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Musings of an angry, Nigerian woman!

09 Apr

I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, feel like tugging at my hair so hard my eyes smart with tears as my weave is yanked off my corn-rows. I feel like punching something multiple times, a lifeless bag till it bursts or silently pleads for me to stop. I kick at the air, so angry, so vexed, inconsolable. There are no tears to be shed, who has time for such weak emotions? I am angry, I am mad, I am a prisoner enraged with her captors, aggressive as primal instincts override social graces, let me at them, let me cause havoc, let me shout till I can shout no more, let me kick the sand and rent my clothes till I am heard, till the world pays attention. Don’t try to calm me down, take that diazepam far from me, I am angry, I am furious, I see red, only red, leave me as my nostrils flare and my chest heaves, I don’t care if I burst an artery, I must be heard.

I struggle, trying hard to break my chains…I see the alarm in their eyes and I snarl, you can call me a beast, I don’t care, I spit at them. You crazy lot, God punish you, may your children be murdered as they nurse upon accursed breasts, I scream! A blood-curdling scream, and crumble to the floor. I lie beside my dead children, I see the expanse of blood and mangled bodies, my eyes focus on the lifeless body of Hadiza and then I pass out…struggling even as I feel the cold clutches of the darkness that beckons, I refuse to be comforted….

For how long will they work tirelessly while honest men sleep, planting devices fashioned in Hades, mounting them beside the very places people seek solace? How long will I turn my face as they rob me of my children? What do you want I scream as I see the receding darkness, taunting me, a faceless terror. Tell me, anything to make you stop. I hate this feeling of helplessness, not knowing when or where I shall find the blood of my children scattered abroad like dew atop the soil. Help me anyone, anyone but you father. Your handicap leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth, I cheered you on when you wobbled on crutches to the esteemed stool, I failed to see the fear in your one good eye or the dent in your gut where your liver had been stolen in the dead of night. I thought a one-eyed man could lead the blind, I rejoiced that your kindness would bring a better life for my children. Father I have lost faith. Your promises and tears no better than the gluttony of the men you left to guard your city. Father has turned against us, I see the pain in his tired eyes as he swallows reality with a healthy dose of luxury. His eye has gone blind, blind to my pain, blind to the tears that ceased to fall after months of futility. You can’t give up papa, you can’t grow cold, papa see my children, see the chains, can you do nothing?

I spit again as the bile rises up in my throat, so many dead, I have lost count. How did papa end up with an army of drunkards and rusty ammunition? Why don’t my brothers care? Their children are far away, mine are scattered and disemboweled. I scream again, till the birds rise up in the forest, in search of peace where it may be found. There is non here, not while my children lie dead. Can’t anyone help us? I look to the heavens and whisper “When will the Messiah come?”. The darkness comes around again…this time I give in easily, that’s my only respite…

….Silence….

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8 Comments

Posted by on April 9, 2012 in Inspirational

 

Tags: , , ,

8 responses to “Musings of an angry, Nigerian woman!

  1. ifedayo

    April 10, 2012 at 2:13 am

    Words fail us all. Our failure to elect true leaders into political offices mock us every festive period with these incessant bombings. How many more must die before our senators,house of rep members and the presidency deal a decisive blow to this scourge of terror ravaging our nation. Tell them ‘we don’t neecrd another hero’! Just uphold justice and lead us credibly.

     
  2. Abi

    April 10, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    This is very deep. I cant understand where d hate comes from. I can’t even begin to feel the pain some families are going through because of this senseless violence. Man continued to research for cures for cancer and AIDS but no one is trying to find a cure for wickedness. How can we stop this? What can we do? Heaven pls answer me.

     
  3. Myne Whitman (@Myne_Whitman)

    April 10, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Honest and gripping. Words fail me for Nigeria sometimes.

     
  4. Ibifiri Kamson

    April 10, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    this is so sad. don’t even know what to say.
    http://www.secretlilies.blogspot.com

     
  5. Olufunke

    April 11, 2012 at 10:03 am

    *Deep Sigh*
    It is just sad, so sad
    Words fail me…Like you I ask, ‘When would the change come’

     
  6. bluegod2010

    April 11, 2012 at 11:42 am

    *Drops Blackberry and starts Crying*

     
  7. lilly

    April 13, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    My 1st time on your blog and surely never will be d last… The state at which our country is going is so pathetic and cruel, this is what has just been on my mind when would it all stop, if we can’t get dis pple to control it now would it ever be stopped? Pple die due to someone’s wicked,selfish and cruel mind… I hope we don’t end up like d middle east countries one day i pray and hope..

     
  8. wendy

    April 14, 2012 at 5:24 am

    Omg Dis is so pathetic……am almost in tears 😦
    http://www.mingleparks.com for new movies

     

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