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7 reasons men get high the night before their wedding!

22 Nov

I’m sitting at this wedding, looking all fly but really wishing I was someplace else. I’ve kinda gotten tired of the whole saturday wedding ritual. For me, it’s just another wedding though of course for the bride and groom and their families, it is one phenomenal experience unlike any other. One they wanna relive and remember for the rest of their lives or so it seems…

Aha, here comes the groom. The organ music snaps me out of my reverie and I see him dance in, a tad unsteady, I might add. And following closely behind are his Men-in-black, all wearing sunshades in a dark church! I shake my head. Naija men can be razz I tell you. Anyway they all look like a bunch of CIA agents, cute and all like the Tom Cruise or Will Smith type not the Naija-trained touts that seem to be cropping up everywhere killing people for a buck or two. πŸ˜‰
The bride marches in with her pretty train and pretty dress and though I’ve seen ugly brides, she is without doubt beautiful and beaming from ear to ear. She seems to hesitate as she sees the men in front all in dark shades but recovers quickly and continues the dance with her father towards the altar. The service starts…

As the pastor takes the stage, the first thing to pop out of his mouth is a joke aimed at the groom and his men. He tells them the bride will need to look into their eyes as she says ‘I do’ to ensure that she isn’t marrying the wrong guy. They reluctantly remove their designer shades… Wait! Is there an outbreak of apollo? No it is rainy season. So why do all the men look like someone beat ’em black and blue and forced them to act in the hit movie ‘Twilight’? Their blood-shot eyes look bereft of sleep and announce a first-class hangover. No doubt the wedding pics would need some photoshop magic…

My friend is on the train and she pings me…’Wtf, why on earth would they get so high the night before such an important day…?’
As the wedding proceeds, I watch these men intently, pondering over my friend’s question and seeing the men’s reaction to public scrutiny. During the reception, all of them except the groom gobble down a big helping of food and then the drinking continues in full force. The groom who is unable to eat much, keeps drinking… I saw a pic once and the caption read; ‘Avoid Hangovers, Stay Drunk!’ Seriously, maybe that was what he was tryna do. πŸ˜‰ The shades came back on during the reception and I wondered if there’d be any consummation of marriage that night! Imagine the bride in her pricey Victoria secrets lingerie all geared up and the man passing out on the bed before you can say ‘I now pronounce you man and wife!’

It has become almost the status quo for the average guy and his grooms-men to show up high or hungover for the wedding. These men are not alcoholics but see a wedding as an excuse for binge-drinking and this got me thinking…many a groom would not drink half as much at any other owambe, neither would he drink the day before a big event like a job interview or a meeting with the boss so why didn’t it bother them that on the day they signed their lives into another’s hands- publicly, if I might add, they could barely repeat the vows or even walk straight cos their eyes were blurry and the floor was swimming?

Here are 7 rather comical reasons why men get drunk the night before saying ‘I do’

1. It’s traumatic to actually kiss bachelorhood goodbye! Unlike women who can’t wait to leave spinsterhood, many men need to psyche themselves and be very convinced that sleeping with one woman for the rest of their lives is a good idea. I watched the ‘Change up’ recently and was amazed by how much men thought they had to give up; from hanging out with the boys, to getting drunk any time they chose, to chasing and sleeping with any woman they desired, to spending their money on golf clubs, cars and club memberships. They basically had to sacrifice life as they knew it just to make one woman the happiest in the world and sometimes seeing her look so happy and beautiful and dance so happily on the wedding day wasn’t strength enough for the men, thus they sought strength in a bottle! πŸ˜‰

2. Stage fright! The bigger the wedding, the bigger the crowd. And when a man thinks of all the people who are gonna be watching him as he stands in front of ’em saying his vows, from his mum and dad to his inlaws to his bosses, friends and relatives to church members, exes, frenemies and business contacts as well as tons of unblinking strangers, his liver fails him. On a normal day, he gets clammy hands just making that annual report at the office while his bosses watch. He decides he needs some COURAGE fast and the DUTCH have the cure… πŸ˜‰

3. Marrying the wrong woman! She’s not the one he wants but she is carrying his baby. She’s not the one he loves but the chick he loves is with another man. She’s not the one he loves, it’s a dude that sets his heart on fire. πŸ˜‰ No matter the scenario, if he doesn’t love her, he is gonna need some Hennessy to hold his hand as he signs his life away…Nothing like a cold bottle to warm you up when you feel cold towards the bride to be… πŸ˜‰

4. Awoof Booze! He doesn’t have to pay for it. His friends have settled the bill and nodded to the waiter to keep filling his glass and he is the star tonight, why on earth should he say No? He has been drinking for years, he has visine in his hotel room and all the cures for a hangover besides his friends are mourning the loss of one of the wolf pack and it’s rude to let ’em drink alone… πŸ˜‰

5. To calm his nerves. He wants the wedding to be perfect. He is praying his many exes and that girl he deceived all for her hot ass and the other girl he promised marriage don’t show up and cause a scene. He is hoping it doesn’t rain. He is wondering if his father-in-law will give him the cheque he promised. He is wondering how he’ll pay back all the debts the wedding has made him incur since his bank account is red. If you were in his shoes, you’d drink! πŸ˜‰

6. His bachelor’s eve party was fixed for the night before. Friday night is party night and his crazy friends decided the friday before the wedding had to be the night! Beer’s flowing like the Pacific and the girls are so hot he has to nurse his beer before he nurses one of them. πŸ™‚ You see dear bride-to-be, he is drinking because of his respect for you… πŸ˜‰

7. It’s his wedding, Duh! πŸ˜‰ Celebration galore, Owambe special, he is so excited that he is marrying the woman he loves and that all his friends are gonna be there and he even invited all those wowo girls that said no to him when he toasted them. Life is good. He is just starting the party some hours earlier… πŸ˜‰

Women now you know what’s behind those dark glasses on the wedding day. Majority are not a fashion faux-pas. A happy groom is better than a sad one anyday… πŸ˜‰ πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰

Guys, a wise man once said the 3 most important days in your life are the day you are born, the day you get married and the day you die. You have no control over the first and the last, only over the second so make it count! Do it right and make it memorable and most of all make it last! It can’t be memorable if you can’t even remember it afterwards because you were so high that day. No wonder most men forget their anniversaries. πŸ˜‰ If you really wanna do it, then make that day as unforgettable as the woman you are marrying…

We shall not delve into the post-bach-eve horror stories mostly centred on a groom waking up the next morning to see some naked hottie in his bed and not being able to remember how she got there… πŸ˜‰ Enough said! Don’t taint your special day with drunken revelry. Moderation is key!

Have a lovely day peeps…xoxoxo πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

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9 Comments

Posted by on November 22, 2011 in Relationships, Women

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

9 responses to “7 reasons men get high the night before their wedding!

  1. HoneyDame

    November 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Something for me to add to the “Don’ts” list. walai… if he comes drunk, he will marry himself!

     
    • 1 + The One

      October 10, 2013 at 8:49 am

      LOL @ marry himself. HoneyDame!

       
  2. kemi

    November 22, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Why didn’t you go into the post bach eve horror stories.9ice write up Doc @least now I knw d reason 4shades inside the church during weddings

     
  3. Kunle

    November 22, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    It’s now a norm in every society..depicted in d movie Hangover…This is a feminist view..biased anyway….it’s a lotta fun..I wish u guys know how it feels to be high on dat night and why do u feel all the pressure is on d man?……I enjoyed this piece tho…keep this up…more comments will follow..

     
  4. leonmacedon

    November 22, 2011 at 8:24 pm

    LOL. This is feminine sha. But d reasons are kinda candid…. I’m definitely getting drunk on my wedding’s eve. (I’m not a hypocrite like that!)

     
  5. keiskwerd

    November 22, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    Damn! I won’t take dt o! Wd have loved to say dt dere’d be notin for him dt night but I know also dt dere’d be noting for me since he’d be recovering!

     
  6. ace

    November 23, 2011 at 11:40 am

    I’ve noticed the shades since the 90’s. No wonder!!! Kai! I saw som wedding photos where d groom insisted on wearing kiddy sunshades, as in clown like glasses for the the wedding pictures. He obviously ddnt hav time to buy shades for his red eyes. Must hav bullied a child guest.

     
  7. Ibifiri

    November 26, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    nice piece, but i have also seen guys who weren’t drunk on their wedding day and they made it count big time.
    nice blog.
    http://www.secretlilies.blogspot.com

     

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