I said get noticed, I didn’t specify what kinda attention so yep, this is my disclaimer! 🙂 😉 😉
1) Be confident: People respond to self-confidence. They are drawn to it. So smile and always look people in the eye when you are speaking to them and don’t look at the floor when you walk like there’s a secret there or you made a vow to keep your head down. Practise walking shoulders high and don’t slouch or drag your feet! (Reminds me of secondary school and my etiquettes class) 😉
2) Have a warm, non- sweaty but firm handshake and don’t linger or scratch the person’s palm with the nail of your index finger! (I wonder on what planet that sorta body language is sexy? Did I hear someone say ewww, gross? E-xactly!) 😉
3) Have good personal hygiene. Use deodorant with 24 HOUR protection. Seen the Axe advert? Yep! Nothing gets a woman going like a man that smells fresh 😉
4) Hangout a lot in the places the people you wanna get noticed by usually hangout. It shows you have common interests and you are not a stalker if you are there by ‘accident’ or if you are doing your own thang! (Surveillance equipment not included!) 😉
5) If you drool or snore PLEASE SLEEP IN PUBLIC! 😉
6) Bask in your natural scent, body odour does get you noticed! 😉
7) Chew gum very loudly!
8) Colour blocking!!! The more the colours, the more the attention! Who cares about the fashion police? Screw ’em! 😉
9) Be a Miss-Know-it-all: Nothing gets you noticed like raising your hands every two seconds to answer a question even the ones the teacher kept hidden in her mind! 😉 And while you are at it, now is a good time to share your ideas for achieving world peace!
10) Learn a language that’s not popular in your locale: It’ll definitely get you noticed if you spurt out a loud stream of Japanese during a group conversation! 😉
11) Find your niche: Figure out what makes you special and unique. There’s gotta be something and once you find it, use it to your advantage!
12) Authenticity: People can smell it. A wannabe gets deliberately ignored by those she hopes will notice her. Don’t try to be somebody else!
13) Make the first move: It shows you are confident, suave and not afraid of rejection! Take control!
14) Gbagaun freely: Grammatical blunders definitely get you noticed! “DOESN’T IT?” 😉
15) Bad breath: Some are lucky, it comes naturally to them and its intensity could kill a bed of roses. If it doesn’t come naturally, you could always eat garlic or skip brushing your teeth which by the way is soooo overrated! 😉
16) Laugh loudly and even snort at the end of the laugh and when you have everybody’s attention, tell them you thought of something funny and please DO NOT share!
17) Fart silently: You know the ones referred to as the silent killers? This is best done in an air-tight or air-conditioned place preferably with that one person you hope to notice you standing or sitting close-by so they know beyond doubt that it’s you! Smile for effect! 😉
18) Wear a bra that’s noticeable through your top.An orange bra under a white chiffon top should do the trick and if all your bras are black, feel free to ‘accidentally’ pour water all over the front of your top! ‘Everyday’s a wet T-shirt contest!’ 😉
19) Develop your own personal style: As long as it’s fashion forward, even styles that are quirky will get you noticed in a good way!
20) Wear grape slippers or colour blocking rubber slippers: They are trending among a category of attention seekers, it’s not too late to belong! 😉
21) Hug people when you are sweaty and dirty and not using deodorant and make sure it’s a lingering hug and for the best attention, take ’em by surprise! It’ll definitely get you noticed! 😉
22) Get into a fight with the most popular or respected person in the room. Since all eyes are on him, the attention will shift to you and be sure to raise your voice so no one misses your 5 MINUTES of fame! 😉
23) Wear very loud makeup! Pack on the blush, the eyeshadow and the lipstick! Clowns have nothing on you! Shiorrr 😉
24) Dress indecently: There’s a reason some girl’s wear very little! Try it and experience getting noticed on a whole new level!
25) Be a cave-man: You know how your voice echoes in a cave? Well try echoing other people. Just repeat everything they say for ten minutes. It’s sure to get you really noticed. “Be a cave-man: You know how your voice echoes in a cave? Well try echoing other people. Just repeat everything they say for ten minutes. It’s sure to get you really noticed”. You are learning already, see? 😉
26) Be sarcastic: It comes naturally to some but others need to practise. Try saying; ‘Who died and made you boss?’ every time someone comes up with a suggestion and practise a dry laugh which is actually a cross between a snort and a yawn and voila! you are now a member of the sarcasm society!
27) Be daring but not foolhardy: Everyone notices a hero, everyone notices the fool too. Depends on how you wanna get noticed ay? 😉
28) Fake interest: You want the in-crowd to notice you? Easy as pie! Pretend to like what they like, laugh at their jokes, ain’t that hard you know! 😉
29) Be very obvious! Wanna flirt? Then go all out, Marilyn Monroe style!!! Short skirt, chew a pencil, bend to pick up an imaginary paper with your tooshy in plain view and then turn and wink! Gets you noticed every time! 😉
30) Get a piercing in an awkward place. Your eyebrow, nose and tongue are pretty good places and while you are at it, get some tattoos!!! 😉
31) Wear sunshades at night and buy everyone drinks at the club! Nothing spells Naija celeb more and it’s bound to get you noticed and even get you a groupie or two! 😉
32) Have a bad hair day! Get a great hairstyle like black-gum-darling-yaki-lace-wig or put a zipper in your hair or dye your hair 7 colours and while you are at it, fix your eyelashes like Goldie and DO NOT shave your eyebrows! 😉
33) Ask a friend to push the person you want to notice you into you by accident! As you collide, the impact will get you not only noticed but sparks AND BRUISES are sure to fly! 😉 (Make sure your friend runs as fast as he can away from the scene. Waiting to watch how it plays out never ends well for the friend!)
34) Fart loudly in class and do an armpit fart for double measure! No one can ignore that 😉
35) Be antagonistic! If everyone in a team is going west, be the one going north. You’ll be noticed fast! 😉
36) Wear a very large gele to church. One that makes those behind you unable to see the pulpit and come out at least thrice to give an offering during the service!
37) Don’t shave your arm-pits and when the hair is long enough, wear a sleeveless shirt and wave your hands in the air like you really don’t care! 😉
38) Talk with a fake accent! British or American. You needn’t travel, a healthy dose of DSTV will sort you out!
39) Wear lots of fake bling and sag your trousers. Nothing gets you noticed like a hairy butt crack for public viewing!
40) Wear a neon-coloured suit and if you wanna dress down, a white tux with a matching white cap and red shoes should do the trick! 😉
41) Compliment a woman’s boobs or a man’s package while staring intently at them!
42) Use a nice perfume. Nothing like everyone asking what perfume you use cos they absolutely love your scent! 😉
43) Be current: News, music, movies, sports, fashion etc. Have an opinion! (Not a popular one lest you come out looking ordinary instead of amazing).
44) Munch chats showing your sexcapades or how you scored with a chick and use it as your phone’s display pic or send it to a group! Nothing else gives proof of how great you are! 😉
45) Work hard! It’s old-fashioned but it gets you noticed positively. Be the best you can be in whatever you do!
46) Crack dry jokes. People may look bored and slightly annoyed but don’t despair, it’s a facade and inside they are ROTFLTAO! 😉
47) Have your mum pick you up from a public function and pretend not to hear her familiar and very odd horn so that she has to call you by your embarrassing pet name! The girls will think you are so adorable, all 30 years of you! 😉
48) Gossip: Compliment or Criticize the person you want to notice you while his back is turned but make sure your whisper is loud enough for your comment to be heard loud and clear. Act all innocent when he turns! Things can only get better from there. 😉
49) Make others feel good: Give compliments, encouraging words and smiles. People gravitate towards others with positive energy!
50) Make people laugh. Barney is so awesome because —- Wait for it —– HE ALWAYS MAKES US LAUGH. Best way to get noticed. Comedians are popular for a reason but if your goal is to be taken seriously, being the class clown won’t help!
Now what did I do wrong? Hmmmmmmm
Ok right, I didn’t divide the points into the good, the bad and the nasty. That’s because most of these descriptions are relative. Who makes the rules anyway? If I wanted to get a stalker-toaster off my back, some of these points would be absolute life savers so it depends on the kinda attention you are gunning for. Image is everything but being yourself is the best image you can present to the world. Everything else is a counterfeit and will only get you noticed for 5 minutes after that you sink back into oblivion. Live your life without regret, don’t be someone who they’ll forget and the next time someone talks about you, thank them for making you the centre of their world!
Have a great night peeps….xoxoxoxo 😉 😉