The Commitment Predator!

14 Nov

Never in the history of the world has it ever occurred that a person was protected from untoward advances because he or she announced they were committed to someone! Eve was tempted by the serpent even though she was solely for Adam. Abraham had to lie that Sarah was his sister because he was afraid the King would kill him just so he could acquire her. Joseph got jailed because he said no to a married woman. In fact, it seems you suddenly get ‘hotter’ when you are attached to someone else…

It was something we noticed in university. A hot single girl would get toasters but they were more often than not, men looking to sleep with her, while the girl in a serious relationship had to chase away other potential future husbands like flies. I had an ex who complained that a couple of weeks after we started dating, his market value suddenly tripled and every single girl wanted a piece of him. Did he walk with more swag because someone in the world thought he was awesome? We’ll never know… This phenomenon has repeated itself so many times that single people are starting to ask if there’s any justice in the world. 😦

I was talking to my friend J who recently got married and he seemed to punctuate every sentence with ‘Can’t you see I’m married’, while he brandished his shiny ring for all to see. I praised his whole-hearted commitment to the institute of marriage which got everyone laughing and he decided to share some secrets with me. They aren’t new but it’s quite alarming that all the men know these facts. Seems like we women need a new game plan cos catching your man without his wedding ring on is no more a sure banker that he is up to no good!

Here are J’s top 5 reasons why women prefer a married man! *shock*

1. Women believe married guys have more money so their needs will be better met.
2. Sometimes women want something discrete and without commitment- No strings attached and a married man is the right man for the job.
3. Married men are presumed to be more responsible since they actually forsook all others and made a lasting commitment. (An irony if you ask me)
4. Women like the fact that the men can be blackmailed easily. (My wife must not find out ohhh!)
5. Married men do not brag after scoring on a chick and women love that!!!

Unfortunately for the married women out there, J’s right but I know his wife is a lucky woman because a man who is willing to publicise the tricks of the game must not be eager to play the game and win! That’s why I am a firm believer that a man should sow all his wild oats and enjoy his youth before he settles down so that he has a ‘been there, done that’ mentality after marriage. It makes them calmer and more focussed. Although there are exceptions… 😉

Now back to the topic at hand…
Commitment predators are everywhere. I know a girl whose eyes light up every time she sees another woman’s man. To her it’s a personal challenge, a means to prove that she is better than the next woman especially if she succeeds in stealing the man’s attention. Single, unattached men hold no thrill for her. There are many men like her too. Hot looking bachelors that make men squirm and women blush once they set their eyes on another’s prey.

Covetousness is defined as a strong desire to obtain or acquire the possessions of another. The tenth commandment clearly states that ‘Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, wife (girlfriend included), servants, ox (means of livelihood), ass (means of transportation) nor anything that is thy neighbour’s. Exodus 20:17. And in response to the subject matter, the unimpressed and cocky commitment predator says ‘don’t hate the player, hate the game’; ‘all is fair in love and war!’. 😉

Where does all this leave the single folk? Some guys think there has got to be something wrong with a woman who’s single. They begin to slap imaginary character flaws on her. If she’s pretty, they’d complain that she was most likely choosy. If she had a temper or couldn’t cook or was slutty or stingy then they’d say that must be reason enough for her permanent lodge in singleville! It’s ridiculous because everyone knows a girl or guy in a serious relationship or even married, who has major character issues!
Even parents and older relations are not left out. An aunt of mine started complaining to my parents about my need to tone down my dressing in order to catch a husband. I was shocked because her idea of toning down on further explanation, was avoiding bright colours and dress styles that made me look remotely stylish however decent the outfit appeared! My cousin L with her cute dreads has had her fair share of ridicule like there were no married women with dreads in the world! Women have been warned about buying big cars or living in posh apartments that they have honestly worked for because it would chase away a potential husband. Single women have been labelled as loose because they have dated one too many men in a bid to find one who actually gets them. Even single men are not spared. They are harassed with a barrage of personality-assessment questions and every woman they merely glance at is immediately brought under close scrutiny by family as a potential wife. They are labelled as players, being too choosy or heart breakers all because they haven’t found the love of their lives. And then there’s the endless matchmaking… Would someone give these single people a break? They are not ill or deformed. Some of them would even revel in the joys of singlehood if they didn’t constantly have their families and society on their case. And then again there’s the commitment predator who charming as he/she is, constantly pushes them aside in pursuit of an unattainable feat…

Yes sometimes the predator gets lucky and a man or woman falls into the hands of this suave gentleman or daughter of eve and a hot romance ensues and then the person with the commitment makes the ultimate mistake! He/she decides the grass is greener on the other side and the predator is more exciting than his/her partner and breaks things off or even elopes only to discover that the CP loses interest once the thrill is spent! Sometimes these people return to their partners begging for forgiveness and blaming ‘Mr Devil’, other times they get caught in the throes of infidelity trying to eat their cake and have it and are kicked out and still blame ‘Mr Devil’. This is such a cliche story that people shouldn’t be fooled anymore.

Don’t mistake a commitment predator’s antics for those of a man or woman genuinely in love. There have been honest to goodness stories where a man or woman sees a woman or man in a relationship and is undaunted because he/she knows that person is their heart and some of these stories end in happy ever afters. Not sure about the wife-snatching or husband snatching oh, because one must consider the scandals surrounding adultery and divorce before embracing a love in Tokyo! 😉

How do you spot a commitment predator? They come in various sizes, shapes, colours and packages. When in doubt, seek advice. Remember that a bird in hand is worth two in the bush! And as for you CPs out there, everyday for the thief, one day for the owner. We know you have your personal, perfectly understandable reasons for this, most of which are tied to your fear of commitment, love for the exciting and the thrill of the chase but do remember Karma’s a b**ch and even 007 retires at some point to make way for new things!

Have a lovely week people and stay vigilant…xoxoxo 😉 🙂


Posted by on November 14, 2011 in Manology, Relationships


Tags: , , , , , ,

6 responses to “The Commitment Predator!

  1. kemi adesida

    November 14, 2011 at 11:06 am

    Nice post Anita

  2. EniDodo [NwaChukwu]

    November 14, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    Nice write up. God help us men…
    given our natural blessed-curse (egotistic) the guy would always want to explore and feel like *yo, i’m the man.. i can bag that babe, i still got it* when in actual fact, he is the one bagged. and humans naturally do not like commitment and avoid it if they can so a hooked guy is an easy and available prey.

    Men get to a certain age, status, etc where even without saying hello, the ladies say hi. @ dat point, we feel like badt guys. in actual fact, your wahala just started. the bad news is no matter how goody goody u r, it doesnt end there but gets worse the more you resist. so ladies can do a bit of help here by understanding and helping…

    to the ladies * guard your man with all diligence, for out of him flows the issues of life…

  3. Myne Whitman

    November 14, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    You’re really keeping up with the commitment to write more posts. I really enjoyed this one. You nailed it.

  4. Obus

    November 14, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    That’s why I am a firm believer that a man should sow all his wild oats and enjoy his youth before he settles down so that he has a ‘been there, done that’ mentality after marriage. It makes them calmer and more focussed. Although there are exceptions…

    Nice post as is typical. The above jolts me though cos it seems express permission to fornicate and philandeer to the fullest before hooking up. I disagree, it dont teach you nothing and the one that will continue to sow even after hooking up will not be deterred. Everyone rather, should train their perceptive powers on whatever things are just and upbuilding.

  5. tessy kio

    November 15, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    True talk dear, I enjoyed readn dis, so interesting, it has a lot of reality in it, pls keep it up coz. You see even me dt jst gt married, dey re still unto me, imagine dt same wedding day , wen me nd ma hubby went clubn, a particular guy walked up to me md strtd d normal thing, i jst wave my ring at him, nd he still went on 3sec more, before leavn, it ws so annoyn nd embarrassing cos every1 ws watchn, I cnt just understand why guys can’t even wen u re married.

  6. keiskwerd

    November 22, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Devil don suffer! He gets all d blame! lol!
    Meanyl, d ur friends J’s reasons y women wd prefer married men r not logical or practical. Only no5 is plausible.
    1. Married men may have more money but also have more commitments so the money is less accessible to these grp of women
    2. Women usually do not want something without commitment. Happens only with teenagers/lesbians/married or engaged women or in d movies
    3. The fact that they have made a commitment to one is of no advantage to the woman. His responsibility remains with his family. U r still his sex thing
    4.Ds wd work only if what she wants from d guy is entirely financial.


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