“No I can’t, it’s too high”
“Trust me Anita, I’ll catch you”
I look around furtively, desperate to find a plan B. No right thinking person would just take that offer. There’s gotta be another way. If I jumped and He didn’t catch me, everyone would think me pathetic for being so trusting after all, heaven helps those who help themselves.
“I’m waiting Anita”
I spot a fire escape on the corner of the roof.
“I’ll be right back J”
How many times have we been through this? How many times has she confessed to trusting me and then when there’s a real crisis she’s off in a flash hunting for a plan B, afraid to actually let someone else drive. How long will she continue to let them get the best of her? He glances at Father and Son leaning on a black SUV with mocking eyes. He has to protect her…
“Anita you can trust me, just jump!”
I’m gone in a jiffy. Running towards the fire escape. If I can climb down I reason very logically, I’ll save Him the trouble of catching me. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.
Halfway down the fire-escape, it begins to shake, like it’s coming loose from its hinges. I grip it tighter. I’m almost down. Can’t see past the smoke. I look around for J. Maybe He can catch me now since I’m closer to the ground but He’s nowhere to be found. And then I see it, a big, black snake slithering up the fire escape. The smoke made it hard to see or I’d never have started the journey down. I begin to scurry back up. Muttering a prayer for help as I cling to the shaky rungs. I make it back up just in time. I don’t see the snake anymore but there isn’t much time left. I’ve wasted so much precious time trying to do things my way. Is J even still there? I wouldn’t blame Him if He’s left. I seem to do this every time. Trusting in my own strength, my own ideas, my own decisions. Well look where that has gotten me. The smoke is worse and I begin to sputter and cough. I can barely see. The heat of the flames making me sweat. Let’s not even get started with how I ended up on the roof of a burning building. I need help. Now I see only He can help me. I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time. I call out, peering down but unable to see anything.
And then I hear it. The evil laugh.
“No one can save you now pretty”
“Yes dad, she’s all ours”
I peer into the dark, who are you? What do you want? Why are you doing this?
“I’m W, full name’s Worry and you and I have been best buddies for a looooong time”
Then comes the evil laugh again.
“And I’m his boss cum dad. Your kind call me the devil but I ain’t the devil, just some dude coming back to get what’s rightfully mine. Right son?”
“What do you want with me?”
“Well Anita, it’s pretty simple. This world is a battle field. You are either His or mine and if you decide to sit on the fence, you are still mine…”
And then the evil laugh fills my ears and the smoke threatens to choke me.
“J where are you?”
The laughter again
“Jesus please don’t forsake me”
“I will never leave you nor forsake me. Close your eyes and jump Anita, I’ve got you”
“If you jump, you’ll die”
I shake my head. Focus Anita.
I stumble forward. Is there a particular way or method to jumping?
I shake my head again.
The fire’s so close.
I close my eyes, say a prayer and JUMP!
I feel it immediately…it feels good. It tastes like freedom. I’m letting go. Someone else is doing the driving.
I feel His warm arms enveloping me in His unending love. I feel my problems disintegrating. Why did it take me this long to trust?
I come to a gentle landing and I open my eyes.
There’s a black SUV speeding off in the distance. There’s no sign of the fire or the snake not to mention the despicable duo. I’m calm, I’ve found peace and as I gaze into the eyes of the one person who loves me more than I could even love myself, His arms around me, I smile bashfully.
“Thank you Jesus”
“You are very welcome Anita. I see you are still battling with the trust thing.”
“I’m learning every day”
“It’s ok dear, I’ll always be here for you. Always”
And all is well in my world again…
Have a great week chutzpah fam…