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Category Archives: Manology

Battle of the sexes reloaded!

I was chatting with a group of friends and the subject turned to marriage and how gender roles had evolved and soon there was a major battle of the sexes going on, temperatures rising and everyone bent on selling their ideals and it got me thinking…

In the old days, marriage was pretty simple. The man provided and protected, the woman catered and nurtured and helped her husband provide or protect if he couldn’t manage it alone or in his absence. The men catered and nurtured too if their wives were absent or sick. The man was the head and had the final say even when he erred and when his wife thought his methods foolish, she still complied only offering the slightest resistance. Sometimes a man who loved his wife dearly, seeing that she was wise and a strong woman would allow her more say in the affairs of the house but being the good woman she was, she never robbed her man of his manhood or bruised his ego as she acquired more power. Sounds like a story from years ago, well that was the norm in the days of old…

But guess what? The world evolved…along came the equal opportunities bill. Women got educated, women were allowed to vote, women were allowed to run for government and other leadership roles and women were allowed to work whenever and wherever they wanted. Any man who objected was called old-fashioned, sexist or a chauvinist! But how did this affect marriage? As women became bolder and more ambitious, they pursued their dreams, generally married later and started to earn more than a lot of their male counterparts. Women began to see being a housewife as a great bore, cooking as optional, child-rearing as a job for a nanny and house-keeping as a shared responsibility. With their financial freedom, they also got more say in the running of the household after all a lot of their hard-earned money went into providing for the family and they put in just as many hours of work daily as the men, sometimes more…A new order began to emerge…

Men became confused. They had always liked the order, they liked the feeling of being in-charge, of being provider and protector. They didn’t know a thing about catering and nurturing and those who could learn or did know feared that their egos would be sorely bruised if they had to adopt such roles they preferred to fight than adapt, at the risk of emasculation. The question of ‘who does what’ became an issue. The women wanted a new bill passed. Some reasoned that gender shouldn’t determine who was head of the house, rather intelligence and financial strength ought to be determinants. The women protested that if they provided as much or more than the men, then the men had to share the burden of nurturing and catering.

Even sex was not spared. As women grew bolder, they initiated love-making leading the dance ahead of their partners, men heard for the first time that raping their legal wife was a crime so if she said no, she meant it. Women withheld sex as punishment and rated their men’s performances in the bedroom and to further befuddle the men, women ceased to cheat based on emotional attachment but started cheating for the same reasons men did. And as the new became old, male-rape cases became a once in a ‘regular’ moon occurrence!

Men shouted, desperate for their voices to be heard as the question of ‘who is boss’ came up again and again. They were constantly fighting for their title. Women used to travel to foreign lands to settle with their men. Men found the reverse occurring especially when the woman had a more secure job. Men were left with children and a dirty house not to mention a cold bed, day in day out as their ambitious wives climbed the corporate ladder without them. A couple of them through no fault of theirs became master chefs and expert nannies desperate to keep up the home front. Seeing that the desired was not available, they cast their eyes to the maid with forced desire as she was paid to be available though their particular need was never in her job description…

Pre-nups didn’t even make sense anymore. Gone were the days where a man feared that a woman was marrying him only for his money. A pre-nuptial agreement guaranteed she didn’t get a dime if she abandoned the marriage but now it was the men finding themselves broke after a divorce and signing pre-nups when seeking the hand of a successful female top-shot. Now women got tired of marriage and walked out leaving the man with his kids when the reverse used to be the case. More women were being named bread-winners and were running their households with little or no input from their husbands.

Women wanted a say and now they had gotten it. The men were losing the battle slowly but surely and only a few continued to fight. Others adapted in the ways battles were won of old. They’d never fight a woman but since the advent of equality, the women had become Amazon warriors ready to kick their balls without apology and so they needed to man-up! They had to decide if they were ready to fight and be labelled chauvinists, surrender and have their manhood severed, compromise if the enemy was willing and sign a peace treaty or flee from the marriage institution altogether. For many it was a tough choice and it guided their search for a wife as those who chose to fight needed a weaker opponent, those who chose to run needed to be sharper and faster than their opponents, those who chose to sign a peace treaty needed their opponents to not screw them over or pretend and finally those who chose to surrender needed an opponent who would not be a dictator with a heart of stone. It had become a full-scale battle of the sexes and everyone wondered how the quest for love had become a war.

In the other camp, the women couldn’t believe how men had evolved in some ways but remained backwards in others. There were more stories of heart-break, more men lost to commitment phobia, men were fighting for the old ways while offering less and acting less than they should. They gave the women no choice but to crave independence, to prove to the men that they could make it without them. The women grew hardened, street savvy and ruthless. They gave as good as they got and showed the world that what a man could do, they could do better. They ran their homes, jobs and lives like a captain in a battle ship, combining feats that the man would single-handedly find impossible to achieve. They’d always known they were stronger and smarter but why weren’t they happier? Why did they cry when they watched romantic enactments of the old days? Why did they dream of a prince and wake up to see a city full of dogs? How many more frogs did they have to kiss and why for heaven’s sake had nature made this a symbiotic relationship? Why were they happy with their new roles but saddened at the same time? What irony was this?

It was a war alright and both parties groaned inwardly at the casualties. The lonely nights, the bruised egos, the fights, the tears, the effort put into proving who was better, the neglected children caught in the cross-fire, the heartbreak? Couldn’t someone wave a white flag?

The bible says wives submit to your husbands. The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 was rich, smart and beautiful and obviously captain of her ship but her husband is depicted as a happy man honoured at the gates by his peers, not scorned because his balls had been chopped off, obviously he was still the man. I sense a balance here. Abigail was wise and beautiful and married to a lazy brute but she didn’t up and leave, she stayed till the end of the story, lucky for her, the story had a sequel. What kind of love blurs gender roles, empowers the woman and yet makes her readily submit? The bible says husbands love your wives; ‘When a man loves a woman…’

A long time ago, women would submit regardless of whether they had love or not but with liberation came higher expectations. Women would not see the need to fight if they were heard without shouting, if their feelings were considered in decisions made, if they were not taken for granted, if cliche roles were not enforced with no regard for their newly acquired roles.

Ever notice how the men of old were hard-working, committed and devoted? Ever notice how their wives were the same? A bad marriage was an oddity hardly as common as it is today. Is there a hard and fast rule? Is there a permanent remedy for the current, fierce battle of the sexes? Well, action and reaction are equal and opposite. You get as good as you give. Submission is easy when love is absolute and the reverse holds true. Yes I am a 21st century woman, yes you are the modern-day man but we can still make this work. Take a walk with me sir…

Shout out to my friend S who inspired this post! Have a lovely day peeps…xoxoxo πŸ˜‰ πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰

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Posted by on December 6, 2011 in Manology, Relationships

 

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The Commitment Predator!

Never in the history of the world has it ever occurred that a person was protected from untoward advances because he or she announced they were committed to someone! Eve was tempted by the serpent even though she was solely for Adam. Abraham had to lie that Sarah was his sister because he was afraid the King would kill him just so he could acquire her. Joseph got jailed because he said no to a married woman. In fact, it seems you suddenly get ‘hotter’ when you are attached to someone else…

It was something we noticed in university. A hot single girl would get toasters but they were more often than not, men looking to sleep with her, while the girl in a serious relationship had to chase away other potential future husbands like flies. I had an ex who complained that a couple of weeks after we started dating, his market value suddenly tripled and every single girl wanted a piece of him. Did he walk with more swag because someone in the world thought he was awesome? We’ll never know… This phenomenon has repeated itself so many times that single people are starting to ask if there’s any justice in the world. 😦

I was talking to my friend J who recently got married and he seemed to punctuate every sentence with ‘Can’t you see I’m married’, while he brandished his shiny ring for all to see. I praised his whole-hearted commitment to the institute of marriage which got everyone laughing and he decided to share some secrets with me. They aren’t new but it’s quite alarming that all the men know these facts. Seems like we women need a new game plan cos catching your man without his wedding ring on is no more a sure banker that he is up to no good!

Here are J’s top 5 reasons why women prefer a married man! *shock*

1. Women believe married guys have more money so their needs will be better met.
2. Sometimes women want something discrete and without commitment- No strings attached and a married man is the right man for the job.
3. Married men are presumed to be more responsible since they actually forsook all others and made a lasting commitment. (An irony if you ask me)
4. Women like the fact that the men can be blackmailed easily. (My wife must not find out ohhh!)
5. Married men do not brag after scoring on a chick and women love that!!!

Unfortunately for the married women out there, J’s right but I know his wife is a lucky woman because a man who is willing to publicise the tricks of the game must not be eager to play the game and win! That’s why I am a firm believer that a man should sow all his wild oats and enjoy his youth before he settles down so that he has a ‘been there, done that’ mentality after marriage. It makes them calmer and more focussed. Although there are exceptions… πŸ˜‰

Now back to the topic at hand…
Commitment predators are everywhere. I know a girl whose eyes light up every time she sees another woman’s man. To her it’s a personal challenge, a means to prove that she is better than the next woman especially if she succeeds in stealing the man’s attention. Single, unattached men hold no thrill for her. There are many men like her too. Hot looking bachelors that make men squirm and women blush once they set their eyes on another’s prey.

Covetousness is defined as a strong desire to obtain or acquire the possessions of another. The tenth commandment clearly states that ‘Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, wife (girlfriend included), servants, ox (means of livelihood), ass (means of transportation) nor anything that is thy neighbour’s. Exodus 20:17. And in response to the subject matter, the unimpressed and cocky commitment predator says ‘don’t hate the player, hate the game’; ‘all is fair in love and war!’. πŸ˜‰

Where does all this leave the single folk? Some guys think there has got to be something wrong with a woman who’s single. They begin to slap imaginary character flaws on her. If she’s pretty, they’d complain that she was most likely choosy. If she had a temper or couldn’t cook or was slutty or stingy then they’d say that must be reason enough for her permanent lodge in singleville! It’s ridiculous because everyone knows a girl or guy in a serious relationship or even married, who has major character issues!
Even parents and older relations are not left out. An aunt of mine started complaining to my parents about my need to tone down my dressing in order to catch a husband. I was shocked because her idea of toning down on further explanation, was avoiding bright colours and dress styles that made me look remotely stylish however decent the outfit appeared! My cousin L with her cute dreads has had her fair share of ridicule like there were no married women with dreads in the world! Women have been warned about buying big cars or living in posh apartments that they have honestly worked for because it would chase away a potential husband. Single women have been labelled as loose because they have dated one too many men in a bid to find one who actually gets them. Even single men are not spared. They are harassed with a barrage of personality-assessment questions and every woman they merely glance at is immediately brought under close scrutiny by family as a potential wife. They are labelled as players, being too choosy or heart breakers all because they haven’t found the love of their lives. And then there’s the endless matchmaking… Would someone give these single people a break? They are not ill or deformed. Some of them would even revel in the joys of singlehood if they didn’t constantly have their families and society on their case. And then again there’s the commitment predator who charming as he/she is, constantly pushes them aside in pursuit of an unattainable feat…

Yes sometimes the predator gets lucky and a man or woman falls into the hands of this suave gentleman or daughter of eve and a hot romance ensues and then the person with the commitment makes the ultimate mistake! He/she decides the grass is greener on the other side and the predator is more exciting than his/her partner and breaks things off or even elopes only to discover that the CP loses interest once the thrill is spent! Sometimes these people return to their partners begging for forgiveness and blaming ‘Mr Devil’, other times they get caught in the throes of infidelity trying to eat their cake and have it and are kicked out and still blame ‘Mr Devil’. This is such a cliche story that people shouldn’t be fooled anymore.

Don’t mistake a commitment predator’s antics for those of a man or woman genuinely in love. There have been honest to goodness stories where a man or woman sees a woman or man in a relationship and is undaunted because he/she knows that person is their heart and some of these stories end in happy ever afters. Not sure about the wife-snatching or husband snatching oh, because one must consider the scandals surrounding adultery and divorce before embracing a love in Tokyo! πŸ˜‰

How do you spot a commitment predator? They come in various sizes, shapes, colours and packages. When in doubt, seek advice. Remember that a bird in hand is worth two in the bush! And as for you CPs out there, everyday for the thief, one day for the owner. We know you have your personal, perfectly understandable reasons for this, most of which are tied to your fear of commitment, love for the exciting and the thrill of the chase but do remember Karma’s a b**ch and even 007 retires at some point to make way for new things!

Have a lovely week people and stay vigilant…xoxoxo πŸ˜‰ πŸ™‚

 
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Posted by on November 14, 2011 in Manology, Relationships

 

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Making your man give up his bone!

Β  Women seem to think that they can train their men like lab rats or a cute puppy that’s taught to sit and roll over in exchange for certain treats. We always have the best intentions. Wanting only the best for our significant others. After all if we are gonna be divas and the men are gonna be our better-halves then they have to be a whole lot better than average. And like real estate, getting a man who fits your exact criteria may be either impossible or just more than your resources can attract so we’ve all resorted at some point to purchasing the run-off-the-mill house and hoping with love, care and some choice prodding, we can revamp the house and bring it to its former glory. Sounds like a plan right?

Well what do the men have to say about this? Research shows that after nagging, behavioural modification (manipulation) is man’s second biggest phobia in relationships. The fastest way to send a man packing is to give him a healthy dose of phobia 2 wrapped in phobia 1’s unattractive package. Why do men resist change? A woman will re-invent her entire being if it would please her man. I know women who would give a chameleon a run for its money because their appearance and outlook undergo constant change as dictated by the men they date. I have been an Arsenal fan, a Man-U fan and a Chelsea fan and that says nothing of my taste in sports/football clubs but more of my taste in men and my eagerness to please. And in comparison, I must say I have had it good. Some women have gone beyond the edge of reason tryna to be ‘Stepford wives’ and while only a small percentage of women will resist changing to please the man they love, most men in contrast, expect you to love them for who they are and leave them exactly how you found them. Take my friend T for example. He waved a red flag immediately I started talking about taking him with me to church for weekday services and accused me of behavioural modification. T’s a well-grounded fella but the thought of having a woman control his affairs made him squirm. It took gentle female persuasion to make him relax. What is it about tryna make a man better that has him running out the door faster than you can say ‘Jack Robinson’? Is it just his ego or the fact that manipulation and control are deep-seated in the heart of behavioural modifications and are antonyms to the love they represent?

I’ve always been a woman on a mission and many times I’d get bored if I didn’t have an ailment to nurse in the relationship. Amongst my more memorable ones were saving an ex from potential lung cancer, saving another from potential hell fire and saving a phlegmatic ex from potential mediocrity. One thing these men had in common was their resistance to change. It was akin to a man refusing to be saved from a burning building. How could I be a superhero if my heart throb didn’t wanna be super-saved? Like all men, they wanted love, they wanted understanding but more importantly they wanted acceptance. Now one would rightly quote that men are like leopards who don’t change their spots and that you shouldn’t smell what you cannot eat but c’mon you must realize that at the start of a relationship every one puts their best foot forward and vices are often downplayed or hidden! Hence we are faced with a dilemma of sorts. How do you keep your man from running while you pimp him up? I had a friend O, who had a really great relationship till she decided her man had JayZ’s million-dollar potential but wasn’t ambitious enough and it was up to her to unearth this potential and push him towards high-reaching goals. The pushing finally scared him off. He felt she was hard to please and he’d never be good enough for her, yet all she was tryna do was be the strong woman behind her successful man. Tough luck huh?

So what’s the secret to making a man give up his bone? Is it possible? Is it easy? As easy as making a dog give up his bone one would say. But I know a girl and I’m sure y’all know a girl like her too. A super human who somehow transformed her man into a tailor-made, excellent finish, well-bred specimen and you’d be amazed what she had to work with in the beginning. So how did she do it?
What did the women who dated him before her do wrong? Could’ve been something or could’ve been absolutely nothing! Sometimes all your hard work may be for some clueless babe coming after you to enjoy. Annoying innit? After my last breakup, I began questioning the save-your-man theory. If he was gonna leave in the long run, I might as well give the next babe some work to do but a wise aunt pointed out the fact that #dearfuturehusband whoever he was, would only be my dream man because of the experiences and behavioural modification he’d gotten from previous relationships. Agreed?! Yes the world is round and what goes around, comes around! #Q.E.D πŸ˜‰ So how do we get our significant others to drop that one thing that makes them frail human beings? Just so that he/she can ascend to the realm of perfection…

The matter is quite a sensitive one and it could blow up in your face if not handled properly landing you in a hot ‘soup-opera’ starring as the bad guy with your man on the war path if he even concedes to stick around…
So here are some guidelines to follow:
– Constant appreciation makes criticism easier to handle.
– Remember you are both on the same team.
– Correcting each other should not be with a holier-than-thou attitude.
– If you say the same thing three times you are nagging.
– Prayer is your secret weapon!
– A perfect man/woman will make your imperfections stark and inexcusable, do you really want that? (We will not even delve into the matter that perfection in itself is a myth)
– Remember that there’s a woman out there who will gladly accept him warts and all.
– Time and Maturity are factors! (Don’t bother your head about issues that your man will inevitably outgrow as time and maturity set-in).
– It’s a tough world out there, no one wants to come back home and be judged.
– Communication is key. Unlike a goat, a man will change if he sees reason to. Make him see what he stands to gain and that your motives are unselfish.
– Be patient with him and soft-spoken. Gentleness calms even the most stubborn man.
– Tell him how happy the change would make you rather than telling him how sad/angry/disappointed the habit makes you.
– Boost his ego. Make him feel like a king and he’ll cross seven seas to do right by you.
– Do not command/threaten/bully him into changing.
– Understand where he is coming from and why he is the way he is and then take it a step at a time.
– Examine yourself. Sometimes putting all your energy into changing someone may be a psychological way of running from your own faults/weaknesses. #doctor-heal-thyself!

The only constant thing in life is change and people regardless of gender are all about self-improvement but if your motives are less than honorable and your man feels he is failing to measure up to an invisible standard you have set, he will get discouraged or defiant and find a person who makes loving less like engineering maths. Men are simple creatures. My male buddy, N always says women have 85% of the power in relationships but immediately they make the man realize that fact (mostly by being controlling or rubbing it in his face), the man regains all the power!

So Ladies, a behavioural modification is possible and even quite successful with the right approach and amount of sensitivity but when it becomes a behavioural manipulation, it can only lead to disaster. Remember to give your man a treat when he’s doing good and encourage him! #teamcheeryourman πŸ˜‰

Guys, this post also applies to you! There are ways to make your woman ditch the wrapper and hair net forever πŸ˜‰ or forsake that annoying habit…without manipulation!
…learn to speak her love language and a change in behaviour will be easy as pie! πŸ˜‰

Shout out to my friend T, who inspired this post!
Have a lovely night peeps and if you haven’t voted, please go to http://www.nigerianblogawards.com/vote.php to vote for ‘Memoirs of a woman with Chutzpah’ in the 5 categories we were nominated! Thank you.
xoxoxoxo πŸ˜‰

 
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Posted by on July 3, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Manology, Relationships

 

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The homo-erectus curse!

Β  My friends and I were discussing the ills of polygamy and why most men who ended up with a second wife or a baby mama confessed that it wasn’t their original plan. Could it be that after years of using a condom they suddenly forgot how to or did they think they were immune to a woman’s manipulation right after they said ‘I do!’

My friends were on opposing sides in the boxing ring. S my yoruba friend believed everything could be attributed to jazz. Her father had been jazzed when she was 12yrs old and their hitherto happy home had been broken when her father abandoned she, her mum and sisters and moved in with a strange woman and her children. She said her parents weren’t having issues prior to that and recounted bitterly how she’d had to move from the expensive private school she was attending to a public school and she sang those popular lines with a jovial voice that almost hid her pain…”I was born with a silver spoon, then I lost the spoon” I wonder if Waconzy had a similar experience when he sang those lines. Anyway her father had come back years later crying that it was the devil and juju at work and she never quite forgave her mum for taking him back.

Now this is where my friend K interjects. Jazz her foot! The man wanted to taste afam soup after he got tired of edikainkong and after enjoying the new soup for a while, when the bones began to get stuck in his throat he realised there was no place like home and came right back to his neglected pot of edikainkong. She also believed that a man who abandoned his family was not to be treated like a prodigal son but was to be permanently excommunicated.

Everyone knows someone who abandoned his wife and kids or stopped caring for them in favor of a new woman who was either a passing phase or became a permanent fixture. Many women have struggled and borne the brunt of raising a family alone all because their men couldn’t look the other way.
A priest once said women cry before marriage but after marriage the man cries and never stops crying. As un-cliche and shocking as that may sound, I couldn’t help wondering that if it was true, then surely the men must have a hand in their tear-bringing process.

Muslim men are led to believe that they can marry more than one wife as long as they can love ’em equally, non-muslim men believe fooling around once in a while is harmless as long as they don’t get caught. But can one actually love two women with their differences in looks, personality, qualities, backgrounds and vices equally? Is getting caught the end of the matter?
Nigerian women back in the day were brought up to preserve their homes no matter what and up till today except for the liberalists amongst them, most women still adopt the suffering and smiling attitude. But what baffles me is why a man would insist his woman not work only to decide later in life that he preferred some other woman’s arms and leave her and his kids without a backward glance and without any means of support. In developed countries there are laws put in place to protect women from such cruelty but in a place like Nigeria where the law does not stretch to cover majority of the women at risk, one must adopt a fight or flight attitude. Since flight is seen as a mark of defeat and an open invitation to the woman outside to come take your place, most women prefer to stay and fight.

Below are a list of ways women have tried to tackle the straying husband syndrome;
1.Prayer!!!
MFM has a popular prayer that says “Every strange woman targeted at my husband, fall down and DIEEEEE!” It is a known fact that after marriage women reduce their sleep hours from 7-8hours a day to about 6hours maximum to make room for midnight and early morning prayer sessions. Seems the prayers never stop. Before marriage we are praying on the mountain for a good man and after marriage we are praying on our knees to keep our men.
2.Jazz-
Yes some women actually believe in fighting fire with fire but like MI said, “Are you ready to dance with the devil?” Thanks to Nollywood, we are almost 100%sure that jazz leads to madness, blindness or strange illnesses as a consequence. Please say No to charms and strangled chickens!
3.Trading in the hair net and wrapper for the silk hair wrap and sexy lingerie!
Yes we’ve heard it all. How to keep your man, how to make him so thoroughly satisfied that he never wants to look at another woman. How to memorize the karma sutra….a million tips and tricks to keep your man. Agreed some men have attributed their infidelity to wives who didn’t take care of themselves and allowed themselves become, fat, frumpy and asexual but then how come Tiger Woods still cheated on his wife? According to my friend S, if you are doing everything right then you must rule out jazz as the cause of your husband’s distraction or maybe he is just greedy.
4.Start accumulating property in your name and your children’s names and commandeering money away from your husband while the going is good.
A joint account was a romantic notion of old that signified unity of the home but now it is considered the most foolhardy of ventures and only done for specific projects like the children’s college fund or between a man and his unemployed aristo chick! While stacking away the family’s assets for a rainy day may seem smart, it could also lead to public disgrace if the man finds out and paints you as a selfish gold-digger.
5.Stalk him!
Yes some women to avoid fear of the unknown, stalk their husbands, his phones, his office and basically turn inspector gadget just to catch him at it. But putting your life on hold for this singular reason brings up the salient question…’To what end?’

Would life be much easier if women respected the vows of marriage and didn’t try to seduce other women’s husbands? But then we mustn’t forget the little percentage who actually thought he was single. And as for the women who practised jazz just to ensnare another woman’s husband, is the promise of madness and Holyghost fire too small a price to pay?
Why is it that these men who seem so smart in every regard suddenly fail to see the ulterior motives of the strange woman before they are ensnared? Why do they continue to believe they can smell the food without eating it? My friend S says the reason she refused her father’s apology and never wanted him back home was not only because of the suffering she endured in her childhood as a result of his abandonment but the fact that a Yoruba proverb says that jazz does not catch the man walking down the road minding his own business. She believed that for her father to be jazzed, he must’ve eaten the woman’s food, entered her house or have been intimate enough with her for her to take his bodily belongings and use for jazz.

So as I say goodnight fellas, I’d like to appeal to you homo-sapiens to keep your erectus in check and avoid the homo-erectus curse!!!
Remember that focussing on your wife’s pot of soup is the only sure banker you have that you do not eat poison! Iya basirat kills! Don’t fall into a trance only to wake up one day and realise you are married to a stranger with kids you do not recognize. And whether the operating power was lust or something more threatening, it is never too late to seek repentance and start over. Experience is the best teacher but I’d rather learn from someone else’s experience. Remember prayer is the most potent weapon against every charm be it real or an illusion.
Aids is not the only killer, you fit die on top woman! So take am easy and paddle your own canoe.;-) Β The moth thought it was playing with fire till it got burnt and not all of you get 70 virgins in your next life, for some there’s a hot place called hell whose landlord doesn’t expect rent and never gives you an eviction notice. Women are precious, their tears and the tears of the fruit of your loin go up into heaven and move God to act. There’s a father-daughter relationship out there that may never be repaired even though the father is back home after his indiscretions. We can only imagine his regrets. Bros, if you think say your soup no sweet, add royco instead of going to chop another person own. πŸ˜‰

Have a great night peeps, xoxoxo πŸ™‚

 
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Posted by on May 16, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Manology, Relationships

 

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The Million Dollar Question! (Adult content)

Β  Β  The average woman has a masterplan by the time she’s 16; Be a career woman, marry the man of her dreams and let him be the one she gives her heart to along with her virginity. She figures getting the career will be the hard part till she falls in love for the first time.
The first time I fell in love, I figured the equation was simple enough till I realised I loved him and he loved them, simply put!!
I was his girlfriend but I was a virgin and NBK- never been kissed and he was hot with all the honeyz he could f**k and I was presented with my first problem, the solution not so simple. I remember googling how to touch a man’s c**k because I was tired of sharing him with half the school. I never did catch him cheating but it was quite obvious he craved for more than my inexperienced and innocent love could offer.
I wanted him to love me for me. I wanted to be enough for him. I never did do anything with the information I gathered on the internet cos he was gone in 60 seconds! My first love…

Through the years and one more boyfriend an idea had begun to form slowly in my mind.
I analyzed the possible kinds of women who could steal a man’s heart and came up with four categories;
1. The asewo- knows everything about sex and how to make a man go gaga.
2. The good girl- virgin, innocent deeply religious, wife-material
3. The hottie- beautiful with a great body &loads of sex appeal
4. The intellectual- successful, intelligent independent go-getter that commands a man’s respect (DIVA).
And then I thought of creating the ultimate monster capable of warding off attackers, a woman who was everything a man could ever want or need.
‘The intellectual asewo-good girl who was smoking hot!’

I thought I had it all figured out.
If this ultra-woman could only learn to touch a man till he went gaga and possibly give the ho on Allen Avenue a good run for her money in the fore-play department but still withold sex so he’d be able to stroke his ego on his wedding night that he’d been the only one there! She’d have to be religious too, a virtuous woman he could take home to mama but also an intellectual whom he’d be proud to relate with, a cut-throat Diva and of course she had to always look hot. Her hotness was regardless of her size or weight or cheekbones but a combination of confidence and making the best use of the assets she’d been blessed with.
Men would adore the monster and line up to be given a chance to possess her but she wouldn’t be seeking their approval, she’d be looking for just one man.
She’d have to stay armed because it wasn’t enough to have him but she’d also have to be able to keep him too cos it’s a dog eat dog world and only the fittest survive! She needed to have a foolproof plan for keeping her man from cheating.
Like every woman I thought I had it all figured out. I didn’t anticipate that men would be greedy and easily dissatisfied, not wanting to eat egusi soup every day of the week however sweet the soup was but once in a while craving a bit of okra and edikainkong!
I didn’t anticipate that there could be other reasons for leaving a man you love without him cheating and most of all I never ever anticipated that there could be a man who would not worship the monster!

Women have had it so tough for centuries;
-From the disillusioned girl who loses her virginity to a man she loves only to eventually marry another man who sees her as promiscuous and a disappointment because she wasn’t a virgin when he married her!
– To the women who have bought Alum to shrivel up their vaginas and have gone for surgery(vaginoplasties!) just to create the illusion of virginity to please their husbands.
– To other women who have been accused of damaging their wombs because of their sexual experience by a husband who was frustrated at not having a child early in marriage even though the women have never terminated a pregnancy or even caught an infection!
– To the other women who have been dumped by their husbands for inability to bear children after these same men made them commit several abortions while dating!
-To women whose husbands cheated on them right from the start of the marriage because they were virgins and inexperienced!
-And then there were yet women who were disgraced and humiliated because their men got frustrated at their refusal to give up their virginity before marriage seeing it as a sign that the women didn’t love them enough.
Shoooo, how you take see am? These brothers want make we kolo na? Kai!

So which is the lesser evil? Is being a virgin better than being a non-virgin in today’s society?
Can one actually please a man?
-They expect that if you are sexually experienced then you should be great at sex and of course, not a virgin but then when they love a woman who is sexually experienced and great at sex they are consumed with thoughts of how many men she’s slept with and may end up leaving her for a virgin.
-Then the man who finds out his woman is sexually experienced but still a virgin can’t get enough and wants to take it by force or he thinks she’s lying and tries to force the truth out sometimes raping her in the process or just doesn’t touch her because he’s disgusted at the hypocrisy and thinks she might as well go all the way cos the thought of not entering the promised land after seeing it so often is one he cannot stand!
-And then there’s the man whose girlfriend’s an inexperienced virgin and he cheats on her from day one.

Agreed there are EXCEPTIONS.
Men who love their women deeply and truly without misconceptions and don’t care about her past or how many she’s been with.
These men don’t care if she’s a virgin or not cause they realize life is more than sex.
-If she’s a virgin they feel blessed at finding a rose amongst thorns knowing that at the right time they can turn their woman into their personalized sex goddess.
– If she’s not a virgin they feel lucky to have a woman who can make their blood hot anytime and satisfy them with little or no help.
-And a few appreciate a woman who can give them the best of both worlds.
Love is all that matters these men will tell you and a woman’s sexual experience usually doesn’t define her character or virtue.

Then there’s the issue of satisfying a woman.
When a man’s dissatisfied sexually he cheats.
When a few women are dissatisfied sexually they cheat but the majority of the women suffer in silence, no wonder someone invented the dildo! πŸ˜‰
A virgin is easier to tame cos it’s new to her and whatever you give her seems good to her as long as she doesnt conceive the idea of trying it somewhere else.
A non-virgin is tricky cos when you sleep with her your performance is rated alongside every man she’s ever been with and she may once in a while be less patient with you and instead seek out a stud who does the job best.
With an in-between girl, you are judged on fore play cause that’s all she knows so even if you are bad in bed and with a dick not worth writing home about, if you know how to touch her in all the right places she’ll be easy to please but the downside is foreplay will always be important to her and she may need it like the old fashioned way to get her wet unless your sexual prowess is so good that it makes foreplay seem like child’s play! In contrast, a non-virgin may only need to see a hard c**k to get wet.

So then what do we tell our children? Stay a virgin, don’t stay a virgin or be an in-between? More women are finding solace in the compromise of in-between and even though they are guilty of the same sin as the non-virgin in God’s eyes they hope that their ‘smartness’ is an insurance that covers whatever kind of man they meet.
But life is a risk and sometimes your insurance policy just doesn’t cover it.
There’s a grave possibilty that you may not be everything the man you love wants. 😦

When picking a partner, the average woman is torn between burying for good whatever sexual expertise she has and living a life like a virgin (whether real or an illusion), ignoring her sexual wants and needs and hoping the ‘sex’ would be so great and worthwhile in the end but at the same time risking him cheating on her OR on the otherhand keeping her sexual experience knowing that it’s for her man’s benefit and it makes him go gaga but knowing deep down that she may not have all his respect OR giving him ‘half&half’ and knowing he sees her virginity as a worthless addition standing in the way of getting the full taste of the sexual pleasures she continually teases him with and with this she also stands the risk of him cheating or worse still, seeing her as a confused hypocrite!
No one wants to be with someone who can’t please them sexually, man or woman and no one wants to be with someone whose lifestyle doesn’t command their fullest respect.
So now we face a dilemma. How do you please your man, keep him faithful and yet earn his respect and still preserve your peace of mind without you both dying of conji?
THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION!!!

Answers most appreciated πŸ˜‰ Have a lovely day peeps! Xoxo

 
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Posted by on October 27, 2010 in Hall of Fame, Manology, Relationships

 

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The Mumu Complex

Β  Β  Β  Have you ever wondered why bad girls get married and you’re stuck buying aso-ebi?
Have you ever wondered why you can’t seem to have a successful relationship while girls who have innumerable vices are getting engaged right before your very eyes?
Have you wondered like everyone else why bad girls get the good husbands and seemingly good girls get no husband or the very worst that’s out there?
Are you tired of breakups and starting to doubt your ability to pick a good man?
Are you wondering what it takes to get a husband nowadays?
If all these are questions you’ve asked yourself and others recently then this article is for you.
Someone needs to tell you the great secret that mothers have been trying to pass to their 21st century daughters for decades. Now it’s time to listen up, I’m gonna present facts to you in a way that is destined to change your life.
Hey fabulous, independent divas all over the world, I present the theory that will change your world and get you the ring, the man, the wedding of your dreams and get your mother off your back, I present to you; ‘The MUMU complex’
What is the MUMU complex?
First of all let’s look at the meaning of the word ‘MUMU’
MUMU is a yoruba word which means a stupid person and has fast become part of naija’s colloqual english. Now you’re wondering why with your first class degree and honors anyone would expect you to act like a mumu but haven’t you heard that in Rome act like the Romans? When the Bible said in Ephesians 5:22 to submit to your husband, you thought it was child’s play. Now I can read your minds, when we get the husband then we’ll submit but submission is a learned process and it starts now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not taking away your power, not in the least but to get a man, you have to treat him like a man and it all starts with that word submission. Now it isnt such a terrible word cos if you look at the virtuous woman in proverbs 31, she seemed very much in control of her house and if u give her a kick-ass job and some prada, I’m sure a lot of us could picture us being her after we’re married but how did she become captain of her ship? She had to calm down. She had to be anything but haughty& controlling cos if she’d told her would be husband, ‘hey dude, I’m gonna take over the running of your household and all you’ll be pretty much good for is to sit at the gates every now and then but don’t worry you’ll be honored for catching a broad like me cos I’m doing you one huge favor’. She would have ended up very single and having to put up with the proverbs 7 adulterous woman rather than live with her parents all her life or in a lonely apartment. Now before you get all defensive or exit this blog, tell me something. Aren’t u tired of being the bridesmaid? Of watching skanky whores get husbands while you sit pretty in your Gucci dreading going back to your cold bed and old stuffed teddybear? Enough is enough. This article isn’t for everyone, it’s for the woman who’s had enough and is desperate for something new. So if that woman’s you or you know someone who needs to hear this, then let’s go…

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Pride goeth before and after ‘the fall!’
Okay so you fall in love, big deal, everyone does that at some point. This isn’t a love manual so love’s gonna be mentioned only when necessary, no need for emphasis. Love’s the salt in the soup, no one wants tasteless food but at the same time no 21st century woman wants to eat a pile of salt. So love without the soup is distasteful. Now pride goes before a fall, that we’ve heard a million times. that probably explains why you first suspect you’re falling for your new man when your calm, cool exterior is dented and you are basically at his mercy. I’m sure you’ve heard your friend’s say ‘where’s your pride?’ when you were going gaga over a new man. They probably even advised you to front small or do small shakara but pride goes down the toilet at the initial stages of ‘the fall’ then you start dating and the feelings flatline, no more peaks of madness and uncontrolled euphoria just a sublime feeling that is regular, almost ordinary and stable to boot. He’s a good man and the ring should be coming anytime soon but then out of the blues a great mishap occurs, totally not your fault and the guy who’d been good for 2 years shows his evil other side and the next thing you know he’s gone with the wind. Wassup with that? I’ll tell u wassup! It’s your little buddy called pride. Now pride is a sneaky fella cos we all can recognise him leaving the building after the fall, you’re a mess, tears, icecream, tissue & condolence messages all a blur and you’d do anything to get your life back to the way it was so we can all agree that pride goeth after ‘the fall’ but pride is even worse than that girl you hated in the fifth grade, the one who’d pretend to be your friend but say mean things at your back, pride is far worse. I want you to repeat this; PRIDE IS MY FRENEMY!!! I’m serious. Your sense of pride is one of the driving forces for your success in life. It’s there with you when you get that promotion, when you pop that bottle of champagne, when you wanna give up, sounds like a good friend ay? Then why does the bible speak so vehemently about pride? That’s cos God sees pride for who she really is, a selfish, temperamental frenemy. Before you start defending her and remembering with a smile how many times you’ve glowed when you said ‘i’m proud of myself’ or heard someone say ‘i’m proud of you’ see just how she turned your man against you and then fled the building. So i’ve declared and might I add explained how pride goeth before and after ‘the fall’ now notice that pride seemed very silent during the course of ‘the fall’ and why is that? She was up to no good! Remember all those times when you had to be right? All those times when you just had to put your man in his place. All those times when you had the last word or he would be starting a new argument. All those times when you were too busy to cater to him. All those times you felt you had to put him in his place. All those times you got irritated and cut him down to size…a really really small size…now do you blame him for getting fed up? there’s only so much a man can take and every man has it in him to piss you off beyond words. They’re from mars remember? Venus is such a nice place…Lol. Now what’s the difference between you and our mumu friend? She was more patient, less graphic and spoke less. Even the girl with mood swings who every one hates to be around got married last month. Well when her man acts up she locks herself in her room or bursts into uncontrollable tears, horrible. You couldn’t imagine being so immature or showing such weakness in the face of adversity but remember that men haven’t really changed over the centuries, they didn’t have women’s lib come change the way they react to things so a woman who acts weak and even like a baby touches their heart more than a woman on the war-path. What if your man descended from the line of men who got beaten by Joan of arc or the amazon warriors, all he’ll see when you fight him is a big breasted man and after a while he starts to feel like he’s dating a man and you know how homophobic the average man is. Now can you see where pride went to? The mumu complex could save you from those numerous quarrels cos truthfully, they can all be avoided.
I’m not saying your man isn’t gonna get on your very last nerve but before you start reading him his long list of offences and telling him he has a right to remain silent and everything that He says WILL be used against him in YOUR court pause for a moment and reason that men love their freedom, he gave up his to be tied down with you in a relationship because you gave him a piece of heaven and calm from the storms around him, if you turn out to be a storm that never stills then he’ll be soon enough on his way again! This is not to say you can’t point out to him when he does you wrong but let love and not justice guide you, make him feel respected and appreciated! Unlike women who are most times solely driven by emotion and would stay with a man with numerous faults as long as they felt loved, a man may leave a woman who doesn’t respect him even if she claims to love him with all her heart. Don’t kill his ego! A man doesn’t joke with two things, his cock and his balls. Killing his ego is like a constant kick in the balls and ask any man after a few kicks all their mind is thinking is escape!!! Problem with we 21st century divas is we don’t know when to draw the line, many times we think we are helping our men and handing out generous advice or assissting their ambitions or pushing them towards their goal but all they perceive is a nagging, disatisfied, judgemental woman whom they can’t please, who thinks every man richer than them is better than them and who gives them a kick in the balls every time she steps down from her throne to help them! Now if you were a man, would you marry you? Communication is important! If you realise that everytime you offer help or advice your man takes it the wrong way then you have to go back to the drawing board cos chances are there’s something wrong with your manner of approach! I’ll end this piece by saying a gentle answer turneth away wrath! Two wrongs don’t make a right and as a couple you are on the same team so when having a disagreement, it’s not who’s right but what is right that matters. Afterall if a wrestler beats up his partner in the ring, he doesn’t win the title. It’s his opponent he must defeat. It’s not you versus him but both of you against the world! Have a great day! Xoxo

Big ups to my friend A, we dreamed up the beginnings of the mumu complex while enjoying a great night of girly gist!!!

 
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Posted by on October 20, 2010 in Hall of Fame, Manology, Relationships

 

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