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NIKE! JUST DO IT!

01 Aug

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Another post by our guest blogger, Joseph and this time it’s for the ladies…xxx

Dear diary,

So I saw Tunde again today. I really like him, but don’t know if he is serious. Sometimes he is all nice and at other times he just forgets about me till I ping or call him. I know he probably just wants to have sex with me and I swear I want to have sex with him too. But I know he won’t call me again the moment I have sex with him. He has even refused to define our relationship, he says he likes me but he hasn’t even asked me to be his girlfriend. He has invited me to his house again tomorrow. I don’t know oh…after what happened last time. What if we end up doing it this time? I must confess, I want it to, it’s been a while. Maybe I should just ask him what we are. I’ll ask him tomorrow. I have to go now, expect good news tomorrow.

Ciao

XOXOXO NIKE XOXOXO

You all know what’s going to happen to Nike right? She’d go to Tunde’s house after the movie (it could be anything else really), they’d start fooling around and when homeboy’s about to turn the page, she would resist. He would do a bit more convincing and when it seems like her guards are lowered again, he’d make a move but she’d resist again. He does a bit more convincing; including telling he that wants to put only the head. Sisi has been around so she knows the thing doesn’t have a shoulder and therefore no means of stopping the body after the head. So she pulls out a famous move

‘What are we?’ or ‘What am I to you?’

The answers range from a simple

‘We’re boyfriend and girlfriend’ (for the less creative ones).

To the more elaborate

‘What? What kind of question is that? I call you every day, send you text messages, take you on dates and spend time with you. Do you think I do this for every girl?’

‘Maybe.’

‘Wow! Wow! Wow! Am I wasting my time? Because I thought we had something real. Are you even serious about this?’

Let’s back up a little.
Bla bla bla… So she pulls out her famous move, this time just as he is about to Los Merengues at the Bernabeu.

‘Do you love me?’

Really ladies! At this point, the answer could only be a testosterone coated, sperm laden, conji induced baritone ‘YES’. You could ask him if he was a serial killer at this point and his answer would be the same.
I’m going to level with you; this is the reason why some of you get ‘heartbroken’:

  1. You are in a very simple situation. Boy likes you, you know the attraction is physical and he only wants your body. You want him too, your juices are flowing but you hold back, which isn’t entirely wrong, restraint is good. It’s sex, not a peck on the cheek. The reason you’re holding back is the real kicker though. You’re worried that if he sleeps with you he won’t call you again, which is the likeliest possibility but you don’t really know that. At this point, your options are limited. Just two in all honesty. You either walk away and kill the desires or give in to those desires and see where it leads. Because you’re Nike however, because your feminine constitution demands it, you manufacture a third option

  2. Take the very simple situation and complicate it. You have decided you like him enough to sleep with him but your mind doesn’t want it to happen except he makes some form of commitment. Says he loves you (even though you know he doesn’t) or calls you his girlfriend even though you know you aren’t. With all due respect, any girl who has ever pulled the ‘Do you love me?’ move during foreplay has the IQ of a millipede and except the dude has that of a doorknob, it’s a put-off (I said put-off, not turn-off, we hit it either ways). The most solid commitment a man can make to a woman and vice versa is marriage and even those get broken nowadays. Words mean nothing and I’m sure most of you know this. But it feels better when you know you’re sleeping with him because ‘he loves you’ or because ‘you are his girlfriend’ than when there’s nothing involved. So you do it and it’s nice. Sidenote: It’s always nice for guys, I don’t care what anyone says, and that’s why we have necrophiliacs. You do it a couple more times on different days and you brain starts to believe the hype and therein lies the problem.

  3. You get crushed. You guys have done it now and done it a couple of times more so your brain starts to believe the hype. You knew from the beginning that the dude only wanted the physical aspect but you coerced a ‘commitment’ out of him and now you expect him to follow through. So you start the quegging (it’s a portmanteau). Why didn’t you call? Why didn’t you text? Why didn’t I see you yesterday? Why don’t you take me out on dates again? Why don’t you walk on water for me? And on and on. From this point on, the period the guy holds on for is directly equivalent to the bombness of your arena. I know I said all guys enjoy it but some enjoy it more than others and to be fair, some of you ladies are just Cleopatra reincarnates. I’ve seen men go all the way (more on this later).  Eventually, more often than not, the guy snaps and he ‘ends’ the relationship. Now you’re heartbroken, from a relationship that was only on your head. Women!

What I am saying is simple. While getting a commitment is not out of place, you don’t need a guy to say the words ‘would you be my girlfriend?’ or any it’s variants to know you’re in a relationship. You would know if what you have is real. Guys would say anything to get laid, anything!
So Aunty Nike, if Uncle Tunde gets your juices flowing, there are only two options. You either kill the desires and get on with your life or give in to them with minimal expectations. Better yet, have no expectations. Just do it!

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1 Comment

Posted by on August 1, 2014 in Manology

 

Tags: , , , , ,

One response to “NIKE! JUST DO IT!

  1. Bariyu

    August 2, 2014 at 11:24 pm

    This Joseph guy is really good! With all due respect, some of the best writing I’ve seen on this blog. 😉

     

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