Today I’ll be blogging about the sixth personal lesson I learned in marriage and it’s something you never see coming…
6. Expect the unexpected!
In marriage the unexpected happens; it’s almost impossible to keep your life exactly the way you planned it but making the most out of it is the only way you’ll survive it without losing your joy (or mind).
My husband got a work transfer out of town and we received the apparent good news with mixed feelings. I had always been anti-long-distance relationships and I wasn’t sure how I was gonna survive in a still relatively new town all on my own. I couldn’t very well quit my residency and go become a house wife though the thought was so very tempting… We also had the added expenses from keeping two homes as opposed to one but that didn’t phase me as much as coming back home day after day to an empty house did (my house echoed gosh).
That was a year and a half ago…
So how did I make the most of this unexpected turn? First of all I had to convince myself that it was only temporary and believe me when I tell you that it becomes quite hard to stay optimistic when a whole year and some, pass you by and the status quo remains unchanged. We ensured that we made good our promise to see each other every weekend no matter what, even if it meant meeting each other half way, and with the exception of a few odd weekends we have made the almost impossible happen weekend after weekend. We also had to make a conscious effort to communicate several times a day and add little fun activities like sending a selfie or video every morning before work. No room for the out of sight, out of mind saying to come make us its case study! I also used the opportunity to get fit, since I was only cooking and caring for one on most days, I could go on long walks every evening and eat healthy. I tried to fill my hours with meaningful or at least entertaining activities and so few people knew I was chronically home alone because I did not wear my life adjustment like a badge! Inside me however, it was a whole different ball game.
I was a hot mess a lot of times. There were times I needed him for so many different reasons from handyman jobs to car issues to cuddle requirements. I missed his hugs and even though he was only a phone call away it wasn’t the same. There were many cold nights and tossing and turning and times like these I’d grumble and talk to myself about how I didn’t sign up for this at all, at all. But marriage is like that, sometimes the unexpected happens and life adjustments are required.
It may not be as uncomplicated as long distance, it could be an in-law moving in or a spouse losing a job or a new baby or even a new business. The unexpected is common place in marriage and may not be in itself a bad thing but how you adapt, how you persevere and how you make the best of it determines whether it’s gonna be the worst period of your life or just a stepping stone. We humans do not like change, we would prefer to dwell in our comfort zones undisturbed but when the unexpected happens, it gives us an opportunity for growth. Embrace change and most importantly make the best out of it. Did long distance make my marriage stronger? Perhaps so, because it gave me a deeper appreciation of my husband, the bond we share and the little things I had previously taken for granted. Every weekend is so very exciting and highly anticipated but would I want it over for good? Yes! Yes! Yes! In a hurry please!!!
In a nutshell, marriage is the only relationship where the unexpected is guaranteed, so brace up and make it work for you! There’s some delicious lemonade waiting to come out of that lemony experience.
Have a lovely evening chutzpah fam,