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Married men who cheat & the women who love them…

08 Mar

Hey Chutzpah fam,
Long time no see ay? Forgive me. I have written so many blog posts in my head but my hands seem too busy to spare a few minutes to put my thoughts on paper. However I just had to talk about this…

In quick succession, I was fed gist about two women who will probably never meet but who shared a common plight- they had unwittingly given their hearts to married men. These single women waiting on God for a spouse had been hoodwinked by worldly wise very unavailable men and needed serious help.

Scenario no 1.
Married man says his marriage was a mistake, wife is a succubus from hell and that girl A is his one true love. They have been together for a while but anytime girl A threatens to leave him if he doesn’t divorce his wife he begs for more time with tears in his eyes yet till date he has not made a move to leave said wife save for his 101 ever fresh excuses.

Scenario no 2.
Girl B meets the man of her dreams. He proposes after two months and life is such a dream. She is a bit skeptical about his true intentions because she has had some nasty man-trouble in the past but after dating for two years- without sex, she is convinced that he is the one. She agrees to meet his people to plan an introduction with her family and then suddenly he drops the hiroshima- dude is married with a kid!

WTF?

Yea I spoke a lot of French too when I heard scenario 2. I was tempted to sing the ‘men are so wicked’ dirge but instead started thanking God babe no. 2 found out prior to her wedding cos I know someone who found out during the naming ceremony of her kid that her husband had another family.

So what do married men really want from the fresh succulent babes that their eyes gaze upon lustfully everyday?

I am not writing this post from the vantage point of the wife who views every single woman as a threat or from the opinion pool of those who believe married men are seduced by Jezebels that walk the street with a singular mission. No I am writing this post for that innocent or not so innocent girl who is about to fall prey to a married man. There are a few things you need to know so keep reading.

  1. There are three types of married men on the streets
  2. There are three types of wives they leave at home
  3. There are three types of women who fall prey to a married man.

Yes today’s post is about boxes! Even though I must admit that there will be exceptions but a wise man once said that there is nothing new under the sun and most cases would fall into the categories listed above!

The 3 types of married men:
All three groups of men string women along with the promise of marriage. So the fact that he says he will marry you doesn’t mean much. You definitely can’t take it to the bank!
Type 1- Fruit salad husband: He feels the concept of fidelity was not created for men. He cheats because he is bored and wants a bit of fun or the thrill of a new conquest. He is all for the sex and would not make empty promises but if the sex was really good or the chase particularly thrilling he might go the extra mile with flowery words and expensive deeds to bed his newest conquest but this man loves or wants his wife and family and is not looking for a replacement.

Type 2- Fed up husband- his marriage is actually going badly and this might not be entirely his fault. He is desperate for a way out and might get easily infatuated with a woman who seems to be the exact opposite of the wife who seems to be the sum total of all his problems in life. However if you are the object of his infatuation tread lightly because once his marriage ceases to be a problem either because he has found a way to resolve issues with his wife or has gotten a divorce, he would exhale, act like he is seeing clearly for the first time and leave you in the lurch regardless of the long promises of undying love given to you in his hour of need. They call it temporary insanity and the poor chick becomes collateral damage.

Type 3- Husband squared- this man at some point in his life decided he wanted a second wife and may plot his way into acquiring one. Usually he keeps both iyale and prospective iyawo in the dark till things begin to fall into place. Meaning that he would be a loving husband to iyale and a psuedo-single Mr Perfect to prospective iyawo till he has her heart and then when he knows the love has penetrated her medulla oblongata, he either confesses with tears in his eyes, an engagement ring and a sweeping romantic gesture or he keeps up the charade till after marriage number two when both women accidentally find out they have been played.

Enough said! I really didn’t plan for this to be a lengthy post so I would move on to the three types of wives these men leave at home.

  1. The good wife- she looks good, acts right, bore him beautiful offspring, is supportive, gives great sex and may not be perfect but she ticks most boxes on his list.
    Why you should be afraid of her:

– he knows what he has and wouldn’t trade it for the world so no matter how good it gets, he isn’t going to put a ring on it
– she just might have prayer warrior on her resume meaning that at some point in your life, MFM fire and Karma pepper will worry you bad bad. 😉

  1. The bad wife: She might have one or all of these traits- Bad cook, nag, quarrelsome, lazy, dirty, asexual, unsexy etc
    Why you should be afraid of her:

– she wouldn’t hesitate to beat shege out of you if she catches you with her husband after all she doesn’t have much else to lose
– all she needs to do to get his attention is to do away with the bad traits which puts you and your seeming perfection on shaky ground

  1. The blackmailing wife: whether she is a good wife or a bad one hardly matters at this point. She has something he needs desperately. It could be money, rights to his kids or being privy to a secret that he would rather the world didn’t know. It could even be something else. The point is she has a hold over him that transcends love and the vows of marriage.
    Why you should be afraid of her:

– her husband, your darling beau is afraid of her
– she calls the shots, he would dump you in a heart beat if she so much as hinted at it. She is the oga of your oga!

And finally the three types of women who fall prey to a married man:

  1. The good girl who didn’t do her homework: when you meet the man of your dreams spend less time day dreaming and more time investigating his background. There are certain types of surprises a man should not spring on you in the course of a relationship. How on earth didn’t you know he was married in this time of social media and high profile aproko friends? You did not do your homework girl!

  2. The ojukokoro woman: the one who wants to run before she can walk. Married men seem like the complete package abi? Responsible, financially stable, good in bed, handsome etc. They were once hustling single men and the honest ones attribute a great part of their success to the one woman who stood by them and prayed for them and encouraged them- wifey! Now you don’t want to work like wifey did but you want to twerk your way into wifey’s inheritance abi? Obviously you don’t like yourself. The Yoruba movie industry is booming today because of stories about girls like you. Awoof dey run bele sha…

  3. The Hollywood lover: what are marriage vows in the face of passion and true love? What are broken homes except a chance for a change of government to mend and improve them? That’s their philosophy. Nothing stops them, no fish in the sea is sacred. They don’t do it for the money neither are they sent from the underworld, they are just sensuous, narcissistic illusionists who feel that love truly covers all wrongs. They love like the movies preferring to see the married man as a lost puppy who needs to be rescued from his sad life and burdensome marriage. They dream of running away together and leaving behind any form of responsibility regardless of the body count…sometimes they get hit by reality but sometimes they hit someone else’s reality in close range.

This about sums it up. Married men and the women who love them…

P.S: A note to married women- if you suspect your husband is being unfaithful you need to do these three things before you even decide to tackle the issue in a confrontational manner:

  1. Protect yourself- STDs and HIV make the pain of infidelity a much bitter pill to swallow.
  2. Have a contingency plan: get a job, gather money, start acquiring property. Do not be the unfortunate wife who was left penniless, jobless, homeless and hungry after her husband found a new love interest.
  3. Take a critical look at yourself: did any of your actions contribute to your man straying? Do you need to lose weight or dress sexier or learn some new tricks?

And most importantly pray…God takes the marriage vow very seriously. I didn’t include prayer in the initial three because prayer should be an essential part of your lifestyle whether you are single or married!

Happy International women’s day Chutzpah fam, stay strong and united. There are some marriages that are still thriving because a single woman said no to a married man!!!

Have a fantastic week,
Xoxoxo 😉 😉

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19 Comments

Posted by on March 8, 2015 in Relationships

 

Tags: , , , , ,

19 responses to “Married men who cheat & the women who love them…

  1. Window

    March 8, 2015 at 8:22 pm

    Welcome back.

     
    • Miz Chutzpah

      March 8, 2015 at 9:04 pm

      Thank you 😉

       
  2. NaijaBrit88

    March 8, 2015 at 8:26 pm

    Great post. I enjoyed reading it. Finding out about him being married at the naming ceremony though! That’s terrible.

     
    • Miz Chutzpah

      March 8, 2015 at 9:05 pm

      Thanks dear. Sigh…the evil some men do…

       
  3. Nathaniel

    March 8, 2015 at 9:29 pm

    wonderful piece dear. I appreciated and applaude the grammatical wealth. Highly informative and realistic!

     
    • Miz Chutzpah

      March 9, 2015 at 7:11 am

      Thanks dear!

       
  4. Dammy

    March 9, 2015 at 5:12 am

    I missed you! Welcome

     
    • Miz Chutzpah

      March 9, 2015 at 7:12 am

      Missed you too. Promise to not go AWOL again 😉

       
  5. Sir John I

    March 9, 2015 at 6:51 am

    Nice write up Miz Chutzpah, didnt expect anything less. Advise to both Men and women, be sensitive to GOD and to your spouse. Thats the ONLY way anything in your life would live to its expentancy. Keep up the good work dear, im proud of you.

     
    • Miz Chutzpah

      March 9, 2015 at 7:13 am

      Thanks dearie. X

       
  6. Wura

    March 9, 2015 at 6:58 am

    Lol…It’s true about the Ojukokoro women in Yoruba movies, they are always there. Really interesting post!

     
    • Miz Chutzpah

      March 9, 2015 at 7:14 am

      Thanks dear. Lol yes oh, the plots of most Yoruba movies center around their antics.

       
  7. m'ade

    March 9, 2015 at 7:59 pm

    Hmmmm. Eye opening. Difficult to swallow. Bulky fr d throats buh very good fr d heart, brain, mind and soul.. Thankyou n welcome. Back

     
    • Miz Chutzpah

      March 9, 2015 at 8:38 pm

      Thanks dear, glad to be back. The truth really is a bitter pill to swallow but it does make one feel better in the long run.

       
  8. Akeem

    March 10, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    Nice piece

     
    • Miz Chutzpah

      March 11, 2015 at 6:35 am

      Thanks

       
  9. Forster

    March 11, 2015 at 5:43 am

    If a man wud cheat, he wud cheat, pure and simple. Same goes for women (as a matter of fact the number of married women who cheat this days is more than the mwn). We only make so much fuss because the women have become adept at covering their tracks.

    Back to the issue of a married man cheating, if u check it, these men married either too early (when they ddnt realise the implications of the commitments they were getting into), or for the wrong reasons (peer/family pressure, boredom, loneliness etcetera). By the time the euphoria of the honeymoon eclipses and reality of the error dawns on them, they consider their options. Being that in this part of the world, we r not just married to our spouses but the family, getting out is not readily considered. The alternative is to seek succor outside, and ds time, the man really takes his time to seek out the ‘perfect girl’ (something he should have done ab initio), ultimately he falls for her and their story becomes the soap opera u talked about thereafter. The above scenerio is for the typical married guy who ends up having another such serious relationship to the point of talking the marriage talk (not for the typical married philanderer- topic for another day).

    Indeed many a marriage survives still, because of the ‘other girl’. That is where the man gets the emotional support he uses to survive his ‘dead’ marriage.

    Of course many here wud not believe this, but the fact remains, that if our social and family values were as lax as those of the westernworld, if we were not as self conscious as to be bothered by what people wud say, how they wud laugh at us, how our families would feel, i dare say there wud be a hell of a lot more divorces, and less single girls with tales of hearts broken by married men, cos indeed, some of these are true love stories, wicked men or not.

    My point is this: if a man ends up in a hog-wash wishy washy marriage……its like a jail sentence. And he wud be looking for every-way any-way to escape.

    A woman holds the keys to a successful marriage

     
    • Miz Chutzpah

      March 11, 2015 at 6:49 am

      An insightful comment thank you, however I feel the success of a marriage lies in the hands of both the man and woman.

       
  10. Forster

    March 11, 2015 at 7:20 am

    The success of a marriage lies in the hands of both the man and the woman, yes! However it’s like saying the man builds the house and the woman builds the home. Which is more important?? If u ask me, u can have a home without having a house (ask those Internally Displaced persons, or those living in trailer parks)! Simply put, if a woman says there would be no peace in the house, it would be HE’LL ON EARTH! If a man says there would be no peace in the home, the woman can, by simple acts of random kindness, bring such a threat to naught! Women, married women most especially, have much more powers than they know, all it takes is their dexterity in exercising it, and trust me, I am talking from the point of view of a married man, not just dat, a repentant cheating married man!
    Just so u know, it’s the ones who have it d worst at home that tend to go about broadcasting on facebook and bbms, shouting the loudest ‘I love u I love u I love u’, despite the putrid smells emanating from the contraption they call their marriages.

    Never judge a man, untill u have walked a mile in his shoes!!

     

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