Battle of the sexes reloaded!

06 Dec

I was chatting with a group of friends and the subject turned to marriage and how gender roles had evolved and soon there was a major battle of the sexes going on, temperatures rising and everyone bent on selling their ideals and it got me thinking…

In the old days, marriage was pretty simple. The man provided and protected, the woman catered and nurtured and helped her husband provide or protect if he couldn’t manage it alone or in his absence. The men catered and nurtured too if their wives were absent or sick. The man was the head and had the final say even when he erred and when his wife thought his methods foolish, she still complied only offering the slightest resistance. Sometimes a man who loved his wife dearly, seeing that she was wise and a strong woman would allow her more say in the affairs of the house but being the good woman she was, she never robbed her man of his manhood or bruised his ego as she acquired more power. Sounds like a story from years ago, well that was the norm in the days of old…

But guess what? The world evolved…along came the equal opportunities bill. Women got educated, women were allowed to vote, women were allowed to run for government and other leadership roles and women were allowed to work whenever and wherever they wanted. Any man who objected was called old-fashioned, sexist or a chauvinist! But how did this affect marriage? As women became bolder and more ambitious, they pursued their dreams, generally married later and started to earn more than a lot of their male counterparts. Women began to see being a housewife as a great bore, cooking as optional, child-rearing as a job for a nanny and house-keeping as a shared responsibility. With their financial freedom, they also got more say in the running of the household after all a lot of their hard-earned money went into providing for the family and they put in just as many hours of work daily as the men, sometimes more…A new order began to emerge…

Men became confused. They had always liked the order, they liked the feeling of being in-charge, of being provider and protector. They didn’t know a thing about catering and nurturing and those who could learn or did know feared that their egos would be sorely bruised if they had to adopt such roles they preferred to fight than adapt, at the risk of emasculation. The question of ‘who does what’ became an issue. The women wanted a new bill passed. Some reasoned that gender shouldn’t determine who was head of the house, rather intelligence and financial strength ought to be determinants. The women protested that if they provided as much or more than the men, then the men had to share the burden of nurturing and catering.

Even sex was not spared. As women grew bolder, they initiated love-making leading the dance ahead of their partners, men heard for the first time that raping their legal wife was a crime so if she said no, she meant it. Women withheld sex as punishment and rated their men’s performances in the bedroom and to further befuddle the men, women ceased to cheat based on emotional attachment but started cheating for the same reasons men did. And as the new became old, male-rape cases became a once in a ‘regular’ moon occurrence!

Men shouted, desperate for their voices to be heard as the question of ‘who is boss’ came up again and again. They were constantly fighting for their title. Women used to travel to foreign lands to settle with their men. Men found the reverse occurring especially when the woman had a more secure job. Men were left with children and a dirty house not to mention a cold bed, day in day out as their ambitious wives climbed the corporate ladder without them. A couple of them through no fault of theirs became master chefs and expert nannies desperate to keep up the home front. Seeing that the desired was not available, they cast their eyes to the maid with forced desire as she was paid to be available though their particular need was never in her job description…

Pre-nups didn’t even make sense anymore. Gone were the days where a man feared that a woman was marrying him only for his money. A pre-nuptial agreement guaranteed she didn’t get a dime if she abandoned the marriage but now it was the men finding themselves broke after a divorce and signing pre-nups when seeking the hand of a successful female top-shot. Now women got tired of marriage and walked out leaving the man with his kids when the reverse used to be the case. More women were being named bread-winners and were running their households with little or no input from their husbands.

Women wanted a say and now they had gotten it. The men were losing the battle slowly but surely and only a few continued to fight. Others adapted in the ways battles were won of old. They’d never fight a woman but since the advent of equality, the women had become Amazon warriors ready to kick their balls without apology and so they needed to man-up! They had to decide if they were ready to fight and be labelled chauvinists, surrender and have their manhood severed, compromise if the enemy was willing and sign a peace treaty or flee from the marriage institution altogether. For many it was a tough choice and it guided their search for a wife as those who chose to fight needed a weaker opponent, those who chose to run needed to be sharper and faster than their opponents, those who chose to sign a peace treaty needed their opponents to not screw them over or pretend and finally those who chose to surrender needed an opponent who would not be a dictator with a heart of stone. It had become a full-scale battle of the sexes and everyone wondered how the quest for love had become a war.

In the other camp, the women couldn’t believe how men had evolved in some ways but remained backwards in others. There were more stories of heart-break, more men lost to commitment phobia, men were fighting for the old ways while offering less and acting less than they should. They gave the women no choice but to crave independence, to prove to the men that they could make it without them. The women grew hardened, street savvy and ruthless. They gave as good as they got and showed the world that what a man could do, they could do better. They ran their homes, jobs and lives like a captain in a battle ship, combining feats that the man would single-handedly find impossible to achieve. They’d always known they were stronger and smarter but why weren’t they happier? Why did they cry when they watched romantic enactments of the old days? Why did they dream of a prince and wake up to see a city full of dogs? How many more frogs did they have to kiss and why for heaven’s sake had nature made this a symbiotic relationship? Why were they happy with their new roles but saddened at the same time? What irony was this?

It was a war alright and both parties groaned inwardly at the casualties. The lonely nights, the bruised egos, the fights, the tears, the effort put into proving who was better, the neglected children caught in the cross-fire, the heartbreak? Couldn’t someone wave a white flag?

The bible says wives submit to your husbands. The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 was rich, smart and beautiful and obviously captain of her ship but her husband is depicted as a happy man honoured at the gates by his peers, not scorned because his balls had been chopped off, obviously he was still the man. I sense a balance here. Abigail was wise and beautiful and married to a lazy brute but she didn’t up and leave, she stayed till the end of the story, lucky for her, the story had a sequel. What kind of love blurs gender roles, empowers the woman and yet makes her readily submit? The bible says husbands love your wives; ‘When a man loves a woman…’

A long time ago, women would submit regardless of whether they had love or not but with liberation came higher expectations. Women would not see the need to fight if they were heard without shouting, if their feelings were considered in decisions made, if they were not taken for granted, if cliche roles were not enforced with no regard for their newly acquired roles.

Ever notice how the men of old were hard-working, committed and devoted? Ever notice how their wives were the same? A bad marriage was an oddity hardly as common as it is today. Is there a hard and fast rule? Is there a permanent remedy for the current, fierce battle of the sexes? Well, action and reaction are equal and opposite. You get as good as you give. Submission is easy when love is absolute and the reverse holds true. Yes I am a 21st century woman, yes you are the modern-day man but we can still make this work. Take a walk with me sir…

Shout out to my friend S who inspired this post! Have a lovely day peeps…xoxoxo 😉 🙂 😉


Posted by on December 6, 2011 in Manology, Relationships


Tags: , , , , ,

6 responses to “Battle of the sexes reloaded!

  1. bykerboi

    December 6, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    hmmmm…. scarily scarily, i say unto you, this post has put fear in my heart o. to marry or not to marry… it seems a 21st century happy home (particularly in the western world) is with a subservient husband and a Boss wife lol.

    • keiskwerd

      December 6, 2011 at 6:06 pm


  2. sumptuous

    December 6, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    I love love love this, aptly described scenario. Girls are not smiling again o. I have always been of d notion dat a woman is the stronger sex actually buh just prefers to lay low so men can have d ego boost buh times have really changed and these times call for serious measures at times. Buh I believe you have said it all, Balance! Hold d power in a coded manner so d man doesn’t feel less of a man and both parties are happy. That I believe is the key to d few successful relationships around.

  3. adebola mohammed

    December 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    Wonderful piece. I love how you sat on the wall on this one. You put out the arguements for both sides and crowned it all up with ‘submission is easy when love is absolute’. Quite inspiring and factual. More steel to your chutzpah. Cheers.

  4. Naijabloke

    January 1, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Nice one. I like the truths within.
    As feisty as the battle gets, couple’s have to, in love, decide what works best for them.
    Although our status and independence have been altered, that should not alter traditional roles and family values.
    Is the desire to alter these roles that is destroying marriages and making a mockery of the institution. As the woman get stronger, the responsibility to ‘manage’ that strength becomes needful. …I shouldn’t do an article on ur article lol.
    Nice job!

  5. peace glory

    May 26, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    That was ά wonderful write up . A̶̲̥̅♏ ά 21 century woman but i stil ve М̣̣̥̇̊y respect with me. Iwrote ά book on d proverbs 31 woman. Marriage wld β better if we can submit n men love us well. Keep d fire burning dear.


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