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The side chic plus! *adult content

12 Nov
The side chic plus! *adult content

A couple of years ago when I was still in UNILAG, a couple of friends sat around a table discussing the new trend on campus. The ‘yahoo yahoo’ boys had gone PLC.  They had graduated from basic internet fraud to incorporating juju jazz as their fail-safe. How did it concern us you might wonder? Well babes couldn’t accept harmless lifts from men in bougee rides with tinted glasses anymore. Dead bodies of unfortunate females were turning up on roadsides often with a breast or an arm missing. Girls who escaped shared horrific tales of the wonders they had seen and the internet had silly memes of yahoo boys and their calabashes and charms. We called them yahoo-plus.

Fast forward a couple of years and I’m at another table and with some other ladies and the discussion turns to how hard it is to keep a man these days with the advent of the millennial side chicks who don’t play fair. One of them tells a story she read online about a guy who signed the deeds of the house his family lived in over to his side chick and she came to the house and evicted his wife and kids.

Wait….what?

Yeah…It’s no news that some girls will go as far as taking your man’s name to a pastor, prophet or native doctor but that’s not what this post is about (I repeat this post is not about jazz or love potions) and it’s no news that they are willing to do what you won’t, to keep a man- your man…of course for them, no line is too stressful, icky, freaky or unbelievable to cross to keep him happy but again that’s not what this post is about.

This post is about the side chick plus!

There are certain herbs, fruits and potions that legit make a man a slave to her 😺  and ready to do her bidding. They are pricey but potent and are the side chick’s new fail-safe. #pillsandpotions

The good news is it’s available to all women…

The not so good news is that they don’t have NAFDAC numbers and side effects haven’t been studied in detail so in your quest for dominance you may end up with a one way ticket to ‘anywhere but here’.

The whole point of this post is so that married women know what’s up. Men don’t joke with good sex and these side chicks didn’t come to play. And even if a side chick isn’t your problem, these products make great claims of making sex amazing, eliminating 😺 dryness and boosting libido to insane levels and according to the viral posts on social media, they are 100% natural and 100% safe and best of all they have men giving women cars, lands, houses and insane amounts of money…never underestimate the power of sex #wawu

If I was a dedicated blogger I would have bought them all and tried them and perhaps come to give you a personal review but #icannorcomeandkeemyself. 😋😋😋

So here I am only gisting you about the in-thing in town and asking you to shine your eye and who knows this post may just save a marriage.

Here are 5 signs that a side chick plus has got your man (not absolute, but the usual suspects) just in case the thought has crossed your mind:

1. He got abducted by aliens and the man who wakes up beside you now is a stranger.

He used to be all loving and kind and attentive and sex with him was amazing but now he is always out of the house or about to leave the house, stays out late, is not interested in sex with you and is emotionally unavailable. #redflag

2. You didn’t change, the marriage didn’t change, yet he is different.

You are still the hot, sexy super woman he married. You still don’t nag, you are very supportive and a virtuous woman on all counts but he doesn’t seem to notice anymore or appreciate it or even want you or the fabulous things you bring to the table. #redflag

3. He rubs his philandering in your face.

He didn’t respect you enough to stay faithful and now his respect for you has basically flown out the window because he is rubbing his mistress in your face every opportunity he gets. Men usually hide their transgressions but if he isn’t, then he may be considering making her the new mrs. #redflag

4. He used to complain about sex but now he doesn’t anymore.

He wanted more sex, better sex, crazy sex, longer sex, more frequent sex and you both would have countless arguments about your not putting out enough but now he wants nothing or whatever you offer. You didn’t win, he developed an appetite for the forbidden. #redflag

5. He is always broke.

His salary didn’t change, he didn’t take on some new responsibility or major project but for some reason every time you ask him for money for the things he used to provide for in the past the story is the same. He is broke and you should makedo without his input or minimal financial input. #redflag

One of the sellers on IG: @jaaruma_empire absolutely refuses to sell to single women cos she claims that once a married man gets a taste of this from his side chick he will never come home again but instead she sells it to married women whose marriages are in trouble and she is proud of the results.
This.is.not.an.advertisement.
So here are some of the arsenal in the side chick plus’s armoury:

1. Goron tula

Say bye bye to dry 😺 and the hassle of reapplying expensive lubes. This fruit promises a dripping wet 😺 no matter how many rounds you go with your man. It’s also available with Lakanin ningi (another fruit) and sold as a combo called GTMLN and comes as syrups, pills etc in case you are aversed to eating weird fruit.

 2. GJX

Promises to make your 😺 dynamite 💣💣💣 and make you squirt 😂

3. Pheromone oils and sprays

One puff and the man can’t say NO because you are suddenly irresistible or he is suddenly h*rny. (Pheromones are hormones secreted by the body that trigger sexual response and somebody has discovered how to extract them).

There are a lot more potions and contraptions on the market. So the next time you are wondering why it seems like her 😺 is made of gold be warned, she just may have help.

I know it’s a cut throat world out there. Good women are single, good men are getting heart broken, bad girls seem to have the man and the money, bad boys only want to play games and keep score and marriage isn’t sacred or untouchable anymore.

Yeah it seems like everyone’s disillusioned but don’t get discouraged, amidst the WaZoBia demons and Side chicks plus there are good men, good women and good marriages. Be smart, be patient and trust that God will make all things beautiful in His time. 

    The side chick plus is as human as you are. She isn’t his archilles heel, you are! So be the badass you were born to be and don’t let some millennial give you sleepless nights. You have more intel than she does, so use it! You are his once in a lifetime woman don’t throw in the towel without a fight.

    If it’s broken fix it, don’t throw it away!

    Have a great day chutzpah fam,

    Xoxo

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    Posted by on November 12, 2017 in Urban Culture

     

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