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Is your new beau a serial monogamist?

25 May

There are obviously three types of guys- Those who don’t cheat, those who cheat and the serial monogamist. The serial monogamist is a guy who is faithful for the shortest possible time that he is in a relationship with you and as soon as he gets bored he finds an excuse to break up and is on to the next relationship in a flash and then the cycle continues.
So how do you spot a serial monogamist?
1) He has more exes than there are episodes on Tinsel!
Every time you step out you meet yet another ex! It’s like he’s been with the whole town.

2) His longest relationship lasted one month.
He was a very great boyfriend for 30 whole days till he wasn’t.
And if for whatever reason his ex wouldn’t give up the cookie before 90 days then his longest relationship lasted 100 days!

3) It’s always his ex’s fault that they broke up.
She was too clingy, too jealous, too crazy, moving too fast, always talking bad about his mother, wanted to get married too soon, didn’t like his friends…the list is endless. He always comes off looking like the victim who just had to run for dear life.

4) He is Mr. Right-now in every sense of the word.
He gets this funny look on his face right before he changes the subject any time you talk about any type of relationship goals. Who’d have thought going on holiday together would be such a big deal?

5) He is paranoid about babies and baby mamas.
He disposes of his condom himself, doesn’t sleep with you till the first time he catches you on your period and then you find a period tracker on his iPad that’s synchronized to your menstrual cycle. He never ever has unprotected sex and if he does, he serves you morning after pills alongside a hot cup of cocoa and doesn’t laugh at the joke you made about having a child together. He never leaves a trail and he makes sure his track record stays squeaky clean.

6) He has a very complicated plan for his future that doesn’t seem to flow with your plans in the least.
His aim is to ensure that you are not traveling the same path!

7) The texts on his phone to various women seem to all be a prelude to something more.
“Hey babe, you were looking so fly today…wish I wasn’t in a relationship…would never ever cheat on bae but who knows dreams do come true…x”

Like wtf???!!!!

8) His family don’t seem particularly interested in knowing your name.
He takes you for family gatherings and you think this shows he is considering a long term relationship with you but his family acts funny. They barely ask your name and act like you are nothing more than his plus one at the dinner party not their future in-law. They know the drill!

9) He is all about the romance.
This guy is a hopeless romantic. Breakfast in bed, flowers, songs dedicated to you on cool FM, cupcakes to your office, surprise gifts and just because I love you gestures but as soon as you both start acting like a normal couple he complains about the flames flickering out and is gone with the wind!

10) He never ever does the breaking up.
Now this sneaky fellow has perfected the art of breaking up with you without actually breaking up with you. When he is done with the relationship, he let’s it fizzle out. Too busy to pick your phone calls or reply your messages. Way to busy to come see you or be in the same room with you for more than 5 seconds. Avoidance is key to his strategy and sooner or later you break up with him out of frustration possibly via text message.

This smooth, suave, heart breaker would never be labeled a cheater, he prides himself in having great relationships which were fun while they lasted, too bad they are gone in 60 seconds! Ladies beware of the serial monogamist! Check out his track record before you say yes!

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1 Comment

Posted by on May 25, 2016 in Relationships

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

One response to “Is your new beau a serial monogamist?

  1. Adesuwa

    May 26, 2016 at 8:14 am

    What an analysis.

     

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