Plenty yarns…

Okay I pondered and scratched my head till my brazilian hair threatened to go Noble on me, wondering about the best way to apologise to my fans for going AWOL. I didn’t elope cos if I had, that would be gist exciting enough to waiver my misdeeds. I didn’t win the lottery or I’d have bribed you all but since my reasons for not blogging for weeks on end are all cliche and over-used, I’ll just apologise from the depth of my designer-clad heart. I love you guys and I’m sorry. In Wizkid’s voice ‘I swear my baby, I say no be lie…’ 🙂

So a lot has happened since the last time I blogged, so I’ll get right down to business…

Kim Kardashan asked for a divorce! After a ten million dollar wedding? What the heck?! Now I can’t decide if she’s a hard-hearted b***ch or if she’s a die-hard gold-digger. Some women give good women a bad name. If her man had done a Tiger Woods on her, we’d have totally understood the 72day-I-do! Anyway now she’s saying “I don’t” maybe she just loves weddings…after all, a divorce is an opportunity for a future wedding and this isn’t her first time. The search for Mr Perfect continues…Always the bride, never the wife…sheesh! 😉

Baba Suwe’s shit saga finally comes to a shitty end! Baba Suwe said he did the nasty 15 times and the NDLEA guys still didn’t get what they were looking for. I heard jazz was implicated. That jazz must be badass if it’s gonna get Baba Suwe the millions of naira he is suing them for. I pity the poor dudes that had to sift through the shit for evidence! I’d poo in a green bucket for that kinda money, butter-chick aside… 😉
Anyway I was amazed at how Nigerians followed the shit saga so closely… “Hey Baba Suwe, can I get ur ‘shitograph'” 😉

I’ve been called stale and I won’t lie that once in a while, I act like I’m from another century but here are 2 NEW and super cool things I just discovered. 1. I can download movies for free on my blackberry. 😉 I don’t care if you knew that ages ago and if you said ‘duh’, I would like to beg you to kindly hug transformer! 🙂 2. I can get a second twitter account for my alter-ego. @neetahblaq is my official twitter account and I tend to basically watch the stuff I put up cos there are tons of people who know who I am but @_a__y___t___s is all mine and I’m having tons of fun. Now I see why twitter is addictive. 😉 A million yen for the dude who catches me red-handed! 🙂

I was recently transferred to VI and walahi talahi, going from the Mainland to the Island everyday, twice a day just so you can be at work from 8-6 is gangster to say the least. To all who’ve been doing it since they were old enough to hustle, I hail you! Sometimes the traffic is so mad that I wonder if the drivers in front have fallen asleep. And the constant driving in the dark is awful not to mention the lack of sleep. Thank God for the public holidays of recent especially Sallah. Speaking of Sallah, my friend O was driving to Lagos when he saw a ram running for dear life, he was chased by an old man, a young boy and a shouting woman who could barely keep herself together as she clutched her wrapper and gele which hung loosely, threatening to make her just another ‘mad woman’ running by the wayside. All she could think of was the ‘star’ of her pot of soup running away and she wasn’t about to let her savings go amok besides how would she show Iya Salatu that her ram was bigger if the said ram did a Martin Luther King on her? Except for the deeply religious, regardless of sect, every Nigerian seems to be infected with the sallah meat craze. Sallah is reportedly the most generous festive holiday in Nigeria and sallah meat is mighty delicious. If your lips don’t smack excitedly and glisten with oil then you have not tasted ram! Barka de sallah to my muslim peeps… 😉

Congrats to my cousin T who tied the knot some weeks ago. What amazed me about her fairytale wedding was that her husband did her make-up for her. Benin men are highly versatile and metrosexual. My cousin was looking like BM pro had spent hours on her face. I think more men should take up the finer arts, it’ll save cost cos we women can never get tired of paying in kind! 😉 congrats luv.

I recently learnt the value of friendship and reconciled with one of my dearest friends in the whole world A. Life is short peeps and sometimes you never get a chance to say ‘I appreciate you’ or ‘I’m sorry’ or even ‘I love you’ to those you care for the most. Everyday people die, don’t wait till it’s too late. Some people don’t get second chances. And as for ‘A’ my friend, thanks for the sallah meat, travelling to Ogun state and back, battling ferocious traffic and evil pot-holes was well worth it! 🙂

I told you I had plenty gist! As I round up, I’d like to announce that I have decided to step up my game. Seriously I’m tired of feeling guilty every time a fan pings me to remind me to write. So I came up with a plan and I’m announcing this publicly so I’m forced to comply. Chutzpah fam, I’m gonna be writing articles 4 days a week. Menday (Monday) for Men, Sex, Relationships, Marriage and the bizarre, Newsday (Tuesday) for Nigerian politics, celeb gist and shocking news, Thursdays for my personal rantings and raving and Sundays for inspirational blog posts. Y’all can hold me to this! So help me God. (Shaking…)

Don’t forget you can advertise your products and services on our yellow pages…

Today is 11/11/11. Won’t even bother with the scary broadcasts, just remember to be thankful cos the God who has seen us thus far, will surely bring us safely into 2012!

Heavy D passed away some days ago. Loved his music…RIP. Here’s part of the lyrics of the one song I loved the most…

Trust me not too many fly like me,
Big dada says you admire me,
I be digging you a long time,
Wishing you was a friend of mine,
God bless, nothing less, give you more,
And all you’ve gotta do is tell me what you’re looking for,
Right, right… 😉
(hope I got the lyrics right, learnt the song in JS2)

Have a great night peeps, thank God it’s friday…xoxo 🙂 😉