What do Mondays and burnt toast have in common? Actually nothing unless you are Miz Chutzpah and this happens to be the craziest Monday morning you’ve had in ages or how else would you explain what happened to me this morning?
I woke up in time this morning, thankfully I said my morning prayers or heaven forbid, my morning could have been much worse. I was about to jump into the bathroom at a quarter to 7 when I remembered that hubby had a big day this morning and it’d be nice to make him some breakfast from scratch instead of warming leftovers. So armed with superwoman strength, I dashed to the kitchen, ditching my towel on the way and decided to make my special mayonnaise toasted egg sandwiches for him. I figured I could make them in ten minutes max and still get out of the house on time.
My sister in law had bought us Shoprite bread from Lagos the evening before and with glee I ignored the Benin-bought sliced bread on my kitchen table and began to cut nice, thick slices of bread for my sandwiches. One minute later, disaster struck. I broke the first egg onto the first slice of bread and it stayed put, tried repeating it with the second slice and the whole egg slithered off like it had somewhere else it had to be in a hurry. There I was struggling to catch runny eggs with my bare hands and seconds later I sighed at the futility of my actions and decided I’d let that egg go. I noticed the bread wasn’t evenly sliced hence the getaway egg saga and turned it to a more advantageous position (P.S: Always use already sliced bread when making sandwiches in a toaster). The new position only worked a little cos I still saw half the egg drip onto my already messed up kitchen table. Ignoring it and getting slightly irritated, I proceeded to put the second slices of bread over the egg clad bread and close the toaster and OMG the silly thing wouldn’t budge, much less close! Obviously the width of the bread was far beyond the capacity of the toaster but I wasn’t about to give up! I hoisted all @/$#@ kilograms of me unto the toaster determined to make it close by fire by force and then I heard two sounds. A big ole crack (groannnnn) as my trusty toaster split on the side and a deep chuckle as my hubby who had been quietly watching the whole drama burst into fits of laughter (Damn I didn’t know he was there!).
I was soooooo embarrassed….sooooo frustrated…..and wait for it…..so pissed!!! (Arrrrghhhh). Hubby asked me to calm down and go take a bath that he’d save the situation #supermantinz this was after helping me to close the already cracked toaster and put it on. I muttered something unintelligible and proceeded to leave the kitchen when I had another brainwave. The kitchen table was messy with eggs all over the place and I wanted it cleaned up cos I didn’t wanna come out of the bathroom smelling fresh and then have to clean up the mess. And so I attempted to clear the table and as I picked up a knife by holding the blade I howled in agony! The kitchen table had shocked me. My hubby quickly switched off the toaster and asked me to just go and take a shower #straightfacesmiley. I felt like such a klutz. I left the kitchen visibly angry with myself and then spotted the dining table where I had hurriedly left the rest of the shoprite bread outside its bag, I carried the bread gingerly to the kitchen to avoid littering my floor with crumbs and hubby glanced at me curiously wondering what was next. I stood by the dustbin and verrrry gingerly put the rest of the bread back into its bag and the f**king bag gave way!!! Hubby picked up the bread silently from the floor and with unshed tears blurring my vision, I ran as fast as I could to the bathroom.
This was a classic case of Murphy’s law- ‘whatever could go wrong would go wrong’. I was soooo pissed and cursed Murphy in all the languages my angry head could muster. What a great way to start a Monday….
As I sit in my office munching on burnt toast (don’t ask), I can’t but smile at the misadventures I had this morning. Thankfully the rest of my morning has been uneventful. Speaking of thanks, the bible says; ‘In all things and for all things, give thanks!’. It’s a bit difficult to give thanks when all the ill-fated dudes on the planet have conspired to drive you crazy but there’s always a reason to be thankful. I am thankful I didn’t get shocked to death- that’s as much thankfulness as I can manage at this point, but being thankful in all things is a learned behaviour and I’m learning. It’s our human default setting to complain or grumble when things don’t go as planned. But today I charge you to be thankful even when Murphy is in the building and your eggs are on the run!!! I cannot guarantee that your week will be problem free but I can guarantee that being thankful will get you more results than being a grump! My mama used to say complaining never got anybody anywhere.
So here’s to a week of gratitude!!! Have a great Monday chutzpah fam, Xoxoxo 😉 😉 😉