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10 things she taught me about long distance marriage!

21 May

For most people long distance relationships are a nightmare. They almost always lead to the couple growing apart and one person straying. Ideally they should be avoided like the plague but sometimes out of necessity especially when work-related, couples are forced to spend a significant amount of time apart but how the story goes is entirely up to the parties involved.

My sister in law has been apart from her family for almost 3 years due to a job transfer and she recently got transferred back home. While I rejoice with her, I know I will miss her company dearly. Being away from her family was tough especially the two small children she had to leave behind but one thing I admired about her was her strength and resilience and how she managed being a long-distance mother and wife really well.

Here are ten things I learned from her:

  1. Get someone to pop in on the kids every once in a while: Being away from your kids and having a working spouse means that the children would spend a great amount of time alone with the hired help and as the weeks go by, the hired help is able to time your movements so she knows when oga would likely be back etc. My sister-in-law got into the habit of asking any close family or friend who was gonna be in her neighborhood to drop by and check in on her kids. It was usually someone well known to the kids and doing this helped in more ways than one. It would also keep your help on her toes.

  2. Don’t let yourself go, stay sexy for the hookups: Yea you are in a strange town and married so it’s not like you can go on the prowl and find a juicy fling to amuse yourself with so instead you sit down at home watching African magic and eating whatever you like whenever you like and by the time your husband finally sees you he wonders why you look less attractive than the last time you were home. My sister-in-law was not about to let herself fall into that rut. She’d workout every opportunity she got and always ensured her weight was in check and she looked good. After all regardless of where you are, you are a representation of the home you are from.

  3. Adapt to your environment: It’s a fairly common story to have a person taken from their comfort zone which happens to be a juicy, bubbling town like Las gidi and thrown into some backwater location but my sister in law not only took it in her stride but had the time of her life and made so many friends. In fact she rocked it more than the regulars. That should be our attitude, when life throws you lemons don’t just make lemonade, make a freaking magarita! 😉

  4. Don’t inconvenience anyone: My sister in law could have chosen to live with any one of her numerous relatives in that state but she opted for her freedom despite the cost and stayed alone. Nothing compares to your freedom and independence and the peace of mind that comes with it not even the temptation of free room and board. It also gave her a nest for her kids and hubby to be with her during the holidays, a home away from home 😉

  5. Check in on your family every day: This should be a no-brainer yet I know a woman or two who got lazy about calling home everyday and that’s usually a recipe for disaster. Apart from the intimacy and great food, your partner also misses the communication and having someone to gist about his day. Making sure you are that someone is very important because most affairs start because the erring partner just needed a listening ear.

  6. Trust your man: My sister in law belongs to the ‘Team No Snoop’. She has never been tempted to check her man’s phone or emails or sms as she believes strongly in personal privacy. She often says that snooping doesn’t avert tragedy instead it expedites it. She chose to spend her time working on her marriage and conversing with God on her knees about her home and marriage and so far so good, it’s working like a charm. Long distance marriages are a recipe for disaster if the ingredient called trust is missing!

  7. Make your kids as independent as you can: She gave her children mobile phones. Her kids are little but they can talk and she taught them how to dial mummy’s number and call her so she was able to get real time updates on what was going on with her kids and her home in her absence. Yes technology is good for something. Making her kids independent not only made them grow but also helped them not feel abandoned since they knew they could reach mummy anytime, anywhere.

  8. Schedule regular dates with le boo, the sacrifice is well worth it: My sister in law was the original ‘Ajala the traveler’. OMG! Thank God for journey mercies cos she was almost always on the road. It wasn’t only about her kids and how much she missed them but it was about keeping the spark going with her hubby. Yes she made a lot of sacrifices but her spontaneity made the romance sparkle even in the face of hundreds of miles. She didn’t sit out waiting for le boo to do all the work. She took charge like a Proverbs 31 woman would!

  9. Don’t stay idle. Idle people cheat! My sister in law joined two groups in church and was always neck deep in activities so if she wasn’t on the road to see her family or at work, she was doing something worthwhile. She didn’t sit home all day feeling bored or make herself too available because she knew that nobody holy pass and if you set yourself up, chances are you’d fall flat on your nose. It’s no secret that idle people cheat 😉

  10. Don’t lose yourself: My sister in law was away from Lagos for almost three years but she didn’t adopt the ‘mgbeke’ lifestyle of the location she found herself instead she was true to herself and carried herself in a befitting manner. Be like coffee, change the environment you find yourself, do not let the environment change you.

No doubt I am immensely proud of the woman she is and I love her dearly and of course this post is dedicated to her- Mrs I.U!!!

I hope you learned a thing or two from her out of home experience. Long distance marriage doesn’t have to be the awful thing it has been painted as. Yes it takes a lot of sacrifices and determination but if she could do it, you certainly can.

Hugs and kisses Chutzpah fam,
Xoxoxo

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7 Comments

Posted by on May 21, 2015 in Relationships

 

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7 responses to “10 things she taught me about long distance marriage!

  1. Michelle

    May 21, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    I’m in a long distance relationship. Thanks for the advice and encouragement.

     
  2. Adesuwa

    May 21, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    Thank you dear sis. We are proud of her and pray this piece helps others. I can’t imagine how much you’ll miss her but we’ll always be together ( technology). God bless you dear.

     
  3. Miz chutzpah

    May 21, 2015 at 5:26 pm

    @Michelle may the Lord keep your relationship strong even with the distance. @Adesuwa amen, will miss her plenty sob sob.

     
  4. idia

    May 21, 2015 at 6:28 pm

    My dear sis-inlaw. I will really miss you. I will miss all d nice times we shared together, going to d movies etc. But my hubby and children needs me more. I have to go and take care of my home. Thanks so much for this post. U rock babe.

     
  5. Betty Esene

    May 21, 2015 at 7:14 pm

    You said it well, I could not really place words but u did justice to her personality, she is wow,

     
  6. Eu

    August 24, 2016 at 8:30 am

    Amazing write-uplace, summed up concisely!

     
    • Miz Chutzpah

      August 24, 2016 at 8:36 am

      Thanks!

       

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