the blazing hot Nigerian sun. That mole may not be ordinary, have it checked out before it gets you!

There’s so much to say about skin lightening but for now I ask that you join my crusade by signing my petition to ban the sale of harmful skin lightening agents over the counter.

Young women and men need to know that their skin colour doesn’t define them. We are Africans and having black skin comes with the territory. Please follow my Instagram page  1000beautiful_black_women to join the campaign.

#blackisbeautiful

#backtoblack

#saynotobleaching

#theNigerianDermatologist

xxx

 

 

 
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Posted by on May 9, 2018 in Health

 

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The Argument against Gossip

Gossip is therapeutic. I am a grownass woman and I can attest to this fact!

Talking about your grievances against someone to a neutral sympathetic ear makes you feel instantly better.

We justify it by saying we are only confiding in a friend who understands; or airing our views to one who wouldn’t blow it out of proportion. We shy away from the word back-biting seeing it as an unkind synonym.

‘I am not a confrontational person’, we say.

‘I am passive aggressive’, we seek to justify.

‘He/She would never accept the fault was theirs’, we argue.

‘It may lead to a big fight and an end to a friendship you still need’, we silently agitate.

So we say nothing. We talk about our grievances to all and sundry except the aggressor; not realizing that we are creating a monster. A person who feels they do no wrong and goes through life unchecked.

We unknowingly groom a self-righteous fiend and then one day it goes too far and you blow the lid off your pent up emotions and say more than you should about every damn issue that has ever bothered you and the other person is taken aback believing his small misdemeanor led to a torrential outpouring of negative emotion. We overreact like a pressure cooker in its prime. Many friendships do not survive that, even well-meaning ones.

So is gossip really therapeutic? Maybe in the short run but facing your issues with the one you call friend is an investment in your future.

You know you deserve better so if there’s someone out there who you call a friend, who has done things to you that make you choke up with unspoken emotion every time you think of them, man up and tell that person exactly how you feel. Cut out the insults and assumptions and say it as you see and feel it. It won’t be pretty but your friendship will come out stronger and if you have to kiss the friendship goodbye then consider it self-preservation. Nobody is indispensable!

Rise above gossip. Don’t say it to them till you have said it to him/her. #hardbutworthatry

Matthew 18:15 KJV;

‘Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.’

I wish for you friends that stick closer than brothers…

Have a great day Chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on April 29, 2018 in Inspirational

 

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Finding yourself!

One day when I was tired of being down trodden and tossed about by the ill winds of life, I gazed upon my reflection and finally saw myself for who I really was…

A Queen!

Dear Woman,

Queens do not hustle.

They do not worry.

They cannot beg.

Queens never doubt their identity.

They do not bend to the whims of others.

They are strong even in adversity.

Queens are not helpless.

They lead.

They have no fear of tomorrow.

Queens know their worth.

They expect the best every time.

They never fail.

They never fall.

Queens sleep easy.

They are beautiful within and without.

They do not seek validation.

They are not afraid to stand alone.

Queens are set apart from the crowd.

They are relevant and significant.

They are favored and recognized.

Their very presence wields influence.

They are confident and self-assured.

They are queens regardless of location or circumstance.

It doesn’t matter if your present reality speaks another story for David was anointed King long before he ascended the throne!

A daughter of a King becomes a Queen.

You are the daughter of the King of Kings.

Step into your destiny and forget about the logistics. You are a force to be reckoned with but until you step into the shoes that are rightfully yours, the odds will remain against you.

You are a Queen. Believe and Become!

 
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Posted by on March 6, 2018 in Inspirational

 

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Deafening Silence

My ears were ringing again and I felt like my head was going to implode. I counted to 10 between deep breaths hoping the whoosh of expiration would blow away the waves.

Why couldn’t anyone else hear the deafening silence? Why was the still thunder tearing us apart while everyone looked on like it was just another day?

Lassa had killed so many already but all I heard was talk and more talk about the 2019 elections. The government turned its nose in the air and the media buried its head in the sand as yet another health worker breathed his last unsaved by the care his 5000 naira hazard allowance could cover. Killed because he stood by the Hippocratic oath in the face of danger.

There were no longer beds available at the Lassa center and staff worked in trepidation setting up makeshift tents and dragging old beds unto the open field for wounded soldiers. Yet the silence continued…

The rats have won, the rats have won! That would be the dirge soon if something wasn’t done to curb the growing number of victims. Victims whose close contacts could not be fully traced till the next set dropped like flies.

Lassa is here,

Lassa strikes fear

Lassa is on a killing spree

while the culprit rats still run free!

Protect your food

because the government doesn’t seem to care about the deaths in your neighborhood!!!

Stay Woke!

Dear Nigerian government, you have a duty to your people and to your health personnel! #endthesilence

Dear News media, you promised us unbiased, real time news! Give Lassa a voice so we can curb this menace. #endthesilence

Dear Health personnel, protect yourself first. Universal precautions could save your life. Assume the worst with every patient. Any patient with a history of fever should be screened. #staywoke

Dear Nigerian, na only one life you get. Kill the rats, don’t touch their urine, faeces or blood. Don’t eat rats and store your grains and food in plastic containeres with covers so that rats can’t urinate or pass faeces on them. #staywoke

God help us all!

And God bless the families of thise who have lost their lives to this virus especially the health workers killed in the line of duty.

Say NO to this deafening silence. The Nigerian government should tackle this issue NOW!!!

 
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Posted by on January 23, 2018 in Health

 

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How to make waiting count 

How to make waiting count 

Everyone has someone or something they are waiting for;

…A meaningful relationship 

…Marriage

…Children 

…A job

…A financial breakthrough

…A business opportunity

…Freedom

…Or just some good news

The list is endless…

We all have that one thing we are waiting for and waiting is not the most pleasant experience. Sometimes it can seem endless and in a few cases we lose patience and shelve our need in the box labelled unattainable and makedo with a more realistic albeit less satisfactory alternative.

So how do we make waiting count? (Since the wait is almost inevitable.)

1. Focus on what you already have.

There is so much negativity in the world that if you only stopped for a second to appreciate what you already have, you would be filled with such gratitude.

https://youtu.be/Eyfa1yR8tx0

2. Don’t miss the lesson to be learned

Waiting teaches us valuable lessons. Write a list of things you have learned about yourself and others since you started the wait. Waiting may have revealed toxic relationships in your life or strengths you didn’t know you had or just shown you how resilient or ingenious you can be. Don’t look down on these life lessons. 

3. Waiting gives us a unique story that can encourage someone else.

You can’t give good advice unless you have walked in that person’s shoes. So what better way to make waiting count than to encourage someone else who is waiting for the same reason, to keep going. A lot of people are not as strong as you are and encouraging someone else will give you an extra boost of positive energy. 

4. Work on yourself while you wait.

Are you waiting for a husband? Work on the rough edges, your perceived weaknesses and eliminating your emotional baggage so that when he does come around he meets you whole. Are you waiting for something else, read about qualities, attributes, qualifications and mindsets needed to accomodate the thing or person you are waiting for. Success is when opportunity (what you are waiting for) meets preparation (what you need to be doing while waiting).

5. Use the waiting time to strike off all the other things on your to-do list.

Sometimes the things we are waiting so earnestly for could change our lives irreversibly for the better and maybe for the worse. A new baby may make getting that postgraduate degree more complicated so why don’t you get it now. A husband may put a dampener on your dreams to travel the world so why don’t you do that now instead of wallowing?

Waiting makes the want or need more memorable and appreciated when it is finally in our grasp. It’s so easy to take for granted the things we didn’t wait or labour for. Don’t waste your waiting time, it’s the right time to do a lot of things. Life is a continuum, there are no pauses or vacuums. Make each day count so that when your expectations become a reality they won’t be brought into an otherwise futile existence. 

Have a great day Chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on December 13, 2017 in Inspirational

 

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Time Doesn’t Heal Wrong

Time Doesn’t Heal Wrong

When Bishop David Oyedepo said these words during Shiloh 2017, a lightbulb went off in my head. Truer words had never been said.

Time heals lots of things…a broken heart, an injured knee, the hurt from your past but as awesome as time is, it doesn’t heal wrong. Love may cover wrong but only RIGHT heals wrong!

Are you currently working a job you have no business doing simply because you want to make ends meet? No matter how long a writer paints, unless he has a gift for both expressions of art, his destiny would remain untapped and unfulfilled till he retraces his steps. Yes I do believe in destiny.

A man who kills another man doesn’t become less guilty because twenty years have passed and his crime is still undetected nor a side chick who pushed another woman out of her home.

As long as we walk the wrong path, our comeuppance awaits us regardless of how slowly the clock is ticking. Many people have been sidelined because they went off track and felt too much time had passed and a whole lot of water under the bridge and it was just too late to get back on track.

This principle applies to all aspects of life- your career, your relationship, your marriage, your life decisions etc. It’s never too late to steer yourself back to the right path. It’s the only path to fulfilment but it takes courage to admit that you are on the wrong path and more courage to take a step in the right direction. Only the right direction leads to the path of greatness and self-fulfilment so get going now, even if you are already old and grey.

Be brave!

Have a great Sunday Chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on December 10, 2017 in Inspirational

 

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10 questions that are more important than knowing her bodycount!

10 questions that are more important than knowing her bodycount!

More than a few women dread that time in a budding relationship with a handsome beau when he or his fellow menfolk ask the overhyped and overplayed question; 

“What’s your body count?”

OR

“How many men have you been with?”

Now depending on whether she thinks he is husband material or just another fling, that number may be adjusted to a number between zero and infinity. The truth is often not on the menu.

But are there more important questions than this particular one that makes virgins and hoes sweat alike? A zero may be a deal breaker if he doesn’t share your moral values and any number greater than zero may hit a nail on the relationship coffin if he wants to be your one and only and for the most part, one can’t really tell what answer a guy is looking for when he askes this trick question.

So honestly this post is for the guys! 

A body count isn’t as important as you make it sound. A girl can sleep with one man 100 times or 10 men 10 times and it wouldn’t still reveal if she was a hoe, wife material or whatever other label you were hoping to slap on her. The only advantage the former has over the latter is the fact that she’s only carrying spiritual baggage from one guy as opposed to 10 guys. 

Spiritual baggage?

Yea it’s true that when the bodies fuse together in that mating ritual, spirits and souls unite. If the woman was carrying the spirit of failure she gives it to you and vice versa (nkan be things). Steer clear of STIs- Spiritually Transmitted Infections. That’s how destinies are changed as I have been told.

 Anyway it still doesn’t save you if she has had only one because what if that one guy had a babanla bad spirit or gave her HIV, or made her do an abortion which had complications or had a womb-destroying 🐓 and she now walks bow-legged? Just goes to show the answer to that question reveals nothing, lies aside. Besides a changed girl with a past is better than a girl who brings only her zero body count to the table although that in itself is admirable. 

So seriously, here are ten questions more important than her body count:

1. Have you done a recent medical test to screen for HIV, Hepatitis and other Stds? (It isn’t more embarrassing than asking for her body count but it’s more practical)

2. Are you over your ex? Are you currently hung over or crushing on someone else? (Her emotional availability is important)

3. Have you met Jesus? (If she has, old things have passed away! Don’t judge unless your past is squeaky clean)

4. Have you had a thing with any of my close family, business associates or friends? (This is often a deal breaker unless you hear it from her first so you might as well ask)

5. What do you want from this relationship? (Fun, Friendship, Finance or a Future? So you both are on the same page from the get go)

6. Have you ever had a medical procedure done? If yes, were there any complications that would directly affect us now or in the future? (You don’t need to know what the procedure was but if there are complications that would affect you directly it’s only fair you know)

7. What are your top three relationship dealbreakers? (You need to know how long the rope is before you get kicked out or stabbed)

8. What do you think I want from you? 

9. Is there something about me that you would like to change? (No point dating Batman when all she wants is Superman)

10. Is there anything about your past that may potentially affect this relationship that you’d like to share? 

These questions answer the basic questions your even more basic question hoped to unravel so stop asking this patriachal question because no woman ever let a man’s body count change the game so why should you?

Have a great Saturday night chutzpah fam,

Xoxo

 
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Posted by on November 25, 2017 in Relationships

 

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The side chic plus! *adult content

The side chic plus! *adult content

A couple of years ago when I was still in UNILAG, a couple of friends sat around a table discussing the new trend on campus. The ‘yahoo yahoo’ boys had gone PLC.  They had graduated from basic internet fraud to incorporating juju jazz as their fail-safe. How did it concern us you might wonder? Well babes couldn’t accept harmless lifts from men in bougee rides with tinted glasses anymore. Dead bodies of unfortunate females were turning up on roadsides often with a breast or an arm missing. Girls who escaped shared horrific tales of the wonders they had seen and the internet had silly memes of yahoo boys and their calabashes and charms. We called them yahoo-plus.

Fast forward a couple of years and I’m at another table and with some other ladies and the discussion turns to how hard it is to keep a man these days with the advent of the millennial side chicks who don’t play fair. One of them tells a story she read online about a guy who signed the deeds of the house his family lived in over to his side chick and she came to the house and evicted his wife and kids.

Wait….what?

Yeah…It’s no news that some girls will go as far as taking your man’s name to a pastor, prophet or native doctor but that’s not what this post is about (I repeat this post is not about jazz or love potions) and it’s no news that they are willing to do what you won’t, to keep a man- your man…of course for them, no line is too stressful, icky, freaky or unbelievable to cross to keep him happy but again that’s not what this post is about.

This post is about the side chick plus!

There are certain herbs, fruits and potions that legit make a man a slave to her 😺  and ready to do her bidding. They are pricey but potent and are the side chick’s new fail-safe. #pillsandpotions

The good news is it’s available to all women…

The not so good news is that they don’t have NAFDAC numbers and side effects haven’t been studied in detail so in your quest for dominance you may end up with a one way ticket to ‘anywhere but here’.

The whole point of this post is so that married women know what’s up. Men don’t joke with good sex and these side chicks didn’t come to play. And even if a side chick isn’t your problem, these products make great claims of making sex amazing, eliminating 😺 dryness and boosting libido to insane levels and according to the viral posts on social media, they are 100% natural and 100% safe and best of all they have men giving women cars, lands, houses and insane amounts of money…never underestimate the power of sex #wawu

If I was a dedicated blogger I would have bought them all and tried them and perhaps come to give you a personal review but #icannorcomeandkeemyself. 😋😋😋

So here I am only gisting you about the in-thing in town and asking you to shine your eye and who knows this post may just save a marriage.

Here are 5 signs that a side chick plus has got your man (not absolute, but the usual suspects) just in case the thought has crossed your mind:

1. He got abducted by aliens and the man who wakes up beside you now is a stranger.

He used to be all loving and kind and attentive and sex with him was amazing but now he is always out of the house or about to leave the house, stays out late, is not interested in sex with you and is emotionally unavailable. #redflag

2. You didn’t change, the marriage didn’t change, yet he is different.

You are still the hot, sexy super woman he married. You still don’t nag, you are very supportive and a virtuous woman on all counts but he doesn’t seem to notice anymore or appreciate it or even want you or the fabulous things you bring to the table. #redflag

3. He rubs his philandering in your face.

He didn’t respect you enough to stay faithful and now his respect for you has basically flown out the window because he is rubbing his mistress in your face every opportunity he gets. Men usually hide their transgressions but if he isn’t, then he may be considering making her the new mrs. #redflag

4. He used to complain about sex but now he doesn’t anymore.

He wanted more sex, better sex, crazy sex, longer sex, more frequent sex and you both would have countless arguments about your not putting out enough but now he wants nothing or whatever you offer. You didn’t win, he developed an appetite for the forbidden. #redflag

5. He is always broke.

His salary didn’t change, he didn’t take on some new responsibility or major project but for some reason every time you ask him for money for the things he used to provide for in the past the story is the same. He is broke and you should makedo without his input or minimal financial input. #redflag

One of the sellers on IG: @jaaruma_empire absolutely refuses to sell to single women cos she claims that once a married man gets a taste of this from his side chick he will never come home again but instead she sells it to married women whose marriages are in trouble and she is proud of the results.
This.is.not.an.advertisement.
So here are some of the arsenal in the side chick plus’s armoury:

1. Goron tula

Say bye bye to dry 😺 and the hassle of reapplying expensive lubes. This fruit promises a dripping wet 😺 no matter how many rounds you go with your man. It’s also available with Lakanin ningi (another fruit) and sold as a combo called GTMLN and comes as syrups, pills etc in case you are aversed to eating weird fruit.

 2. GJX

Promises to make your 😺 dynamite 💣💣💣 and make you squirt 😂

3. Pheromone oils and sprays

One puff and the man can’t say NO because you are suddenly irresistible or he is suddenly h*rny. (Pheromones are hormones secreted by the body that trigger sexual response and somebody has discovered how to extract them).

There are a lot more potions and contraptions on the market. So the next time you are wondering why it seems like her 😺 is made of gold be warned, she just may have help.

I know it’s a cut throat world out there. Good women are single, good men are getting heart broken, bad girls seem to have the man and the money, bad boys only want to play games and keep score and marriage isn’t sacred or untouchable anymore.

Yeah it seems like everyone’s disillusioned but don’t get discouraged, amidst the WaZoBia demons and Side chicks plus there are good men, good women and good marriages. Be smart, be patient and trust that God will make all things beautiful in His time. 

    The side chick plus is as human as you are. She isn’t his archilles heel, you are! So be the badass you were born to be and don’t let some millennial give you sleepless nights. You have more intel than she does, so use it! You are his once in a lifetime woman don’t throw in the towel without a fight.

    If it’s broken fix it, don’t throw it away!

    Have a great day chutzpah fam,

    Xoxo

     
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    Posted by on November 12, 2017 in Urban Culture

     

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    10 Rules every squatter should live by

    Has a friend or family graciously offered you accommodation rent-free? Here are 10 rules to live by so that you co-habit peacefully and amicably without hidden grudges or questions aimed at your home training or lack thereof. 

    When in Rome act like the Romans except you are squatting. A squatter cannot take the same liberties as a guest. Guests stay for a couple of days at most so the family doesn’t really mind any inconveniences but a squatter has to earn his rent in good deeds or emotional and physical currency and here’s how.

    1. Do household chores 

    No one is asking you to be the help but you can’t stay in someone’s house and be lazy. Even if they have help still find something to do even if it’s just cleaning your room. The help does not work for you!

    2. Don’t use household items indiscriminately 

    Don’t borrow something without asking or finish an item in the house without asking first or informing someone after it gets finished and if you can, replace any items used. 

    3. Remember the kitchen has jurisdictions 

    Don’t eat any and everything you see without asking questions.  Don’t take the biggest meat in the pot or the last of the groceries without asking someone. Don’t leave your plate unwashed in the sink. Offer to do the cooking every once in a while. 

    4. Contribute to the household’s upkeep 

    Nothing is too small. You can buy groceries every month or pay the DSTV, PHCN or WIFI bill. You can offer to buy some diesel for the generator or just buy a thoughtful gift for them every once in a while; monthly if you are a salary earner. You can even give money from time to time or have your parents do one of the above if you are not working. 

    5. Inform them on time if you are going to be home late or you are not coming home at all

    It is simple courtesy really because these people are responsible for you and may actually stay up late worrying about your whereabouts, besides you wouldn’t want to be locked out of the house based on assumptions. 

    6. Join them in the family activities that actually matter 

    Don’t lock yourself in the room when the family is praying or exempt yourself from family activities because you think you are a stranger. People don’t invite strangers to live with them so they already see you as part of the clan. Don’t alienate yourself because that would just be awkward for everyone. 

    7. When on their turf, abide by their rules

    You are not exempted from curfews, decent dress codes or other household rules that apply to the people in the house. They may not complain when you do wrong but it leaves a negative lasting impression.

    8. Don’t bring someone home without prior warning

    They agreed to let you into their private space not your entire squad. Remember they need their privacy and personal space. Don’t make their home uncomfortable for them and certainly don’t have sex under their roof!

    9. Don’t gossip about the goings on in the house 

    No reports or gossip about the intel you are privy to. You are not a spy. They don’t speak in code around you because they trust you. Do not betray that trust. 

    10. Don’t let overfamiliarity make you cross boundaries 

    Don’t borrow clothes, shoes or other personal effects without due consent. Don’t interfere in relationships or get a smart mouth because you’ve been there a long time and when there are disagreements because those are bound to happen, do not let moving out be your first response; instead settle differences amicably and respectfully without feeling like you are being treated differently because you are an outsider.

    Remember that these people not only put a roof over your head but also offer you creature comforts like food, security, ttransport, wifi, medication, toiletries and some form of emotional support. Things you’d no doubt have to give out chunks of your salary or allowance to pay for if you were living alone. Treat them with honour and respect and the same way you would treat your flesh and blood and while you are at it, let your stellar home training make your mama proud. 

    Have a great night Chutzpah fam,

    XOXO

     
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    Posted by on October 5, 2017 in Urban Culture

     

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    The Rumble!

    It rumbled and I quickened my pace, breaking out in a cold sweat, my house no where in sight. I felt another wave of regret wash over me as I broke into a run. I slowed down when I noticed the lascivious look on the face of the guy walking towards me. I hastily tried to gather my composure and give him my best version of disdain. It rumbled again even more loudly and I gave up, panic replaced the forced disdain on my face. I needed to get to my house before I was swept away, engulfed in the tsunami that threatened me. I started jogging. 

    “It’s marvelous that you are keeping fit, I see you girls every evening but jogging is much better than walking. Yeah that’s it…”

    I could barely offer a polite smile at the intrusive stranger. He had no idea that my world was about to collapse. That the sweat was not from exertion but from anxiety. I needed to get to my house on time!

    21….22…..23

    I took five deep breaths in close succession and continued counting. 

    You can beat this…don’t succumb. My t-shirt was drenched in sweat. I heard the rumble again…much louder this time and my heart sank. I kept walking because I was too afraid to imagine what would happen if I stopped. I just kept walking…

    I do not remember getting through the gates or turning the key in the lock or even ditching my clothes as soon as the door slammed shut. I only remember the relief that washed over me as I sat on the toilet and with one last rumble, let go…

    I’m never touching milk again! Said the lactose intolerant girl for the umpteenth time. 

    Sigh…we never learn!

    Are you a little like me, thoroughly in love with something that’s so bad for you and willing to risk it all for a little taste every single time? Do you make penance afterwards with dozens of promises soon to be broken at the slightest whiff of temptation?

    We all have our weaknesses but saying no to them is a skill we must acquire and master or else one day we’ll be so engulfed that we won’t make it home on time. 

    So what’s yours? A secret addiction? An extramarital affair? Whatever it is you need to kick that habit before it ruins all you hold dear. The thrill and the danger are not worth the cold sweats, nervous shakes and dread that usually follow and perhaps like me you have become accustomed to this weakness and a little hardened, ready to bear the consequences like a Gee, remember that you may have to pay the wages for those sins very publicly and like me, almost crap in your pants in the middle of nowhere all for the love of milk…

    #kickthehabit

    Have a lovely night chutzpah fam,

    Shout out to all the lactose intolerant people in the world.

    Xoxo

     
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    Posted by on July 24, 2017 in Memoirs

     

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