When I was younger I was fascinated by the lyrics of this song. My Yoruba is a disgrace but Lagbaja makes you feel like you could actually be fluent in the language. It was just after I read a Mills&Boons novel about a young heroine who fell for an older guy and I started wondering what it would be like to shun the gangly, immature male admirers that flocked to my side from time to time and settle for a mature gentleman who would taste as great as vintage wine was rumored to be.
Before I continue here are the lyrics (truncated) to the song courtesy http://sweetlyrics.com
Omo gbe mi saya / Eh eh gbe mi saya / Baba to bi mi lomo ko mama so mi luncle / Ki lo wa de to mi pe mi luncle / I no be your uncle / Your uncle dey for village / No take your mouth to make me Methuselah / I might be forty something / I might be fifty something / In my heart I’m twenty something / No look my belly o / It’s a sign of good living / So you would know say Baba na father / I might be thirty something / I might be forty something / In my heart / I’m twenty something / Ma ma wo tikun me / Seb’obe lo wa nibe / Iyen lo fi ma gba pe baba ni father nje / Omo anything for me?
Chorus: Lagbaja nothing for you
Aa ki lo de / Omo anything for me so gbo o / Oo to be / Omo gbo se anything for me / Ab’oo gbo mi se / Ki lo de o / Omo anything for me eh eh / Aaaa
Tell me anything you want me to do for you baby / And I would do for you right away / Tell me what would make you happy / And I would do for you / Ma ma je n se’ra mi lese si e lorun baby o/ Aa, ab’o fe gboruko / Because of you, I fit close all my account patapata / Aa ma ma gboruko / Omo anything for me? / O se, O se
Chorus: Lagbaja, something for you
E hen… Aa… l’ataaro
The song always made me giggle. Fast forward a few years and I was in the University and was hit with the concept of ‘aristos’. These men lined the streets of Moremi, Newest Hall and New hall (Unilag) on a nightly basis, expensive cars, expensive perfumes and wedding rings in tow and I realized my concept of dating older men had just been redefined. The first concept was dating an older man for love but this new concept was dating an older man for money and the older men here were neither graceful nor sincerely gentle they looked like men on the prowl loaded with enough cash to ensure they had a smooth transaction into the pants of any lady of their choosing regardless of the baggage they brought with them. I was still trying to understand this new concept from the vantage point of a keen observer when another concept was again presented to me by Eedris Abdulkareem, the Mr Lecturer concept which was dating an old man to pass exams or move ahead in life.
Old men totally lost their appeal after I reviewed the three concepts because they all seemed to flow into each other with most girls swearing concept one was the reason for their choice while pretending not to notice that they got concept two and three in the bag too.
I still thought Sean Connery, Captain Von Trapp (Christopher Plummer) and Richard Mofe Damijo were beyond cute. Plus you can’t deny the gentility, wisdom and pampering that come with a doting father-figure cum lover boy! 🙂 But it’s never so simple in reality now is it?
As I grew older every time I saw a young girl with an older man, I wondered which of the three concepts was reason for her choice. The romantic in me hoped it was concept number one but the more cynical people around me held on to the other two concepts and judged the hell out of the girl. Then there were young girls who displaced their mother’s age mates from their matrimonial homes and I always wondered, don’t they fear God? How would you willingly be step-mother to kids older than you are? And of course there were naive young girls who narrowly missed getting entangled into ‘ministry of home affairs’ drama! Let me give you one gist, when I was in medical school I met this dashing older man (I swear my girlfriends rated him a 9/10), he was beyond gorgeous, cultured, the perfect gentleman and we had awesome conversation AND HE DIDN’T HAVE A WEDDING RING! I can hear you laughing at me already abi? One day he takes me out to dinner, bought me a nice perfume when he came to pick me up and then we headed out. Now I may be a romantic but I am not a fool. I always carried ‘vex’ money wherever I went (Queen’s College girls you know what I am about LOL). Anyway, I am laughingly responding to one of his numerous stories when his phone rings and he asks me to be quiet rather abruptly and then I hear the following convo (well his side of the convo).
“Hi honey, how are you and the kids”
“I am working late again, need to finish that project”
“May not come home tonight…”
I had heard more than enough, I got up grabbed my purse and with righteous anger walked off. ‘How could he be married?’ I asked to no one in particular with righteous indignation. Even the cab guy who silently returned me to school sensed I wasn’t in the mood for chitchat and you know how Lagos cab guys sabi gist. My friends were very supportive, insulting men in general as all girls do in such situations but later on my inner voice mocked me. 40- something year old gorgeous, cultured and very rich dude still single in this Nigeria? Come on! Girls are not sleeping or blind. If indeed he had been really single he would either be divorced, separated, gay or have one mega scoinscoin that would make you fear fear!
Later on a man who claimed he was ‘separated’ started toasting me and every time I gave him the ‘Lagbaja nothing for you’ line he would pout and promise that he was true and sincere and age was nothing but a number until one day I got a mysterious phone call and one woman abused my life ehn. The thing pain me no be small because I wasn’t even remotely interested in her man but you know we women na, face the woman instead of the man. Dude calls to apologize later on and swears that he is separated but his soon to be ex-wife is crazy jealous and wants him back. Shuoooo? Ogbeni shift joo, you are blocking my Oxygen!
I’d like to believe that the average young girl growing up in the world today is smart enough to see through all of this BS.
No ring doesn’t equal not married and separated doesn’t equal divorced and if he claims he is divorced insist on seeing papers biko!
So back to concept 1…Does this sort of love truly exist? Is there an acceptable maximum age difference that should exist between man and woman? This goes both ways cos the number of cougars is growing by the second! 😉
Could it really be defined as love or is it strictly a mutually beneficial relationship? What say ye? I’d really love to hear your views on concepts 1, 2 and 3. Do you have successful marriage stories to share that involve cross-generational relationships?
And for the young girls forced into marriage to men of their fathers’ ages by family, tradition or circumstances, my heart goes out to them. Marriage before the age of consent by an unwilling child bride should be a crime. Shikena!
So ladies would you date an older man, an aristo or Mr Lecturer? (Concept one, two or three) Or have you? And for the men have you ever dated an older woman or a cougar let’s hear your experiences and your verdict on the issue!