Don’t take the piss out of my vanilla sky!

15 May

For a while now I’ve been unable to write. Call it a lack of inspiration or an unwillingness to write anymore bad news. With Boko haram bomb scares, economic recession, shocking deaths and doctors being sacked all over the news, it’s hard to get one’s mind into a place happy enough to write anything less dismal. On the flip side I wasn’t sure my readers would appreciate an ‘Alice in wonderland’ approach and worried that taking on the role of ostrich burying her head in the sand, acting like the world was painted in vivid shades of white and pink would be too darn eccentric! (I prefer optimistic)
But people, sometimes reality sucks! Sometimes we need to get away from it all and find our happy place if not, we risk losing our sanity. I found myself missing the old, funny, witty chutzpah before the state of our nation broke my heart. After a hard day or a bad mood, I knew I could get a good laugh out of writing a post on my blog. Needless to say, though the passion and anger of my recent posts have portrayed the state of our country, I want my happy back. Like my friend R said, peeps need to read something different from all the bad news the papers carry. The world is depressing as it is. So voila! 🙂 My new resolve was born and people I’m proud to say that no matter how grey the skies look all I see are vanilla skies. (It’s the only way I won’t be needing botox by age 40!) 😉

Don’t get it twisted, I’m not giving up on Nigeria, we cannot give up because the day we give up, we lose everything. Our words and our prayers and every little action geared towards making Nigeria better will all count one day but for now, I’m gonna rise above this and find my happy place and while I’m at it keep praying for my country and if any of you comes up with a way Miz Chutzpah can save Nigeria or even her own corner of Lagos, I’ll offer my services with a heart full of passion for my country and the Nigeria of our dreams! (Avengers assemble!) 😉

Lots of lemonade’s gonna come out of this bunch of lemons. Thanks chutzpah fam for tolerating my long absences without suing my ass (Though I don’t think you could do that legally) 😉 Nevertheless, I apologise. #plentyhugsandkisses

I read a tweet recently that I found so utterly ridiculous, I just had to share it and the amazing thoughts that entered my head after reading it.
Disclaimer: ‘I love vanilla, I always have, chocolate is the only flavour that trumps vanilla on my list’. (I’m talking basic flavours oh, not the hundreds of new flavours we have nowadays. Last time I visited an ice cream shop, it was like writing JAMB).
Back to the tweet:

Tweet from @UberFacts
@UberFacts: Vanilla flavoring is sometimes made with the urine of beavers.

Did I hear an ewwwwww? Yep! My first reaction. Did I hear an ‘It’s a lie joor!’ Yep, my second reaction, so I googled it and voila, it was true as my bank statement which I actually do wish wasn’t true! Why would animal urine be used in food and perfumes? Ok perfumes I can understand since regardless of how many thousands of Naira a millilitre of perfume may cost, it still tastes awful! But food? How was it even discovered? And to think that it has to be a mature, male beaver makes my mind wander…

There are so many beautiful things created from things murky, terrible, frightful or just plain ugly. Of course there’s the popular lemons from lemonade but since I’m not so aversed to lemons, I’d prefer beaver’s urine to vanilla cos there’s no way in hell I’d ever consider a beaver’s urine remotely desirable. Urine in general isn’t regarded as waste for no reason, although a minute percentage of the world’s population would disagree. I still remember my cousin sitting on the toilet bowl with a ball of cotton wool in her hand positioned right at an angle to catch just enough drops and she would religiously wipe her face with it day and night. I have as much an idea about this Barbaric practise as you do, she claimed she saw it on TV. All I know is she still has the smoothest skin I’ve ever seen. (If you like, practise it at home! O.Y.O). 🙂
Then there were the oddball patients who confessed to drinking their own urine as miraculous cures for varying disease conditions. We could say that these group of people believe in the ‘process’. No matter how unfavourable a circumstance is, as long as they can see the end results, they’ll carry on like they were on a Caribbean cruise ship having the time of their lives.

I for one have never enjoyed the process. If I could skip the pain and get to the gain, I would in an instant, but life isn’t always like that. Sometimes we may wallow in beaver urine till it stinks off our skins all in the hope of getting our own piece of Vanilla sky….
Sometimes doing the wrong thing seems so easy, less painful and way faster than just sitting there like you are in a clinic’s reception waiting for a nurse to tell you it’s your turn to go in; Your turn to finally get that job, your turn to hammer, your turn to find love, your turn to be celebrated. Yes, sometimes waiting for your turn can take forever but don’t be tempted by the treacherous shortcuts, remember that though you may still be in line and the line may look endlessly long, it’s already your time to be happy. With the break of a new day, God gives you all the ingredients you need to make it full of joy and laughter regardless of your circumstances cos as long as there’s life, we still have a chance.

Next time you’re about to delve into your favourite ice cream, think of the beaver’s urine and how it transforms into something so delightful and be thankful about the problems in your life cos the more impossible they are, the more fantastic your life’s gonna turn out. Relax, it’s just the opening act, the show’s just about to start and it’s gonna be fab!

So here I am, determined to be happy no matter what my 5 senses relate to me! Here I am telling the world; “Don’t take the piss out of my vanilla sky”. It’s liberating, you should try it! 😉

Have a great day peeps….xoxoxo 😉 😉 😉


Posted by on May 15, 2012 in Inspirational


Tags: , ,

5 responses to “Don’t take the piss out of my vanilla sky!

  1. avocado

    May 15, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Hurray for beaver pee!

  2. avocado

    May 15, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Hurray for beaver pee!
    Well done babes! Didn’t think there could ever be a bright side to beaver pee in my ice cream but you found it and I can totally relate. That’s my cue to keep keeping on…thumbs up.t

  3. korede

    May 17, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    beaver pee? vanilla sky? great analogy. Definitely got me thinking. A bazillion thumbs up!!! 😉

  4. chichi

    May 18, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    missed u a lot

    • Neetah

      May 18, 2012 at 1:00 pm

      awwww, sorry hon. i’ll try to keep em coming regularly. kisses


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: