Category Archives: Hall of Fame

Is love enough?

A not so recent poll showed that the average person is willing to sacrifice 6 months’ salary to find true love!
To some, this may be regarded as a bad business investment, not with the divorce rate sky rocketing and broken love being as common as a 20 naira note. Nowadays people wonder if this thing called love is worth sticking their necks out for.

What is love anyway? According to my friend D, if it isn’t ‘agape’ love (the kind taught in the bible; meaning you could be Jack in the titanic for that person), then all na wash! Cos according to him, if it ain’t that kinda love, then it’s just prada-coated lust! I was watching Tinsel last night and was so mad at Soji for going to jail for a crime he didn’t commit because of his love for some chick who’d cheated and dumped him times without number. Some weeks back, I had been itching to slap someone as Fred Ade-Williams’ wife allowed her husband’s ex into their home because he had amnesia and his only memories were not of her but of a former love. I didn’t pity her one bit when she found out they had started sleeping together! Obviously, I could never be Jack in the Titanic!

My African sensibilities forbid that I love blindly but is that enough to say all I’ve ever felt has been infatuation and lust? Is that enough to say I am incapable of knowing what true love is? Abeggy joor, course not! I have loved; Deeply, truly and sacrificially, I have had my heart broken and had it mended again. Yes this thing called love is more potent than we can imagine. But is love enough?

After things with boyfriend number two went awry because of religious differences, I learnt an important lesson. Love is like salt in soup. Without salt, the soup is tasteless, boring, almost inedible (almost I said) but yet who can eat salt alone? So again I ask, ‘Is love enough?’
Today all over the world sincere and not so sincere people proclaimed undying love for 24 hours to that special person. But was the love proclaimed enough to keep them together till next year’s valentine’s day or even till the end of the week? For many the answer is No!

If anyone claims to understand this thing called love, then the person claims to be the wisest of all. Love is damn hard to figure. Worse than a jigsaw puzzle because sometimes the pieces just don’t fit right. Love defies logic, it baffles common sense. As if that’s not enough trouble, it springs up in the most unlikely places and loves to evade those who earnestly seek it. Love… The beginning and end of wahala. It’s such a beautiful emotion yet people have acted foolishly and sometimes even committed hurtful, heinous crimes all in the name of love. But powerful as it is, is love enough?

Can love keep a couple together during a storm? Can love replace the emptiness of a bank account? Can love take away the pain of death? Can love mend a heart betrayed by infidelity? Or more cliché, can love put food on the table? Love can do a whole lot of things but there are some things it cannot do… Love cannot take the place of friendship, honesty, maturity, trust and fidelity between two people. Love heals but love destroys.

As we enjoy the spirit of the moment, let’s pause and evaluate this thing called love. It’s worthy of celebration but one must remember that it cannot stand alone. Fortifying it takes more effort than the acceptance of jobless butterflies floating around in your unsuspecting tummy! Like a rose garden love should be tenderly pruned and watered and planted in a soil rich with honesty and fertile with trust for it to blossom. It doesn’t matter if the soil be clay, humus or sandy for we were all made differently and have different priorities. Don’t wait till next year to check on your garden, it needs attention everyday…

“Love is sustained by action, it is a pattern of devotion in things we do for each other everyday…” (Nicholas Sparks)

Happy Valentine’s day Chutzpah fam!


Posted by on February 14, 2012 in Hall of Fame, Relationships


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The People’s Choice Food Awards!™

Hi I’m Anita and I’m a food connoisseur! I love food, I love trying out new dishes and I love experimenting. Thing is Nigeria has gotten really really big and complex! Gone are those days when the only eateries around were Mr Biggs and Chicken George! Gone are those days when you had to eat anything you could find because you were unaware of the really good food out there! 🙂

So here it is! The people’s choice awards. We are starting with the best and phase two will cover the absolute worst and places you shouldn’t be caught dead eating in unless you are dead! 😉

A survey is presently going on to gather nominees from Lagos, Abuja, Port-harcourt, Benin and Ibadan for the first round. This is not an award by the food vendors so they can’t influence the results. This is an award for the people by the people. I’d like to visit Port-harcourt and know where I could get the absolute best shawarma in the city, wouldn’t you?

The guys have also asked that we include a section for where to get the coldest beer! 😉 So far we have just one nominee in that category. Please send in your nominations as a comment after the blog post or as a DM or mention to @neetahblaq on Twitter or a comment on my Facebook page.

The final ten nominees will be announced on December 31st and then voting will commence and a winner will be announced in January! Vote well because food-connoisseurs all over Nigeria will be eagerly watching and very mad at you if you send ’em to an awful joint just because it’s your family’s business! Also, if we have up to five negative testimonies as regarding any nomination, it will be kicked off the category list to make space for the best of the best!

Have fun sharing your favourite delicacies with the country and the world…

There are 15 categories so far;
1. Best Shawarma
2. Best Chinese food
3. Best Local dishes (Mama put+Restaurants)
4. Best Suya (Beef+Asun)
5. Best Chicken
6. Best Snacks
7. Best Burgers and Club sandwiches
8. Best Fish
9. Best Ice-cream
10. Best Desserts
11. Best English Breakfast
12. Best Pizza
13. Best Chicken and chips
14. Coldest beer/assorted drinks
15. All rounder

Nominations have been flooding in and we’ve decided on 10 per category except the best ‘Mama put’ category which by popular demand will have 20 nominations and the best shawarma category which will have 15 nominations. If you’ve got a really fab place that hasn’t made the list yet, feel free to send it in!

The nominees are…(in no particular order);

1. For Best Shawarma in Town
The nominees are;
1. Best shawarma (Surulere)
2. TREM shawarma (TREM H/Q Obanikoro)
3. 01 shawarma (Falomo shopping complex/Magodo)
4. Shawarma King (Wuse 2)
5. Uncle D’s (PH)
6. Dolphin shawarma (Dolphin estate)
7. Ketchup shawarma (Wuse 2)
8. Mega plaza shawarma (VI)
9. Options (Bodija)
10. Lekki phase 1 shawarma
11. Drumstick sharwama (Abuja)
12. Pancho Vino Lebanese (Behind SW local, Oluyole estate)
13. Brian and Kourtney shawarma (Benin)
14. UTC shawarma (Ikoyi)
One more entry to fill up this category!

2. Best Mama Put (Local dishes)
The Nominees are;
1. Ghana high
2. Olaiya (Surulere)
3. Local government office Ikoyi
4. Belgium restaurant Mile 2
5. Mama Abuja (PH)
6. Skye Bank amala (Ibadan)
7. Amala yahoo (Ogudu)
8. Jevniks restaurant
9. Mama Cass
10. Omega restaurant Ugbowo (Benin)
11. Ina Strait, Amala joint on Mokola Hill (Ibadan)
12. Iya Ope (Jebenwon road, Ibadan)
13. Lagos Island Mama put
14. Iya Dunni food cafetaria (Challenge, Ibadan)
15. Mama Aroso (by Anfani roundabout ring road, ibadan)
16. Davis hotel for their ‘Dodo special’ (Ibadan)
17. Calabar kitchen/Emmy’s (Area 11, Garki)
18. Madam Naija Delta for her starch and banga (Wuse 2)
19. White house
One more entry to fill up this category!

3. Best Suya in Town!
The nominees are;
1. Glover court Suya (Ikoyi)
2. Yahuza suya (Abuja)
3. Iwaya road suya (Iwaya)
4. Allen suya (Ikeja)
5. National Union of Journalists (NUJ) clubhouse suya (Ibadan)
6. Suya Kiosk for their ‘steamed suya’ (off Akerele before Havana Hospital, Surulere)
7. Big treat Suya (Mallam Oluyole estate, Ibadan)
8. Suya spot (Maryland)
9. Asotime for their isi-ewu (Benin)
One more entry to fill up this category!

4. Best Chinese food in Town!
The Nominees are;
1. Jade’s palace
2. Pearl gardens
3. Mr Woo
4. Saipan
5. Woks and Khoi (Abuja)
6. Prime chinese (Lagos, Abuja)
Four more entries to fill up this category!

5. Best English Breakfast in Town!
The Nominees are;
1. White Bakers (Ikoyi)
2. Munchies
3. Cactus
4. Barcelos
5. Sheraton
6. Brown’s cafe for pancakes and sausage (off Adeola Odeku)
Four more entries to fill up this category!

6. Best Ice-cream in Town!
The Nominees are;
1. Ice-cream factory
2. Hatlab (Wuse 2)
3. Chocolate Royal
4. Mat Ice (Benin)
5. Ooh la la (Ikeja GRA)
6. Kentucky Fried Chicken KFC
7. Grandsquare icecream (Abuja)
Three more entries to fill up this category!

7. Best Desserts in Town!
The Nominees are;
1. Orchid Bistro
2. Arabas
3. Ice-cream factory
4. Chocolate Royal
5. Ooh la la
6. Candy’s (Kofo Abayomi, VI)
7. Wan more (Benin)
8. Pario Delri for cheesecakes (opposite Saka Tinubu)
9. All things are nice for their chocolate cakes (Ilupeju)
One more entry to fill up this category!

8. Best Burgers/Club sandwiches in Town
The Nominees are;
1. Cactus
2. Chicken republic
3. Radisson Blu (Ozumba, VI)
4. Piano Lounge, Transcorp hilton
5. Bungalow restaurant (Akin Adesola, VI)
Five more entries to fill up this category!

9. Best Pizza in Town
The Nominees are;
1. Debonnairs pizza
2. Scoops pizza (Mokola roundabout, Ibadan)
3. Pancho Vino Lebanese (Behind SW local, Oluyole estate)
Seven more entries to fill up this category!

10. Best snacks in Town
The Nominees are;
1. Mr Biggs Meatpie
2. Double 4 snacks
3. Crepes from Silverbird Galleria’s concession stand.
4. Kentucky fried chicken KFC
5. Crepes from Megaplaza
Five more entries to fill up this category!

11. Best Chicken in town
The Nominees are;
1. Tasty Fried Chicken
2. Polo club Ikoyi
3. Nandos
Seven more entries to fill up this category!

12. Best Fish in town
The Nominees are;
1. Catfish peppersoup at Eden gardens Utako
2. Abuja city park
3. Fish meals at Cafe Vergnano(Palms, Lekki)
4. Feel@home (Aguda)
5. CMD fish pepper soup, CMD road Magodo
6. Fish joint (Barracks at Falomo)
7. Churasco for their Brazilian sea food.
Three more entries to fill up this category!

13. Best Chicken and chips in town
1. Tasty fried chicken
2. Moremi car park chicken and chips (UNILAG)
3. Southern fried chicken (Abuja)
4. Four points hotel
5. Bogobiri (Ikoyi)
Five more entries to fill up this category!

14. Coldest beer/assorted drinks (should be a place one can watch football too!)
1. Angels bar (near Masha Kilo)
2. Bar at Four points hotel
Eight more entries to fill up this category!

15. All rounder
1. Mama cass
Nine more entries to fill up this category!

So here are the 15 categories, you can keep sending in nominees till the 31st of december! Tell your friends, it’s time the world knew about the fab joint in your hood!

This doesn’t substitute for a blog post so keep your fingers crossed, there’s one brewing in my kitchen! I love food almost as much as I love you guys! 😉 🙂 🙂

Have a lovely day peeps…xoxo

All rights reserved®


Posted by on December 12, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Uncategorized


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Gay Nigeria?

The first time the average un-molested Nigerian is confronted with homosexuality is in secondary school at an age where gender confusion is common and sexual orientation may be blurred. Their only ammunition being what’s been taught on the pulpit by their spiritual leaders or the feelings of shame that accompany any expression of sexuality at that age. For many, experimentation is the driving force. It is usually outgrown, but for the few who don’t ‘outgrow’ a love for the same sex, they are faced with inner conflict, shame, religious crisis and a stigma even worse than the HIV virus.

I remember hearing about two Nollywood movies where homosexuality was the main theme and the general reaction to them was comical. The stars were bashed thoroughly and guys threatened to beat up one of the actors especially, for ‘enjoying’ his role a bit too much. Without doubt, Nigerians are homophobic!

Over the years I have read many stories. From the Nigerian boy in Germany who took a husband, to the few oddballs speaking up for gay rights in Nigeria who have been terrorised, some needing to seek refuge outside the shores of Nigeria, to the weekly City people gossip on what top-shot is gay or not in our society. Nigerians have embraced every part of the Western civilisation but deep down have crowned themselves better than the rest of the world since they have continuously resisted homosexuality. Does that truly make us better?

I’m not sure what the Islamic laws on homosexuality are but the Christians leave no question about it! Our God frowns at homosexuality. He sees it as despicable. If He came down to earth, He would first rain fire down on all the gay people and then the terrorists and probably the corrupt politicians stealing Nigeria’s money and then perhaps, if there was still some fire left, He would then throw a little spark at every other sinner in the world but really is that how He operates?

The bible says in James 2:10-11 ‘For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.”If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker…’
Why do people decide to isolate one sin and judge it with such hatred when for the most part every time that sin is brought up in the bible it is listed amongst an array of others ranging from fornication and pride to drunkenness and witchcraft? Yes, our religious sensibilities are insulted by the thought of homosexuality but have we ever stopped to wonder about the excuse it affords us to be cruel to another human being? Do we ever ask ourselves what would Jesus do if he walked amongst us? Surely he must have met some homosexuals in his time since the sin is as old as the city of Sodom, dating long before Christ was born.

The story of the adulterous woman is worthy of note. In John 8:7b Jesus said: ‘Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her’. In verse 11, He said neither do I condemn you… He never held back showing love to all those who were outcasts in society. He was accused of dining with sinners, walking with rejects and misfits and basically shunning societal norms but He demonstrated more love to these people than they had ever known. Matthew
7:1 says ‘Judge not that you be not judged’. Verse 3 says ‘Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye but do not notice the log that is in your own?’

For some reason, human beings seek validation by bringing into focus the sins of others. I believe it makes theirs seem a little less awful. As the world has been consumed with ‘righteous anger’ over these people, I sit back and wonder ‘where is the love?’. God hates sin-no doubt, we should too, but didn’t He send his only son to die on the cross for sinners? Would you, holy as you are, let your son die in the place of a criminal even if you knew you had the power to bring him back? I guess not!

Dear friend, who made you ‘the avenger’? When did we become bullies in the school yard who pick on those different from us? Are we any better than the Ku Klux Klan who used extreme violence to achieve their goals of racial segregation?
Homosexuality is not an illness so why the homophobia if you can’t catch it from them? If you fear you may be a target and hence justify being on the offensive, look at the mating ritual, a proposition is made to you, if you are not interested you decline and move on. It ain’t that hard. People have been jailed, brutalised, attacked, vandalised, assaulted, cussed at, shunned, criticised, stigmatised and murdered just because they were different. Why don’t you allow every man the opportunity to face his maker and account for the life he has lived? Why take matters into your own hands?

14 years in jail if you ask me is a bit harsh. Armed robbers walk free, corruption is swept under the carpet. Rape cases are dismissed. This issue is as old as time. As far as I’m concerned, all they were saying was keep being gay in secret, if you rub it in our faces, you go to jail! I’ve heard of stories of people who committed suicide because they couldn’t deny the feelings they had and I know that before these people ‘come out of the closet’, they struggle and struggle with these feelings, trying to suppress, deny, rebuke and reject them, very aware of the effect it would have on their lives. People around them have tried to save them, from prayers to ‘deliverance’ to psychotherapy to shock-therapy to forced marriage to forced sex with the opposite sex but all these people have gotten from the saving is a broken spirit and a scarred soul.

Nigerians have a right to refuse to pass a same sex marriage bill and I’m in support of that, if we condone it who knows what would be next, maybe a bestiality marriage bill may be the next topic, not to say that the two are comparable but becoming a wholly permissive society may not be in our best interest and it is our right to protect the moral standing of the nation and give our children a future not thoroughly exploited by New Age ideas but what is truly in our hearts? Are our hearts filled with trepidation and fear? Is there intense hatred in our hearts? People fear what they do not understand but surely it is not an excuse to be cruel. Jesus asked us to love our neighbours as ourselves. He didn’t add ‘except they are different from you or sinners!’. The British even threatened to sanction us and I smiled when I read this. We are no longer under their rule, without doubt we still need them but who died and made them king? In Nigeria’s defence and this is from a non-religious angle, we have always been conservative and guided by norms and traditions that the rest of the world would never understand. It is a taboo in our culture, I asked my friend’s grandpa who is ancient and he confirmed that. Commendably, Nigerians are becoming aware that not everything the world sells to us must be bought but isn’t it hypocritical that men love lesbians and have great fantasies of girl on girl action but shudder at any guy on guy action? Isn’t it saddening that men who believe they can cure a lesbian by raping her till she appreciates the supremacy of the male genitalia are allowed to go scot free? I read about some incidences in South africa and they were from a lesbian’s perspective and I shed tears for her because there’s never a reason to rape or assault another human being.

I am not condoning sin as my bible states that it is, but i have had my own personal struggles with other sins and I don’t see how judging or hating or discriminating someone else would atone for my seemingly lesser sins. I am a true Nigerian and it is ingrained in my genetic encoding that this act is taboo but all I’m really trying to say here is that our manner of approach is all wrong. There’s so much hatred and pain in the world already, why add some more to an overflowing cup? Are we speaking the truth in love? No religion gives you an excuse to be cruel to your fellow man. Because you offer a bit of kindness to a man in need doesn’t mean you partake of his sin or lifestyle. Let us be kinder and less judgemental. If your child confessed to be gay would you make it your life’s ambition to ‘cure’ him even if it killed him or would you save yourself the hassle and murder him like Marvin Gaye’s father did in ‘righteous rage’? or would your heart grow cold and cease to love him because of his sexual orientation? Don’t be a Pharisee! Heal the world. Love covers a multitude of sins, what would Jesus do?

For my friend T, who ‘gingered’ me to write on this highly controversial topic. 😉
Have a lovely day peeps…xoxoxo 😉 🙂 😉


Posted by on December 6, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Inspirational


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The Docs of Hazard!

…Daddy I wanna be a doctor when I grow up…

Many a child has uttered that cry as he/she got an epiphany. Some buried those dreams the first time they caught sight of blood gushing from an open wound, others were never given a chance to choose a life beyond medicine and yet for majority of the doctors in Nigeria, it was a life-long dream, which involved years of sweat, toil and tears (6yrs+X for some).
Now one can write about the many benefits of being a doc, from the title to the ‘efizzy’, to the respect, to the ‘god-complex’, to the money (not in Naija), to the certain degree of immunity from the police, to the good karma that arises from helping others, to the high market-value in the dating and marriage market, to the widely open arms parents use to welcome a would-be, doctor-in-law. The list could be longer and however long it takes to achieve this status, for some, it’s to die for. But no one ever talks about the bad…

We doctors have become the ‘Dukes of Hazard’ and here are 10 awful things you should consider before sending your child to medical school…

1. Med school is tough. To even start the race, you have to have been a really brainy kid in secondary school and the work load is structured so that the frail fall by the way-side.
I know a guy who ran mad during his exams in med school. #shocking-but-true! And then there are the strikes that thankfully, have become rare but sometimes keep a kid in school for up to 10 years. There’s also the issue of accreditation which has become a nasty new trend, leaving students hanging for long periods till their schools can get their acts together and sometimes totally interrupting their studies. My friends F and I who are currently doing masters in the UK say after med school, you can basically face any academic challenge or stress that there is. For them, the workload seems a bit too light at the post-graduate level when compared to the hassle of becoming a Nigeria-trained doctor.

2. They will rebel. Many parents think a doctor in the house is a must-have and have grown tired of paying the family doctor, desiring one of their own. While this is a noble thought, forcing people to do what they don’t wanna do is akin to delaying their destinies because one day, many years after, they’ll realise what exactly it is they are supposed to do in life. My friend A started out in med school and dropped out in his second year. Today he is a seasoned DJ and radio/tv presenter studying a business course on the side and says he has finally found fulfilment. My friend T now works in an auditing firm and if she had been allowed to follow her dream from the very beginning, she could have gained 3 years and would have been on a level far above where she is today. I have countless classmates who were forced into med school by their folks and dropped out of the race with alacrity as soon as they obtained the title. According to my friend F, “Daddy here’s the title you always wanted, now can I live my life?”…

3. The risk of infection. Doctors are prone to needle-stick injuries and blood and body-fluid borne infections on the job, HIV and Hepatitis top the list. Some call it carelessness but I tell you that many of these accidents are freaks of nature and some have been both life-altering and life-threatening! A colleague of mine was pricked by a needle she had introduced into a child with HIV when the child jumped suddenly. The mother was supposed to be restraining him and was profusely sorry but sorry doesn’t cut it when you have to take HIV medication for 6 weeks. She can never take back those 6 weeks of her life that she spent sick and vomiting due to the side-effects or the constant anxiety about the probability of testing positive to HIV. Thankfully she tested negative. I also know a male doctor who tested positive to Hepatitis when he was asked to do the test by the church weeks to his wedding… 😦 so many doctors have been paid with a measure of the patient’s illness in return for their services and have learnt the hard way that even if the hospital or government doesn’t put in place measures for personal protection, it is imperative that you protect yourself!

4. Any doctor who has worked in a teaching hospital or community clinic will regale you with tales of how doctors have had to run for dear life even jumping through windows because they failed to perform magic on a badly injured patient and as a result became targets for violently angry and grieving family and friends. It happens quite frequently in teaching hospitals where mortality is the highest because they are the highest point of referral especially those located in poorer neighbourhoods…

5. There was an episode at a hospital some years ago where doctors were robbed and molested sexually at night, while on duty by a gang of hoodlums that attacked the hospital. No one knows for sure if the offenders were brought to book but the memory of the trauma lives on in those doctors’ minds…

6. Doctors are their own enemies. We don’t have a strong enough governing body and many times it is outrageous how the doctors at the top are the very ones standing in the way of progress. A while ago doctors went on strike in a teaching hospital on orders from the Association of Resident Doctors (ARD) and were fired en masse by the state. Adverts were put out for new doctors and doctors flooded the institution not caring about the events that preceded the jobs becoming available nor the cause for which the other doctors tried to fight. The ARD seemed powerless but thankfully, the governor of the state granted the doctors leniency and recalled them. It was quite amazing that their sack didn’t incite a nationwide revolt. Wasn’t it a worthy cause they fought for? Every man for himself, God for us all… 😦

7. Patient wahala! Sometimes patients can be a handful and I’m not talking about the average run off the mill, disgruntled or stubborn patient. I’m talking big wahala! A female patient being managed for infertility was found to be problem free and the doctor suggested, as is routine, that she bring her husband to the clinic for tests as the fault may not have been hers. The next day an angry man with a raised voice barged into the consulting room accusing the doctor of telling his wife that he was impotent! Now you can imagine the scene that unfolded and there have been far worse scandals…

8. The residency exams. I know people who have failed those exams up to 5 times regardless of the depth of their knowledge on the subject matter all because they failed to satisfy an examiner in an exam which is highly subjective. Exams cost as much as 50k and there are update courses to pay for from our meagre salaries too. Abroad, most exams are objective so you can hardly fail because an examiner thinks you are cocky or thinks it is your right to taste failure in this lifetime!

9. We do not work for the devil! Some patients treat us no better than the devil but in their defence, it should be expected since we constantly deliver bad news. I have grown weary of patients giving testimonies in church that start with; “The doctors said I had…..but my God put them to shame…..”
It is not doctors versus God!!! We also offer hope and look after you, remember? We care but God heals!- Our mantra 😉

10. It has been said that doctors dress horribly and have terrible cars. The salary doesn’t help matters and sometimes a doctor has to do ‘locum’ (part-time job) apart from his main job to keep body and soul together. In other countries, doctors are amongst the highest paid but every time we rise up in protest, the people angrily tell us we earn enough already and should be content as our job is ‘humanitarian’. Humanitarian my foot! I know an elderly doctor who had to beg for 5,000 naira to feed his family because salaries had not been paid. With the above-listed hazards, should this ever occur? He had given almost his entire life to the people, I think it’s time the people gave back!

Most doctors after realising what they signed up for, look for the easiest way out. They try to leave the country but alas, a doctor trained in Nigeria is not readily hired in other countries despite his experience or skill till he has passed myriads of hurdles, exams inclusive and many have returned, after losing years abroad because they were unable to find suitable work.

So peeps, carefully consider these before you decide the life of a doctor is the life for you. I won’t even mention our crazy 24-hour work schedule or how our families suffer as a result because that would be complaining and we knew this was part of the package when we signed up and besides despite everything, I love being a doctor and wouldn’t pick any other life…

Today before you shout at your doctor or act rudely, remember this and realize that we are under-appreciated and a smile and a thank you from you, not to mention your co-operation would go a long way to help us serve you better…

‘Be careful how you treat me because I may be your doctor one day!’ 😉 😉 😉

Have a great weekend peeps, T.G.I.F (though I’m working tomorrow!)….xoxoxo 🙂 🙂


Posted by on November 18, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Health, Inspirational


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21 unbelievable things women will do to get married…

Tired of waiting for your dream man? Tired of changing boyfriends like underwear? Tired of begging God to upgrade you? Tired of waiting for your boyfriend to propose? Tired of all the heartbreaks and betrayal? Tired of men chopping you for free? Tire no more…

Statistics show that only 3% of single women of marriageable age in Nigeria are undisturbed by their lack of a spouse! The other 97% would do just about anything to become Mrs somebody. And when I say anything, I mean it…

Here are the 21 rather unorthodox things ‘classy’ Nigerian women have done in their quest to bag a husband! 🙂 Some are bizzare, some are skanky and some are downright sad…but if you’re willing to try anything and getting a husband is the only activity left on your bucket list, you might wanna try a few! (Men beware) 🙂 😉
#Not for the fainthearted…

In no particular order:
1. Snatching a friend or relation’s man. All is fair in love and war! Rumour has it that women have resorted to locking their phones, hiding their men and coding their gist from so-called friends cos it’s a jungle out there… 🙂

2. Re-inventing themselves. Pretence is the order of the day. No man wants to tame the shrew or teach the inexperienced or make an honest woman out of a dishonest one so once marriage is desired, women package themselves in pseudo, ready-made, easy-to-use, highly desirable packages. After marriage, what you see is what you get! 🙂 #stepfordwifemode

3. Trapping him with pregnancy. This used to be the old school method of getting a man to propose. From skipping the pill to seducing the man or getting him drunk when she was ovulating, a woman usually knew she had the man where she wanted him once she missed her period even if there was no commitment. 🙂 Now the guys are saying YES to baby mamas and YES to child support. Are the girls deterred? NO! 🙂 The girls have stepped up their game by involving the parents and you know parents don’t like scandals…

4. Praying&Fasting. This would presumably be an honourable means of obtaining a husband but sometimes the prayers are offered up to deities other than God& other times it becomes a song permanently on repeat…

5. Taking his photograph to Cele church for a prophetess to pray over or a powerful Alfa. Heard it works like a charm… 😉

6. Taking his sperm, hair or personal effects to Baba. Guys disposing of your condoms yourself is not such a bad idea… 🙂

7. Outright Jazz! My friend S recently gisted me ’bout how a tied up, live pigeon had been discovered in a friend’s sister-in-law’s box. The woman confessed to using jazz and said she hadn’t been sure if the guy would actually propose so she took the necessary precaution…

8. Putting love potion in his food! This is classic and timeless but shouldn’t it be called a ‘compelling’ potion? Because in this case, love na by force! 🙂

9. Saying YES to a man you despise! A woman has two classes of men usually on her case. The ‘correct’ guys and the ‘disgos’. The disgos usually end up as magas or rebounds but many a woman has shocked a despondent toaster with a sudden ‘Yes’ and men have agreed that truly there is nothing God cannot do! 😉

10. Proposing to a guy! Yes it does happen… (Who wears the engagement ring?)

11. Toasting a man’s family so they make the decision for him! A friend complained that a girl he detested had over the months gotten close to his family. Lavishing on them, cooking for them and basically being their ‘go-to’ girl and now his mum had put her foot down that he had to break up with his girlfriend and marry little-miss-went-home-to-mama depending on how much power the family wields, their word may be final…

12. Asking daddy to get you a husband! If daddy’s a big shot, arranging a husband for you is usually as easy as pie and some men would sell their souls for a large chunk of daddy’s money so both parties are happy… 🙂

13. Being your man’s maga! Some women believe that when you finally get a man to be interested in you, spoiling him and overlooking his every fault would get you into a white gown faster than an okada chased by LASTMA! Some men don’t mind a woman who houses them, clothes them, feeds them, gives ’em pocket money, never gets upset with them even when they misbehave and cleans up after them with little or no contribution from them… Living the dream???

14. Giving him unlimited freedom as long as he proposes. “Tell me I’m number one baby, tell me I’m the future mother of your kids and not Amina, Bisi or Ngozi!” 🙂 Women used to wanna be the one AND ONLY in their man’s life, now being the number one is good enough… 😉

15. Polishing up a low class, barely educated brother in exchange for a ring! The deal is simple, you send your cleaner, gateman or driver to night school, you give him language lessons, you take him to buy some new clothes and deodorant and teach him to call you honey instead of madam and in exchange, he gets to marry you, share an expensive bedroom and never worry about his bills ever again! 🙂

16. Revamping yourself. Change your ward-robe, lose 20kg, buy a truckload of brazilian hair, study the karma-sutra, do a vaginoplasty and change the age on your birth-certificate to read 22. Botox, plastic surgery, a compulsory gym membership and ‘body magic’ also indicated! 🙂

17. Becoming a worker in church! Rumour has it that men go to church to marry, the same rumour also reveals that ‘Greeters’, ‘Ushers’ and ‘Lead Soloists’ have the best exposure…praise the Lord! 😉

18. Moving to a new town or part of town so that you are the ‘new girl’. This always peaks the men’s interest and at the same time you get to run away from your past and the ‘old maid’ labels! Combine this with number 16 above and ooh la la! 😉

19. Going for ‘deliverance’ from a spirit husband and sowing a big ‘marriage’ seed in church! Giving your possessions to the poor, giving a sacrificial offering or just giving one thing to God that would make you weep…

20. Abandoning your hopes, dreams and ambitions! I’ve heard people say that women looking for a prince charming live unrealistic dreams, virgins are old-school, overly educated women are proud, rich women are not submissive, ambitious women are conceited, women with demanding jobs won’t have time for their families, women who want a faithful man are deluded and women who don’t get pregnant before wedlock have something wrong with their plumbing! So forsake the masters, don’t even dream of a PhD, quit your job, give away all your money and surely a husband will come… 😉

And if all else fails…

21. Marry a married man!
He could be your friend’s husband, your sister’s husband, your cousin’s husband, your colleague’s husband, even your mother’s husband if you like! 😉

Can you blame these women? The average guy has commitment phobia or is out to play till he is all spent before he settles down or is waiting to make his first ‘5 million’ before saying ‘I do’. Even a man with no future ambition or class, much less finances still knows he could have his pick of the best women out there, once he announces he is looking to settle! The last census showed a female-dominated demographic with more women per eligible bachelor. Family and society constantly put the woman in hot water making her personal successes irrelevant till she bags a man…

I weep for the modern-day woman!

Little wonder, my friend C is anti-marriage! She’s a regular Igbo girl so you can imagine her family’s consternation. Her mother has talked and talked, her relations have tried matchmaking but my friend won’t even give them the time of day. She’s an ambitious woman with her own company and at 26, she couldn’t be bothered. She isn’t heart-broken or a lesbian, she just doesn’t think marriage is something she should worry her head about. She says if she’s destined to be married then some guy would have to work hard at impressing her and till then case-closed!

A successful marriage rests majorly on a woman’s shoulders yet it is taboo for her to ask where the relationship is heading or for her to bring up the marriage issue with her man. She is seen as being forward, desperate, immature or trying to scare the man away by both men and women if she does. A woman’s fertility starts to dwindle in her thirties and some men have dated women for more than a decade only to marry a chick they met two months ago. So why shouldn’t she ask? Who is to blame for this? The women who buy the idea that their life is meaningless without a man or the men whose mantra is ‘They are not ready’ or our parents or society for laying down unreasonable norms and traditions and rigid gender roles?

Pressuring a man into marriage is often a foolhardy venture. A man can say ‘I do’ without giving the necessary commitment needed to make a marriage work and if a man isn’t financially or emotionally ready to marry or isn’t mature enough, forcing him would end in tears. So what is the way forward? Girls are not smiling…

Men please consider the huge pressure the Nigerian woman is under and if you are not anywhere ready to commit, set her free! If you are ‘almost’ ready, carry her along, tell her your plans, give her security and she will nurture your dreams for you as she patiently waits…

5 tips that just might work…

Feel free to pick the above 21 over my humble 5! Those who tried the 21 are already married! 🙂

1. Lay all your cards on the table before you jump into a new relationship. Tell him your plans and make him tell you his. A relationship can only progress if both parties’ personal plans converge at a point that’s comfortable for them.

2. Gravitate towards partners that are on the same wavelength and level of maturity as you.

3. Check the guy out first. What’s his track record? I know a guy who has bought four engagement rings. I know another guy who breaks up with his girlfriends every time they mention marriage. If a man can’t marry a particular tribe or religion for personal reasons, it doesn’t mean he won’t date a girl from that tribe or religion! Don’t be the side-attraction, do your homework!

4. Honesty!!! Deceit in any form usually comes around to bite you in the arse…

5. Know when to cut loose. There’s a thin line between having faith and being foolish!

Ecclesiastes 3:11 ‘He makes all things beautiful in His time…’
Have a lovely day peeps…xoxoxo 😉 🙂


Posted by on November 15, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Relationships, Women


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Modern day slavery!

I was sitting in traffic disgruntled and trying not to enjoy the traffic show on WAZOBIA FM too much, it’s actually funny, especially the corporal punishment and since I wasn’t driving and my blackberry battery was red, I was forced to look around me and observe the goings on which is something I rarely do while seated in a moving car. Before you act all shocked, why would you spend your car-ride looking out when you could be looking at the person seated beside you or looking up as your camera clicks away or looking down as you reply a ping or update your twitter or bb status? Alas on this particular day, I could do none of these so I looked out the window hoping to find a sight for sore eyes in the dreary evening traffic…

What I saw, had me confused, curious and horrified though it wasn’t new. It was a black long beast, with tiny windows and through the windows all I could see was un-ending darkness and it had swallowed up plenty men. No, I wasn’t dreaming. As a child, I had seen this particular beast and assumed the men it transported were criminals, murderers at the very least, whose heinous crimes warranted such vile transportation. This beast made the yellow and black molue look like a luxury. Twenty years later, there it was again and this time I asked rather innocently who the people were who were forcibly transported in such a suffocating enclosure on wheels. The answer shocked me even further…they were workers for a popular German construction company being transported from their sites after a long day. This was a German company’s alternative to a staff bus??? I was mighty
disappointed. A black maria couldn’t be any worse. It hadn’t been that long ago that Airtel had been all over the news because of the controversy over slash in salaries brought about by a change in management. Foreigners again!!!

Yes, historical slavery has been abolished but it has given way to a modern form of slavery that is silent and barely perceptible yet deeply rooted in our every day lives and swept under the carpet by those who could actually set us free. Nigerians have become like South Africans before they were liberated. We have allowed foreigners come into our land and make themselves fat on our resources. A few bad men sold us again into slavery, governments were bribed and now these people do to us what we could never ever dream of doing to them in their country and yet we are grateful for any little left-over they hand out to us from our stolen inheritance.

They are given preferential treatment by the government, by the police, at the embassy, everywhere. They can afford things the average Nigerian could only dream of and live like kings amongst us. They say our Naira is devalued but it seems it’s not the only resource in Nigeria that has been devalued. Unconsciously, the average Nigerian kisses ass, once the ass has pale cheeks. Yet these foreigners look out for themselves like tourists in wild terrain sticking together for dear life. My friend C who works in a Lebanese construction company was telling me how a plumber was brought in from Lebanon and paid five times the salary of the Nigerian plumbers and could not even perform the simplest of duties.

Why have we as Nigerians been tricked into cheap labour? I was offered a job at a Lebanese clinic a while back and the HR guy spent long minutes on the phone trying to make me agree to a hundred thousand naira less than the agreed salary just because he thought he could get away with it. He was a Nigerian too and it was quite sad that he would go through such lengths to sell a fellow citizen short of her due. While serving in Akure, many of these foreigners frequented the big hotels, a couple had paid for luxury suites for two years, cash down. They were barely educated handy men in their countries who had left their wives and children behind to come and strike gold in Nigeria and lord it over highly-educated folk who worked so hard each day and yet were paid so little. In the job market, people shied away from working for Indians, Chinese and Lebanese because they worked you hard and dry for every Naira you were paid. Why do we allow this? At the airport, we treat them like kings yet at their airports we are rough-handled like criminals. Have we no shame? Why are we in a relationship where we are taken for granted and abused? No wonder the youths in some parts of the country were enraged, though misguided as violence is never the answer to a problem neither is kidnapping, they actually had a point. I wish they had gone about it in a more civilised manner so that their voices could be heard rather than being labelled as militants. My friend K studying at a university in Ghana would ping me for medical advise because the doctors there would not readily treat her as she was a foreigner. In Nigeria, I don’t see doctors discriminating in that manner.

The slavery doesn’t stop there. There is another form of slavery that we impose on ourselves. A long time ago, our ancestors were called coloured people, slaves, niggas and were beaten, maltreated and made to suffer and years after, we still felt the scourge of racial discrimination and our afro hair became a big black bush of defiance making a statement. What was once a sign of our rich bloodline, now became a flaw we would rather not talk about. We tried to hide it but we could hide it no better than we hid our dark skin and big noses. It was our heritage, it was our curse. It kept us enslaved for years and made us different from those who regarded themselves as superior, from those who sailed into our continent and took over our lives. Our tormentors were reportedly pale faces from the West and since we couldn’t beat ’em, we longed to blend in a bid to join them and acquire the pseudo-modernisation we had misconstrued to be the ideal lifestyle!

Yes we were free, old heroes with kinky black hair, shouting they were black and proud till their voices were hoarse, had fought with every breath they had to give us a chance but here we were, wanting more than a chance. We wanted to be like the people who had once enslaved us and seemed to win the race of modernisation. The Western culture had taken over almost every aspect of our lives even to our detriment and this could only be seen as a self-imposed slavery. One far worse than the first kind of slavery which was imposed by others because this particular kind gave us a false sense of being better than the next person…

The modern-day Nigerian will wear leather in the most humid condition, sun shades at night, a suit in the scorching heat, brazilian hair that costs three to five times the minimum wage, hair-dos that cover our natural hair causing it to be damp, smelly and unhealthy, perm our natural hair with chemicals even from a tender age, wear fur in a tropical country, bleach their skin at the risk of skin discolouration just to seem lighter and closer to the pale-faces, diet to be a size zero just to look like Miss Teen America, adopt a fake accent and slangs just to belong, wear heavy, gaudy jewelry just to look like a gangster from Brooklyn, have a million tattoos and piercings just to seem fashionable and we claim to be a liberated country. What happened to the old ways, everything old looks ‘country’ now, aka ‘razz’. Nobody wants to be left behind. We don’t wanna be old school but are we doing ourselves good? I visited a house a while back and the mother thought stuffing her young kids with KFC treats for lunch and dinner was a sign of good living. Needless to say, the kids were overweight. And quite unfortunately, while the Western world is moving beyond their mistakes and adopting a ‘Less is more/Save our World’ mentality, we are eagerly filling their old shoes, becoming a dumping ground for their below par technology, feeding ourselves fat with their junk food and killing our part of the planet with our non-recyclable litter. Even the women haven’t learnt the elegance of makeup that isn’t loud or colourful or jewelry that isn’t chunky or cheap-looking. We watch our famed goddesses on TV and falsely imagine they have natural beauty when they have put on tons of make-up to get a look that makes them seem like they have almost no make-up on. We assume they are naturally thin and envy their genes while we struggle into our jeans forgetting that this people have integrated diet and exercise into their busy lives. When will we throw off the shackles for good and embrace a liberty so refreshing that the world will have to stop and stare? They take our good but we take all they have to offer, mostly the bad.

We need to find ourselves, glory in our sense of identity, show the world what they have always suspected, that we are way smarter than them! Let’s stop showing up on the most wanted list, let’s stop using our great minds to commit crimes that baffle the CIA, let’s stop using our creativity to make ‘fakes’ of originals (Aba) instead of sticking our customised brand names on our amazing goods. We are a great people, the sooner we carve our names in history, the better for us all. 2012 dey draw nigh oh!

Enough said! I’m black and I’m proudly Nigerian!!! 🙂 Have a great night peeps…xoxoxo 😉 😉 🙂


Posted by on November 12, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Inspirational


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Happy birthday to me…xxx

     Mortals cannot choose the day they are born or the day they die, their choices begin and end after these two are made for them…

I didn’t choose to be born on the 5th of September but that was the day my mama’s water broke and the doctor announced it was a girl…that girl turned 27 two days ago…

I decided to do a l’il research about the 5th of September not that I’m superstitious or anything but like every optimist out there, I’ve always known I was special…

First thing I googled was famous people born that day and apparently a couple of odd ball characters share birthdays with me! There were presidents, football players, mathematicians, poets, royalty, actresses, composers and great business men, even famous criminals!

Most of the names didn’t ring a bell but of the ones that did, Jesse James the famous criminal and son of a clergy man struck me the most. Not that I have any criminal intent but here was a man who was born on the same day as dozens of great men and decided to go down in history as a famous bank/train robber! He had a choice, yes times could have been tough and his clergy father over-strict but he blazed his own trail and that was exactly what I wanted to do. Make a name for myself, be so great that at my funeral they’d have to truncate the eulogy cos there’d be too many wonderful things to say and who knows, I could even end up on the 5000 naira note later on, or win a Nobel prize…. 😉

All men are born equal…some more equal than others… 😉

Someone asked once why all the great men in Nigerian history had no shoes growing up. The thing is, no matter how great you are or how rosy things are in your life, there’s gonna be that thorn, that storm, that weakness, that dark cloud hiding your sunshine. That thing that seeks to define you…How you handle it determines if you’ll be a hero or a zero…

Before I start my list, for all who are wondering how I spent my birthday, here’s a shocker…I spent it in bed! Tossing and turning and reflecting for the greater part of the day. 27 can be a scary age, just 3 years short of 30. I wasn’t all I’d hoped to be but I hadn’t done too badly either. I had goals I’d achieved, goals I’d left hanging and dreams I’d almost forgotten. I also had some hard life decisions to make…At 5.30 pm, I got a call from an old friend that shook me out of my reverie and as I planned the later part of my day, I made the rather hard decision to kiss Abuja goodbye…

The rest of my day was fun thanks to J, E and S and I got some really cool gifts though I was a bit disappointed that everyone skipped the private jet, range rover sports and land in Maitama on my wish list! 🙂

Now to the 27 things that are part of a great list of awesome events that made me the 27 year old I am today….

1) When I’m in love, I forget to eat which is great cos I like food. I’ve been called ijekuje, medemede, grubido and queen gaul because of my love for fast food and sweet things…. At the same time, I am conscious of my weight so alternate between fasts/diets/the gym and large helpings of cake and suya! Thankfully I’m tall… 🙂

2) I wrote and sold my first novel in primary four. It was about a magic mirror. All 10 copies were painstakingly hand-written and illustrated on white paper cut up and arranged in book-form and sold to my classmates for 2 naira, 50 kobo each. My mom never knew! World’s youngest entrepreneur?

3) The first boy I ever had a crush on was in church. He was nerdy, wore glasses, had pimples and was awfully smart. One day he tapped my shoulder from behind apparently to catch my attention and electricity went through my body. I was 12 at the time and I’m still not sure if it was the anointing, butterflies or jazz! 😉

4) I don’t know my right hand from my left. I have a little birth mark on my right hand that I look at every time I need directions and I’ve learnt to do that at lightening speed! Don’t laugh, I heard only geniuses have that problem. Seems I’m using both halves of my brain equally! 😉

5) I shake my leg and it’s contagious. Sometimes I do it in my sleep and I have 8 different types of shakes and the best of boyfriends have given up after trying to decipher my secret code. I shake my leg when I’m sleepy, bored, angry, horny, restless, excited, nervous or praying! I’m shaking it right now… 🙂

6) I’m a helpless romantic and water full my eye! I really get into a movie, so into it that where others say ‘awwwww, sad’ I cry buckets! Even cried when I watched ‘Lion King!’ I’m also jumpy, couldn’t find my purse after ‘Snakes on a plane’ cos I’d flung it in fright at some point. Nevertheless, I love horror!

7) I pray before I do anything, even before going clubbing… #shameonme! I’m no better than those criminals who pray before robbing…geez! But He is faithful and I’ve never been robbed, mugged, kidnapped, in an accident, drugged etc though my guardian angels did advice I slow my role so I’ve become more indoorsy of late! 😉

8 ) I cried the first time I entered the anatomy lab and saw all those dead bodies. I wasn’t scared or disgusted, I was just sad that I had to cut them up to achieve my dream. They had dreams too… #sentimental

9) I used to be deadly afraid of dogs till I moved to Abuja. Now I live with Nikky, Buddy, Jack and Nikky’s 5 pups. Alsatians and a Bullmastiff. Now i could almost write a book about dogs…

10) I’m afraid of heights, and that also includes being carried so no sweeping me off my feet please. Thank God carrying your wife across the threshold no be by force!

11) When I was in the university, I was superstitious about sandals and slippers. Every time I did something wrong or felt guilty about something, the strap of my shoe cut, no matter how new it was or how strong it looked and I had to do the walk of shame to the nearest shoe-maker…

12) I love my friends and family but I’m terrible at keeping in touch…and would rather send an sms than call… 😦

13) I thought Beast was the sexiest X-Men character! And would have totally married Rock in fantastic four. Something about soft, brainy yet brawny guys not necessarily conventionally hot…

14) At various points in my life, I have wanted to be a genetic engineer, an architect, a pilot, a sexologist, a police woman and a house wife…

15) I was an ugly duckling till the end of secondary school, I have almost no pics left for public viewing of me between age 9 and 16! Any man who fancied me then, knew the meaning of true love or was enthralled with the boobs on the skinny black girl!

16) The first time I was ever on TV was a children’s program on NTA channel 10. I was in JS2 then and my mates teased the hell out of me and my green aunty-give-me-cake-dress!

17) I’ve made grown men cry and grown men have made me cry!

18) I believe in love and would never marry a man for his money. Unfortunately it has been a while since a millionaire tested that theory! 😉

19) I love children and I wanna be a pediatrician but after failing primaries, I am thinking I’ll just give birth to loads of ’em or open an orphanage instead! Now considering other disciplines of medicine…

20) I love sexy lingerie….

21) I wanna change the world…and I wanna go to heaven…both are not easy tasks!

22) I would like to get married next year and have a kid before December 2012 just in case the world does end on that day!!!

23) I got duped by a conman for the first time in history. 65k waka just like that! And I always thought I had waffi sense! So much for Isoko wayo…. 😦

24) I spend more time on my blackberry than any other activity. My not so secret sin…

25) My favorite part of my blog is the site stats…seeing the number of people that visited my blog everyday gives me a daily dose of self-achievement…love you guys!

26) Of the seven deadly sins, if I was gonna be judged on one, it would probably be lust… 😦

27) I’m easily satisfied and have been called low maintenance by every single guy who I’ve ever been remotely involved with, i’m starting to think it isn’t such a compliment anymore. Need to develop a love of money and a hunger for the finer things of life… 😉

I will end this blog with excerpts from I am allowed to be self-absorbed since this post is dedicated to me and the author had such lovely things to say about the September 5 breed. 😉

“Because of their attitude and appearance, Virgos born on September 5 stand out in a crowd. Intelligent and composed, they are usually in control of their emotions. They’re not just physically attractive but also are composed and dignified.

Relationships are the essence of life for September 5 people, and they spend their life working to make them the best they can be. They have a talent for making marriage work and are responsible and affectionate. They are loyal and expect the same.

They are often highly educated, yet many make their livings in nonacademic jobs. They work hard to achieve financial security. September 5 natives are often satisfied after attaining even modest goals. They balance professional goals with their personal lives without losing sight of either.

Don’t hate, appreciate…we are far from perfect but we will take over the world…if you ain’t born on September 5, ask God why???? Have a lovely night peeps… xoxoxo 😉


Posted by on September 7, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Memoirs


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