The homo-erectus curse!

16 May

  My friends and I were discussing the ills of polygamy and why most men who ended up with a second wife or a baby mama confessed that it wasn’t their original plan. Could it be that after years of using a condom they suddenly forgot how to or did they think they were immune to a woman’s manipulation right after they said ‘I do!’

My friends were on opposing sides in the boxing ring. S my yoruba friend believed everything could be attributed to jazz. Her father had been jazzed when she was 12yrs old and their hitherto happy home had been broken when her father abandoned she, her mum and sisters and moved in with a strange woman and her children. She said her parents weren’t having issues prior to that and recounted bitterly how she’d had to move from the expensive private school she was attending to a public school and she sang those popular lines with a jovial voice that almost hid her pain…”I was born with a silver spoon, then I lost the spoon” I wonder if Waconzy had a similar experience when he sang those lines. Anyway her father had come back years later crying that it was the devil and juju at work and she never quite forgave her mum for taking him back.

Now this is where my friend K interjects. Jazz her foot! The man wanted to taste afam soup after he got tired of edikainkong and after enjoying the new soup for a while, when the bones began to get stuck in his throat he realised there was no place like home and came right back to his neglected pot of edikainkong. She also believed that a man who abandoned his family was not to be treated like a prodigal son but was to be permanently excommunicated.

Everyone knows someone who abandoned his wife and kids or stopped caring for them in favor of a new woman who was either a passing phase or became a permanent fixture. Many women have struggled and borne the brunt of raising a family alone all because their men couldn’t look the other way.
A priest once said women cry before marriage but after marriage the man cries and never stops crying. As un-cliche and shocking as that may sound, I couldn’t help wondering that if it was true, then surely the men must have a hand in their tear-bringing process.

Muslim men are led to believe that they can marry more than one wife as long as they can love ’em equally, non-muslim men believe fooling around once in a while is harmless as long as they don’t get caught. But can one actually love two women with their differences in looks, personality, qualities, backgrounds and vices equally? Is getting caught the end of the matter?
Nigerian women back in the day were brought up to preserve their homes no matter what and up till today except for the liberalists amongst them, most women still adopt the suffering and smiling attitude. But what baffles me is why a man would insist his woman not work only to decide later in life that he preferred some other woman’s arms and leave her and his kids without a backward glance and without any means of support. In developed countries there are laws put in place to protect women from such cruelty but in a place like Nigeria where the law does not stretch to cover majority of the women at risk, one must adopt a fight or flight attitude. Since flight is seen as a mark of defeat and an open invitation to the woman outside to come take your place, most women prefer to stay and fight.

Below are a list of ways women have tried to tackle the straying husband syndrome;
MFM has a popular prayer that says “Every strange woman targeted at my husband, fall down and DIEEEEE!” It is a known fact that after marriage women reduce their sleep hours from 7-8hours a day to about 6hours maximum to make room for midnight and early morning prayer sessions. Seems the prayers never stop. Before marriage we are praying on the mountain for a good man and after marriage we are praying on our knees to keep our men.
Yes some women actually believe in fighting fire with fire but like MI said, “Are you ready to dance with the devil?” Thanks to Nollywood, we are almost 100%sure that jazz leads to madness, blindness or strange illnesses as a consequence. Please say No to charms and strangled chickens!
3.Trading in the hair net and wrapper for the silk hair wrap and sexy lingerie!
Yes we’ve heard it all. How to keep your man, how to make him so thoroughly satisfied that he never wants to look at another woman. How to memorize the karma sutra….a million tips and tricks to keep your man. Agreed some men have attributed their infidelity to wives who didn’t take care of themselves and allowed themselves become, fat, frumpy and asexual but then how come Tiger Woods still cheated on his wife? According to my friend S, if you are doing everything right then you must rule out jazz as the cause of your husband’s distraction or maybe he is just greedy.
4.Start accumulating property in your name and your children’s names and commandeering money away from your husband while the going is good.
A joint account was a romantic notion of old that signified unity of the home but now it is considered the most foolhardy of ventures and only done for specific projects like the children’s college fund or between a man and his unemployed aristo chick! While stacking away the family’s assets for a rainy day may seem smart, it could also lead to public disgrace if the man finds out and paints you as a selfish gold-digger.
5.Stalk him!
Yes some women to avoid fear of the unknown, stalk their husbands, his phones, his office and basically turn inspector gadget just to catch him at it. But putting your life on hold for this singular reason brings up the salient question…’To what end?’

Would life be much easier if women respected the vows of marriage and didn’t try to seduce other women’s husbands? But then we mustn’t forget the little percentage who actually thought he was single. And as for the women who practised jazz just to ensnare another woman’s husband, is the promise of madness and Holyghost fire too small a price to pay?
Why is it that these men who seem so smart in every regard suddenly fail to see the ulterior motives of the strange woman before they are ensnared? Why do they continue to believe they can smell the food without eating it? My friend S says the reason she refused her father’s apology and never wanted him back home was not only because of the suffering she endured in her childhood as a result of his abandonment but the fact that a Yoruba proverb says that jazz does not catch the man walking down the road minding his own business. She believed that for her father to be jazzed, he must’ve eaten the woman’s food, entered her house or have been intimate enough with her for her to take his bodily belongings and use for jazz.

So as I say goodnight fellas, I’d like to appeal to you homo-sapiens to keep your erectus in check and avoid the homo-erectus curse!!!
Remember that focussing on your wife’s pot of soup is the only sure banker you have that you do not eat poison! Iya basirat kills! Don’t fall into a trance only to wake up one day and realise you are married to a stranger with kids you do not recognize. And whether the operating power was lust or something more threatening, it is never too late to seek repentance and start over. Experience is the best teacher but I’d rather learn from someone else’s experience. Remember prayer is the most potent weapon against every charm be it real or an illusion.
Aids is not the only killer, you fit die on top woman! So take am easy and paddle your own canoe.;-)  The moth thought it was playing with fire till it got burnt and not all of you get 70 virgins in your next life, for some there’s a hot place called hell whose landlord doesn’t expect rent and never gives you an eviction notice. Women are precious, their tears and the tears of the fruit of your loin go up into heaven and move God to act. There’s a father-daughter relationship out there that may never be repaired even though the father is back home after his indiscretions. We can only imagine his regrets. Bros, if you think say your soup no sweet, add royco instead of going to chop another person own. 😉

Have a great night peeps, xoxoxo 🙂


Posted by on May 16, 2011 in Hall of Fame, Manology, Relationships


Tags: , , , , , ,

16 responses to “The homo-erectus curse!

  1. Slim

    May 16, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Splendid!!!!!! Ur memoirs gets beta and beta each day! Keep it up doc!!!

  2. ireloju

    May 16, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    like i always say-‘to each his own’ polygamy works for some people i’ve met women who say their hubbies would be very unkind to them if he refuses to marry another wife and i know women who are ready to commit suicide if they find out that their man had an erection thinking about another woman. Though i confess i’ve never met a man that had no qualms with his woman developing interest in another sausage,double standards if you ask me.

  3. bykerboi

    May 16, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    This is a battle of old yet it never ceases. One would think that by now everyone would have accepted it as a fact that it is man’s nature, probably some genetic makeup, to look at another woman (his decision to cheat or not is up to him). It never ceases to amaze me the way d world seems to gasp in shock when there is news of some, bill clinton, tiger woods, wayne rooney. Another interesting point to consider and worthy of note is, many of such women who cry about their husbands being stolen by another woman actually stole him from some poor girl some time in d past. Or the guy was never really ready to settle down and was just pressured into getting married by his “wanna keep up wid her friends” girlfriend. Life is funny tho. It is this constant philandering of men, the women’s inability to comprehend this problem, the constant seeking of solutions such as counter-jazz, mfm prayer sessions, and the frequent “nabbing” of such husbands, that make life interesting.

    P.s don’t be fooled, homo-erectus collectively refers to men and women lol.

  4. bykerboi

    May 16, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    Plus remember some of these women had sugar daddies who were people’s husbands when dey were younger. Karma’s a bitch wey dey born twins when u no dey look.

  5. senator Mav

    May 17, 2011 at 7:13 am

    Lol, dr.K I like dis. Yea homo sapiense in d context of dis blog means d male figure while erectus means his Nice 1 dear. I wish all homo sapiens could read dis.

  6. abi mohammed

    May 17, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Make sense die!

  7. zaza

    May 17, 2011 at 10:25 am

    A mater piece …you have done .Anita

  8. Akan Etuk

    May 17, 2011 at 10:33 am

    Fantastic post! Well done

  9. christine umebese

    May 17, 2011 at 11:41 am

    Beautiful write up sis its high time we addressed this issue of infidelity…I wish all guys could read this…don’t marry if u are not going to be faithful period…Before u cheat think of the tears in your wife n childrens’ eyes and ask yourself is it really worth it?

  10. D'crow

    May 17, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    Ur blog is one dat gives men food for thot seein as u’re d feminist.good read as always.

  11. dapxin

    May 17, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Remember that focussing on your wife’s pot of soup is the only sure banker you have that you do not eat poison! Iya basirat kills! Don’t fall into a trance only to wake up one day and realise you are married to a stranger with kids you do not recognize

    I think you are on the wrong job.

    What’s that TV program they do ?

    /smh 🙂

  12. KOO

    May 18, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    Your writing has become stronger by the day :). I think it’s time you considered being at least a part time columnist… At the end of the day, women, you get just as much nonsense as you put up with.

  13. kathleen

    May 18, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Wow!!!! This is def d best I’v read from u! Hit home hard! With tears, I say WELLDONE! A collector’s item.

  14. Dr Henri

    May 31, 2011 at 6:15 am

    Great comments…all.

    Accolades for you and on point.

    Keep honing this skill, it will feed you fat pretty soon. Pocket-fat I mean (don’t wanna risk being lynched).

  15. @marshalfule

    June 6, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    *clapping* i wish a lot of people,both young and old could read this. Both men and women have a whole lot to learn about marriage. Marriage is a real delicacy ir and only if u can prepare it properly with the right ingredients: love, sacrifice, tolerance, patience and compromise. Thanks 4 dis blog.its realy on point

  16. ladetawak

    August 22, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    most people do not understand where islam stands on polygamy because they give their own meanings to what they read. the Quran says you can marry more than one wife if and only if you can take care of and love all of them equally. in other words, you can NOT marry more than one wife. most people overlook the if and only if part and claim that they can marry more than one wife


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