I observe him as he sits behind his huge desk in his impressive office, some gospel music playing in the background as he works on his tablet, lost to the rest of the world. His designer clothes are impeccable, his manner cultured. He glances up and sees me for the first time. The smile on his face says it all. I am the centre of his universe, he loves me with every breath he has. I feel his love surround me as he envelopes me in a warm embrace. He asks if his driver got to me on time, I remember to tell him my mother says thank you for the money he sent. Such a generous and kind and loving man. He tells me how beautiful I am, he starts to gush, I struggle slightly to disentangle myself but he holds on tighter and then I get that sinking feeling in my tummy, I know it’s gonna happen. I try hard to quell the revulsion in the pits of my tummy as his mouth claims mine. His kiss is soft and slurpy and obviously full of one-sided passion as I feel him get hard. I tune off, dreaming of a place far, far away. I am 28 and single and he is young, successful and very eligible so why am I not attracted to him at all? #DILEMMA
So what do you do when the world thinks it’s high time you got married and one suitor (who may be your only suitor) has charmed your family and friends and is doing all the right things and saying all the right things and infinitely awesome on paper but you feel less than 5% attraction for him and would rather fall down the stairs with a bunch of strangers watching than have to put up with his sickly-sweet attempts at intimacy? What do you do when the man the world expects you to marry bores you to tears? What do you do when family turns against you and takes this stranger’s side, assuming that they know more than you, what’s best for you? What do you do when you can’t put a finger on what’s off about the guy but the thought of spending the rest of your life with him makes you break out in a cold sweat? What do you do when you are stuck in the middle- you don’t want him but you don’t want anyone else to have him?
Have you been called any of these recently?
– Too choosy
– Too picky
– Hard to please
Do people ask you what exactly you are looking for in a man and roll their eyes at you when you tell them? Or do they treat you like you are living in a fantasy world (Living in avatar as my brother likes to call it) or do they call you fickle or superficial? Do they accuse you of looking for fairy tales or being too independent? Do they constantly remind you of your age and give you their opinions on why your past relationships failed? Do they constantly matchmake you or cite examples about other ladies your age who didn’t marry for love or married people they weren’t the least bit attracted to and it grew into something magical and now they are blissfully happy?
Then congrats! You are a mature, single, female living in the 21st century! It doesn’t matter if you live in a village or a city. It doesn’t matter if you are educated or not. It doesn’t matter if you live at home or on your own. It’s gonna haunt you and you are gonna at some point decide if 5% attraction and 95% suitability is a perfect match for a marriage you want to last longer than Kim’s did. Back in the days, when husbands were picked for young maidens, a woman hardly married whom she loved or was attracted to. The old ways believed that suitability was all that mattered. Was he socially, financially, ethnically and intellectually suitable? Intellectual suitability was a luxury not many women even got to have.
Nowadays it’s become the most common scenario in the world to meet a woman who has a man by her side who worships the ground she walks on but yet she treats him badly and would gladly dump him for a giddy stranger who makes her high and gives her lies. But the thing is fool hardy as it is, you can’t force a woman (or a man) to fall in love with someone. While love isn’t the same as attraction, it is safe to assume that one of the pillars of love between a man and a woman is the attraction they feel for each other. Without attraction he becomes your brother, though far worse cos your brother doesn’t try to kiss you every 2 minutes.
Who a woman decides to marry is entirely her decision. It’s the last selfish decision she will make cos after the decision is made, she is committed for the rest of her life to catering for her man and family. So she needs to make it about her and what she wants and not about what the man wants or what her family or friends want. After you marry, you are O.Y.O. You even lose the luxury of constantly bitching to your friends about the man in your life so whatever you find in your gift box is what you get and it’s worse when you already know you are not gonna like the gift!
Ever wonder why married women cheat? Not all of them are awful people. Amongst the many reasons out there is a lack of attraction towards their husbands. No matter how nice a guy is, if he doesn’t make you tingle then his sexual advances will always be an intrusion on your personal space and you wouldn’t wanna feel like you were getting raped every day of your marriage, would you? If you marry a man who has 95% of your ‘priorities list‘, one day you are gonna look for the 5% even if it comes in the person of a hired help or young N.F.A whom you wouldn’t normally hook up with. Most women today are career women and in our line of work, we will meet all kinds of drop dead, gorgeous men. Now imagine if as a married woman, your husband can’t press your buttons? Some other man will!
Don’t get married because you are getting old or tired of being single. DON’T SETTLE!!! After the euphoria of the wedding day passes, reality will sucker-punch you. He may be Mr Right-now and not Mr RIGHT. Aristo chicks never marry their Magas, learn from them! Look at the 5% attraction like it’s salt in a pot of soup. The salt seems to be the littlest ingredient but no one wants to eat food without salt or salt alone. Food without salt is an acquired taste, do you really wanna give it a try?
NB: Parents, friends, well-wishers, pastors and siblings please could you give us a break??? We know you mean well and we know you want us happy and settled but would you want us in an unhappy marriage with a so-called catch? We already tried it your way and it ain’t werking so please BACK OFF! Thank you
–On behalf of the single ladies world-wide…
Have a great day peeps…xoxo