Two days ago, I was a year older and a great deal wiser (can someone say Amen! ;-)). It wasn’t an ordinary birthday, my mum says I was born on a Wednesday so the last time the planets aligned to create a day such as this was 7 years ago! (Hear! hear!!). I’ve always loved birthdays. I’d get all excited days before it and climax at 12 midnight to the vibrations from numerous phone calls and of later years pings!
I absolutely love the attention and the day before, I’d gone shopping half way through work just to get the perfect baiday dress! 😉 Called my baker to order a cake and she told me my blood was too hot and that the cake had already been ordered. (Another reason why I love my man) 😉 I woke up that morning singing like a lark and as bright as a button and I blessed the day my mum ovulated and released that one egg destined to be moi!
Fast forward the next couple of hours, a million birthday wishes and some really great gifts and I’m bloated, swearing never to touch another slice of cake ever again whether it comes immersed in thick chocolate or full of fruit and as I recline on a couch, my tummy revolting against my self-proclaimed detox program, the reflection begins…it’s not the usual soul-searching or trips down memory line, neither is it a collection of life lessons or an evaluation of experiences. Instead, I close my eyes and re-create my world. I look at the pieces that make up the puzzle that is I, and then turn off the light. The darkness envelopes me and I bask in the familiar and then a noise startles me and my reflection button is flipped from pause to play. Yes, we all have our fears, those that lurk in the deepest recesses of our minds. Those we’d rather forget or avoid like a plague. I have mine and today they all stopped by to say hello.
My pulse quickens as my first fear, huge and terrifying crawls from beneath the curtain. His name’s Mediocrity but I prefer to call him Failure. He scares the s**t outta me! I wanna be great, I wanna be relevant, I wanna be on the cover of Forbe’s magazine and I ain’t playing with you. It’s so easy to be average. Joe is one of the most common names in the world- Yosef, Yôsēp̄, يوسف, Yūsuf, Joey, Joe, Joseph; maybe that’s why he is called AVERAGE JOE. Truth is, I never wanna be average and that’s why I work so hard but sometimes the hustle doesn’t pay off and the economy gets worse and it seems like everyone’s trying to carve a niche in your niche! Even mantras like ‘E go better’ don’t seem to cut it and I remember the- billionaire and retired by 40 wish that most ambitious kids my age, had once upon a time. I glance at my fear as he appraises me, he whips out his phone and I hear him calling his friend Deirdre the Despondent on the phone! Geez misery sure loves company…#groan
There’s a tiny flicker of light somewhere. Light’s always a good thing. I feel a surge of gratitude. I wonder why it’s there… I don’t wanna compare myself to those who have less, playing in the big leagues is all I wanna do but then the light shines a bit brighter and I remember the things I’m thankful for. Thankful for the life I have cos dead men don’t dream! The fact that all 206 bones in my body are great looking and without a crack is one more thing to be thankful for. The more I remembered how much worse life could be, the more thankful I was. The light grew brighter, it chased away Deirdre but Joey stayed put. The brighter the room became, the more I saw the other fears that had been lurking in the shadows- the phobia for driving, the fear of losing financial independence, the fear of losing my head amidst the many caps society forces me to wear, the fear of not meeting my own standards, much less the world’s! Geez the whole room was full of fears, lurking in every corner, behind every curtain and just staring at me. Waiting for the perfect moment to weigh me down…
The light grew brighter, showing their ugly faces but I wasn’t afraid. I had 28 years of fighting power in me and I knew that light was here to stay. I smiled…one of those really great, goofy, smiles that comes from the depth of your heart because I could hear a voice singing…”Don’t worry about a thing, cos every little thing’s gonna be alright…” And like all creatures of darkness they squinted and squirmed and ran as the light hit ’em square in the face. Even Joe had disappeared and I could see the new guy who’d been posing lazily in the corner, starting to shift uncomfortable. They called him the new guy cos he was nothing and everything- The fear of the unknown. I let the light in and felt the gratitude wash over me and as light often does, it dispelled the darkness and along with it all my fears, both real and imagined!
Happy birthday to me…I may not have it all and I may be far from my idea of perfect but I see the light and I’m gonna fight. I’m gonna get better, it’s gonna get better and one day in a couple of years, I’ll be glad I didn’t let my fears get the better of me. It ain’t over till the fat lady sings! That thing that got you all flustered would be of no importance if you were 6 feet under and believe me, the fact that you are NOT 6 feet under means HE is not through with you yet!
It’s a beautiful day, TGIF!!! Have a great day peeps!
xoxoxo 😉 😉 😉