What do you do when you have a friend who gives you more grief than joy?
What do you do when your friend only remembers you when she needs you or is never there for you?
What do you do when your friend joins others to criticise you publicly or gossips and jeers at you behind your back?
What do you do when your friend always picks a fight with you or gangs up with others to do so?
What do you do when your friend is more interested in kicking you down than building you up?
What do you do when you seem to be in constant competition with your friend?
What do you do when your friend only corrects you or points out your flaws in public?
Sounds like the friend from hell right?
Well guess what, it ain’t new. There’s a reason the term frenemy was coined. It’s like a game of tag and guess what? You’re it!
You have to ask yourself one of these 3 questions:
1. Are we really friends? (Is this a mutual friendship or is it one-sided?)
2. Does she have a reason to envy me or a personal vendetta?
3. How did this friendship even start? (Was it a mere thrusting of 2 people due to environmental factors or did it come with the excitement and love a new friendship brings?)
If by now you are really beginning to consider then ask yourself some more questions…
1) Is the friendship dispensable? Some people have too many friends, cutting an unhealthy friendship can be not as hard as you think but others require the friendship because it comes with some not so unattractive benefits, maybe a club membership or a pass into the in-crowd or a sense of belonging to a group of other people your friend is chummy with. If you hate her guts but need her for some specific other reason then chances are she knows she’s indispensable and not many people are nice when they don’t have to be.
2) Do you like having a frenemy?
There’s an upside to frenemies. They keep you on your toes. They make you wanna get better with their criticism and competitive nature. They make your spirit stronger. They tell you the truth! Sometimes a lot of friends try too hard to spare your feelings, they tell you what you wanna hear because they genuinely have love in their eyes and are blinded to your imperfections. On the flip side a frenemy is all about your imperfections and some people need this to maintain the balance. As long as she won’t literarily stab you in the back one day, she may not be the worst problem in your life so ride on. Besides everyone thinks having a hater is a mark of success. If you are doing well someone’s gonna beef you. It may be nice having that person on speed dial.
3) Can you talk to the person about it?
Some people are frenemies by design. They’ve been hit hard by life, maybe numerous heartbreaks, a divorce, a death, some failures, it could be anything and for some reason you seem to have it good. The thing is nobody has it all good and they probably don’t see your silent tears but many of these people don’t know they are frenemies. They’d even be hurt if you told them straight up that you were ending the friendship or if you let them see how much they hurt you. So talking may help with some of them but remember that this doesn’t always go well. You may end up being further criticised and jeered about ‘the talk’ in public or she could just laugh in your face. If your frenemy is an attention-seeker and she feels you are always stealing her spotlight then forget talking, it won’t help.
Don’t get it wrong, frenemies are capable of being loyal friends to certain people, unfortunately you didn’t make the list and you didn’t get the memo. Forcing a friendship is acceptable in high school, even pardonable in the university but by the time you are a grown ass woman, having a frenemy is just plain ole stupid unless like I said before you are into that sorta thing. The bible says there’s a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. If you have that friend then focus on her and stay as far away from those who cause you grief. The world is full of enough enemies and can be a cruel hard place, making time for unnecessary and unwholesome friendships can be such a weiste!
But don’t get me wrong, there’s a reason ‘Frenemy’ starts with the first few letters of the word ‘Friend’. Some of them can be quite friendly, even bail you out or be there for you once in a blue moon so you’ve gotta weigh the friendship on the frenemy scale. If it’s tipping more towards friend than enemy, you may consider keeping the friendship and even investing some time and love into it. That may just be the sweetener it needs. If it’s tending more towards enemy, get a pair of scissors, you need to cut the ties fast! You don’t have to write a long letter about why you can’t be friends anymore, just lose touch on purpose. Be too busy to hangout, keep your personal business private and refuse to humor them with arguments or retorts. Eventually they’ll either get the hint or they’ll make an effort to be nicer to you.
And if you are like someone I know who tends to forget to contact real friends and instead spends time diddling with frenemies and acquaintances, you may need to shape up. Your friends love you but if you don’t give them enough attention, they’ll get other friends and you’ll find out when you really need a friend to talk to, you have a blackberry messenger with a hundred contacts and yet you feel so alone.
I’m blessed, I have some really good friends and today I’m gonna call them and tell them how much I love and appreciate them and while I’m at it, weed out a few frenemies! You should try it too! 😉
Have a great day peeps…