This post isn’t for everybody. It’s for the girl whose singular 2016 goal is to get married. She may or may not have a boyfriend but that doesn’t matter. These tips will take you from ‘Hello’ to ‘I do’ in a heart beat!
1) Finding the right man
Every woman has a list of qualities she wants in a man. Many of the things on our list of qualities are shallow, unrealistic or futuristic. Don’t bother about things that may change in a heartbeat! A qualified man is as good a pick as a rich man, a man with great genes may not have grown into his good looks possibly because he needs to gain some weight etc. So narrow down your list to 3 qualities you can absolutely not do without in your man. Here’s an example: 1) God fearing 2) University degree 3) Good man. Good is relative but we all know good when we see it!
Now get busy. You need a game plan for the first quarter of the year. These are the top 5 places to find the right guy:
1) Social media
2) Work space
3) Social circles
- Clean up your social media, anything that doesn’t say ‘wife material’ should not make it there! Semi- nude photos, turnt up pictures, ratchet pictures, pictures for thirsty dudes and messages or tweets that scream immature, one night stand, runz babe or ho should be deleted immediately!
Your work space is not just your office but every other office in your building, on your street and in your environs. Make a friend in every office. Apart from the possible networking opportunities, you get to meet people you’d never have met if you sat at your desk all day. There’s always a couple of minutes to spare. Some offices have lunch time fellowships, you could seize that opportunity to mingle with people from that office.
Social circles include all your family friends, all the owambes and weddings you get invited to, basically every opportunity to interact with the public. Look your best, act like a lady and avoid being too obvious or loud. You want to get noticed but not for the wrong reasons. Nude makeup is always the way to go because it appeals to men of different ideals and doctrines. Avoid indecent clothes they scream sexy, take me to bed not sexy for only you, marry me! Drop your phone! No pinging or checking social media at social events. No endless selfies, just plenty eye contact, laughs and a permanent smile on your face! Be approachable! Now is also a good time to accompany your mum, dad or elder siblings to visit their friends, you’d be surprised what gorgeous hunks you have as family friends that your family just forgot to mention!
Church is another fantastic place to meet the one but you can’t meet the one by just sitting in a great big auditorium every Sunday. You need to mingle! Join a group, a cell, become an usher or a greeter or join a fellowship for business professionals. Remember that meeting a brother in church doesn’t mean he is a saint!
Miscellaneous is every where else! On the street, at the cinema, while running an errand, in the hospital etc. The only place you cannot meet a man is on your bed! If you spend more hours at home being a couch potato than outside socializing, how on earth is a brother supposed to find his wife?
No matter how busy your life gets take two to four hours on one week day and four to six hours once on a weekend, dress up real good and go somewhere by yourself for a cup of tea or a meal. A table for one in a decent place where you are likely to meet someone. It could be for brunch, tea, lunch, dinner, entertainment or maybe even cocktails on a Friday night. Resist the urge to go straight home after work and plan towards that once a week date. Choose a different spot or restaurant every time and look awesome and no matter your first impression of the guy who steps up to you, be nice, cordial and listen to what he has to say. He may not be the one but he may introduce you to the one. He may not be the one but God may have sent him into your life for a great purpose. He may actually be the one but might not be putting his best foot forward! There’s never a good reason to be rude to a stranger!
If all else fails, add some new friends on social media! Go through the friends’ list of all your friends and add any attractive looking guy who isn’t listed as married. Like a couple of his pics and see how it goes! Facebook is great for that sorta stuff!
Eliminating time wasters:
Sometimes a man may look like Mr. Right, sound like Mr. Right but only be Mr. Right Now! So to eliminate time wasters here are 3 simple but direct questions and it’s better to ask them early in the relationship before you catch feelings.
1) What’s your plan for the next year of your life? If he doesn’t add finding a girl and settling down then don’t even bother.
2) Why are you attracted to me?
There has to be an answer in there to make you know he has some kind of non-sexual, possibly long term plans that include you. ‘You fascinate me’, ‘There’s something about you’…probe deeper.
3) Would you still wanna hang with me if I said I wasn’t putting out?
No time to waste, the sooner you know if he is only about the sex, the better!
This isn’t foolproof, some men lie!
And here are some deal breakers for women- if he has these, don’t even bother. Keep looking!
1. He is married or engaged.
2. He is an NFA (No future ambition).
3. He can’t keep a job- hooked on get rich quick schemes.
4. He has been engaged more than once before.
5. He has a history of violence especially towards women.
6. He can only marry a woman from a particular tribe, class, genotype or religion and you don’t fit.
7. He has a reputation as a player, only in it for the sex.
8. He is a ritualist or cultist.
9. He is a gold-digger.
10. He is a serial cheat.
11. He is addicted to drugs or weed or booze or prostitutes!
12. He is a pathological liar.
13. He has anger issues.
14. He is lazy.
15. He is wasteful, never saves for the future.
16. He is selfish.
17. He has an Obsessive Compulsive disorder that would affect you directly.
18. He has no obvious source of his income.
19. He doesn’t believe in God.
20. He is overly controlling.
21. He is an ex-con.
22. He has no qualms taking advantage of his maid, cleaner, the girl selling on the streets or any woman who cannot stand up to him.
23. He is a serial monogamist.
24. He is cruel to people around him.
25. He hates his mother or family without obvious cause.
Most men won’t volunteer this information so you have to dig deep!
2) Dating Mr. Right
OK so now you are in a relationship with a man you believe to be Mr. Right and you really don’t wanna screw it up like all the others.
These are silent deal breakers for men:
1. She lies
2. She is all about the money
3. I caught her flirting
4. She is attention-hungry on social media
5. Her life’s ambition is to get married i.e she has nothing else going for her.
6. She nags.
7. She shouts or snaps at me when she isn’t in the mood.
8. She easily gets moody or depressed.
9. She isn’t conscious about her weight.
10. My mother or family doesn’t like her.
11. She’s too rigid and never wants to compromise.
12. She’s controlling.
13. She is rude to others.
14. She questions my authority alot.
15. Tribe or Religious differences.
16. She can’t or hates to cook.
17. She’s dirty.
18. She has emotional baggage.
19. I don’t like her friends, she may be pretending.
20. She likes partying or clubbing too much.
21. She is stingy or selfish.
22. She is wasteful or greedy.
23. She dresses scandalously.
24. She is lazy.
25. She is too much of a drama queen.
You need to look closely at yourself. If any of these numbers aptly describes you, le boo may only be killing time with you!
3) How to get him to propose
Now this could be the toughest or the easiest part depending on whether you are dating Mr. Right Now or Mr. Right!
There are basically four steps.
1) Ascertain that he is ready mentally, financially and socially! Also be certain that his family has fully accepted you as iyawo-to-be and that he most importantly doesn’t have doubts about you!
2) Get him thinking about marriage!
From watching chick flicks with beautiful happily ever afters to movies where women sacrificed all and showed real virtue in marriage, essentially you want him seeing movies that show the benefit of having a good woman at your side for the long haul. Show him very romantic pre-wedding stories and keep telling him that you have always wanted a small wedding with only close family and friends, that way you sound really sensible and he knows he doesn’t have to break the bank to be with you!
Depending on the sort of relationship you have, you can drop bigger hints but you don’t want him seeing you as desperate. It’s a thin line so tread cautiously.
3) Do not ever give an ultimatum or get caught having a plan B or C!
That not only shows desperation but it shows him that you are only interested in getting married and you don’t care if it’s him or someone else.
4) Get people- close friends or family to put him on the spot every once in a while and act just as embarrassed when it happens!
“Jide when are you and Taiwo getting married? Your marriage will be the owambe of the year”
“Awww you guys will make very cute babies, when are you tying the knot?”
“Taiwo one of my cousin’s was asking about you but I told him Jide was your fiance, he was asking me where your ring was *giggles”
The message still gets passed across and it isn’t from your mouth!
4) Planning a wedding in three months!
The plan was to get married in a year and stage four usually starts in the last quarter of the year so you have to have seen it coming!
1) Get a secret folder with your dream wedding, guest list, play list, possible venues and vendors and colors already listed and with price quotations. This folder had better be passworded and have absolutely no references to your man so it is easily explained in the event of discovery. This makes planning the wedding easy because you are just following a well written script.
2) Save save save! Starting from the beginning of the year, you open an account just for the wedding and put in any spare cash you can so that you have quite the nest egg by the last quarter of the year. This is a sacrifice and putting money away is always a good idea.
3) A small intimate wedding can be a good thing, ask Toke! It’s also really easy to plan on short notice and with minimal stress and financial implications. The honeymoon can be postponed to the next year so that your hubby has time to save up!
And there it is! The city girl’s guide to getting married in one year! Do let me know if it works out for you! Happy New year people and may 2016 be the year of ‘I dos’.